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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF or am I being really tight?

156 replies

BudgieIsAHelicopter · 25/02/2021 22:58

I’ve made face masks for my own/families use. A friend has seen the ones I’ve made and has asked if I’d make him a couple using a fabric of a particular film series if he bought the fabric. I’m happy to do this.

He sent me a link of fabric, I said it wouldn’t work because the pictures on the fabric were too big and it wouldn’t look right when I cut it up so sent a link of one I thought would be better suited. He replied that looks great, do you want me to give you any money for it?

I don’t know why this has really annoyed me 😂 I feel like I’ll look really tight saying yes transfer me the £6 for the fabric so think he knows I’d say don’t worry about it.

If it was me I would have just ordered the fabric myself and not assumed anyone else would pay for something I wanted. For what it’s worth, I would never have asked for money for making the masks, time spent or the elastic that I’d need etc.

I feel annoyed that giving my time to make them isn’t enough, now I need to pay for the privilege of doing it too. And yes I know I’m over reacting and don’t have anything worse to worry about 😂

OP posts:
MrKlaw · 26/02/2021 08:51

He’d expect to supply the fabric - he was originally. If after you provided the link you think he might be expecting you to order it, just clarify. It may be easier for you to buy it if its from a shop you already have an account with etc. Or he can order it.

Transferring money is dead easy these days with apps or paypal if you have it - not like he has to traipse to the cash machine or bank. So whatever works for you - either he transfers you money to cover the order and any postage, or he orders the fabric.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 26/02/2021 08:55

But he hasn't asked how much he owes - he's asked if he needs to pay anything, with the obviously expected answer 'No'.

It's clear, even from this thread, that the vast majority don't interpret his words in this way.

Is it? That's not how I've interpreted the response. Can you seriously think of any other scenario whereby you would ask "Do you want me to give you any money for it?" when it's something that you've specifically ordered, that you know will cost the provider actual money for the materials?

It's an appropriate question if, say, you were getting rid of an old piece of furniture or outgrown children's clothes that you no longer had a need for - but who except a CF would even think to ask if somebody paying out money on their behalf for new goods wanted to be repaid? We're not talking about asking your mum if she wants you to pay her back for the ice creams she bought for her grandkids in the park - it's a neighbour commissioning a piece of work.

Even if you were expecting the answer to be 'no' or 'don't worry about it', most people would instinctively ask "how much do I owe you?"

NoSquirrels · 26/02/2021 08:55

In fact, sod the him ordering fabric etc. He’s asked you if you want any money.

Tell him to PayPal you £10, to cover the fabric, elastics and postage. Keep the change if there is some.

You’re still not charging for your time and he’s pay more for 1 mask off Etsy.

MyAnacondaMight · 26/02/2021 08:57

Send him a link to some elastic, and ask him to order that as well. Ideally far more elastic than you’ll be using on his masks.

Dontbeme · 26/02/2021 08:58

I don’t think I’m interpreting his words wrong, he’s done similar things before to get out of paying for stuff

Stop doing stuff for people that treat you like shit OP, come on now. He knows exactly what he's at, get him to pay for the materials and elastics too.

This drives me bonkers my sister makes curtains for a living and the amount of people who try to take advantage of her is unreal, they all expect her to be delighted to purchase the pricey material of their choice and spend hours running up curtains in her free time. She has been taken advantage of so many times and most didn't even thank her let alone think of the cost of the materials she needs to do her work.

nancywhitehead · 26/02/2021 09:02

Just tell him to order the materials and you will make it when they arrive. Simple. You're already doing him a favour by spending the time making it.

I'm curious - why does it worry you so much? Do you worry he will like you less if you don't pay for his stuff or if you state what you want?

crochetmonkey74 · 26/02/2021 09:04

OP if you need stuff to make them - just send a message saying if you order the fabric and this elastic (give him a link) and get it sent to me - he should know what you need to make a mask- he shouldnt expect you to provide anything as you are already giving time free

NameChange1666 · 26/02/2021 09:11

I’m not sure on this. It’s the sort of message I’d send but I’d probably say do you want me to give you the money or shall I order it. I certainly would certainly expect to pay for it though.
Think you might be making this into a big issues when it’s not

Mydogruns · 26/02/2021 09:14

Just say "no payment required, just drop the fabric round when it arrives and I will make it for you". I liked this - tbh if he's normally a cheap/cheeky fucker I wouldn't make him anything! I have a friend who wanted me to recover an armchair for her - she told me she'd even pay for the fabric, that's the fucking least of it! She has form for being a CF so I refused. Really hate tight people!

Smallbusinessstarter · 26/02/2021 09:16

[quote PyongyangKipperbang]@FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 is right.

For comparison.

I recently started working in a supermarket and get a discount. A family member asked me if I would pick them something up and I did. Less than a fiver and I got my discount. They were doing me a favour when they messaged asking for the item. I gave them the item and we ended up arguing because I didnt want the money for it as they were doing me a favour. I got home and found a £5 note in my coat pocket. Thats what non CF's do. Paying for things v Not accepting payment for things is a competitive sport amongst decent people! CF's bank on that. Fool me once....[/quote]
Was the point not missed then? If the person wanted to use discount card but then ended up paying you £5 they would have been better to get it themselves and forget the discount as they paid you the shelf price anyway?!

FuckyouCovid21 · 26/02/2021 09:16

Just tell him you'll make a start once he's ordered and given you the fabric.

sneakysnoopysniper · 26/02/2021 09:17

I made myself a face covering from some lovely vintage fabric. A neighbour saw it when I was getting in the taxi. She hijacked me in the garden a few days later and asked if I would make her one! No suggestion of where the fabric would come from or payment for my time. This neighbour has a car, knows I am elderly and disabled and has never once offered me a lift or any support with shopping, etc. I put on my "brisk busy busy" voice and called out "Sorry but my time is fully committed and I dont have any more of this fabric so I dont intend making them to sell."

AhNowTed · 26/02/2021 09:20

I fecking hate the old "do you want me to give you money for that".

A bit like the fake reach for the purse.

LadyHedgehog · 26/02/2021 09:24

I sew and have this issue all the time! I would deliberately misunderstand him and reply with:
"Don't worry, if you order the fabric I'll make them for free with my own elastic. You can have it delivered straight to me and I'll return any that's left over with the finished masks."

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 26/02/2021 09:31

I would be reluctant even to have him pay me and order the fabric myself because he's assuming that you will do his life admin for him. I agree with the others, be obtuse and take the understanding that you want from his question, tell him no charge for the work because you're happy to do a favour for a friend and he should just drop the fabric around when he gets it. Make sure you work the phrase 'doing a favour' into your reply, you want to emphasise that he owes you for doing this, not because you are going to call in the favour but because he will otherwise ignore the fact that you are doing work on his behalf.

mainsfed · 26/02/2021 09:35

Glad you will tell him to order the cloth. You've run out elastics, don't buy more!! Link to the elastics. This fucker made you pay for postage, he is the tight one! Make him pay for the elastics.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 26/02/2021 09:36

This drives me bonkers my sister makes curtains for a living and the amount of people who try to take advantage of her is unreal, they all expect her to be delighted to purchase the pricey material of their choice and spend hours running up curtains in her free time. She has been taken advantage of so many times and most didn't even thank her let alone think of the cost of the materials she needs to do her work.

It's because she's a little woman with a pretty little hobby to give her something to do whilst her husband is out doing the real work to earn money for her to pay for her silly hobby....

People also seem to think that if you're 'in the trade', you can get materials for virtually nothing. Trade discount and/or bulk buying mean that you can often get things cheaper (i.e. to allow a margin for your own livelihood), but they still cost a lot of money.

In fact, for something like curtains, you might not be able to get the raw fabric for much less than anybody else could - it's your skills and time that add all the value and thus increase the price that needs to be paid by somebody being presented with a complete ready-to-hang pair of curtains.

mainsfed · 26/02/2021 09:37

It's clear, even from this thread, that the vast majority don't interpret his words in this way.

Are you reading a different thread to everyone else @donquixotedelamancha ?

KarmaStar · 26/02/2021 09:37

I thought he meant he would pay for the material and was asking if you wanted money to make them😀

dottiedodah · 26/02/2021 09:51

Well I think he is being a CF here! Most masks cost at least a tenner and some more on Etsy/Amazon etc.Hes getting a bloody good deal here I reckon .Of course he should provide the fabric FFS!

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 26/02/2021 09:55

Was the point not missed then? If the person wanted to use discount card but then ended up paying you £5 they would have been better to get it themselves and forget the discount as they paid you the shelf price anyway?!

I understood that as the family member was asking the PP to get it for them because they worked there: why would you make a special trip out to a shop if you have a family member who will be there all day and you see regularly, and can grab it for you at the end of their shift? The staff discount was just a bonus.

steppemum · 26/02/2021 09:59

Just ask for the money.

he has said - do you want me to transfer it, so say yes please, here are my details, it is £6.

I would add on other costs (elastic) and say - shall we just say £10 for 3 masks?

he can always say no.

CharityDingle · 26/02/2021 10:05

I don’t think I’m interpreting his words wrong, he’s done similar things before to get out of paying for stuff.

That's how such people get away with it. Because others allow them to. As you have said, tell him you will make the mask when he sends the material.

And that you won't even charge him for your labour Wink.

Mycatismadeofstringcheese · 26/02/2021 10:31

Like others said, get him to provide fabric AND elastic.
If he quibbles over you having leftover elastic that “he’s paid for”. (You know if he begrudged you 70pence of materials for doing you a favour). Tell him to get lost and make his own bloody masks.

hedgehogger1 · 26/02/2021 10:34

Tell him to order the elastic too while he's at it