To expect my 11 year old to be able to a watch strap on?

[SeldomFollowedIt]

So I lost my temper this evening.

My son bought a Fitbit out of his Christmas money (the one suitable for kids) and he can’t put it on. It’s just a watch strap, so AIBU to expect at age 11 he should be able to do this?

As far as I know he hasn’t got dyspraxia or anything but he was trying for hours today (and I mean hours). I’ve showed him how to put it on, but he’s all fingers and thumbs and honestly it looks painful to watch.

I refuse to put it on for him. Surely I am not asking for too much? Why can’t he do this?

Apologies about the title.

My ds (20) cannot tie a tie, or shoelaces, or buckle a watch strap. he is dyspraxic.

I've got a bit of a nervous twitch (never been diagnosed as anything) it's only when I'm trying to do fiddly things, the harder I try the more flustered I get, things like doing up bottle tops etc. I'm 32! Just help him out if he's struggling what's the big deal.

@nevertrustaherdofcows

He possibly is then. I’ll have to research it, he plays football at academy level so I’ve never really considered it. Neat writing etc. He did struggle tying shoe laces, but can now.

Not sure if it’s just utter laziness or there is indeed something wrong with him.

@peach1234

Because kids need to learn to do things for themselves surely? I totally get what you’re saying but my son would literally let me do everything for him if I took that stance.

It took me ages to learn. I'm left handed which doesn't help. Can't you help for a while while he learns? So he practices for a bit then you do it?

I didn't learn to tie my laces til age 11 or 12 though! (But I am a competent adult.)

I can’t tie shoelaces in the “normal” loop way. I have to do two loops and tie them in a knot. I’m 57.

Can you not just be a bit nicer to him? Break it down into smaller steps for him. Help him figure it out.

Well it's clearly not laziness if he's been trying for hours. Have you showed him to lay in on a table upside down and put his wrist on top of it and fasten it that way? You're not holding the weight of the watch then, it helps.

My six year old can do up a watch strap and tie shoelaces. My eight year old has been doing both from the same age.

I’m also an OT so from a personal and professional experience perspective I’d suggest you get it looked at!

How are they at carrying things? My son is dyspraxic and finds it difficult to walk and carry drinks without spilling them. He can do his laces, but it takes a while.

Okay thanks all, I have probably been unreasonable then. I do try and help him and show him (patient etc) but it’s like he just doesn’t want to do things for himself. I’m trying to find that balance.

Some people find it really difficult. On a practical level, have you tried showing him how to rest his wrist on a surface to hold the watch steady while he tries to fasten it? That might help. It doesn't sound like laziness if he spent hours trying, it sounds like he tried his best, poor thing!

As others have said, he's hardly not wanting to do things for himself if he's been trying for hours! Buying yourself a Fitbit in the first place is pretty motivated. Glad you've realised you're being a bit too hard on him.

@SeldomFollowedIt he's only 11 I don't think you should worry too much, if he can genuinely do it himself then yes he needs to start doing a bit more by himself but if he just needs help and you keep trying to show him at the same time as helping I think that's definitely ok at his age, it won't be too long and you'll be wishing he still needed you for things. If he's still coming home every morning at 30 for his mum to do up his watch strap/dress him/wash him etc etc then maybe worry

Phew. I misread the title. Carry on.

LordOfTheOnionRings

@ElphabaTheGreen

Oh interesting that you are an OT. He can tie his shoelaces although initially it took him hours of practise. This is why he was trying today for hours. It doesn’t matter how kind or patient I am, or how many times I show him, he just couldn’t do it.

He isn’t clumsy, and plays a lot of sport. He carries things fine and writes neatly.

I will look into it more though, thank you

@LordOfTheOnionRings me too!! Very glad it’s not about strap-ons ....

I misread your riel and thought you meant a strap on..,,, thingy!

Help him learn - do it with him, be kind and patient and don’t make him feel stupid or incompetent as that’ll shatter his self esteem. Kids are far more likely to develop skills and interests if you go with ‘you’ve got this’ rather than ‘you’re useless at this’...

(& I’m really glad the words ‘watch strap on’ weren’t what I thought I was likely to find/have to report very quickly when I saw this thread!)

Thanks for all your messages ladies.

God I feel so guilty now. I think today was just one of those days when something so small and insignificant just gets to you. We have a really good relationship, I don’t like getting mad over stupid things 😢 he’s a great boy!!

Tomorrow will be a better day. I should have been more patient.

@chipsandgin

Oh I totally agree with what you say in terms of self esteem etc. I am usually that mum. I wasn’t this evening though.

He may need to figure out a different way of doing it. Don't just show him again, watch him do it, figure out why it's not working and how else he could do it. Support him in finding a way that works for him.

Tell him he can wear it to school once he's mastered taking it on and off for PE.

Has he tried doing on his other wrist?