To expect my 11 year old to be able to a watch strap on?

[SeldomFollowedIt]

So I lost my temper this evening.

My son bought a Fitbit out of his Christmas money (the one suitable for kids) and he can’t put it on. It’s just a watch strap, so AIBU to expect at age 11 he should be able to do this?

As far as I know he hasn’t got dyspraxia or anything but he was trying for hours today (and I mean hours). I’ve showed him how to put it on, but he’s all fingers and thumbs and honestly it looks painful to watch.

I refuse to put it on for him. Surely I am not asking for too much? Why can’t he do this?

ugz never thought of that. Ds is hypermobile. His elbows are a thing to behold.

Although my mum would say he 'lives in his head, that one's. I'm going to be that yr7 parent phoning the school asking if anyone's found.....

What about a magnetic strap? You just loosen it and it goes over your hand, no fiddly bits and stays in place fine.

I got one for my charge 2 and its great. Just search on Amazon.

@SeldomFollowedIt - don’t be too hard on yourself. I try really hard to be that Mum too (having had one who was quite the opposite & definitely not aware of that fact!) and don’t always succeed - we all have off days, especially at the moment, I know I have.

I’m sure if you give lots of love & cuddles & say to him sorry I got cross yesterday, it’s not easy for any of us at the moment etc & he’ll be fine. If anything admitting you were wrong and apologising helps him understand the world a bit better & learn it’s ok to mess up sometimes - plus as I now have a 17 year old as well as a still very cuddly 11 year old I’ll take any excuse for a cuddle as they seem to get a bit more scarce and hard won as time goes on!

(plus at least you aren’t making him ‘watch strap on’ - that would be some baaaaaad parenting!)

@chipsandgin

Thank you so much for this message. I actually cried reading it. I’ve apologised this morning, lots of cuddles. Film day today with popcorn. Thank you 😊.

@sausagerollcake
You can get watches with velcro straps - try searching Lorus, e.g
this one

My 11 year old has always had poor fine motor skills. Took him ages to write legibly and he only managed shoelaces when he started secondary school because of the need to tie football boots himself. He also struggled with watch straps. Please be kind to your son, it's so frustrating for them, especially if they have younger siblings who do it before them, as happened to my son.

OP. As others have said, you need to watch where he struggles and think of ways to overcome.

Motor skills come with practice. If they find it hard and avoid, they don't practice and the skills gap builds up. But they can often learn specific key things if someone helps break it down with patience. (Both mine are bottom 1% for motor skills).

It takes seconds. I would just do it without a thought or a reaction , he will soon just get on with it himself. Pretty soon he won't need you at all, seems like a non issue here unless he is rudely asking you or demanding. Blimey, don't you just help each other out?

@TheMoth

It's painful watching ds to anything like that. He's same age. I have learned to bite my tongue, because he gets there eventually, but there is a lot of space between a and b. I let him make cheese on toast. He cut the bread into strips first. Why? 'Cos that's how it comes. ' "Now turn the gas off. " "I can't. It's stuck, it won't turn. " "Turn it the other way then. " "But it's stuck! What other way?" blank look of incomprension/despair "The opposite. Way. Turn your hand left. "

Oh my, this is my dd. And she wouldn't be able to do her watch up either. I usually put it down to a complete lack of common sense, but maybe there is something going on.. I've done my best to teach her everyday life tasks!! I was a latch key kid so I was cooking tea etc. by her age and walking home alone and dd seems years behind that point.

Such is the culture now that I thought this was going to be something about schools and PSE...

I’m watching this with interest as I’ve got a early teen son who is good at sports- rugby, football, running etc but struggles so much with fine motor skills- writing never been great, using scissors or tools or even cutlery looks really cack- handed and it’s so hard to not just take over and do whatever it is properly. I’ve often wondered if there is fine motor specific form of dyspraxia but never actually found anything on searching.

So interested to note that more than a couple of you have children with functional fine motor difficulties which went hand in hand with a dislike of Lego. I wonder if it’s a chicken or an egg thing?

Was he trying to put it on his dominant arm making it more awkward? If I tried to put a watch on my right arm, I am going to struggle more than my left using my right hand. Think you have realised you was a bit harsh on him.

@ElphabaTheGreen

Well I remember when he was little he would regularly get Lego sets and he never did them. I have three children, he was very boisterous.
All he ever wanted to do was run and climb. He was so good at climbing his preschool actually bought a new fence for their garden as they said he was making them feel nervous 😯 . It’s a fine motor thing, from what I have now been researching.

To answer previous posters, he tried the watch on both arms, I showed him how I do it, but then suggested he may find another way easier. He likes to do things himself so will keep persisting.

I was too harsh and irritated yesterday. Off to the park now. Today is a better day for sure.

At my brother's boarding school, they were supposed to safety pin their socks together for the wash. After matron watched my brother try to do so, she allowed him to be the exception.

@dementedma

I can’t tie shoelaces in the “normal” loop way. I have to do two loops and tie them in a knot. I’m 57.

I’m so glad I’m not the only one who does this. I couldn’t tie my laces until I was 8 and a boy in the year above took pity on me and showed me this method.

Ds always struggled with lego. He just couldn't follow instructions. Then dh would shout.
Dd spent 6 hours making a lego hotel. Completely by herself.
Ds also destroys his lego and does other stuff with it.
Dd keeps hers pristine.

I totally get ds.dh does not. He is dd. It's not always a harmonious household

@ElphabaTheGreen my dyspraxic six year old who is in the bottom 0.5% for motor skills loves Lego. He builds simple things and asks for help but his love of vehicles over rides frustration!

@Symbion

He may need to figure out a different way of doing it. Don't just show him again, watch him do it, figure out why it's not working and how else he could do it. Support him in finding a way that works for him.

Tell him he can wear it to school once he's mastered taking it on and off for PE.

Are they allowed strap-ons in PE now? Times are changing faster than I thought.

I’ve apologised this morning, lots of cuddles. Film day today with popcorn.

@SeldomFollowedIt Great stuff OP. x Even if someone doesn't technically have a disability, everyone has things they can't do as easily/as early. There was a girl at school of about 12 who claimed she couldn't read a clock. Another couldn't ride a bike etc.

I still take longer to unlock doors or perform other practical tasks and stuff. No point beating myself up over it or in anyone else doing so either.

Are they allowed strap-ons in PE now? Times are changing faster than I thought.

@DynamoKev Thank god the Tories are in. We need someone to stop the rot.

There was a girl at school of about 12 who claimed she couldn't read a clock.

My 16yo, no official label but has random difficulties, struggles to read a clock, know left from right, and various other things. It's not for lack of us trying. She can 'get it' for a while if we really focus, but it goes again.

"There was a girl at school of about 12 who claimed she couldn't read a clock."

Dd2 is 14, mildly dyslexic, and struggles with reading a clock. She gets very self conscious if asked for the time in front of other people which then makes things worse.

@dementedma

I can’t tie shoelaces in the “normal” loop way. I have to do two loops and tie them in a knot. I’m 57.

The "bunny ears" method. I learned that way too.