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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not tell friend where I bought something.

359 replies

GardenGnomeParty · 19/02/2021 18:25

Three years ago we bought a common garden thing from a local supplier. It's gorgeous, still looks great, had lots of use and we love it.
My friend admired it but was then disappointed to be given a lovely but different one from her family. Not heard from her for ages, no presents for my DD last year for her birthday, I thought the friendship had faded.
She's now asked where we bought ours from.
I don't want to tell her.
It was expensive and I don't want local gossip.
Our version is unusual but classy and I don't want to share my 'fucking nailed it this time' style.
I have sensed 'competitive purchasing' from this 'Shopping Friend' family in the past, they do it with others and pride themselves on their great 'taste'. It's not healthy and we have distanced ourselves from them.
The examples they gave with other friends were best car, slow cooker, bell tent, dog breed, cat breed, mug manufacturer. They take great pride in their purchasing and like to buy the 'best'. It will end up all over Instagram and I'll have to listen to mutual friends tell me I've bought one just like 'Shopping Friend'

So yabu - tell her, share the joy, it's just a thing for the garden
Yanbu - keep quiet, wallow in your mid life teen cool crisis, don't share the info, you win the best garden thing prize, don't share.

OP posts:

Thread gallery

DreamingOfAFullNightsSleep · 20/02/2021 19:52

Now look! I've read alllll the pages, OP hasn't told us what it is, and I badly want a garden hippo. Wondering whether DH will buy me one for my birthday

Right response though, it'll take the shine off if she starts on about why whatever she's found is better.

We're finishing a house extension and the plumber (who I do like, he's a real grafter and the only person who's worked here on a 6 month build to come in under budget) is really apt to say exactly what he thinks. He's pointed out flaws/issues with a couple of our new things which has definitely put a bit of a downer on some things we've bought.

Passenger42 · 20/02/2021 19:53

Say you bought it secondhand so you don’t know where it came from. That’s double funny as she will spend hours online looking for it on eBay lol

daisyjgrey · 20/02/2021 19:57

You're all ridiculous.

Disabrie22 · 20/02/2021 20:02

Tell her - honestly life’s too short to be competitive about material schizzle - we don’t have much cash and have never been able to engage with all that - I think it makes you a better person to share xx

mimosaadorna · 20/02/2021 20:03

Seriously OP ?.... you need to post to get advice on this ?. You’re a grown-up what do you think ?. If you don’t want to tell her, don’t tell her, or just tell her . Or just forget about it.....life is way too short..... people are dying all over the world, people are being bereaved , Thanks to a virus, that was in all likelihood man-made......And you are worried about whether to tell your friend about your “garden thing” or not?. Please get a life

HarryElephante · 20/02/2021 20:05

Is this thread serious? The world is so f**ked.

roxanne119 · 20/02/2021 20:10

Tell her you bought it at Debenhams 😂😂 that’s funny

Iseestupidpeople · 20/02/2021 20:30

I can’t stand people like that. Tell her you don’t remember or that it’s been discontinued.

Flatoutonsofa · 20/02/2021 20:42

This person is clearly not your friend. Ignore her. If pressed, lie. As already suggested, if she then complains she can't find it, tell her it's discontinued. Something I've learned recently is to cut these idiots out of my life.

Ratherberightthanhappy · 20/02/2021 20:55

@GardenGnomeParty

Three years ago we bought a common garden thing from a local supplier. It's gorgeous, still looks great, had lots of use and we love it. My friend admired it but was then disappointed to be given a lovely but different one from her family. Not heard from her for ages, no presents for my DD last year for her birthday, I thought the friendship had faded. She's now asked where we bought ours from. I don't want to tell her. It was expensive and I don't want local gossip. Our version is unusual but classy and I don't want to share my 'fucking nailed it this time' style. I have sensed 'competitive purchasing' from this 'Shopping Friend' family in the past, they do it with others and pride themselves on their great 'taste'. It's not healthy and we have distanced ourselves from them. The examples they gave with other friends were best car, slow cooker, bell tent, dog breed, cat breed, mug manufacturer. They take great pride in their purchasing and like to buy the 'best'. It will end up all over Instagram and I'll have to listen to mutual friends tell me I've bought one just like 'Shopping Friend'

If you look deep into your heart you'll discover you are more like your frenemy than you realised. This is the one and only reason you care so much. Neither of you are BU on purpose, but you do both have baskets of kittens for brains.

SingleMamaG · 20/02/2021 21:02

Ignore the txt

hippopootamus · 20/02/2021 21:26

Quite right OP. If I’d bought some overpriced outdoor tat from Dobbie’s, I’d be absolutely fuming if, years later, someone else fancied the same thing. .

Original poster

GardenGnomeParty · 20/02/2021 21:32

Sorry @DreamingOfAFullNightsSleep enjoy your new space. My shopping friend would love your plumber, a big chat in front of you about how they would have improved/ saved/ spent more. You do the best you can with what you have.

This thread has really cheered me up - Hawaiian bars with a life size terracotta warrior. A lawn full of hippos - hopfully MumsnetHQ are sending us all one. My Google Ads are a mess of sexy gnomes, tiki bars and Star Wars themed fire pits.

I knew the friendship via our kids wasn't healthy, I was leaving the pre covid meet ups exhausted by the one sided talk about 'stuff' - what to buy, sell, store and the gossip about what people I'd never met had bought.
Post covid invites to my tiki bar will be limited to easy going, fun company.

I'm sure she'll have read the whole of the internet by now, the supplier has nearly doubled his price three years on, so I will point that out if she goes for it.

If your lucky enough to have a garden, enjoy it, spring is around the corner, make your space yours.

OP posts:

Bleachmycloths · 20/02/2021 21:43

Ignore the text. If she asks again just lie about where you got it ‘from X Garden Centre’ - wherever.
I don’t agree with responses which say ‘why do you care?’ If someone repeatedly asks where you got stuff from and constantly copies, it is so irritating. It’s as if you do the work and they get all the credit. Yes, I know it doesn’t make complete sense and we should rise above it but I have been on the receiving end of this kind of behaviour (including a ‘copy cat’ staying in the SAME hotel at the SAME time in Italy) and it can drive you mad.
Probably best if you ignore all her texts.

Bleachmycloths · 20/02/2021 21:47

...I agree with ifIwerenotanandroid - you have to be on the receiving end, repeatedly, to understand how intensely annoying this can be.

Bridewel1 · 20/02/2021 21:50

If it were me I'd tell her. You never know when you might need a good friend. And anyway your the trendsetter with great taste as you bought it first. But if things were the other way round would you ask where she bought something from?

Bleachmycloths · 20/02/2021 21:52

And why do people leave patronising reminders about people dying and suffering worldwide? You may as well post the same response to every single AIBU post on this website.

Bridewel1 · 20/02/2021 22:03

@Neverland2013

Completely understand your frustration. I have a friend just like that..used to come to ours often and would muse about the decor, even taking pictures! I visit her a few months later.. she would do her house very similarly.. it is nice she likes my style but I haven’t invited her back since.

I personally wouldn't mind someone talking inspiration from me. As I don't find it easy visualising styles so being inspired by seeing a friends interior style is no different to seeing someone's home in a magazine or online. So you've obviously both got the same taste and it's helped her to visualise things. So I wouldn't mind at all I'd be flattered.

Bridewel1 · 20/02/2021 22:19

@Neverland2013

I wouldn't mind if a friend wanted to take inspiration from my home. I don't find it easy visualising decor styles so I helps me to visualise take inspiration wether it's a friends or someone's home online or in a magazine it helps. I seems you both have the same great taste and your home is just helping her to visualise things she likes. So I be quite flattered.

Skyla2005 · 20/02/2021 22:20

Seriously how old are you. Life is too short for this shit

TeaAndBiscuitsAndWine · 20/02/2021 22:44

@AnneKipanki

https://pixieland.co.uk/pixieland-products/made-to-order.html

There are other places where they will use a photo of a loved one and make a bespoke gnome .

Genius! Would it be unreasonable to get a mooning gnome based on DD’s father - who does NOT live with us?!

gottakeeponmovin · 20/02/2021 23:05

Good god have I gone back in time and entered a playground? Why on earth would you not tell her

Original poster

GardenGnomeParty · 20/02/2021 23:06

@TeaAndBiscuitsAndWine would work for a physical celebration of a beautiful backside but also a metaphorical statement if he turned out to be, an arse.
Winner, winner, add to basket.

OP posts:

AlwaysLatte · 20/02/2021 23:12

Why would people bother to gossip about your garden?? Just tell her. In any case it might be her olive branch to your friendship really so it may be an excuse.

Mintlegs · 20/02/2021 23:37

I’m afraid I agree with op. This sounds petty but if you have been on the receiving end of someone constantly buying the same things ie clothes, handbags, furniture it becomes annoying! Yes there are more important issues in the world right now but as there is not a lot else to focus at the moment these issues may seem amplified.

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