I offered my toddler a drink

[bridgetjones1]

And a full on tantrum ensued. Crying, throwing herself on the floor and generally distraught that I'd had the temerity to offer something so shocking!!

YABU - I am a terrible mother
YANBU - Toddlers are crazzzzzy

Obviously this is very light hearted. Hoping and praying that this is a short term phase and that her twin sister doesn't decide to follow suit

Anyone want to offer a hand hold or offer advice, equally baffling reasons for meltdowns would be appreciated

A few days after I came home from hospital with dc1 , we had a visit from our HV. She explained about vaccinations etc and generally chatted about being a first time parent. She was very clear that most children do have tantrums, often at around two years old, and that this was considered a normal part of a child's development. She explained, as pps have done here, that it is nothing to do with language skulls, it's about learning about making choices, learning to accept the consequences if those choices and beginning to understand that we are not the centre of the universe. My dcs had tantrums, not often, but they did have them. Dgs has reached the age where he has them occasionally. Contrary to what @Esspee stated, this is not a new phenomenon - my dcs are in their 30's and had tantrums. My sister is late 50's and boy, could she tantrum. My angelic dc1 had a massive one at three years old when a beautifully wrapped birthday gift contained an item of clothing rather than a toy.

@MartinAtAFuneral

God, I love toddlers.

They are completely surreal.

There were so many bonkers tantrums that they have all morphed into 'toddlers'. The only one I specifically remember was the one where I was a complete failure as a mother because I couldn't reach the sausages in the trees.

I'm sorry, @Esspee, that you didn't experience this

I have been a parent for more than some people on MN have been alive, and I still think the complete bonkerosity of toddlers is the absolute highlight of all these years. I'm looking forward to grandchildren just so they can be toddlers.

Funnily, my DM also liked toddlers, and was only really interested in my children when they were that age. I can see why, now!

I have 14 month old twins, care to babysit?? I mean, they'll learn to walk soon I'm sure and talk too and then they'll be toddlers. By the time the pandemeic ends for sure. I'll book you in for the first Saturday night on July.

DS never had tantrums at that age, it made me a bit sad. He didn't talk til gone 3.5 so he'd have a meltdown but it was always when he was s sad or overwhelmed. Never cute like a cup or the wrong banana.
My god now he's 5 tho, those years of screaming first have set him well, esp as he likes SCREAMING just for fun.

Unfortunately I have two fat twin tabies so they're sure to coordinate the kind of tantrum where you just move city and they'll be too fat to carry anywhere....

Halfway through a bedtime tantrum tonight my daughter decided to comply with brushing her teeth, but not before shouting and crying "this toothbrush is boring!"

@ThatGirl82

Halfway through a bedtime tantrum tonight my daughter decided to comply with brushing her teeth, but not before shouting and crying "this toothbrush is boring!"

I can only agree totally with your daughter, toothbrushes are boring. Whether morning, night or any time in between when I brush my teeth I do not stand at the basin but walk around the flat and gather up things and move them to another place - three minutes of standing at the bathroom sink and just brushing???? - NO-.

I get your point, but her toothbrush is actually quite jazzy with a bright light and some buzzing going on. She has absolutely nothing to complain about 😂

I can appreciate the tantrums in hindsight. In reality, it was like living with a live handgrenade. Many a morning, I would arrive at work already wrung out after a 630am tantrum.

No one who meets kind, selfless, 'please sir, let ME do it', believes what an absolute madam dd could be. Now we get the stare, chin wobble and hair flick- for which, our neighbours are thankful.

I was pretty smug about the level tempers of my children until I had my youngest. They threw almighty whopper sized fits of rage at the smallest things. Still now a teenager, is prone to being a little dramatic, the most recent explosion was followed half an hour later post sandwich by a "oh dear sorry about that I think I was hungry" definatley sometimes it just nature not nurture lol

My youngest had some brilliant tantrums and would get so worked up, she'd forget why she was crying in the first place.

These could last anything from 10 - 30 minutes and would be over having to be fastened in the car, not having the right shade of cup, her sister eating something before her...the list goes on.

She thankfully grew out of that however I'm now dealing with pre-teen attitude. She is being very rude towards her sister and us at times and i pulled her up on it, she told me to learn manners as that wasn't a nice way to be spoken to I was flabbergasted. Both her and her elder sister are lovely girls generally but do have the capacity to test my patience, as they did as toddlers :-D x

We have a bottle of bubbles which me and DH can't get rid of. Every time I try to throw it away, it goes missing and only my toddler finds it. It's like it's cursed and somehow finds it way back into the house. He wants me to blow bubbles in the house. The floor gets sticky and slippery, It's just annoying. Tonight he found the bottle again, throwing tantrums because the more you shake it, the less bubbles come out and saying quick more more more. He would make us sit there for hours if he could and blow bubbles. He finally turns around gets distracted and I go to get rid of it, it's missing again and then it reappears just before dinner or bedtime which is worse. Bloody bubbles.

Ha ha ha, toddlers are insane.

Mine once threw an epic tantrum (I can't remember what it was about, something terrible I had done no doubt). He stood on his bed and started throwing all of his books onto the floor and then when he ran out of books, moved on to his stuffed animals.

He came out, very calmly, to check that I was watching.

A second tantrum then ensued because I wasn't crying at his antics. He shouted at me "cry mummy! Why won't you just cry! Look what I am doing! Cry!".

I don't think I had (have?) ever cried in front of him so no idea why he wanted it to happen then. Bless him, he probably wanted me to feel as frustrated as he was.

He is 4.5 now and we get a lot of "you aren't invited to my party" or "daddy is my best friend and not you" or "don't be rude to me mummy" or "don't be naughty to me" when we ask him to do completely unreasonable things, like take his plate to the kitchen.

Oh I just thought of another one! I always tell DS he has such a cute little bum bum and pinch it. I mean, it is adorable!

So one day, we had just been to the cinema, and he took off on me. I mean properly bolted, I could not catch up as he had a massive head start and I was trying to carry all sorts of crucially important things, like half a lollipop and his favourite straw. He ran into a busy shopping area and thankfully a lady stopped him until I frantically caught up!

I gave him a huge telling off and shoved him into the pushchair. He was hysterical and I was still yelling at him- and I try not to yell normally so that when I do, it's serious. So he knew he had done something Very Dangerous.

So then he threw the most epic tantrum trying to escape his pushchair, shouting at me, LOUDLY "let me out of this thing mummy right now or I won't let you touch my cute bum bum ever again".

Oh god I hoped no one understood him!!!

I thought I was a fabulous parent because my eldest DD didn’t ever throw tantrums. Not once. She was even reasonable as a toddler. I had people asking me what “activities” I did with her because she was such a sweet, intelligent little girl at two. Activities? Ha! I was the size of the universe with the twins I was carrying.... GOD, I was smug! Imagine normal toddler tantrums in a rolling fashion one inspired by the other - but being twins, they had to be competitive, didn’t they? By the end of the day, they were just whiny, sniveling grubs with tracks of snot streaming down their faces. It was their hobby.
*btw, DD1’s passivity was probably actually social anxiety, it would seem. Not such a great thing after all. She’s just been diagnosed as ASD - just really good at masking it. Such a great parent. Took me that long to work it out.

I can honestly say that none of my four had a tantrum as toddlers... they were all easy, laid back babies and toddlers who just pottered through their days, quite happily...

THEN CAME THE TEENS. Dear God . DS1... the easiest most laid back toddler and child became satan's spawn by the time he was 12.. huge raging strops..holes punched in walls and more. It lasted til he was 16.
Then magically he became human again and has been lovely ever since!

I'm 53 and can actually remember a few of my own tanturms!!! I was on a coach with myMum, saw a lady with a nice ice lolly and wanted one. Next stop Mum dutifully got off and bought me the identical lolly. Cue a massive melt down from me... I didn't want MY lolly. I wanted THAT LADY'S!!!!

This thread has reminded me of my sons' tantrums. DS1 had tired tantrums, when he fought sleep so hard he'd end up lying on the floor banging his
hands and feet on the floor. He'd then be ready for sleep. I can only remember DS2 tantruming once, when he wasn't allowed to ears the cats food. DD never had a tantrum she was far too laid back.

My DD screamed when she was 2 because I gave her ‘the wrong type of pasta’. I think I dared to cook fusilli rather than far falls or something. Toddlers are a different species.

*farfalle obvs

Just thought of a final one!

Every night I read DS a story and then sing him a bedtime song. I sort of rotate between a few songs. One night I got bored of the normal rotation so decided to sing the "stay awake" song in Mary Poppins.

It starts "stay awake, don't rest your head, don't lie down upon your bed. You're not sleepy as you seem..."

Anyway DS lost his mind! It was NOT a nighttime song and he did NOT want to stay awake and he was NOT going to get out of bed just because of a silly song!

Clearly not old enough for Disney...

My Ds3 had a strop because how dare anyone remove a bogie from his nose. The culprit his aunt had to pretend to return said bogies from hankie onto his nose to calm him down. I question her madness and new refuse her free baby sitting.

Mine had the most humongous tantrum once because I wouldn't let her drive us home.....

I too was aghast at the tantrums demonstrated by toddlers when I had my angelic DS1, who at 17 has still never really done more than complain politely.

And then I had DS2 who once threw an epic tantrum because I told him he couldn't fly.

He was also once so furious that I wouldn't give him "more" that he almost knocked himself out throwing himself at the wall. He wouldn't tell me what he wanted "more" of!

I am pleased to report that he is now 11 and a perfectly rational and well balanced young man.

@Esspee

Thank you Whybirdwhy. My two were extremely happy children as were their friends and all but one didn’t have tantrums that I know of. Tears when they had to go to bed and end their day perhaps, fights with each other oh yes, but meltdown, never.

Your children sounded petrified of you. That's so sad

@Grampasaurus, your toddler has wisdom beyond his years. Parents need to cry at parenting. Just every now and then. To let off the steam

When my now 6 year old DD was a toddler she had a massive meltdown on the street because we didn't take her preferred street home.

This was bad enough until an elderly lady walking on the other side of the street stopped and started copying DDs tantrum shrieking. DD went silent in shock, then took a huge breath and tantrummed louder, only for the lady to start outdoing her. On they went, having some sort of tantrum-off from opposite sides of the road.

I eventually managed to get DD to keep walking and calm down, all the while laughing nervously at the weird hellish situation we had found ourselves in.

Honestly, I really think the lady was trying to help, but by the time we eventually got home I had to throw on Peppa Pig and have a cup of tea glass of wine to recover.

@RuledbyASD- I don’t think they sound petrified- I think they probably just weren’t the tantrumming types. The smug comment did get people’s back up though.