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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OH upset with me for taking sick day

147 replies

mrshunterr · 18/02/2021 12:23

Just found out I'm pregnant and have managed to come down with some kind of cold. I feel horrendous! OH has just slammed the door and walked out as he doesn't want to use savings to pay bills and now that I'm having a day off he has too.

I said I would do some overtime to put the money back but he's fuming.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Therealjudgejudy · 18/02/2021 14:45

Why are you with this abusive prick??

Saywhatyoumeanandmeanwhatyousa · 18/02/2021 14:45

No, I'm certainly not suggesting anything of the sort. Why anyone would jump to that conclusion is completely beyond me

OutingMyself · 18/02/2021 14:49

@Saywhatyoumeanandmeanwhatyousa

No, I'm certainly not suggesting anything of the sort. Why anyone would jump to that conclusion is completely beyond me
What else could you possibly have meant? She's already pregnant.
MustardMitt · 18/02/2021 14:54

This sounds like an insane way to live.

pepsicolagirl · 18/02/2021 14:55

@Saywhatyoumeanandmeanwhatyousa

I'd be questioning my decision to have a child with him. Sorry
I read it as "I'd be questioning my decision to have a child WITH HIM" rather than any kind of suggestion that OP has a termination Confused
Laila747 · 18/02/2021 14:56

Does he realise he had a part to play in you feeling horrendous at the moment?

LittleTiger007 · 18/02/2021 14:57

Often when newly pregnant it is really common to feel rubbish - your OH needs to cut you some slack.
Early days in pregnancy are risky and he should be looking after you not giving you a hard time.
Rest OP. Try to ignore him... point out that you’re pregnant and your body is adjusting.

OutingMyself · 18/02/2021 14:57

She's already having the child with him Confused Or are we presuming he would disappear off the planet if they split up?!

Chloemol · 18/02/2021 15:08

Well if he is this bad when you need a day off now, what’s he going to be like when you take mat leave? If you are still working for the agenc6vyou won’t get a lot

He needs to grow up

LowlandLucky · 18/02/2021 15:10

And you live like this why ?

RightOnTheEdge · 18/02/2021 15:12

It's just ridiculous I was actually nervous about telling him I'm going to call in sick because I knew what his reaction was going to be.

Yes OP that is ridiculous and sad but he is the ridiculous one not you!

That is a terrible way to treat someone you are supposed to love. What kind of man makes his pregnant, poorly wife feel like that because he wants a nice holiday?
An absolute shit of a man that's who.

BlueThistles · 18/02/2021 15:17

So he's happy to spend between 3K and 4K on a holiday.... every year...

but you cannot take a day off sick Hmm

somethings very off here ... Confused

hope you feel better soon OP Flowers

Crazycrazylady · 18/02/2021 15:21

I think it would depend for me on how sick you are, If we were living hand to mouth each week and my husband called in sick with a head cold, I think i might be frustrated and anxious too especially if he feels that its setting the tone for the rest of your pregnancy, However if you really are too sick to work, he should absolutely be supportive.

AryaStarkWolf · 18/02/2021 15:25

I read it as "I'd be questioning my decision to have a child WITH HIM" rather than any kind of suggestion that OP has a termination

Yeah that's how I read it as well, talk about twisting someones words to make them sound like an asshole

Plutoh · 18/02/2021 15:27

Obviously he shouldn't speak to you like that, and his attitude stinks, but if there are genuine concerns about money I can see why it's a bit daunting. That said, if you are poorly you are poorly, can he take on more work if he is concerned?

DecorativeParticle · 18/02/2021 15:28

If you can find a little bit of spare time (here and there), I'd recommend reading Lundy Bancroft's "Why does he do that? (inside the minds of angry and controlling men)".

If you're very short of time, I'd suggest reading Pat Craven's "Living with the dominator".

Wishing you all the best Thanks

WATSFORTEA · 18/02/2021 15:29

I wouldn't want to live with someone like that. I'm not afraid of my Husband.

DeeCeeCherry · 18/02/2021 15:34

Yet again another dickhead of a bloke running "his own little business"🙄not guaranteed a living income each month, whilst partner is subbing his lifestyle by being in full-time work and bringing in a full-time wage.

OP your lover should also be your friend. He is not your friend. & without empathy your relationship is dead in the water anyway.

You're doing 12 hour shifts to pay money back? This unkind fool is a glorified flatmate. Somewhere along the line you've been taught to accept a low standard of man.

I hope you do the Freedom Programme then tell him to get to fuck. You can do better than him.

Tie yourself to a man like that for life and you can only look forward to cold tears of misery in years to come. I wouldn't treat a mate who was unwell like that, much less my own partner.

supersop60 · 18/02/2021 15:37

@IEat

How dies one day equate to having to dip into savings to bills? Makes no sense. A week off unpaid I understand.
That's what I was thinking. Especially if you usually have enough spare for a £3-4K holiday. That is a LOT of money.
BlueThistles · 18/02/2021 15:45

He sounds very controlling... and a bully... and Yes OP you are subsidising his nice little self employment business..

just out of curiosity.. does he match your earnings every week and make up the difference weekly into the same family savings for these 4K holidays ? or is it just you that must hit this weekly criteria ?

he sounds awful Flowers

itsgettingwierd · 18/02/2021 15:46

@Viviennemary

He is being horrible. But why are you pregnant again if money is tight. Money worries cause stress.
But money isn't tight.

He's putting in to savings and then wanting to use it for a holiday rather than to pay bills because his pregnant OH is ill.

I agree with posters who say he needs to adjust his expectations and also he may need to do some shifts elsewhere if his business isn't bringing in enough to support family to his expectations when he's agreed you both have a third child.

PandemicAtTheDisco · 18/02/2021 15:46

Is there any background to this?

It sounds like he thinks you are being a hypochondriac and take sick days when you don't really need to.

Is he generally dismissive about your health?

Lochmorlich · 18/02/2021 15:52

Don't do overtime.
Savings are for unexpected expenses as well as treats and this is an unexpected expense.
Personally I'd tell him to go forth and multiply but he's already done that and you are the unfortunate partner!

RepulsedofRedbridge · 18/02/2021 15:55

What an absolute arsehole perhaps he's really stressed about something or the baby but no excuse show him this thread demand an apology and he had better make it up to you and never do it again and if this does not work ltb

rawalpindithelabrador · 18/02/2021 15:56

@Dragongirl10

Gosh op l am surprised that you wanted a 3rd child with this partner ! Sorry that is not helpful...Are you usually happy with him?
This!
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