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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I offered my toddler a drink

468 replies

bridgetjones1 · 18/02/2021 15:47

And a full on tantrum ensued. Crying, throwing herself on the floor and generally distraught that I'd had the temerity to offer something so shocking!!

YABU - I am a terrible mother
YANBU - Toddlers are crazzzzzy

Obviously this is very light hearted. Hoping and praying that this is a short term phase and that her twin sister doesn't decide to follow suit Confused

Anyone want to offer a hand hold or offer advice, equally baffling reasons for meltdowns would be appreciated

OP posts:
maxineputyourredshoeson · 18/02/2021 17:04

We have a cracking video of DD1 (now 11) when she was 4/5 going absolutely batshit because she wanted to hoover her room whilst hoovering her room. We now have the (pre) teen strops, I would take the temper tantrum’s anyway!

itsgettingwierd · 18/02/2021 17:04

@bjjgirl

Just when you finally get safely past toddler stage they begin with the teenage strops! Dd 12 refused to take her coat off all day because I would only "go mental when she left it on the floor and tell her to put it away" Confused
That's a brilliant sense of non logical logic 🤣🤣
oakleaffy · 18/02/2021 17:05

Clearly an appalling parent, OP

How DARE you, HOW DARE you offered your daughter a drink???

Never heard anything so utterly cruel in my entire life, in the whole history of Parenthood, has such an insulting thing been done.

diggetydoolittle · 18/02/2021 17:06

How could you! You awful parent Grin

According to my toddler 'you have ruined my whole life' because of offering a drink in the wrong colour cup.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 18/02/2021 17:07

I'm guessing you forgot to add tonic to their drink and to offer a small bowl of olives.

Easily done. Wink

JustLyra · 18/02/2021 17:09

Oh the joys of toddlers

My favourite tantrum from my twins was when DD1 wanted DD2 to be a dog. DD2 then chucked a wobbly because she wanted to be a horse.

The other best twin one was when DD2, then about 5 I think, wanted DD1 to not look like her anymore.

At nearly 19 one chucked a tantrum the other day that the other used her straighteners on her hair...

My youngest recently had a tantrum because I wouldn't let her see how many beads she could fit in her ear and nose.

BrumBoo · 18/02/2021 17:11

Ah I've just remembered I have to bathe the children later, I look forward to the fuss my younger one makes because I won't let him wash his brother's hair. And by wash him, I actually mean something that's akin to waterboarding. God knows what the neighbours think at bath time - the sound of cascading water as children scream blue-murder.....

Esspee · 18/02/2021 17:12

I take on board that it may be selective memory but doubt it. I can clearly remember them being difficult little shits at times.

It may be how I define tantrums. I think meltdown, the kind of thing you sometimes see in, say, a supermarket when a child throws themselves on the floor and is inconsolable.

So I just managed to get through to one son who now has 2 children of his own. I have spent about 3 weeks a year living with them (4000m away). I have never seen either of them have a tantrum. Asked their father who says no, his two never had tantrums.

He puts it down to them having excellent language skills and being able to express themselves to adults.

So I wasn’t trying to upset anybody. I was simply wondering why a behaviour which was rare a generation ago seems to be accepted as normal nowadays.

Somethingsnappy · 18/02/2021 17:12

@Esspee

I had two boys (long time ago) neither of them threw tantrums. I remember one friend’s child who did and the rest of us young mums were completely aghast. Why does it seem to be so prevalent nowadays?
I had two children... Neither threw tantrums. And then my third came along Shock
hansgrueber · 18/02/2021 17:12

My mother used to tell the story of my late brother who, during WW2, came home from school really upset and looking like he'd been fighting. In the end she calmed him down enough discover that Nitty Nora, Bug Explorer had been in school to check their heads and he was angry because he was the only one not to get a letter to take home! He'd also fought with the other boys because they mocked for not getting one.

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/02/2021 17:12

[quote Ohalrightthen]@Esspee securely attached children feel confident in expressing their emotions in the "safe space" of their parents' presence. Insecurely attached children, or those that don't feel safe with their parents, tend to be much more controlled at a much younger age, for fear of reprisals. The emotional repression has serious repercussions as they get older.[/quote]
Quite. I did not tantrum and never knew the concept of unconditional love until well into adulthood.

My dd held it together when out then tantrummed once home, where she felt safe. Other children have no issue with having a tantrum in public.

Tantrums are an important developmental process.

willstarttomorrow · 18/02/2021 17:13

Just wait until you just innocently offer them a drink as a teenager. Repeat x500 before you are acknowledged by 'what'? screeched in that tone of disdain only teenagers can achieve. This is because you have had the audacity to interrupt their busy day avoiding you locked in their cesspit. Yabu OP- at least my child could be bothered to have tantrum DIRECTED AT YOU as a toddler. Now DC just tantrums at me using a pitch and tumble of words I cannot easily understand. Then when I finally work it out I get told I know nothing and I do Not understand anything. Good job we love them!

PinkTonic · 18/02/2021 17:14

@Esspee

I had two boys (long time ago) neither of them threw tantrums. I remember one friend’s child who did and the rest of us young mums were completely aghast. Why does it seem to be so prevalent nowadays?
Ha ha. My eldest is 36 and one outstanding tantrum resulted in me being completely powerless to wrangle said toddler into the back of a 4 door family saloon he was so strong, and him pissing all down my best coat in revenge. So I can absolutely confirm that tantrums did happen in ye olden days.
maddiemookins16mum · 18/02/2021 17:17

Mine had a hissy fit once because I looked at her.

JustLyra · 18/02/2021 17:18

He puts it down to them having excellent language skills and being able to express themselves to adults.

Aye, right then, that's what it'll be, all that superior parenting he's doing...

Whybirdwhy · 18/02/2021 17:18

To be fair to @Esspee some kids don't really tantrum. I have one (primary school aged) who I cannot remember having a tantrum, totally placid and always happy.

His brother is something else, tantrums beyond your wildest nightmares. Between ages 2-3 he had one every sodding day because he wanted to eat his banana with the skin on - but didn't like the taste of banana skin. Every. Day.

I'm pretty sure parenting has nothing to do with it.

SaucyHorse · 18/02/2021 17:20

We have also had a tantrum because I held her hand incorrectly and the only solution was to walk downstairs and do it correctly.

Oh my children were the absolute masters of wanting to start an entire process again because it hadn't been done correctly. E.g. I'd hold their hands to walk in from the car and they would then decide they had actually wanted to be carried and demand we go back out to the car so I could carry them in. I'm such a meanie I always said no when it felt this ridiculous! Sometimes it was impossible anyway, like we'd get to nursery and they'd decide they hadn't said goodbye to Daddy the way they meant to so we NEEDED to go back home and do that before they could go into nursery. Hmm Bad luck, kids.

BabyElephant2 · 18/02/2021 17:20

If it was non alcoholic, YABU. We’re in a pandemic, everyone needs a wine.

OverSha · 18/02/2021 17:20

My oldest threw a tantrum when he was about 4-5 on a plane from Guernsey. It was so bad that DH ended up sitting on him as we thought he was going to hurt himself.

An elderly man on the flight made a point of coming up to us and I thought he was going to be critical. What he did was he laid his hand on my arm very gently and smiled and said; 'When they get like that there is literally nothing you can do'.

I have never forgotten the gentle empathy of that.

niceandsimple · 18/02/2021 17:21

I remember when younger, asking my mother why we had so many cups in the cupboard. She gently reminded me of the tantrums my e and I used to throw regularly about the colour of our cups. So she bought 4 of every colour!!
My own DD can have tantrums because I look at her, or because she wants to sit there and not here ( 10cm further down the table!!)

sleepyhead · 18/02/2021 17:22

@GirlInterruptedAgain

Not a tantrum, but I do remember leaving the house with my maybe 3/4 year old, taking hold of her hand and she said “ I’m not wearing your perfume mummy”. Yup. Massive wet spot in middle of her t shirt. I miss those daysSmile
My brother once stood at the top of the stairs and shouted down "Don't come up and see what I'm doing mummy".

Never has a woman moved so fast.

OverSha · 18/02/2021 17:22

@JustLyra

He puts it down to them having excellent language skills and being able to express themselves to adults.

Aye, right then, that's what it'll be, all that superior parenting he's doing...

I would suggest Espee asks her DIL her thoughts! (It might be a different experience depending on who does the bulk of the care).
Beyondfedupnow · 18/02/2021 17:23

My DD didn’t tantrum at all as a toddler, she saved them all up for the teenage years. And I’m not kidding. I was a smug mother with a perfect toddler, we could take her anywhere, she was a weird little mini adult. She was possessed by a demon as soon as her age went into double digits.

OverSha · 18/02/2021 17:24

although also to be fair, DS2 is a placid little soul. Bless him. His elder brother takes up so so much attention due to his various medical issues that DS just pootles along and we have to be very sure we make sure he is not overshadowed on the attention and time front.

trappedsincesundaymorn · 18/02/2021 17:24

Mine had a tantrum (many years ago, because kids had tantrums then despite what some on here may think!), because there were no leaves on the tree in the garden. It was January and snowing at the time.