Why are women so bitchy?

[BearingUp84]

For context - I'm a woman and I don't think I'm a bitch!

However there seems to be a group of school mums that seem intent on leaving me out of everything. I had no idea why. They meet up (pre covid obvs), have group chats etc. One of them can't even look me in the eye on the rare occasion she talks to me.

It's like the old adage, 2 company 3's a crowd. But it's when we're in a bigger group as well.

Why do some women just seem intent on leaving someone out? Constantly on the edges etc?

YABU - not all women are bitches
YANBU - these women are bitches, try make more friends

Just rah!

@HeyDemonsItsYaGirl

Maybe they sense your misogyny and don't want to be friends with you?

Yep.

OP, you are calling women bitches because they don’t get on with you. Maybe you’re just not their cup of tea?

If it’s one specific group from school they aren’t leaving you out, unless it’s every single mum at school and they’re all ignoring you. Why don’t you get to know some of the other parents rather than focusing on a small group who aren’t including you.

They are leaving you out because they are not your friends. Not every parent at the schoolgate has to be friends with everyone. Don't assign them the Mean Girls label because of your perception. Find your own friends. When restrictions lift, obviously.

Maybe it's you? We've moved a lot and I've never been frozen out of a school gate chat ... maybe because I make the effort to chat to people, join the PTA, offer to get involved etc ... I am not looking for 'friends' I am looking to support the school and the children .... if I then made friends it was an added bonus.

And although my DS is now at Uni I am still friends with many of the people I met over the years through the PTA etc.

Maybe the one who can't look you in the eye has social anxiety?

Who knows.
But they don't have to be friends with you.

You know that no one is obliged to like you and be your friend...

Your OP sounds more bitchy than what they’re doing!

Misogyny? Example?

well, expecting a group of random women to have all the answers as to why a specific group of specific women don't want to expand their friendship circle to include op seems to be assuming that we're all one hive mind.

no one knows why they aren't including op. maybe they became friends because they have older children at the school and have known one another a lot longer than they've known op. no one owes anyone else close friendship.

fwiw I struggle with eye contact because I am very socially awkward. I have to do it a lot in my job, and be 'up' and breezy and chatty all day, so by the time I get to the school gate I have nothing left in the tank and just want to be left alone. it's different with people I've known for years vs people I'm on smiling and nodding terms with. it doesn't make me mean or a bitch.

Not all women /mums are "bitchy".However there often seems to be a sort of grouping of Mums at the School gate and they seem to break off into types ,Maybe this group isnt for you? See if you can single out some of the other mums on their own ?

I’m a bitchy gossip , not just with women though, I have a male friend and we’re as bad as each other.

IME the grouping of mums at the school gate is based on who people are actually friends with. Like anywhere really. I don’t get the ‘clique’ thing... people just tend to stand with the people know.

Anthropologists will tell you that it's pretty usual in societies worldwide for women to have more complex and widespread social networks, and that these can often be fairly hierarchical. Woman also as a group typically use more complex language and in ways that serve these social hierarchies and relationships.

The most extreme example of this in our society, IMO, is at middle school, where girls are really starting to develop their abilities in that area and boys are left behind. But even among adults men tend to be more direct in how they use language socially.

Both men and women can be jerks, and both men and women can try and be exclusive or leave people out. When women do it though it's very often through their social networks and language.

Maybe they just don't like you? It happens...

I try to be kind to everyone, but I don't hang out with people I just don't get along with or enjoy their company.

I think it’s a bit much to label all women bitchy because of a few school mums - they could be:
Threatened/intimidated by you
Find you overbearing/irritating
Feel they have enough friends and don’t want any more
Feel you’re not in a similar social demographic to them
Just can’t be arsed making small talk
Any number of things. You’ll never know so it’s not worth obsessing over - just find someone else to talk to.
I only talk to a few people myself at the school gates (4 dc’s and been at that godforsaken place for years so really don’t have the energy anymore). Some people probably find me standoffish but I honestly couldn’t give a rats arse!

*people they know

Maybe they just don’t like you? Just because someone doesn’t like you doesn’t make them a ‘bitch’.

Having kids at the same school really doesn’t mean that the default should be someone including you in their social life/group chats. Do you expect people who shop at the same supermarket as you to include you in their group chats too?

Probably because they don’t like you. There is no obligation on random adults to like or include you. If people don’t talk to you or include you isn’t the reason obvious?! It’s you!

I don't really get it. It just sounds like you aren't friends. Why would you expect them to include you in group chats?

Mumsnet is so weird. Anti social people with poor boundaries always default to misogyny.

I’m very much of the mindset the more the merrier but I have noticed that some people (not just women) seem to like having separate groups. I had a very close friend who had a baby a year after me. She made lots of new mummy friends (which I thought was great) but was so busy she would never meet up with me. I never understood why I couldn’t have joined in occasionally with her new friends such as meeting at a toddler group (not all the time obviously)!
For lots of reasons we are no longer friends but I have met quite a lot of people like this.

maybe they on their period?
how very dare you use gender relevant descriptors..ffs.yhappy friday x

Maybe they just don't like you. Maybe you said something at some point they didn't appreciate. We don't have to be friends with everyone - just find someone who does want to be friends instead of worrying about people who don't

sorry but I'm with others here - they aren't your friends - they aren't obliged to be your friends - bitches is a nasty word always aimed at women - stop calling people that

Men can be bitchy too, but cliquey friendship groups are definitely one of the things I see women doing quite a bit.
Using a "bad name" for women isn't in itself misogynist either. Nasty men are called 'bastards' and that's not misandrist is it?

"The most extreme example of this in our society, IMO, is at middle school, where girls are really starting to develop their abilities in that area and boys are left behind. But even among adults men tend to be more direct in how they use language socially."

Which society is this? I've heard of middle schools in the English Midlands, but they're not the norm in the UK.

how very dare you use gender relevant descriptors..ffs

well since Gender is a social construct - and we live in a patriarchal society I think those people calling 'bitch' a misogynistic 'descriptor' are stop on