Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I offered my toddler a drink

468 replies

bridgetjones1 · 18/02/2021 15:47

And a full on tantrum ensued. Crying, throwing herself on the floor and generally distraught that I'd had the temerity to offer something so shocking!!

YABU - I am a terrible mother
YANBU - Toddlers are crazzzzzy

Obviously this is very light hearted. Hoping and praying that this is a short term phase and that her twin sister doesn't decide to follow suit Confused

Anyone want to offer a hand hold or offer advice, equally baffling reasons for meltdowns would be appreciated

OP posts:
gigity · 18/02/2021 17:40

I had two boys (long time ago) neither of them threw tantrums.

I remember one friend’s child who did and the rest of us young mums were completely aghast.Why does it seem to be so prevalent nowadays?

🙄

JustLyra · 18/02/2021 17:41

I would suggest Espee asks her DIL her thoughts! (It might be a different experience depending on who does the bulk of the care).

Indeed. It will also depend on what someone defines as a tantrum.

My brother used to declare his children never tantrummed, but what he meant was they were too scared of him to do it out of the home (he was/is big on the 'what will people think'), but when you talk to my SIL they threw epic tantrums at home when he wasn't around.

Maybemay123 · 18/02/2021 17:41

In my experience its a phase although my twins seemed to take it in turns I always say that they have 6 month cycles of being the one that needs my attention!

BrumBoo · 18/02/2021 17:42

@itsgettingwierd

Although I find these stories and tantrums funny (my ds had a good few irrational meltdowns around 7/8) and I do find the smugness of great parenting being the reason ridiculous.

Just be careful not to equate all non tantrum children to parents who don't attach in the same way you won't allow parents who's kids didn't tantrum to be smug.

My ds never had a tantrum. Ever. He was the most passive baby and toddler I knew. Of fact we had to leave some parent groups because of comments about this and people trying to constantly find fault in him in some kind of balancing act.

Truth is ds is autistic and a numb could have gone off behind him and he wouldn't have reacted.
In fact most of the parents should be great full when their kids bit mine he didn't react rather than making them have to face that in public.

But like I say ds did start the toddler phase at 7 and one memorable lunchtime got a phone call to say he'd bitten 3 children in the space of as many minutes BlushShock

I can well believe some children never properly tantrum. In fact my eldest was a dream children until about 4, you barely knew he was there. Always quite happy to play by himself, very chill most of the time. It was when he was expected to do more social interaction that he started having the occasional 'meltdown'. Turns out he has sensory issues and is quite possibly autistic, so school-based environments stress him out. He tends to hold it together, but tiredness and overstimluation has lead to some bad days.

It's sanctimonious replies when this thread is obvious just a lighthearted share that's bloody rude. Being 'aghast' when you see your friends children tantrum, or sniffing that being well spoken and genetics are the key is just crass. Some people just aren't as well bred as they think.

WorraLiberty · 18/02/2021 17:42

@Esspee

*WorraLiberty”. Smacking is a sign that the adult has lost control. It solves nothing.
Absolutely

But it often used to stop tantrums as parents 'in your day', used to do it a lot.

The kids were often too scared to tantrum. That's what's changed (in answer to your question).

BluebellsGreenbells · 18/02/2021 17:43

Is this one of those bitch plop posts?

Do read the thread

It was clearly

mogtheexcellent

YABU clearly. I got screamed at for daring to do a poo once

😀

willstarttomorrow · 18/02/2021 17:46

You have to love mumsnet. Share a light hearted post and the humourless few pile on to either try and assert they are the superior parent (no one has time for them) or offer unwarranted and unrequested parenting advice.

My DD did not tantrum as such (and the definition of tantrum is open to debate) but she was a stubborn little madam with her own inbuilt sense of justice. No child gets to adulthood without expressing their emotions in a non-adult way unless their is something seriously wrong and they are scared to. It is called development and no parent gets it right all the time. What most do is laugh about it, accept it as normal then learn and adapt. It is strangely like they are raising an individual, living being who at some point will be an adult with their own agenda.

funinthesun19 · 18/02/2021 17:46

GrinGrin Currently going through it too, OP.

2 year old DD wanted me to fix her biscuit this afternoon. Big tantrum on the kitchen floor then took place when I obviously couldn’t. I offered her a replacement biscuit like a kind mummy, but that wasn’t good enough. Grin

Haffiana · 18/02/2021 17:46

Can we stop with this 'it was better/worse in your day' stuff? It is simply bollocks.

Children are different and parents are different. And I have seen mums scream and swear at their toddlers as recently as yesterday, and also over many years.

Ironmanrocks · 18/02/2021 17:47

Mine was heartbroken and inconsolable at breakfast once, because the toast was the wrong shape... Confused It was the same shape as yesterdays......

gigity · 18/02/2021 17:47

One of mine didn't tantrum ever, never climbed anything, no bedtime troubles etc, super sensible & easy. Subsequent dc proved its was not a reflection of my superior parenting.

TheSecondMrsAshwell · 18/02/2021 17:48

My daughter also loses her shit if I dare to peel a banana.

A toddler tantrum is the very definition of the phrase "loses his/her shit."

If you haven't seen the cutted up pear thread, go and look. It made me die.

LowlandLucky · 18/02/2021 17:50

My daughter went into full temper tantrum, screaming in my face so i screamed back, the look of horror on her face was stunning, she never had another temper tantrum.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 18/02/2021 17:50

@Esspee

I had two boys (long time ago) neither of them threw tantrums. I remember one friend’s child who did and the rest of us young mums were completely aghast. Why does it seem to be so prevalent nowadays?
It's because we park them in front of the TV all day and give them Red Bull for breakfast. Also we're too soft on them and don't do Proper Discipline.
EffYouSeeKaye · 18/02/2021 17:50

YABVVVVU

Just as I was, when I took mine to a birthday party (pre covid).

Cake, balloons, music, laughter. The whole thing. I still feel guilty about it now, when I think about it.

timetest · 18/02/2021 17:51

I remember a monster tantrum my DD threw when I wouldn’t buy her a microwave oven she’d taken a shine to in John Lewis. This was back in the eighties. Toddlers have always thrown wobblies, don’t believe anyone who tells you otherwise.

ladycarlotta · 18/02/2021 17:52

My daughter has always had hair-trigger emotions so I'm not surprised she is embracing tantrums wholeheartedly. She likes to be very demonstrative. Her latest thing is to remove items of clothing when outdoors, eg hat or socks and then cry pitifully "head cold! Feet cold!"
She took off her socks and stuck her bare feet out of the footmuff coming out of Tesco the other day, weeping "feet cold, mummy!" as if it was all my doing. Beast.

TheFoz · 18/02/2021 17:52

My now 12 year old when aged 2 years, cried the entire way on an hour and half journey because she wanted to drive 🤦‍♀️

Same4Walls · 18/02/2021 17:52

@EffYouSeeKaye

YABVVVVU

Just as I was, when I took mine to a birthday party (pre covid).

Cake, balloons, music, laughter. The whole thing. I still feel guilty about it now, when I think about it.

You took your toddler to a birthday party!!!! Shock what a monster. (shakes head sadly) honestly some people shouldn't be allowed to have children.
AnotherKrampus · 18/02/2021 17:53

Firstborn DS never tantrumed. I was inwardly smug. DD very much compensated. Nuclear explosions erupted over many of my mean parenting choices, including not leaving her behind to live in a petting zoo, although I was really, really tempted…

Diva66 · 18/02/2021 17:53

@Esspee

I had two boys (long time ago) neither of them threw tantrums. I remember one friend’s child who did and the rest of us young mums were completely aghast. Why does it seem to be so prevalent nowadays?
Are you on Gransnet Esspee?
Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 18/02/2021 17:54

@Esspee

I had two boys (long time ago) neither of them threw tantrums. I remember one friend’s child who did and the rest of us young mums were completely aghast. Why does it seem to be so prevalent nowadays?
Lucky old you. I have two children, now late 20s, they both had tantrums, and from my mother's account so did, way back in the early 60s.
Mercedes519 · 18/02/2021 17:56

Can I suggest the website ‘reason my child is crying’ for plenty of evidence of tantrums happening a lot!

I have a picture of DD inconsolable in the park, lying face down on the grass. My sin? I bought her an ice cream....

NoSleepInTheHeat · 18/02/2021 17:56

@Esspee

I had two boys (long time ago) neither of them threw tantrums. I remember one friend’s child who did and the rest of us young mums were completely aghast. Why does it seem to be so prevalent nowadays?
To be fair, I had one like that, she only ever had one and only one tantrum, I remember as I was so shocked. She was the exception though, her twin brother was a regular crazy toddler, throwing himself on the floor and screaming at random. Same as most toddlers I have known. Nothing to do about it, drink about it when they are in bed and laugh I guess.
StopGo · 18/02/2021 17:56

Interesting comments about a secure and attached child feels safe enough to tantrum. I was that child who never dared tantrum and no I didn't feel safe.

A few years ago DH had to explain to our DC that he had cancer and would be having life altering surgery in a couple of weeks, lots of crying and hugs.
48 hours later DS had an epic tantrum in the kitchen. All his anger was aimed at me, I was a useless mum for letting his dad get cancer. He yelled and yelled until he burst in to tears. We both sat in the middle of the kitchen until he had no more tears left to cry. DS was in his early 20s but he still needed to know he was safe and loved.