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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry that he is going to let her down and damage her career

144 replies

Jettoe · 22/02/2021 17:38

I have two children dd (26) and ds (21) who both still live with me. Ds has never been able to hold down a job, he has been sacked from all 4 that he has ever had usually for lateness and/or laziness. He has never matured past the age of 14 when it comes to his attitude to working regrettably.

DD has always had a much better work ethic, has been working since 18 and has worked her way up into a management position at the company she works for and is highly thought of I believe.

That company has been recruiting and she has managed to coach him through the application process of the roles and he has been offered one. Whilst it is good that he is going to get another opportunity I'm worried that he will do the same thing as he has done in the past except this time it will reflect on her, hurt her career and ultimately their relationship (they are very close).

OP posts:
Daphnise · 29/05/2021 10:33

I would not imagine this ending well. People who get kicked out of jobs, tend to get kicked out of any new job for the same reasons as previously, even after a good start.

But it's DD's decision- she should be wise enough to realise she can't change him.

Best to be less involved in your adult children's decisions?

Nyancat · 29/05/2021 10:36

Brilliant news, if he knew you had doubts, say you were wrong and make sure he knows how proud you are of him, though you've probably already done this because you sound very proud in your update posts.

bitheby · 29/05/2021 10:39

Hopefully not wanting to let his sister down is giving him the extra motivation. Glad it's working out.

TheLastLotus · 29/05/2021 10:47

Kudos to him OP!

Original poster
Jettoe · 29/05/2021 11:12

I’m very proud of him, sorry if that sounds soppy.

OP posts:
PenguinIce · 29/05/2021 11:21

Doesn’t sound soppy at all. Raising kids to be responsible adults is hard work and you need to celebrate their successes. Well done to your ds.

Merryoldgoat · 29/05/2021 11:28

What great news all round OP. I’m really pleased for you all.

TwoAndAnOnion · 29/05/2021 11:31

@Jettoe

She didn't recommend him although apparently she has apparently praised him since they made the offer.
With the best intentions, your daughter should let her brother find his own feet. And maintain a professional distance. Business/domestic rarely mix well.
TwoAndAnOnion · 29/05/2021 11:31

Sorry - my mistake - I didnt of course look at the date on the thread.

Well done !

RosieGirl27 · 29/05/2021 11:49

Just read the update, 21 is very young it seems he has grown up re working and is making you all proud. Glad it’s all worked out well for everyone x

Sunflowers095 · 29/05/2021 12:08

@Jettoe

He has already been offered and accepted the job.

I don't see why charging them both rent and putting it in a savings account would be a reasonable thing to do as it's their money and if they want to save it then that is their decision not mine. FWIW dd does save money anyway.

That's how you've been enabling your son to be lazy and have a horrible work ethic though.

He doesn't have real responsibilities/commitments so he doesn't have to work. He can just live with you rent free. Of course he's not going to grow up if that's the case.

Dustyhedge · 29/05/2021 12:34

Jettoe That was a lovely update. Some of the messages you had were vile before that.I don’t know why people seem to think having a safety net is a bad thing. It’s massively valuable and often allows young adults to take more risks work wise.

PicaK · 29/05/2021 13:33

Oh that's lovely. And big hearted of you

kikot · 29/05/2021 14:33

This is a great update. I have got a dd and a ds with what I hope will remain a very strong relationship and would be delighted if dd had helped ds out in this way.

The strength of their bond comes from you and their upbringing, don’t underestimate your role in this.

Souther · 29/05/2021 14:36

That's great news!

lljkk · 29/05/2021 14:59

thanks for update; great it's working out

Sweak · 29/05/2021 15:18

Great he's doing well. Such a shame to see so many vile comments on this thread, even now with a positive outcome some people are sticking the boot in!

Nothing wrong with your decision to not charge rent, just like there's nothing wrong with those who do charge rent. Different families do different things...but, MN posters can be so rigid that their way is the best way.

Telling them you are saving their rent money for them hardly teaches them about financial responsibility does it! So many patronising and rude comments. You sound like a lovely mum and it's so lovely the siblings are close and it's worked out

Original poster
Jettoe · 29/05/2021 16:47

Sorry I have been away. I posted an update as I wanted anyone who had taken the time to respond to my original post to know how it had worked out. I am grateful for the replies and for the advice/home truths offered (even if they were wrong) as I had my doubts as to how it would work out.

OP posts:
kikot · 29/05/2021 18:03

You don’t need to apologise. You know your son and your daughter and have navigated a difficult situation which has ended in a good outcome.

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