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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OH upset with me for taking sick day

147 replies

mrshunterr · 18/02/2021 12:23

Just found out I'm pregnant and have managed to come down with some kind of cold. I feel horrendous! OH has just slammed the door and walked out as he doesn't want to use savings to pay bills and now that I'm having a day off he has too.

I said I would do some overtime to put the money back but he's fuming.

AIBU?

OP posts:
FuckyouCovid21 · 18/02/2021 13:04

@recreationalcalpol

He’s obviously a twat. How will you afford a third child if money is that tight though?
Doesn't sound that tight if they're planning a 4-5k holiday
Moondust001 · 18/02/2021 13:04

@mrshunterr

When it comes to money yes!

We already have two DC's together, he doesn't like dipping into savings at all. But because I'm the one that's employed full time I feel like all the stress is on me.

He runs his own little business that does well and he probably makes more than me but because that isn't guaranteed every month all the pressure is on me.

I'm going to have to do 12 hour shifts this week now just to put the money back.

Fuck that, and if I was your manager I wouldn't let you anyway! 12 hour shifts are not suitable for someone who is pregnant.
ineedaholidaynow · 18/02/2021 13:04

If one day off work means you need to dip into savings how are you going to afford a third child?

SleepingStandingUp · 18/02/2021 13:06

[quote mrshunterr]@burritofan he wants a nice holiday this year we normally spend 3-4K on a holiday however we went to turkey last year and spent 1500 but we still had a lovely time.

I can't really imagine we will be going on holiday this year anyway!!

It's just ridiculous I was actually nervous about telling him I'm going to call in sick because I knew what his reaction was going to be. [/quote]
I don't get how you can afford those kind of holidays but there's no money in the bank for one days wages without having to dip into your savings.

And as a pp said, if you're so skint that you're raiding the savings to cover one day, what happens when baby comes?

DowntonCrabby · 18/02/2021 13:08

I’d be making plans to bring up the DC alone, he sounds like a controlling, abusive dick.

TheyIsMyFamily · 18/02/2021 13:08

Your DH is a dick.

I agree with others ... all about the money, and to hell with your health and well being. You're taking a day off for feeling like crap, not quitting working!

Hahaha88 · 18/02/2021 13:09

Well he sounds like a catch!

MessagesKeepGettingClearer · 18/02/2021 13:10

He's unreasonable for speaking to you like that and overreacting.

However... Why do you need a sick day if it's just a cold? You will likely need quite a lot of time out in the pregnancy due to various things so I wouldn't be taking sick leave unless you really need to.

Also I think you guys need to sit down and work out your finances. He's being a twat but I suspect he's worried how you'll afford this baby. I'm assuming you will only get Maternity Allowance which doesn't go far if you're the stable earner. Maybe he'll be more rational once a plan is in place.

GrumpyHoonMain · 18/02/2021 13:10

If he wants a say in spending money then he’s the one who has to work 12 hours a day to earn it. Set your boundaries.

dayslikethese1 · 18/02/2021 13:13

I mean if you're too sick to go to work you're too sick to go to work...that's what savings are for if you don't get sick pay presumably. Sounds like your OH will need to readjust his expectations of 5k holidays if money is this tight and there's another child on the way. You shouldn't do long shifts to make it up, you'll just make yourself more sick potentially then needing more time off.

ChocolateSantaisthebestkind · 18/02/2021 13:13

Erm, surely that's what savings are for? To be used when you need them. He's a pillock. DO NOT validate his behaviour and attitude by doing extra shifts OP. You are pregnant with his baby, you are feeling unwell and he makes you feel like a burden? Fuck that for a game of dice.

crosspelican · 18/02/2021 13:13

Has he thought ahead about what happens when the baby is born or does he imagine you timing labour for a Saturday so that you can be back at the temping agency on Monday morning?

Your chances of getting a permanent job and full maternity pay aren't brilliant right now, so you're going to be out of work for a bit before Christmas anyway, right?

MessagesKeepGettingClearer · 18/02/2021 13:13

@moondust001

How do you think most healthcare workers and others who were long shifts cope when pregnant? OP has literally just found out she's pregnant, so she's likely to be absolutely fine to work those shifts/hours. Most shift workers work those hours throughout pregnancy.

CoRhona · 18/02/2021 13:15

Do you not know how much he earns?

Mrsbrownsgargoyle · 18/02/2021 13:16

I thought I had a cold. I've got Covid. Get a test OP. Your DP sounds nasty.

DavidsSchitt · 18/02/2021 13:16

What's he going to do when the baby is born? Scream at you every day because you don't get maternity pay?

DavidsSchitt · 18/02/2021 13:17

"Fuck that, and if I was your manager I wouldn't let you anyway! 12 hour shifts are not suitable for someone who is pregnant."

Eh? I did 14 hour shifts, it's fine

crosspelican · 18/02/2021 13:19

"Fuck that, and if I was your manager I wouldn't let you anyway! 12 hour shifts are not suitable for someone who is pregnant."

I think she has only just found out? So perfectly capable of working, probably just not with a streaming cold during a pandemic.

LagunaBubbles · 18/02/2021 13:21

Obviously money isn't tight if you can afford those holidays so him demanding you dip into your savings for taking 1 day off sick cant be a financial worry, it must be something else, us he normally so controlling?

SleepingStandingUp · 18/02/2021 13:21

Fuck that, and if I was your manager I wouldn't let you anyway! 12 hour shifts are not suitable for someone who is pregnant someone better tell all the nurses, HCA, doctors etc that work all through pregnancy. Pp do you expect these people to quit their jobs or their bosses let them just come in for 8 hours a day and to hell with their patients?

MabelMoo23 · 18/02/2021 13:24

Just to warn you I was off sick from 22 weeks as my baby kept trying to arrive. I was on bed rest until she arrived.

As a result I was on sick pay from 22 - 36 weeks. So sick days can be very much in need during pregnancy. So he needs to wind his neck in

WilsonMilson · 18/02/2021 13:25

The day my DH put money over my health and well-being would be the day I left him.

Eckhart · 18/02/2021 13:25

It's just ridiculous I was actually nervous about telling him I'm going to call in sick because I knew what his reaction was going to be

OK. This is emotional abuse. The fact that you think you might be being unreasonable, and that you've posted looking for external invalidation, is a sign that you're not validating yourself. Are you clear on what that means?

This exchange should have gone:

You: I feel unwell, I'm going to take a day off work
Him: OK sweetheart. I'll make you a cup of tea; d'you want anything else? Let me take care of things for today whilst you have a lie down, and we'll see how you're feeling later.

Have you got a little voice somewhere inside you that knows that's how it would have been, if he was treating you right?

MerryDecembermas · 18/02/2021 13:30

Another vote here for "is this a joke"

What an absolute twat

Washimal · 18/02/2021 13:31

12 hour shifts are not suitable for someone who is pregnant.

Catch yourself on Hmm Plenty of pregnant women work 12 hour shifts and are absolutely fine.

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