Why are women so bitchy?

[BearingUp84]

For context - I'm a woman and I don't think I'm a bitch!

However there seems to be a group of school mums that seem intent on leaving me out of everything. I had no idea why. They meet up (pre covid obvs), have group chats etc. One of them can't even look me in the eye on the rare occasion she talks to me.

It's like the old adage, 2 company 3's a crowd. But it's when we're in a bigger group as well.

Why do some women just seem intent on leaving someone out? Constantly on the edges etc?

YABU - not all women are bitches
YANBU - these women are bitches, try make more friends

Just rah!

[Norwaydidnthappen]

Correction: ‘why are some women so bitchy?’.

Some men are twats, some women are twats. They might think you’re a twat hence the exclusion, being a twat is not exclusive to females.

[Fuckadoodledoooo]

A lot of people are just massive cunts.

[MuddleMoo]

I think you would have had a completely different response if you'd posted that you were keen to try and make some friends at the school gate, what's the best way to go about it.

[BrilliantBetty]

I have a small group of mum friends who I chat with at the gates and sometimes meet up with socially, with or without our families. We message in between.

I still say hello to other mums at school but wouldn't invite them over with the small group I spend time with as they are not in the friendship group. And likely haven't openly expressed an interest in socialising / haven't initiated with an invite. If you'd like to be included perhaps try that first- initiate. It's all too easy to call it bitchy but maybe they don't consider you a pal so just say a quick hello etc and carry on.
Sorry you feel hurt. It's hopefully something that could get better if you want it to.

[Bluntness100]

Unfortunately, some women never mature beyond schoolgirl friendship dynamics when in all-female groups, which is why I have always preferred to work in places with a balanced mix of the sexes. Ignore these mums and leave them to their juvenile games

This is such an odd response it’s uncomprehensable. It’s actually written like it’s serious too.

The op cannot be left out of something she was never part of. Groups of friends are permissible. They do not have to wander round inviting everyone they see to join them. It is not rude or bitchy to not do so.

People exclude people all the time when they don’t know them. No one goes to a restaurant and invites everyone there to join their table. Or a bar. Groups of friends meet in all different places, from sports events to school gates, it’s allowed. It’s normal.

What’s not normal is calling it immature, game playing or whatever.

I don’t understand how anyone can reach adult hood and think groups of friends can’t meet and chat and if they don’t invite anyone in the vicinity to join they are behaving poorly.

The op is not at school her child is. Her child is the one to be included by her classmates. Not the op.

[toocold54]

I am definitely not a bitch but may come across that way as I am no good at speaking to people I don’t know (maybe because I worry they’ll be a bitch). I am very confident around people I know and would happily speak to someone if they spoke to me first but I find it difficult to make that first move as I can be quite socially awkward. I do find I can speak to males very easily.

Maybe they are similar and are worried that you are the bitch lol. Maybe ask them a question to break the ice.

[DynamoKev]

Just rah!

eh?

[Gwenhwyfar]

"People exclude people all the time when they don’t know them. No one goes to a restaurant and invites everyone there to join their table. Or a bar. Groups of friends meet in all different places, from sports events to school gates, it’s allowed. It’s normal."

Yes, but there are times when people could be excluded on purpose, for example it's not nice to talk about a party you're having in front of an acquaintance who is not invited.

[Gwenhwyfar]

@MiddleParking

What’s a cliquey friendship group? How does it compare to a normal friendship group?

I think you know what a clique is don't you.

[Gwenhwyfar]

"Any school with kids between about age 11 to 16. Pre-teens and early teens. What they are called or the exact years covered aren't particularly the issue, they aren't called middle schools where I live but junior high. But in most western countries kids that age are grouped together in schools of some kind."

Ah, because I had assumed middle school was 9-13 so it DOES matter to the conversation. What you mean in English and Welsh terms is a secondary school without a sixth form. So basically early to mid adolescence or pre teen to mid teen.

[SeldomFollowedIt]

I’m not sure OP. I’m usually on the periphery of groups. I have a few close friends but individually they don’t know each other. I think I just do better with 1-1 friendships, rather than a group.

[CleverCatty]

You know what? Sometimes women are bitchy and sometimes they're not.

A few years ago whilst I was on work experience at a charity (and had worked in a few and some bitchy offices before) - I noticed that quite a few of the women who worked there were 'bitchy' and I mentioned it in passing as I didn't think it was professional! I got short shrift for that and going forwards I generally decided to make up my own mind about people whether in offices or whom I come across in life.

Some women don't see themselves as bitchy but do talk (as we do) about others behind their backs and in front of them.

The one time I actually confronted one ex-friend of mine who was definitely bitchy was when she was coming out with friends of mine, and she started, in front of me, to verbally be very picky about a friend of mine who was careful with money and about splitting the bill. In the toilet with me she then made a couple of bitchy comments about her appearance. I told her to her face to behave and not to be so bitchy and to her credit she listened to me.

[Gwenhwyfar]

"Same as any bar, group goes in for a drink, they don’t scan the room asking everyone to join them just because they are at the same venue. That’s not how adults behave."

No, but if you have 5 friends who are all friends with each other you don't invite just 4 of them for coffee, unless it's some kind of Covid limitation.

[IsThePopeCatholic]

My experience is that mums at the school gate often revert to primeval territorial instincts. Never seen it with men.

[Bluntness100]

Yes, but there are times when people could be excluded on purpose, for example it's not nice to talk about a party you're having in front of an acquaintance who is not invited

Of course, but that’s not what’s happening here. She is seeing a group of friends chatting and is upset they don’t invite her in and include her.

What’s being said is that happens everywhere. In all walks of life. Groups of friends meet everywhere and chat. They don’t invite everyone on the vicinity to join, it would be weird and abnormal to do so.

Op, it seems maybe you want to make friends, you’re envious of their friendship and want something like that for yourself. So instead of calling them bitches focus on how to enhance hour social life.

[MsHedgehog]

No, but if you have 5 friends who are all friends with each other you don't invite just 4 of them for coffee, unless it's some kind of Covid limitation

Except OP is not their friend...

[CleverCatty]

OP - I hate to say it - but are you the problem? Do you have resting bitch face or aren't very friendly?

Otherwise I can't work out why this is - sometimes people don't like to add someone else to a friendship group or there's something you've done which you don't know about.

Years ago I discovered that to one bitchy person I knew - she hated me on sight but I think it was partly what she'd heard about me - but literally from the first night we met - she was awful, so bitchy, I mentioned as i'd been told by our mutual friend that we shared the same star sign (conversation, you know?!), bought her a drink yet she could barely look at me. We had to socialise for the next few years as we were in same friendship group and I hate to say it, I bitched her out cruelly in public once (I'm not proud of myself). I think she had issues due to her past (family tragedy) but she's one person whom I'd happily slap in the face (no not really!) if I saw her now.

[HeyDemonsItsYaGirl]

OP - I hate to say it - but are you the problem? Do you have resting bitch face or aren't very friendly?

Honestly, coming onto a forum with mostly female posters and starting a thread called "Why are women so bitchy?" does suggest the OP might lack some social skills.

[BearingUp84]

@MsHedgehog

No, but if you have 5 friends who are all friends with each other you don't invite just 4 of them for coffee, unless it's some kind of Covid limitation

Except OP is not their friend...

Except I'm meant to be their friend. I'm meant to be in their friendship group.

[CleverCatty]

@Bluntness100

Yes, but there are times when people could be excluded on purpose, for example it's not nice to talk about a party you're having in front of an acquaintance who is not invited

Of course, but that’s not what’s happening here. She is seeing a group of friends chatting and is upset they don’t invite her in and include her.

What’s being said is that happens everywhere. In all walks of life. Groups of friends meet everywhere and chat. They don’t invite everyone on the vicinity to join, it would be weird and abnormal to do so.

Op, it seems maybe you want to make friends, you’re envious of their friendship and want something like that for yourself. So instead of calling them bitches focus on how to enhance hour social life.

Very true Bluntness100.

OP - maybe try to not concentrate on this group and instead try to create your own 'cool gang' with some other school mums, ask them out instead!

[LolaSmiles]

An upset that I thought I'd left behind in the playground in my school and uni days. Not in a bunch of 30/40 year olds. But thanks for understanding. Many posters have just ripped me to shreds
With the best will in the world OP, it sounds like you're the one who hasn't left the playground in this situation.

What you seem to be describing is that some mums, who have children at the same school, happen to be friends with each other. Friends will talk to each other; friends will have group chats.

If your response to some people being friends and having a friend group chat is to write a misogynistic post asking if women are just bitches then that isn't a nice attitude to have.

[Cam77]

@hansgrueber
You’re brave! I’ll have you know that women are never inferior to men. They are only different in a few specific ways, but in those instances those differences are advanced modifications which make them better than men. In every other aspect they are equal:
Remember: Usually equal, occasionally better.

[Bluntness100]

No, but if you have 5 friends who are all friends with each other you don't invite just 4 of them for coffee, unless it's some kind of Covid limitation

Again, of course, that is leaving someone out. The op was never their friend. She just happens to have a kid at the same school.

In non Covid times I have my friends round a lot. I do not invite the neighbour across the road because we know each other and live in the same place. I am not a bitch or leaving them out because of it.

[CleverCatty]

@HeyDemonsItsYaGirl

OP - I hate to say it - but are you the problem? Do you have resting bitch face or aren't very friendly?

Honestly, coming onto a forum with mostly female posters and starting a thread called "Why are women so bitchy?" does suggest the OP might lack some social skills.

True...

[BearingUp84]

@Bluntness100

Yes, but there are times when people could be excluded on purpose, for example it's not nice to talk about a party you're having in front of an acquaintance who is not invited

Of course, but that’s not what’s happening here. She is seeing a group of friends chatting and is upset they don’t invite her in and include her.

What’s being said is that happens everywhere. In all walks of life. Groups of friends meet everywhere and chat. They don’t invite everyone on the vicinity to join, it would be weird and abnormal to do so.

Op, it seems maybe you want to make friends, you’re envious of their friendship and want something like that for yourself. So instead of calling them bitches focus on how to enhance hour social life.

They are meant to be my friends. I have been in the same friendship group as them for 2.5 years