To not understand why some parents make such poor food choices for their kids?

[Quit4me]

I was standing behind a mum with 2 children in a queue the other day. One child was a baby laying almost flat in a pram aged about 3 months. The other was around 6. The baby was really sweet smiling out of the pram which is what drew my attention to them. Then she grizzled and the mum said ‘whopps sorry I took away the milk buttons didn’t I. She was feeding her (the baby) milkybar buttons. Quite a lot of them.
I then noticed that that the mum was overweight, the nan who was also with them was overweight and most sadly the 6 year old was very overweight /obese.
Why would any mum be feeding their 3 month old chocolate? Obviously the whole family and little girl could have had a medical condition but Barring that why don’t parents see that feeding them sugar and too many processed foods early on is creating so many health problems for their children?
It makes me actually quite angry and sad for the children and I cringe seeing it.
Yes I know it’s none of my business directly, but this is everyone’s business because it’s a huge problem for the UK and is going to increase multi fold in the coming years.

There is NEVER a reason to feed a child under 1 chocolate buttons. There are plenty of alternatives. Irresponsible behaviour.

@Frequentflier

Given that we have been in a pandemic for a year now, I think parents of small children should be given a lot of latitude. Not ideal food, but honestly, she might be at the end of her tether, like a lot of people.

Not an excuse for giving your baby chocolate though is it?

@Gooo

I think that should be considered child abuse/neglect.

I agree. I looked after a 4 year old last week who weighed 40kg!!

I agree. I looked after a 4 year old last week who weighed 40kg!!

That's the same weight as my 12 year old 😲!

I don’t think that just because you eat unhealthily yourself that you follow the same pattern with your children. I eat crap. Always have done, but I try to squeeze in a piece of fruit each day to make me feel a bit better about my diet. However, I’ve always made sure my DCs have a healthy diet. Veg and fruit every day. The odd sweet treat now and again. I think if you have an unhealthy relationship with food yourself, that you’re more aware, and you don’t want your children to follow the same path.

I genuinely don't understand how talking about it here will help?
I fully understand this is a discussion forum where anything can be discussed, which is fine.
Where I have a problem is the pretence that discussing it here has any link to the resolution of the problem, rather than owning it for what it is; merely a chance for the 'good' mums to feel better than the 'bad' ones.
If this is not the case, please explain to me why you think its helpful?

If this is not the case, please explain to me why you think its helpful?

Since when is AIBU or MN in general only for talking about things that will have some kind of practical action?

Well, when dd1 was about 3 months old I came down stairs to find DH feeding her mint choc chip ice cream. When I asked him what he was doing all he said was “but she likes it!”

Dd1 has grown into a perfectly healthy weight teenager despite her early I’ve cream in take. However allowing a small child (without any medical reason) to become severely over weight is pretty neglectful.

I think most people prefer junk food to healthy food deep down...or at least wish they could eat junk without it being damaging.
Of course chocolate buttons are not ideal for a baby but it is not the worst thing a mum can do.

Lots of research shows that education alone does not lead to action. No one would smoke if that were the case. Health behaviours are complex and difficult to change. It is not as simple as “making the right choices” however much people feel it should be because that’s how it is for them. The local environment, personal histories, psychological relationships with food all play a part. Evidence shows that the best way to do this is to make healthy eating easy and unhealthy food difficult to obtain. There are loads of measures the government could take to help but they don’t because, individuals and “choice”. Look up the WHO guidance in obesity if you really want your question answered

@ExcavatorHater

It's so complicated.

I'm fat, I was a fat kid too. I am really trying my best not to make the same mistakes with my toddler. I understand nutrition and cook healthy meals, but it's something I have to give a lot of thought to.

I have to ask myself what a healthy weight person would eat/portion sizes. It does not come naturally to me as I have never really managed it, I can lose weight or gain weight but I find it such a struggle to maintain, there is 8 stone difference between my highest and lowest weight and ATM I'm somewhere in the middle.

It's a mindset I have to get into to be able to lose weight, I think I am a comfort eater, when things are going wrong I want sweet things to make me feel better.

But even when I'm fatter like now it's not because I just live on crap. I still get my 5 a day and eat well and that is the example I want to model for my toddler, it's when he is asleep that the sugar fix happens

Just for context, my toddler is allowed sweet things, I am wary of making it the forbidden fruit so he does have chocolate and ice cream in moderation but it does not make up the majority of his diet.

He eats avocado, salmon, prawns, most veg, Greek yoghurt, only ever brown bread etc. But if you saw us out together and we were eating an ice cream, you would probably judge us, I wouldn't blame you tbh. He is 98th centile for height and weight so in line with each other but he is big. DH is 6ft 5 and I'm 5ft 10 so I guess genetics plays a part but I am aware that people probably thing I feed him rubbish all the time when I really don't.

The issues run deeper than just not eating crap, it's hard to explain if you don't need to think about everything you eat and are feeding to your kid, I have to think about whether a normal healthy weight person would eat it and it's hard to judge sometimes but I'm trying my best and that's all I can do!

Just to give you a glimpse into the issues you're talking about lol, I have no idea what the solution is, I want to fix this and make better choices for myself and my child but even I don't know if I am managing it so someone who doesn't want to has no chance to be honest!

I appreciated reading this, thank you. Sounds like you're doing a great job.

You must have literally had your head buried in the sand for your entire life to think it’s ok to feed a baby chocolate buttons. Regardless of your background, own choices, literacy etc. You have to know that information; that it’s a terrible decision for a small baby.

DS is 2 and by all means his diet isn’t perfect and he gets treats but I have this constant battle with outsiders all the time. His grandad gave him a whole massive jam donut on Sunday morning (literally at 10am) and I was just like, why are you doing that!?
He said, ‘it’s what kids want, they want sweet treats’

And I was just like, well he’s never had one of those in his entire life so far so he has no idea what he’s missing.
This is what I don’t understand, we’re the adults and we’re in control!

Bah, anyway, I get it OP and it’s the reason why you see massive kids walking around everywhere!

@ExcavatorHater What a great post!

@5128gap

I genuinely don't understand how talking about it here will help? I fully understand this is a discussion forum where anything can be discussed, which is fine. Where I have a problem is the pretence that discussing it here has any link to the resolution of the problem, rather than owning it for what it is; merely a chance for the 'good' mums to feel better than the 'bad' ones. If this is not the case, please explain to me why you think its helpful?

Speaking generally, imo there are no good mums / bad mums. Mums are just trying to do the best job they can at the time and we all make good and bad choices daily. I do think the PP who have said feeding your child (baby) what you like because you know they will love it and food= love interesting. My own mother had a difficult relationship with food because she struggled with anorexia so for me / her, food didn’t equal love and in fact we were told to embrace hunger (as teens. We never went hungry as children) Maybe that’s why I struggle to understand why parents ‘allow or facilitate’ their children getting obese. It just seems to alien to me and I can’t understand why you would hamper your childs life chances in this way. After all it’s a visible reminder every day and it’s your child’s health which is such an important thing as a mother to protect. Obviously (and from reading some of the more interesting posts here) there are a multitude of reasons. What can be done though in the longer term to slow this for future children. I do feel quite strongly about it because it make me sad/ angry and frustrated to see a younger child so preventably unhealthy because they have no say in what they are eating, and their health, however what they are eating as children will have an effect on them for the rest of their lives.

It's terrible isn't it. More should be done to educate people on how to feed their kids.

What good will more education do ?
If people don't know by now that fruit and veg are good for you and sugar is bad, they must have been living in a cupboard for the past 10 years.

@Meadowland

What good will more education do ? If people don't know by now that fruit and veg are good for you and sugar is bad, they must have been living in a cupboard for the past 10 years.

I think education on just how unhealthy it is to eat sugar, many people just aren't aware of how bad it is and also think it's good and normal for young children to be fat.

I believe it's mainly an issue with our society, if it wasn't socially acceptable to feed our kids crap then less people would do it. And if people are seeing adverts for chocolate and sugary cereal then that is giving them the message that it's good to give those things to their family. Yes we all know that a carrot is healthier than a bar of chocolate but advertising tells us that good, loving parents take their kids to McDonald's and feed them kinder bars.

@Quit4me

I agree with it being sad seeing unhealthy kids. Again I don't think it's as clear cut as just weight though.

My Dbro is slim, he lives on crap processed junk food but doesn't eat a lot of it. He will eat some fruit, no veggies at all, and he doesn't really have a sweet tooth. Think a ready made smoothie for breakfast and then a frozen or small takeaway pizza for dinner. So he is a healthy weight but he does NOT eat well.

If you saw all of us out together with our children, you would THINK they have the better diet and lifestyle because they're slim and I'm not.

They are all addicted to their screens, hate getting outdoors in general and would be happy to just sit behind their computers every day.

I make sure me and my toddler get outdoors every day, we walk to the shop and walk back, park visits, dog walks, bike rides etc. I do my 10,000 steps every day.

So do you think that they are healthier than us because their weight is lower? I'm not saying me being fat is healthy, I know it's not. I am trying my hardest to change my habits and teach my child healthy habits that can be continued for the rest of his life.

But nothing will convince me that my Dbro is living a healthier lifestyle than I am just because he's maintaining a healthy weight.

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@malificent7

I think most people prefer junk food to healthy food deep down...or at least wish they could eat junk without it being damaging. Of course chocolate buttons are not ideal for a baby but it is not the worst thing a mum can do.

This seems nonsensical to me. Just because you could do worse things to your child that doesn’t make an unwise, unsafe decision any better.

Either way a parent who thinks it’s okay to give a three month old baby chocolate buttons, while they’re laid flat in a pram, is hardly likely to be clued up or motivated enough to make great decisions in other areas, are they? Can you really see someone going ‘oh yeah I’ll just give my pre-solids infant buttons while she’s laid down’ and then going home and preparing a balanced, healthy meal for her overweight six year old?

These things are sadly often part of a wider lack of either education (unlikely re the buttons) or motivation.

[quote ExcavatorHater]@Quit4me

I agree with it being sad seeing unhealthy kids. Again I don't think it's as clear cut as just weight though.

My Dbro is slim, he lives on crap processed junk food but doesn't eat a lot of it. He will eat some fruit, no veggies at all, and he doesn't really have a sweet tooth. Think a ready made smoothie for breakfast and then a frozen or small takeaway pizza for dinner. So he is a healthy weight but he does NOT eat well.

If you saw all of us out together with our children, you would THINK they have the better diet and lifestyle because they're slim and I'm not.

They are all addicted to their screens, hate getting outdoors in general and would be happy to just sit behind their computers every day.

I make sure me and my toddler get outdoors every day, we walk to the shop and walk back, park visits, dog walks, bike rides etc. I do my 10,000 steps every day.

So do you think that they are healthier than us because their weight is lower? I'm not saying me being fat is healthy, I know it's not. I am trying my hardest to change my habits and teach my child healthy habits that can be continued for the rest of his life.

But nothing will convince me that my Dbro is living a healthier lifestyle than I am just because he's maintaining a healthy weight.[/quote]
Yes totally- I have experienced this myself as my DH doesn’t put on any weight despite eating double the bad foods I eat. Frustrating.
However, I do think that if your child has put on weight to the point of being obese, then really it’s up to you the parent to find out why and get your child to a healthy weight and maintain a healthy weight.
It’s also up to anyone to teach their kids healthy eating, even if they are skinny such as your brothers family.
My kids are skinny partly due to diet and partly genetics I feel. But we still think about healthy food choices every day - I give the reasons that sugar is bad for our teeth and tummies and don’t really bring fat into it.

You was standing to close

Just received food parcel, bread, processed ham, few sweets, pasta, cereal, some tinned food, potatoes, crisps. Beggars can’t be choosy. Tbh I give no fucks, come back when you kids have passed teenage stage and turned into amazing adults

It really doesn't matter if the baby was 3 months, 6 months, 9 months or a year. Shoving chocolate in a baby when out in the pram is really poor parenting. Children should never be eating out in a pushchair. Eating happens at tables in the house so you mindfully eat.

We have a shockingly poor concept of food and nutrition in this country. Feeding children chips and nuggets is seen as normal with no expectations of a child eating veg, salmon, olives, crudités etc

There is no excuse for ever shoving junk in very small children. E.g. If they have just had immunizations, use cuddles not food. It shouldn't be a normal habit for children to have squash in drinks, sweet food after every meal, sugary snacks, crisps in lunch boxes. You are setting up bad habits for life.

It completely breaks my heart seeing obese children waddling along. It is a child neglect issue. It's not ok to underfeed your child so it shouldn't go unmentioned if you overfeed your child.

Problem is our concept of normal size and normal foods is so skewed. Even our language is off " he's stocky" - fat " " he's a big strong boy" - fat " he's all skin and bones - likely the size a child should be.

@SqeakyHindge

You was standing to close

Just received food parcel, bread, processed ham, few sweets, pasta, cereal, some tinned food, potatoes, crisps. Beggars can’t be choosy. Tbh I give no fucks, come back when you kids have passed teenage stage and turned into amazing adults

Sorry what's your point regarding the food parcel? Most people have the same in their weekly shop, don't they? Bread, ham, pasta, tinned food etc etc
I assume there was a bit of fruit/veg in there too?
Occasional crisps and sweets don't make children fat.