AIBU, mil wanting me to replace sofa?

[Cobb121]

So my sofa is 4 years old a great big leather thing. You can see a little wear on the arms if you look closely but nothing major. It’s ideal with two young children as it’s wipe clean.

Last year mil asked us if we wanted her sisters sofa that she was getting rid of. We told her no, nothing wrong with our sofa we will only look to replace when we move in the next 2 years or so. Mil was a bit miffed and ended up taking it herself (it was bright red leather not my taste at all).

This morning she calls DP with another sofa offer from a relative. He’s unsure and says he will call her back. I’ve called her back and said thanks but no thanks. Ours of perfectly fine and would be a hassle to dispose of (it’s huge so we’d need to hire a van). Again she was a bit miffed as it’s such a lovely sofa, coat a fortune brand new etc.

AIBU to be a little offended that she wants to change my sofa?

YANBU to be a little offended. If somebody that was presumably familiar with my sofa offered me a different one, not once but twice, I would conclude they think I am in need of a new sofa.

Yes, she does - to act as a portable padded cell in which to transport the still-complaining MIL back home

An expensive quality leather sofa that's only four years old is something that you thought about carefully before deciding to invest in. It's insulting to have somebody insistently 'help' you to replace it with somebody else's old cast-off. It would be like pestering somebody who is content and successful in a secure senior management role to apply for a job as a junior clerk instead.

@BoomBoomsCousin

I can see why it's annoying. But why be offended? Even if the reason she's offering is because she doesn't like your sofa (rather than e.g. it being a reflexive have-to-connect-everyone-so-they-think-I-have-some-value type of thing) why take offense? You really don't have to. You probably don't even want the same taste as your MiL.

The offence isn't the offer, it's the insistence. Asking once, being answered no and saying OK then - fine. Going on and on and on about it, for not one sofa but two, that's not fine at all.

It would perhaps be mildly offensive if the MIL was demanding 'I hate your sofa, get rid of it', but as PPs have pointed out, that's not the only possible reason for this.

I'd be pissed off too.

Omg, I didn't realise other people done this sort of thing too. I had a family member who used to come and stay a few times a year who was like this.

First it was my tea towels, she held one up and said "is THIS your tea towel?", with a disapproving look. Later that day she went shopping and bought me new ones. Next it was my knickers. She'd put some of her clothes in a wash with mine, I went out and she put the wet stuff into the dryer. When I got back she mentioned that she wears different knickers to me and they are far better than my (favourite) ones. Next day she bought me 2 packs of horrible, balloon like material knickers that my liner wouldn't stick onto. Then it was the fire surround that I spent a lot of time and money upcycling. I loved it and when she asked about it I told her the process I went through to get it to that stage....her reply was that she was sure another family member had a fire surround that they don't use, she would go and speak to them about giving it to me.

This is just a few examples of many, I do think she thought she was being helpful but it was horrible.

I still remember a friend’s dad giving her an ‘oil painting’ (i.e. a cheap print in a gilt frame) for her birthday. When she said she had nowhere to put it, he said ‘Just put it over the fireplace - all you have to do is move that mirror’. It was bad enough that he expected her to reorganise the room, but the mirror was also custom-made to match the wallpaper!