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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Son upset about weight gain

135 replies

funny34 · 15/02/2021 13:18

Hi all,

With the lockdown ever present, I have started to get dressed (after weeks of staying in pyjamas/loungewear) even though we are not allowed out. I have also started to encourage my kids and DH to do the same. This has helped to put me in a more positive mood.

However, my son, 14, decides that he doesn't want to get dressed. I explained to him that it may boost his mood as if you stay in pyjamas etc it makes you feel lazier. I asked him why he wouldn't get changed and he said he was happy in his pyjamas. So I decided that rather than argue, it would be easier to just let him stay in the pyjamas.

DH and I went shopping and managed to get the kids to come in the car for a drive, only to the supermarket and back home again, as opposed to them staying in watching tv/playing on games. Once again DS wouldn't get dressed.

So when we came back, I sat down with DS and asked him why he wouldn't get dressed. His tshirts, jumpers etc all fitted but when he put on his jeans, he couldn't button them up. I explained to him that we are all in the same situation and not to worry. He said I'm getting fat and I want to fit back in my clothes. I said to him that he was growing and would need bigger sizes soon anyway. However, he has now decided that he is going to start exercising more and eating healthier.

Should I be worried or should I monitor what he does?

OP posts:

Penistoe · 15/02/2021 13:22

He’s put on weight and has decided to start eating healthier and exercising more. This is mature and sensible.
I would be encouraging this healthy attitude maybe join him, even if not needed everyone can benefit from healthy eating.

Oysterbabe · 15/02/2021 13:24

Is he overweight?

SchrodingersImmigrant · 15/02/2021 13:24

I would encourage and help when asked, but I would also keep an eye on how far would he take it. Boys can end up with EDs too.

It's great he wants to do something, it will pay off later if done right. Building good and healthy habits at that age is really good.

Countrygirl2021 · 15/02/2021 13:27

I think you all need to be getting dressed and exercising every day to support him.

Don't make a big deal of the weight gain but don't tell him it's ok. It's not ok for a 14 year old to be overweight. If he's not getting dressed every day then he's much too sedentary. He is doing the right thing changing the habits. If you all do it that will make it so much easier for him.

araiwa · 15/02/2021 13:30

Why would you worry about him eating healthier and exercising more?

lastqueenofscotland · 15/02/2021 13:32

Has he put on weight? If he has and he wants to fit into clothes he would be a healthy weight wearing still I don’t see the issue.

DoraTan · 15/02/2021 13:33

I mean this without being judgemental in any way (everyone is struggling right now) but I think you should all be getting up washed a d dresses every day.

Sitting around in pyjamas every day and not going anywhere isn't healthy, physically or mentally.

You could all decide to get healthy and moving more together maybe?

MatildaTheCat · 15/02/2021 13:35

I’d be pleased that he’d identified the issue and wanted to address it. Now support him in learning about nutrition and reading labels etc. Get him moving and no doubt the weight will shift if he makes a few changes.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 15/02/2021 13:36

It seems he's wanting to be sensible and try to put an end to it before it becomes a bigger problem for him.

Supporting him to do it sensibly in line with normal methods for teenagers would be a good idea;

I've worked in schools for a long time, so I'm used to the 5 foot 2 teenager suddenly morphing into somebody who towers over me in the course of a few months.

14 year old boys are pretty much on the cusp of the most amazing growth spurt, so if he eats well, healthily and increases his activity levels, the odds are that in the next six months, he'll start growing so rapidly that he'll be 'slimmer' in no time at all. Add to that the increased movement from going back to school, as that's not going to be too far away and, as long as he isn't constantly drinking fizzy drinks, eating five bars of chocolate and massive portions of everything every day, he can pay more attention to increasing his fitness and strength, rather than overly restricting and complaining that his child-size clothes don't fit him.

How about explaining this to him?

mumof2exhausted · 15/02/2021 13:39

I find it so weird to be in pajamas all day. We all get up and dressed every morning and get out of house to play in garden / go for walks /run / bike every day. You should be encouraging him to be more active

Surlyburd · 15/02/2021 13:40

I think hes probably just about to have a growth spurt..they always seem to geow outwards before they grow upwards. Dont worry. Hes aware hes put on weight, and is doing something about it. Sounds all good.

TeaAndBrie · 15/02/2021 13:40

Be supportive and lead by example. Getting showered and dressed every day is a fundamental part of life, I cannot fathom how you’ve all be lounging about in pjs!
Body image is hugely important to young people and can be directly related to self esteem and confidence.
Get dressed, get out and have a walk together every day. Make it a challenge, how far can you walk? Track it on your phone.
But him bigger clothes that fit now and make him feel good about himself.
Eat only at meal times and keep to bedtime routine. Get him involving in cooking so he feels a sense of achievement. A 14 year old is capable of cooking a meal by themselves.
He could meet up with a friend for a walk maybe?
You need to not use the word fat and comparing him to you isn’t helpful for anyone. Nor is normalising weight gain. Use positive language and encouragement but don’t keep going on about it.
Make changes as a family and you will all feel better. Lockdown or not there is no excuse to not get outside every day.

Inpersuitofhappiness · 15/02/2021 13:42

I wouldn't worry about this reaction from him.
I would however worry about the fact that this is a negative feeling when there's not much to make things feel better.

I would react to his upset by making him be a bit more active. Instead of focusing on his weight, I'd focus more on thr vitamin D that he will get with time being out and being active.
The positive affects on his circulation, the mood boost of the movement, and the effect on heart and lung capacity.

These are my excuses for dragging DD out, who has put on a bit of weight but is fine, and exercising between 30 minutes and an hour a day.
Our diet is more meat and veg and small amounts of grains, usually toward the end of the day. Odd treats 1-2 times per week.

TillyTopper · 15/02/2021 13:44

May be he has put on weight through lockdown - or may be he has just grown and actually needs more clothes.

To me it seems strange that you've all been staying in PJs, why not go out a bit more. Ok, it has to be outside but are there no woods, parks, riverside walks etc? We've always got up, showered, and stuck to regular meals even throughout lockdown.

Original poster

funny34 · 15/02/2021 13:46

@TillyTopper

May be he has put on weight through lockdown - or may be he has just grown and actually needs more clothes.

We used to go out for walks etc but since December when it got darker earlier and colder, we have been staying in more.

OP posts:

Notcontent · 15/02/2021 13:52

What?!?!

You should encourage him as much as possible to exercise and eat well. Buy him some running shoes, clear out all the junk food.

RB68 · 15/02/2021 13:54

I would explain this is the norm for his age as others have said a growth spurt but also filling out and becoming an adult - no problem being healthy and exercise so I would accommodate that it won't do any harm so long as he is not controlling sensible food and still will have a treat every so often.

notdaddycool · 15/02/2021 13:55

I refuse to give my kids lunch in pyjamas, and ideally want them dressed for breakfast most days. A bit of exercise and better eating would be great, maybe do it as a family. Only need to worry if he looks like he's going crazy. Surely parkrun will be back soon, go as a family.

Original poster

funny34 · 15/02/2021 14:01

@Oysterbabe

Is he overweight?

I haven't weighed him. Also I'm not sure if DS has weighed himself (but i think he might have). He also hasn't actually shown me that his jeans don't fit, he's only told me.

OP posts:

Januaryissodull · 15/02/2021 14:07

You must be able to tell if he's overweight by looking at him?

Like others have said, I think it's pretty important to get dressed every day.

Perhaps you could start eating more healthily as a family and doing some exercise all together.

Ohdoleavemealone · 15/02/2021 14:13

You will know if he is overweight by looking at him OP.
I think it is good that he has recognised this weight gain and wants to make changes. Encourage him with light praise but don't talk about it too much or gush over any weight loss as this can encourage ED.

rainbowunicorn · 15/02/2021 14:23

Do you mean that you have not been going out at all for exercise, a walk, cycle, nothing at all for weeks?
I can't imagine a scenario where my 14 year old taking the initiative to exercise more and eat healthily is a bad thing. Yes you have to be aware that it can be taken to the extreme and unhealthy attitudes to body image and food can develop. It sounds though as if your son is sensible and maybe as a family you should all be using lockdown as a reason to get a bit more healthy.

TeaAndBrie · 15/02/2021 14:25

Why would he need to show you they don’t fit?! Do you not believe him?

Merryoldgoat · 15/02/2021 14:28

There is nothing wrong with younger people being aware of healthy lifestyle choices.

If he has put in weight and his clothes don’t fit them encouraging better eating and exercise will set him up for the future.

I wish I’d been encouraged rather than picked on and called fat or fed up and ignored.

Kokosrieksts · 15/02/2021 14:39

The thing you should all start doing is have a shower and get dressed for the day even if you don’t go out.
It’s so bad for mental health to stay in Pyjamas too often.

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