I offered my toddler a drink

[bridgetjones1]

And a full on tantrum ensued. Crying, throwing herself on the floor and generally distraught that I'd had the temerity to offer something so shocking!!

YABU - I am a terrible mother
YANBU - Toddlers are crazzzzzy

Obviously this is very light hearted. Hoping and praying that this is a short term phase and that her twin sister doesn't decide to follow suit

Anyone want to offer a hand hold or offer advice, equally baffling reasons for meltdowns would be appreciated

All fabulous stories and I definitely feel less alone now 😂

Just to balance things up a bit my other DD had a total meltdown a couple of days ago because she gave her biscuit to the dog and then screamed because her biscuit had gone 🤦‍♀️

The struggle is definitely real. I always knew twins would be hard but the thought of them having meltdowns at the same time fills me with horror. Luckily as we never fecking leave the house any tantrum has always been in the house or garden and not in a supermarket or cafe 😂😂

We picked dd up from nursery during snack time. They let her take her bread and butter with her.
Just as we got on the motorway, we were heading to visit family, she said she didn't want it, so I lobbed it out for window (I wouldn't normally do this and only ever with food that wildlife would eat).
Cry? We seriously considered coming off at the next junction and coming home. It was 13 miles to the next junction and she was still giving it some, absolutely no consoling her.
We did end up at the inlaws, so she must have calmed down eventually.

Dd (18 months) is currently having a temper tantrum because she wanted a baby wipe so I gave her a baby wipe as she was struggling to get it out the packet. She wanted to get one herself

@RainingBatsAndFrogs

OP, the twin was a drip feed.

How dare you disturb the no-drink state of the poor child when the twin was left drink-free?

One of my favourite Toddlers Rights cases from Ye Olden Dayes of Mn was the two year old who had a righteous tantrum when his Mum stepped outside in the garden where he was playing, and screamed "It's MY outside"

Lol sorry about that 😂 I was one of those foolish souls who thought that I don’t need the same colour for everything, I can mix and match it up 🤣 how stupid I was. Also the realisation that even if you do buy two of the same item they’ll fight over the same one 🤷‍♀️

I had two boys (long time ago) neither of them threw tantrums.
I remember one friend’s child who did and the rest of us young mums were completely aghast.
Why does it seem to be so prevalent nowadays?

It’s not more prevalent these days. Toddlers have always behaved like this because it is just a normal part of their development.

There is just more acceptance and understanding these days that there probably wasn’t back when your children were little, hence why you and your mummy friends were all “aghast” as you all that lacked empathy and understanding.

@Esspee

I had two boys (long time ago) neither of them threw tantrums. I remember one friend’s child who did and the rest of us young mums were completely aghast. Why does it seem to be so prevalent nowadays?

I remember waiting for the school bus 30 years ago and seeing a mum with a tantrumming toddler - first time I'd the whole boneless thing they can do and was fascinated by it.

My sister had a huge tantrum because she wasn't allowed to eat cardboard, that must have been 38 years ago?

Anyway, DS wasn't hugely into tantrums, but he had a massive one once because he refused to eat his food so took the bowl away. I gave him the bowl back and offered him the food which escalated it even further... it wasn't like the time I offered him food he'd suddenly decided he didn't like anymore - he just spat that out and wouldn't eat it, this was something he liked, he ate it the next day, just that one time it was completely unacceptable.

@StopGo

Interesting comments about a secure and attached child feels safe enough to tantrum. I was that child who never dared tantrum and no I didn't feel safe.

A few years ago DH had to explain to our DC that he had cancer and would be having life altering surgery in a couple of weeks, lots of crying and hugs.
48 hours later DS had an epic tantrum in the kitchen. All his anger was aimed at me, I was a useless mum for letting his dad get cancer. He yelled and yelled until he burst in to tears. We both sat in the middle of the kitchen until he had no more tears left to cry. DS was in his early 20s but he still needed to know he was safe and loved.

Oh bless you all

@Esspee

I had two boys (long time ago) neither of them threw tantrums. I remember one friend’s child who did and the rest of us young mums were completely aghast. Why does it seem to be so prevalent nowadays?

I can imagine that your little darlings were perfect from the moment of their birth and you have been a perfect parent, unlike the rest of us. I bet when your babies were born they drove YOU home from the hospital.

Oh, and there was the time I cut him half a slice of cake. That was wrong, he wanted the whole piece. He went though a phase of not liking anything being cut up.

Maybe it was the wrong brand of gin

My eldest DS used to get hysterical if Chucklevision came on the TV. Tbh he wasn’t wrong.

I do feel embarrassed by people like Espee trying to make it a generational bad parenting issue, I’m 62 so no doubt older than her.
It really isn’t a difference in parenting - although it might be that today’s parents feel more comfortable about discussing in a light-hearted way.

I shared my experience up thread of DS throwing a full scale tantrum in a post office about the colour of Thomas the Tank.
What I didn’t say was how awful it was for me - there was a long queue of older women all looking on tutting and disapproving - I even heard a loud whisper ‘that child needs a smack’. Generational disapproval has always existed - some people have selective memories!

He certainly didn’t need a smack.
He cared passionately about Thomas, he was tired, and was frustrated about a poorly drawn picture. He was going through a perfectly natural developmental stage - learning about the world around him and his own control upon it, learning about how do deal with complex feelings, and the security of his relationship with his mother, and the limits of her abilities!

This is just an amusing thread to allow mothers of tantruming toddlers to share their funny stories.

I can't wait for DSS (30) to get a new GF, just so that I can trot out all the tales of tantrums he had because he was forced to wear pants. And as if that's not bad enough, he was often made to wear trousers, too.

He would have a screaming full-on, lying on the ground meltdown, ideally in the busiest, most public place possible (M&S food hall on a busy Saturday was a good one), then regain his composure just enough to remove the offending garments. The regulars in our local were used to it, and when we popped in for lunch one Saturday, the landlord said hello to him and said how nice it was to see him wearing trousers for a change. Cue time for DSS to remove said trousers and pants ...

Thankfully, the time he did it on a plane I was sitting a long away and could pretend he was nothing to do with me. He screamed, bare-arsed, for the entire duration of a flight back from Dublin, and refused to sit in the seat for landing. He was a beefy little fucker, too, and not easy to manhandle.

Brum then you can also appreciate that responding to the sanctimonious twats who think epic parenting is the reason for no tantrums that parents of children who don't tantrum being told it's due to being scared of them and not feeling attachment is just as hurtful.

And in fact more damaging to the parents.

Because believe me - I spent the first 4 years of ds life wondering how I was blessed with such a passive child. Turned out to be the thing that makes him extremely vulnerable and whilst all those kids who had the funniest tantrums at 2/3/4 are out being teens mines at home to scared to leave the house without me

Obviously, you are a terrible mother. You shouldn’t have offered a drink, it should’ve just been available for her to access and throw around all over the house as she and her sister pleased. Lovely fun game that, drinking the drops raining down from the table, or splashing back off of the tv

I’d suggest if both DTs start tantruming just make sure they’re safe, close the door and get yourself to a place of safety. That’s what I do sometimes anyway!

2-3 was savage for tantrums, 3-4 isn’t looking so great either. I’m finding myself looking back wistfully to when they were newborns and thinking how much easier it was before they had opinions and wondering why I taught them the word NO

@Esspee

I had two boys (long time ago) neither of them threw tantrums. I remember one friend’s child who did and the rest of us young mums were completely aghast. Why does it seem to be so prevalent nowadays?

The victorians have sent a telegram, they would like you back.

I remember DD having a tantrum at the front door of nursery at 5.30 when all the parents were arriving to pick up their children. They had to step over her whilst I apologised profusely. Nursery staff were shocked as she was always so good with them.

And the time DD had a tantrum during a dog walk when I wouldn't let her carry the bag of poo she laughs about it now.

I'm a bit confused about tantruming being a new concept. Of course it's not!

@TheFoz

My now 12 year old when aged 2 years, cried the entire way on an hour and half journey because she wanted to drive 🤦‍♀️

That's some impressive stamina! I'd look in that as good determination that she'll take with her to an impressive adulthood

I just thought about the time DH said I had a tantrum. Me, as a so called adult, around 40 at the time. Looking back, it totally was. I'd had throat surgery and was unable to speak before and after for multiple weeks. I would write notes, but my handwriting was, at the best of times, almost illegible. The more frustrated I got, the worse my handwriting was. The rising frustration was incredible. I literally stood on the spot stamping my feet, hitting the wall with one hand, and sobbing silently. So many tears.

It gave me quite an insight into how a little one might feel, unable to get their point across with adequate words.

Bless them, I do miss that stage, tantrums and all. (40 I mean :))

@Esspee

I had two boys (long time ago) neither of them threw tantrums. I remember one friend’s child who did and the rest of us young mums were completely aghast. Why does it seem to be so prevalent nowadays?

I have a friend whose children never once had a tantrum. She was under the impression this was because she had superior abilities as a parent when in fact it was largely the characters of her children (this is known as pot luck). I think your sort of statement shows a lack of imagination and a kind of smugness which is often extremely upsetting for parents trying to cope with typical toddler behaviour or indeed behaviour that has another cause.

I treat PND and run PND psychotherapy groups and see many mothers who are on their knees because they have set themselves big expectations of parenting because they so badly want to do it well but they happen to have a child who does not conform in some way to the ideal. These feelings of inadequacy are hammered home when they do venture out and are judged by others looking on “agast”. Next time try and help that mother.

RubyandPearl

Yes!? Windmill strops,. !! My Dd2 did them frequently,. Fabulous !!!

I kissed DD once when she was about 18 months. She balled her eyes out for about 45 minutes.

I have the best photo of it though 😂

My toddlers most explosive tantrum was because he took his own socks off.

Toddler DD (now 9yo) once had a tantrum because I had taken the banana's coat (skin) off. Had to sellotape that fucker back on but it still wasn't good enough 🙄

Her best tantrum was because she couldn't see her eyebrows, and looking in the mirror did not suffice. Still makes me chuckle when I remember 😂

How very date you