AIBU, mil wanting me to replace sofa?

[Cobb121]

So my sofa is 4 years old a great big leather thing. You can see a little wear on the arms if you look closely but nothing major. It’s ideal with two young children as it’s wipe clean.

Last year mil asked us if we wanted her sisters sofa that she was getting rid of. We told her no, nothing wrong with our sofa we will only look to replace when we move in the next 2 years or so. Mil was a bit miffed and ended up taking it herself (it was bright red leather not my taste at all).

This morning she calls DP with another sofa offer from a relative. He’s unsure and says he will call her back. I’ve called her back and said thanks but no thanks. Ours of perfectly fine and would be a hassle to dispose of (it’s huge so we’d need to hire a van). Again she was a bit miffed as it’s such a lovely sofa, coat a fortune brand new etc.

AIBU to be a little offended that she wants to change my sofa?

She should just butt out.

My ex mil would be like this. She was getting a new sofa and instead of dumping her old one which stunk of smoke was tore to pieces and so bloody uncomfortable she asked me did I want it. Ex was going to say yes to please mummy but I said no the one we had was less than a year old and not a god awful colour. The one she had was duck egg blue but stained with smoke. Get shivers just thinking about it now. She wouldn’t speak to me for a week. Not that I minded was actually peaceful. She put it on Facebook selling pages looking for £100 for it and ended up deleting her page for a while after she got so much stick because of it.

My sofa is almost 40 years old. Been reupholstered once. It’s still comfy. Has survived children, dog, cat, husband who sits down with that whoof noise that middle aged men do. Constantly changing furniture is unnecessary and bad for environment unless you can rehome it. Tell her to mind her and own business.

@PlsSendWine hahah - yes, maybe she’s got a little sideline!

As the owner (from new) of a 22 year old leather chesterfield & matching chairs find this ALL a bit odd.. got a couple of grazes (son & cats) but feed & polish it regularly & it still looks

“I kept getting similar from PIL and their old curtains, they wouldn't have fitted our windows and certainly weren't our colours.”

Haha! Yeah, we’ve had the same over some bathroom blinds. They also got a bit miffed when I said they weren’t to my taste.

Thing is- if they liked batik fish print so much themselves... why were they replacing them?

Is there something really valuable down behind the cushions on your sofa she wants to get her hands on 😂

In my many years as a daughter daughter in law mother and mother in law it’s mostly the wife’s mother in law that is the issue -they are often controlling but have lost control of their son and rarely do they think that their sons wife is right about anything ..they cannot let go and the sons can’t let go of their mothers either
Complicated relationship stuff
You are not alone !

My ex mil would be like this. She was getting a new sofa and instead of dumping her old one which stunk of smoke was tore to pieces and so bloody uncomfortable she asked me did I want it.

This is what gets me. Although she sounds on the more extreme end of the spectrum, unless it's because it's massive and you're moving to somewhere much smaller or something like that, I would expect the normal main reason why you're getting rid of your old sofa to be because it's old and worn out and no good any more. Hence, you would be looking to tip it and not find a new owner.

Am I missing something here? I'd always assumed that most of the second-hand sofas and armchairs in charity shops were from the houses of people who'd died, downsized or had to change to an upright/mechanised one for mobility needs.

Maybe I'm horrendously uninformed: do a lot of people with perfectly functional, good condition newish sofas suddenly see them one day and decide they're going to randomly spend hundreds/thousands of pounds to just swap them for something broadly similar?

Is there something really valuable down behind the cushions on your sofa she wants to get her hands on

Incriminating evidence from a particularly drunken, romantic liaison when she was supposed to be babysitting alone one evening, more like....

Tell her no your house your rules end of

I've read too much of this thread. The word sofa has now lost all meaning.

@WineInTheWillows

I've read too much of this thread. The word sofa has now lost all meaning.

This let’s change it to settee

@gypsy22

In my many years as a daughter daughter in law mother and mother in law it’s mostly the wife’s mother in law that is the issue -they are often controlling but have lost control of their son and rarely do they think that their sons wife is right about anything ..they cannot let go and the sons can’t let go of their mothers either Complicated relationship stuff You are not alone !

Tell me about it! My MIL is Greek

We ended up replacing DS toddler before we wanted to stop her nagging about it

I wish my daughter would replace the children too, but i don't nag her about it

As some said, I'd be asking what is wrong with the sofa you have and that you are not interested in a new sofa until you move, so to stop offering.

I can see why it's annoying. But why be offended? Even if the reason she's offering is because she doesn't like your sofa (rather than e.g. it being a reflexive have-to-connect-everyone-so-they-think-I-have-some-value type of thing) why take offense? You really don't have to. You probably don't even want the same taste as your MiL.

My MIL is like this. She gets really offened when we don't want her cast offs and really questions why. Cos we just don't isn't good enough apparently. DH had to hang up on her a couple of weeks ago as she wouldn't take no for an answer

We built this buffet,
That's my Mil, constantly trying to change our rugs or sofas and actually has the cheek to send brochure recommendations. As if we can't choose or source things and...it's from shops she would never choose furniture from!!

@WineInTheWillows

I've read too much of this thread. The word sofa has now lost all meaning.

Hahah! I’m far too invested in this post also!

Am currently sitting on a sofa that's over twenty years old and looking across the room at one that is over thirty years old! Four years old is barely broken in!
When I got married my ex MIL palmed off her friend's house on us! She couldn't get the asking price she wanted/needed and we were house hunting so MIL thought she was doing us both a favour. I hated it but was only 18 and anxious to ingratiate myself with MIL so went along with it. Ex H was only 20 himself and a "mummy pleaser" so ditto.
I went into a deep depression once the wedding was over and I had to face living in it.

Just say no!

Tell her you really don’t want to change the side so ask her not to keep offering 2nd hand.

I know someone who does this. They want to be the saviour 'knowing someone who wants it', except they don't. Then they nag you to have it because they don't want to go back and lose face

You don’t need a van to get rid.
Advertise it on marketplace or ebay as buyer collects,
We did that with our enormously heavy leather recliner sofas, gone within the week.