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AIBU?

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Original poster

I offered my toddler a drink

468 replies

bridgetjones1 · 18/02/2021 15:47

And a full on tantrum ensued. Crying, throwing herself on the floor and generally distraught that I'd had the temerity to offer something so shocking!!

YABU - I am a terrible mother
YANBU - Toddlers are crazzzzzy

Obviously this is very light hearted. Hoping and praying that this is a short term phase and that her twin sister doesn't decide to follow suit Confused

Anyone want to offer a hand hold or offer advice, equally baffling reasons for meltdowns would be appreciated

OP posts:
Ohalrightthen · 18/02/2021 17:24

@Esspee

I take on board that it may be selective memory but doubt it. I can clearly remember them being difficult little shits at times.

It may be how I define tantrums. I think meltdown, the kind of thing you sometimes see in, say, a supermarket when a child throws themselves on the floor and is inconsolable.

So I just managed to get through to one son who now has 2 children of his own. I have spent about 3 weeks a year living with them (4000m away). I have never seen either of them have a tantrum. Asked their father who says no, his two never had tantrums.

He puts it down to them having excellent language skills and being able to express themselves to adults.

So I wasn’t trying to upset anybody. I was simply wondering why a behaviour which was rare a generation ago seems to be accepted as normal nowadays.

Because old fashioned parenting relied on fear and prioritised obedience. Thankfully, we've moved away from that.
SaucyHorse · 18/02/2021 17:25

It seems cup colour is a very common point of tension! We also have shitloads of those coloured IKEA cups and plates for the exact same reason.

mynameiscalypso · 18/02/2021 17:25

My 18 month old has spent most of today being absolutely furious that he only has two hands and therefore cannot carry three toys at the same time.

Esspee · 18/02/2021 17:25

Thank you Whybirdwhy. My two were extremely happy children as were their friends and all but one didn’t have tantrums that I know of.
Tears when they had to go to bed and end their day perhaps, fights with each other oh yes, but meltdown, never.

sleepyhead · 18/02/2021 17:26

@Whybirdwhy

To be fair to *@Esspee* some kids don't really tantrum. I have one (primary school aged) who I cannot remember having a tantrum, totally placid and always happy.

His brother is something else, tantrums beyond your wildest nightmares. Between ages 2-3 he had one every sodding day because he wanted to eat his banana with the skin on - but didn't like the taste of banana skin. Every. Day.

I'm pretty sure parenting has nothing to do with it.

Ds1 only had one tantrum but it was a doozy. In the middle of Asda. On a Saturday afternoon. Lying drumming his heels in the middle of the aisle and going completely ridgid when I tried to get him back in the trolley.

To be honest, none of ds2's frequent tantrums ever brought back the white hot memory of shame that that one does.

TrashPanda · 18/02/2021 17:26

We had one yesterday from the almost 3 year old, full on wailing, screaming, growling, chucking himself on the floor and kicking his feet. Seemed to come from nowhere, he walked into the room and just lost it. I thought he was shouting about grapes so I offered him some but that made it worse. So I left him to it and after calming down a bit he was able to tell me that he wanted to go back to nursery and have soup like the other kids were having for tea which he doesn’t stay for. We'd been home for over an hour when he suddenly started so god knows what made it pop into his head.

OverSha · 18/02/2021 17:26

Oh and DS1 once had a mega tantrum because I cooked chicken stew for dinner. So i took it out of the kitchen and then returned it 5 minutes later to say it was chicken casserole which he ate happily.

NoSausageRoll · 18/02/2021 17:28

My DD had a tantrum yesterday because I wouldn’t let her kiss the squirrel in the garden Hmm

BrumBoo · 18/02/2021 17:28

He puts it down to them having excellent language skills and being able to express themselves to adults.

Oh it gets better Grin 'oh my kids and their kids never tantrum due to being able to articulate themselves like proper humans. Must just be in how they're taught of course'.

I won't repeat my earlier post to you, @Esspee but the sentiment still stands. Children have 'meltdowns' for all sorts of reasons, especially when a toddler. The inability to express and control emotions has absolutely nothing to do with exceptional speech levels.

My forementioned 5 year old has the ability to express himself beautifully, and has a vocabulary far beyond his age range, but when he's sad, or stressed or tired, he's just a little boy who needs to let out, and will 'regress'. Hell, I consider myself a fairly articulate adult, but one day you just have that moment that 'breaks the camel's back', and all grown-up thought process goes out the window. Whilst no one young or old benefits from a constant meltdown, we all need to have an 'aaaarrrghhh' moment once in a while - it's emotionally unhealthy to keep it all in.

Sailor2009 · 18/02/2021 17:29

My cousins eldest once had a massive meltdown when I said "see you later alligator" to him. Had to spend the next 25 minutes trying to convince him I didn't think he was an alligator. He's 20 now and I still say it to him. Fortunately it doesn't make him cry and scream anymore.

TheHumanSatsuma · 18/02/2021 17:30

@Esspee

I had two boys (long time ago) neither of them threw tantrums. I remember one friend’s child who did and the rest of us young mums were completely aghast. Why does it seem to be so prevalent nowadays?
I’m 64, I threw amazing tantrums and my Aunt (84) was renowned for them.
Esspee · 18/02/2021 17:30

For goodness sake ohaltightthen! Parenting relying on fear and obedience! Really!
Parenting in my day relied on love.

Vegeetas · 18/02/2021 17:30

I never knew that cutting toast wrong was considered a war crime to them. It took me 3 different slices to stop the crying. I am bad man :(

WorraLiberty · 18/02/2021 17:31

@Esspee

For goodness sake ohaltightthen! Parenting relying on fear and obedience! Really! Parenting in my day relied on love.
And smacking

A lot of smacking

Esspee · 18/02/2021 17:32

BrumBoo. Perhaps it runs in families.

itsgettingwierd · 18/02/2021 17:32

Although I find these stories and tantrums funny (my ds had a good few irrational meltdowns around 7/8) and I do find the smugness of great parenting being the reason ridiculous.

Just be careful not to equate all non tantrum children to parents who don't attach in the same way you won't allow parents who's kids didn't tantrum to be smug.

My ds never had a tantrum. Ever. He was the most passive baby and toddler I knew. Of fact we had to leave some parent groups because of comments about this and people trying to constantly find fault in him in some kind of balancing act.

Truth is ds is autistic and a numb could have gone off behind him and he wouldn't have reacted.
In fact most of the parents should be great full when their kids bit mine he didn't react rather than making them have to face that in public.

But like I say ds did start the toddler phase at 7 and one memorable lunchtime got a phone call to say he'd bitten 3 children in the space of as many minutes BlushShock

EKGEMS · 18/02/2021 17:33

My kid chose the middle of Target to have his most memorable, award winning worthy tantrum of epic proportions-he was pushing his wheelchair brakes on,refusing to move either because I didn't buy something or we couldn't find what he wanted and I was convinced someone was going to call the cops for a possible kidnapping. The Assistant manager came and opened up a till for me and took the trolley out with me and was so kind and understanding I actually cried over her humanity towards me

Esspee · 18/02/2021 17:34

*WorraLiberty”. Smacking is a sign that the adult has lost control. It solves nothing.

BrumBoo · 18/02/2021 17:34

@Esspee

BrumBoo. Perhaps it runs in families.
Selective memory and holier-than-thou parenting? Seems so, especially between you and your son.
RainingBatsAndFrogs · 18/02/2021 17:35

OP, the twin was a drip feed.

How dare you disturb the no-drink state of the poor child when the twin was left drink-free?

One of my favourite Toddlers Rights cases from Ye Olden Dayes of Mn was the two year old who had a righteous tantrum when his Mum stepped outside in the garden where he was playing, and screamed "It's MY outside"

Hardbackwriter · 18/02/2021 17:36

So I just managed to get through to one son who now has 2 children of his own. I have spent about 3 weeks a year living with them (4000m away). I have never seen either of them have a tantrum. Asked their father who says no, his two never had tantrums.

He puts it down to them having excellent language skills and being able to express themselves to adults.

Some things clearly run in families, though it's a matter of opinion here whether it's the lack of tantrums or the being a smug twat that is hereditary...

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 18/02/2021 17:37

@Astraturf

Mine used to scream at having a drink but also not having a drink.

Just lots of screaming.

I got her on the fruit shoots and she turned a bit of a corner.

Lol how old is your DD?

There was a time on here that you'd have been given an easier ride admitting you'd given her crack!🤣🤣

CumbrianExile · 18/02/2021 17:38

@Plutoh

I dared to not let DS run into the road earlier, obviously he was irridescent with rage and full on tantrum ensured, bad mum!
Oh yes, I get this tantrum quite a lot 🤦‍♀️
OverSha · 18/02/2021 17:39

DH has excellent language skills (and a degree in English Literature). But his epic tantrum was still fairly epic.

I have excellent language skills also and i had a mega meltdown at work last week when a divorcing client screamed at me because i could not magic up a financial settlement for her from her genuinely bankrupt ex.

(I am not having a go Espee really. I am jjust laughing alot at some of the crazy scenarios on here and feeling 'thank god' it is not just me who has the tantrumming stories!!'.

Some kids do not tantrum, I know. As I said, DS2 is placid and I would probably call an ambulance if he had a tantrum on a DS1 scale because it would be SO unexpected.

MeadowHay · 18/02/2021 17:40

My DM has occasionally said me and my siblings didn't thrown tantrums. Which is hilarious as the gap is such between me and my youngest sibling that I distinctly remember them having the most epic tantrums until they were about 8 years old. As I remember being older and thinking 'shouldn't they be over tantrums by now?!'. So I'm always sceptical of anyone who claims their kids never tantrummed Grin.