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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF or am I being really tight?

156 replies

BudgieIsAHelicopter · 25/02/2021 22:58

I’ve made face masks for my own/families use. A friend has seen the ones I’ve made and has asked if I’d make him a couple using a fabric of a particular film series if he bought the fabric. I’m happy to do this.

He sent me a link of fabric, I said it wouldn’t work because the pictures on the fabric were too big and it wouldn’t look right when I cut it up so sent a link of one I thought would be better suited. He replied that looks great, do you want me to give you any money for it?

I don’t know why this has really annoyed me 😂 I feel like I’ll look really tight saying yes transfer me the £6 for the fabric so think he knows I’d say don’t worry about it.

If it was me I would have just ordered the fabric myself and not assumed anyone else would pay for something I wanted. For what it’s worth, I would never have asked for money for making the masks, time spent or the elastic that I’d need etc.

I feel annoyed that giving my time to make them isn’t enough, now I need to pay for the privilege of doing it too. And yes I know I’m over reacting and don’t have anything worse to worry about 😂

OP posts:
Eddielzzard · 26/02/2021 07:37

CF or totally clueless. He should order it of course! And bring it round to you to make them, and then bring you something nice when he fetches them.

Nocar · 26/02/2021 07:41

He might be a bit clueless about ordering fabric, just tell him to order 1/2 metre, or however much you need and get it sent to your place.
I’d throw in that you will supply the elastic and thread free of charge, if that is you’re intention, because it doesn’t hurt to let people know that there are costs attached to making stuff and it lets him know he owes you ( bottle of wine, bar of chocolate )
There are some cf around, but when it comes to money a lot of people have there own etiquette that’s difficult to know unless you ask. He has asked so just tell him.

rwalker · 26/02/2021 07:41

I really can't see the problem just tell him how much and he'll send it to you.

If I were you I'd order it you know it's right and delivery details . The time you've spent creating and reading this thread moaning about it you could of ordered it in a fraction of the time.

Inpersuitofhappiness · 26/02/2021 07:42

Just order the fabric and send to my house, I accept baileys as payment for time 😉😉

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 26/02/2021 07:46

I th8nk you are being really silly and a little unkind to him. He has asked you how much he owes you so just tell him! . Why would you feel tight asking for money? You are doing him a favour and he has asked you how much fir the fabric. I think it’s actually a bit mean of you to think he is being tight when he has offered to pay.

But he hasn't asked how much he owes - he's asked if he needs to pay anything, with the obviously expected answer 'No'. Do you think for one moment he would order a meal at a restaurant, have a taxi journey or get a plumber in to fix a leaky pipe and, at the end of it, ask "Do you want me to give you any money for it?"

captainpantbeard · 26/02/2021 07:51

You are over thinking this! Just tell him to order the fabric and you’ll do the rest

Sapho47 · 26/02/2021 07:55

@BudgieIsAHelicopter

The material I sent a link for will work, it’s a smaller patter than on the other one.

I sent the link thinking he’d order it if he liked it, he knows how much it is from that.

I always feel a bit awkward asking for money off people, I only agreed in the first place because he wanted a specific thing and said he’d get the fabric for it.

Are you sure he didn't mean money for making them? Not for the fabric
2BDIs · 26/02/2021 08:01

I think already covered by other posters but I have a friend like this, but in relation to baking and my response is always drop the ingredients round and I'll sort for you.
Yes your friend is a CF x

donquixotedelamancha · 26/02/2021 08:01

To be honest I think I would just find a way to get out of this arrangement full stop. It has all the hallmarks of becoming awkward and souring a friendship

He's asked her to make a mask, it's hardly the Mexican house thief.

But he hasn't asked how much he owes - he's asked if he needs to pay anything, with the obviously expected answer 'No'.

It's clear, even from this thread, that the vast majority don't interpret his words in this way.

From experience of having been like this, OP, you will have a vastly easier life if you can learn not to torture other's words to guess subtle meaning and simply say what you want.

Beautiful3 · 26/02/2021 08:10

Just ask him to pop the fabric round when he gets it and you'll make him some.

PeggyHill · 26/02/2021 08:11

I would choose to assume that he's asking if you want any money for actually making the mask. Say "no, don't worry about it, just drop the fabric round mine when it arrives and I'll let you know when it's finished".

Sorted.

Beautiful3 · 26/02/2021 08:12

Or just say, just pay me £6 for the material.

Nowstrong · 26/02/2021 08:15

Just say that homemade masks do not really offer a lot of protection (missing point of post entirely).

JulietMadeChutney · 26/02/2021 08:16

Assume good intent.

Rather than him being a CF, maybe he, in a bit of an awkward way, is asking if you want any money for making the masks. He is maybe unsure if you want paying for your time/thread etc or not. He doesn't want to assume you will do it for free - but it can be kind of awkward asking if people want to be paid for stuff like this (as it implies you are hard up/need the money etc).

Decide if you want paying for your time. Then reply. With PP suggested, bright, breezy "No need for payment - just source the material and pop it round. Should take me X time."

You are overthinking it.

I do it frequently.

Original poster
BudgieIsAHelicopter · 26/02/2021 08:18

Thanks everyone for all the replies, I know I’m being a bit silly about it!

The reason I think it’s about him not buying the fabric and not expecting to pay me for making the masks is because he’d already know I wouldn’t charge anything for the time spent making them. If he wanted to pay for the fabric he would have just replied with ‘I’ve ordered that one’ rather than do you want me to give you any money for it.

He also knows I’m not ordering fabric for myself at the moment because I’ve just finished making masks for me and my family, I’d already said to him I’d run out of the elastics so would have to buy more, which I don’t mind buying because I would be able to use any left over for myself later on but I wouldn’t use the type of fabric he wants for anything else.

The link I sent was for the right size of fabric, postage was only a couple of pound so it’s not like it was worth waiting for a bigger order.

I don’t think I’m interpreting his words wrong, he’s done similar things before to get out of paying for stuff. Asked me if I’d get something for his birthday and he’d order it with things he was already getting from the same website. I said great, happy to get him something he wanted. When I asked him to tell me how much I owed he gave me the price of the item plus half the postage costs because we were both ordering something! It was only a few extra pound but that really annoyed me because he’d asked then used me saying yes as a way of him paying less.

I haven’t replied yet, I’ll send a message saying order it directly to me to save having to bring it round!

OP posts:
Eddielzzard · 26/02/2021 08:22

With someone like that you have to be really blunt and clear. You really shouldn't be out of pocket. If that website also stocks elastic, ask him to buy some of that too. Don't let him get away with it or you'll be angry at yourself and resentful of him. The amount is neither here nor there.

Howshouldibehave · 26/02/2021 08:24

he’s done similar things before to get out of paying for stuff

He has form then? I think I would have said, ‘sorry, I’m sick of making masks!’ when he first asked, if he’d done things like this to me before.

Asked me if I’d get something for his birthday

WTF!?

Sorry but I think you probably could have guessed how this would all turn out.

I bet what he wants isn’t that weird-Marvel, Star Wars etc-tell him to look on EBay or Etsy.

Whatamesssss · 26/02/2021 08:28

Just reply "Don't be silly, I don't want any money, just drop the fabric round when you have it and I will make the masks for free as a favour to you"

Don't let him get away with not paying for the fabric, he is a CF.

Mmn654123 · 26/02/2021 08:31

Doesn’t matter what he meant. All that matters is how you choose to let him think you interpreted it!

Just say “No of course you don’t need to pay me - it’ll only take a few hours to make! Will need half/quarter/whatever a meter of that fabric and can you also order 1/2/3/whatever meters of this elastic too as I have none left and need to make more myself - it costs 75p but I will only need 5p worth for your masks. Happy to give you the 70p with the masks if you like, or you can consider that my manufacturing fee! Lol!

(Even if it actually takes a few minutes to make a mask let him think it’s hours!)

ZenNudist · 26/02/2021 08:37

I don't know why you are doing this. It's easy to say no you order it. It sounds like you resent him. If you want to go the PA route just ignore entirely. Let him chase you.
Then just say you cant make it!

billy1966 · 26/02/2021 08:41

Obviously a CF with form

Why have you said ýes at all?

CaravaggioLover · 26/02/2021 08:42

He sounds like a real tightwad! I would say "don't pay me, just supply the materials and then labour is free". see what he comes back with.

saltychocolateballs · 26/02/2021 08:44

I would say the fabric is 6 pound , and apart form that I don't want anything for making it

NoSquirrels · 26/02/2021 08:44

Agree with PPs that it doesn’t matter if he intended to be a CF and see if he’d get away with it, what matters is he doesn’t get away with it.

And don’t be a doormat about the elastics either. Get him to order both fabric and elastics.

Doesn’t need to be stressy, you just need to be direct and firm. He’s got no issue asking you for cheeky favours (or outrageous penny-pinching like the half postage, what a wanker!) so as he’s asked if you want money tell him straight - YES!

diddl · 26/02/2021 08:51

He didn't think that you were linking to some fabric that you happen to have lying about?

Well even if he did he needs to pay!

Tell him to order it & you'll make the mask/s when you get it.