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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF or am I being really tight?

156 replies

BudgieIsAHelicopter · 25/02/2021 22:58

I’ve made face masks for my own/families use. A friend has seen the ones I’ve made and has asked if I’d make him a couple using a fabric of a particular film series if he bought the fabric. I’m happy to do this.

He sent me a link of fabric, I said it wouldn’t work because the pictures on the fabric were too big and it wouldn’t look right when I cut it up so sent a link of one I thought would be better suited. He replied that looks great, do you want me to give you any money for it?

I don’t know why this has really annoyed me 😂 I feel like I’ll look really tight saying yes transfer me the £6 for the fabric so think he knows I’d say don’t worry about it.

If it was me I would have just ordered the fabric myself and not assumed anyone else would pay for something I wanted. For what it’s worth, I would never have asked for money for making the masks, time spent or the elastic that I’d need etc.

I feel annoyed that giving my time to make them isn’t enough, now I need to pay for the privilege of doing it too. And yes I know I’m over reacting and don’t have anything worse to worry about 😂

OP posts:
Mamanyt · 26/02/2021 00:15

I seem to agree with a good many. Send him the link to the fabric, tell him to order it and have it sent to you, and let it go at that. Unless you want to charge him a small amount to make them. That's fair, it is your time. But a small, reasonable amount.

ikeepseeingit · 26/02/2021 00:17

'just order the fabric to my place and I'll make the mask for you :)'

PyongyangKipperbang · 26/02/2021 00:18

@FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 is right.

For comparison.

I recently started working in a supermarket and get a discount. A family member asked me if I would pick them something up and I did. Less than a fiver and I got my discount. They were doing me a favour when they messaged asking for the item. I gave them the item and we ended up arguing because I didnt want the money for it as they were doing me a favour. I got home and found a £5 note in my coat pocket. Thats what non CF's do. Paying for things v Not accepting payment for things is a competitive sport amongst decent people! CF's bank on that. Fool me once....

Merryoldgoat · 26/02/2021 00:22

I think when you make crafts and stuff you need a ‘policy’. I do several crafty things well - we’ll enough for people to want to buy them but I can’t get on with it. It feels awkward and it’s just not what I want to do. So I either make for free because I enjoy the process and that is worth the cost, or I just charge materials and I’m upfront.

In particular I get asked to make cakes and I only take the ones I really want to, and only charge ingredients if anything.

So practise: I charge £5 a mask as that covers materials - you can pay when you collect.

2020iscancelled · 26/02/2021 00:28

I would see that as a “are you ordering it or am I” situation. Not that he expects you to pay, more of if you’re ordering shall I send you the money?....

Am I being naive?

cabingirl · 26/02/2021 00:40

Ignore that awkward feeling and just say/text something like:

"If you order the fabric and have it delivered to my house that would be great. Don't worry about the sewing thread, hemming tape etc I'll cover that for you."

He's already getting your skill and time for free.

SeaShoreGalore · 26/02/2021 00:53

Have you replied to him OP?

StellaDendrite · 26/02/2021 01:23

I always feel a bit awkward asking for money off people, I only agreed in the first place because he wanted a specific thing and said he’d get the fabric for it

I th8nk you are being really silly and a little unkind to him. He has asked you how much he owes you so just tell him! . Why would you feel tight asking for money? You are doing him a favour and he has asked you how much fir the fabric. I think it’s actually a bit mean of you to think he is being tight when he has offered to pay.

Hydrate · 26/02/2021 01:39

@SnackSizeRaisin

Don't ask him for money, that is awkward. Just say "no payment required, just drop the fabric round when it arrives and I will make it for you". He may well just be trying to ask if you are going to charge for the work, and have every intention of buying his own fabric!
Good advice.
Teddybelle · 26/02/2021 01:48

I absolutely hate it when people ask in that half-hearted way ‘do you want any money?’ after you’ve paid for something. It is 100 per cent designed to make you feel guilty for agreeing yes, you bloody well do! If your friend had any intention of paying, it would have been framed in a completely different way.
Pre-covid, friends came to stay for a few nights and we bought in an expensive takeaway. When I say ‘we’, I mean my husband and I ended up paying. I fully expected our friends to at least contribute or even offer to cover the full amount... after all, I’d made them lots of lovely food over several days and we never stay with them as they have no spare room. So when my friend said in an extra half-hearted way, ‘do you want any money for that?’ I was fuming for being made to feel like I had a choice between generosity and meanness. I’m still livid with myself for being pathetic and saying what she wanted to hear... ‘don’t worry’.
If she’d had any intention of paying there would have been a protest.... nothing.
Don’t do it! As others have said, just tell him to let you know when it’s been ordered...

MouthAche · 26/02/2021 01:52

If you order the material to mine, I will let you know when iv made it

Although, im so busy right now, might be afew weeks!

RebeccaSterling · 26/02/2021 01:54

Is it possible that he doesn't know how much fabric to order? I agree with PPs about replying that he should order it and pop round once it's arrived, but you should include info on how much he should order, if you haven't already told him.

CJsGoldfish · 26/02/2021 02:19

I'd simply say that "no, of course I don't expect you to pay for the mask. Just bring around the fabric and it will be my pleasure to whip one up"

notyourhandmaid · 26/02/2021 02:32

Agree with others - go for a "oh no need for payment, just get the fabric to me" response.

BarbaraofSeville · 26/02/2021 03:26

@2020iscancelled

I would see that as a “are you ordering it or am I” situation. Not that he expects you to pay, more of if you’re ordering shall I send you the money?....

Am I being naive?

This could be it. If the OP buys lots of fabric and related items, this fabric could be added to an existing order, so no extra postage or even free postage as a larger order.

If the friend orders it himself as a one off, he could end up paying for postage on top.

I have no idea how much fabric costs or what postage normally is, but I would have thought that the fabric to make a few masks wouldn't be very much, and most places charge a minimum postage charge of about £4, which makes small orders poor value for money.

Changeditforabit · 26/02/2021 05:31

I don't think it's really for OP to order the fabric though. He wanted a particular theme. She's not a shop he's ordering from. He ought do the leg work, sort out fabric she suggested or similar and drop it round. Would it hurt anyone to just leave the ball in his court? He'll order it if he's keen

MySocalledLoaf · 26/02/2021 05:38

If it’s a popular TV show, are there readymade masks available and what’s the cost compared with buying the material plus postage?

Fatladyslim · 26/02/2021 05:42

I think he is expecting to buy the fabric, I would have read that as him asking if you wanted money for making the masks so would respond as such.

Something like, no don't worry, just order the fabric and I'll sort the rest.

Emeraldrabbittail · 26/02/2021 06:31

He is a CF. He managed to find the fabric, why didn't he buy it? Everyone who's asked me to make them something (various projects) have supplied the main materials for me to use. They don't think about thread, elastic, buttons or things like interfacing ect but they always over buy so I also get to keep the rest of the fabric. In addition I get given a little bit of money for my time too. I have never been left out of pocket. Even if its just a few pounds.

Benjispruce2 · 26/02/2021 06:40

What @SnarkyBag said. Of course YANBU. You making it is doing him a favour already:

Porridgeoat · 26/02/2021 06:43

So why didn’t you ask him to buy the material? Why moan about something you’ve agreed to do when you could have asked him to do it

Ponoka7 · 26/02/2021 06:57

Definitely tell him to get the material sent to you. There's no reason why you would buy it for him. A friend was wearing a lovely mask, which was like a floaty scarf in appearance. Her Sister had made it for her. She said she was going to make some for summer. I said I'd buy one from her if she was thinking of selling them. She said she didn't like to charge. I said work out what the material cost and then a fair price for her time. Why would she not charge. I'd end up buying her wine/chocolates anyway which she might not like.

Imapotato · 26/02/2021 06:58

As others have said.
“That’s ok, I don’t want any money for making it, if you can drop the fabric round and I’ll get it started”.

I think he should be expecting to buy the fabric.

OnlyJoking1 · 26/02/2021 07:06

I think I’d go with telling him how much fabric he’d need to order.
Tell him to pop it round when he’s got it, otherwise I can see you having to wait in for the delivery.
Tell him no charge for making them as you’ve got everything else, unless he wants loads making.
I don’t think he’s avoiding paying, he’s probably unsure of type and how much fabric he would need.

ClangingChimesofDoom · 26/02/2021 07:13

So why didn’t you ask him to buy the material? Why moan about something you’ve agreed to do when you could have asked him to do it

Absolutely this. So much handwringing on this thread!