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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my 11 year old to be able to a watch strap on?

132 replies

SeldomFollowedIt · 25/02/2021 21:00

So I lost my temper this evening.

My son bought a Fitbit out of his Christmas money (the one suitable for kids) and he can’t put it on. It’s just a watch strap, so AIBU to expect at age 11 he should be able to do this?

As far as I know he hasn’t got dyspraxia or anything but he was trying for hours today (and I mean hours). I’ve showed him how to put it on, but he’s all fingers and thumbs and honestly it looks painful to watch.

I refuse to put it on for him. Surely I am not asking for too much? Why can’t he do this?

OP posts:
Original poster
SeldomFollowedIt · 25/02/2021 22:20

@TheMoth

I can relate to that, even down to my daughter Grin.

OP posts:
SunshineAvocado · 25/02/2021 22:21

[quote SeldomFollowedIt]@SoulofanAggron

I get where you are coming from but I did not call him any names, and these days are few and far between in my household (thankfully). I’m not perfect but thankfully I am able to reflect on my behaviour, and do better. I am sorry you were shamed as a child. This was just one bad day for us.

He’s my oldest and I am trying to get the balance right.[/quote]
It sounds like your child is confident as he has been determined to get it right, a terrified child would have dissolved into tears. You are definitely not abusive. Don't want to be patronising but perhaps he and you both need a sleep and he can try again another time.

Just a thought. would a Velcro strap help rather than one with a buckle? Am sure you can get those.

spagbog5 · 25/02/2021 22:21

Dd1 was a national level athlete and had a place at Oxbridge before we knew she was dyspraxia.
Took ages to learn to tie shoe laces,ride a bike,watch strap ,has a shake in her hands etc.
I just thought it was her so was devastated when the dyslexia assessor told me.
She’s bloody clumsy though but that’s got infinitely worse as she got older and is now mid 20’s.

TheMoth · 25/02/2021 22:22

Ds can't play football either. I was clumsy as hell as a kid, with awful writing. I have a terrible sense of direction and we don't talk about how long it took me to drive. All signs of dyspraxia in adults. I never struggled at school, but I lost lots of things and wasted a lot of time being disorganised. I see traits in ds and now realise why my parents shouted at me a lot:it's massively frustrating. Especially when you're all ready to go somewhere and he suddenly decides his shoes don't fit but he's forgotten to tell you.

spagbog5 · 25/02/2021 22:23

Dyspraxic !!

Original poster
SeldomFollowedIt · 25/02/2021 22:24

@SunshineAvocado

That’s reassuring.

Well thank you all for your responses. Much appreciated.

OP posts:
Marimaur · 25/02/2021 22:24

You lost your temper? Hmm

Mischance · 25/02/2021 22:26

You sound cross with him. Why be cross about something he is not able to do? He probably feels quite bad enough about it without you being cross with him.

I think you need to sympathise with him for the fact that he is finding it difficult and gently watch what is happening and see how you can help. Being cross will make him feel small and stupid, and fluster him so he won't be able to do it. How could you think he is being lazy when he is diligently persevering to try and find a way of doing it? - that is not lazy.

My father used to get cross with me when I could not tell the time. The result of that was that it took me years to master it.

Original poster
SeldomFollowedIt · 25/02/2021 22:28

@SunshineAvocado

Thank you so much, not patronising at all.

@spagbog5

Again, food for thought. It’s definitely a possibility then even though he’s good at sport etc.

@TheMoth

Tell me about it, I’m sure he would forget his own head, if that was possible.

Good night all, and thanks again.

OP posts:
toocold54 · 25/02/2021 22:28

You don’t need to have something wrong with you to find something difficult.

As an adult it takes me a minute to do my watch but I can tie my shoelaces etc fine, as I think it’s just a movement I’m not so familiar with like brushing my teeth with my left hand.

You’ll find someone who can sculpt amazing sculptures from stone couldn’t sew etc it’s just different skill sets.

AllFrightOnTheNight · 25/02/2021 22:31

Watch straps are fiddly.
Can you start by holding it still on his arm while he does up the strap and then eventually he may "get it"?
I couldn't tie my shoelaces until I was 9, either.

Hadjab · 25/02/2021 22:34

@dementedma

I can’t tie shoelaces in the “normal” loop way. I have to do two loops and tie them in a knot. I’m 57.
Me too 🤷🏼‍♀️
SunshineAvocado · 25/02/2021 22:37

@Hadjab and @dementedma

Wow! 3 of us! Maybe we should form a support group for those of us who can't do our shoelaces! Grin

Rainallnight · 25/02/2021 22:38

I read that thread title ALL wrong Shock

maggiso · 25/02/2021 22:44

I haven’t got a fit bit but another brand, but find the plastic strap quite tricky to put on. When it was new, I put the strap on the wrong way round and I just could not do it up! It really threw me - after all I have worn a watch for more than half a century. Is your sons strap the wrong way around?

SnarkyBag · 25/02/2021 22:47

I’m an OT you can be well skilled in some motor skills whilst having deficits in others. As a rule of thumb I’d say if it’s causing issues in day to day life skills I’d dig a little deeper to see what’s going on

sausagerollcake · 25/02/2021 22:50

Oh $&@¥* I've just promised to buy my six year old left handed dyspraxic child a watch... I'm going to be fastening it until he leaves home aren't I? 🤣

Nith · 25/02/2021 22:51

My grown up Ds struggles with things like tying laces because he can't tell left from right. When he was growing up, I must admit we just viewed it as a funny quirk of his. I was mortified when he was assessed at the age of 19 as having dyspraxia - it just hadn't occurred to me.

DuesToTheDirt · 25/02/2021 22:51

Don't know what model he has, but my Fitbit Ionic strap is a bit tricky, it often takes me a few goes. I am a fully grown adult, and have been wearing watches for a very long time.

AlwaysLatte · 25/02/2021 22:54

Refusing to put it on when he's been trying for hours? 🥲

StrawBeretMoose · 25/02/2021 22:54

@TheMoth

Ds can't play football either. I was clumsy as hell as a kid, with awful writing. I have a terrible sense of direction and we don't talk about how long it took me to drive. All signs of dyspraxia in adults. I never struggled at school, but I lost lots of things and wasted a lot of time being disorganised. I see traits in ds and now realise why my parents shouted at me a lot:it's massively frustrating. Especially when you're all ready to go somewhere and he suddenly decides his shoes don't fit but he's forgotten to tell you.
DH often thinks I'm joking when I say I don't know the way to somewhere, my sense of direction is awful and it took me so long to pass my driving test and now haven't driven for so long during lockdown I think I might have forgotten Blush. I've never done the parking manouevres since I did the driving tests, sometimes I did it brilliantly but it really was a fluke and then my driving instructor couldn't understand when next time it was like starting from scratch. Also recognising in myself a lot of other traits people say can be dyspraxia. Have I still got time to grow out of it? Wink
KizzyKat91 · 25/02/2021 23:01

Don’t automatically assume dyspraxia - this behaviour is normal for children and teenagers. He may have had a growth spurt. His fingers have got longer, his hands have grown but his brain hasn’t caught up yet and so he’s struggling to control them.

From Wikipedia: “ Temporary loss or impairment of proprioception may happen periodically during growth, mostly during adolescence“. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Proprioception#Development

I have vivid memories of repeatedly banging into tables at school as my hips had suddenly widened with the onset of puberty, and I kept misjudging how close I was walking to the tables. I also went through a phase of stubbing my toes on door frames, table legs etc as my feet had suddenly grown.

My parents also got very irritated with me and didn’t understand why I was suddenly so clumsy. It really effected my self esteem :(

converseandjeans · 25/02/2021 23:05

userg1234

As a man my vote is B. He's been bought up to believe that he is better than other boys so rules don't apply to him. I expect that dad is filling his head will billions about how he w will support the family

What a nasty comment. I think most parents and players realise it's vv unlikely that they will play professionally. You're also assuming because a child is good at something that they're arrogant?! I think lots of good sportsmen get bullied at school for this reason.

Ugzbugz · 25/02/2021 23:06

My DS 12 has quite poor fine motor skills and always has, shoe laces are a battle, doubt he could do a watch, he just doesn't have the strength is his fingers which are very hypermobile, it can he frustrating and I feel so bad for him.

Hadjab · 25/02/2021 23:08

[quote SunshineAvocado]**@Hadjab* and @dementedma*

Wow! 3 of us! Maybe we should form a support group for those of us who can't do our shoelaces! Grin[/quote]
@SunshineAvocado cool, can I wear my zip up boots to the meetings please, because, well, you know...