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Original poster

Son upset about weight gain

135 replies

funny34 · 15/02/2021 13:18

Hi all,

With the lockdown ever present, I have started to get dressed (after weeks of staying in pyjamas/loungewear) even though we are not allowed out. I have also started to encourage my kids and DH to do the same. This has helped to put me in a more positive mood.

However, my son, 14, decides that he doesn't want to get dressed. I explained to him that it may boost his mood as if you stay in pyjamas etc it makes you feel lazier. I asked him why he wouldn't get changed and he said he was happy in his pyjamas. So I decided that rather than argue, it would be easier to just let him stay in the pyjamas.

DH and I went shopping and managed to get the kids to come in the car for a drive, only to the supermarket and back home again, as opposed to them staying in watching tv/playing on games. Once again DS wouldn't get dressed.

So when we came back, I sat down with DS and asked him why he wouldn't get dressed. His tshirts, jumpers etc all fitted but when he put on his jeans, he couldn't button them up. I explained to him that we are all in the same situation and not to worry. He said I'm getting fat and I want to fit back in my clothes. I said to him that he was growing and would need bigger sizes soon anyway. However, he has now decided that he is going to start exercising more and eating healthier.

Should I be worried or should I monitor what he does?

OP posts:
TwilightSkies · 15/02/2021 16:28

Has he decided about how he wants his eating to be healthier?
Smaller portions? Less snacks?

Original poster
funny34 · 15/02/2021 16:32

I think I will have to sit down with DS and have a chat. Not sure how to approach it though.

OP posts:
Original poster
funny34 · 15/02/2021 16:36

@MatildaTheCat

I’d be pleased that he’d identified the issue and wanted to address it. Now support him in learning about nutrition and reading labels etc. Get him moving and no doubt the weight will shift if he makes a few changes.
I am going to get him involved with cooking the meals.
OP posts:
LuaDipa · 15/02/2021 16:40

I don’t think there is anything wrong with exercise and healthy eating. My ds 15 helps keep us all in check tbh!! He is more concerned with muscle than weight, and is well built but with no fat on him. I’m not worried about him at all as he has eats ridiculous amounts of healthy food if he is hungry and isn’t at all obsessive, just conscious of what he puts into his body.

Your son may certainly benefit mentally from more daily exercise, but I would also encourage him to choose some bigger clothing that fits. My son always used to fill out a bit before a growth spurt so he may never get those jeans back on. He shouldn’t feel bad about that.

DillyDilly · 15/02/2021 16:51

Getting him involved in cooking meals is all well and good but you all really need to be getting out and exercising. If he’s been indoors since December except for the occasional bike ride, there is the problem,

Cut back on biscuits, sweets and anything with sugar and get out every day for exercise.

Why do you need yo wait until it’s warmer - put on a warm coat and get out today.

FlyingPandas · 15/02/2021 16:52

I’m another one who finds it really weird that you’ve barely left the house since December. It’s so bad for all of you from a mental health perspective never mind a physical one! You can wrap up and have a really nice walk in cold weather, and the fresh air is good for you even if it’s raining.

I would try and start with a daily walk - 10 minutes to start with and then build up.

Also, no more pyjama days - again, it’s so bad for mental health to just slob around and never get dressed. Mine have breakfast in their pyjamas but then have to clean teeth and get dressed. I never allow my kids to stay in pyjamas all day unless they are ill.

FlyingPandas · 15/02/2021 16:54

I would prioritise getting them all out on a daily basis over having a chat, or getting him involved in cooking the meals tbh. I mean those are both good things to do but the not going out will almost certainly be the major culprit here. You have got to start going out.

Original poster
funny34 · 15/02/2021 17:16

@DillyDilly

Getting him involved in cooking meals is all well and good but you all really need to be getting out and exercising. If he’s been indoors since December except for the occasional bike ride, there is the problem,

Cut back on biscuits, sweets and anything with sugar and get out every day for exercise.

Why do you need yo wait until it’s warmer - put on a warm coat and get out today.

We are planning on going out tomorrow for a walk. I'm going to be making it a daily activity.
OP posts:
Original poster
funny34 · 15/02/2021 17:52

@LuaDipa

I don’t think there is anything wrong with exercise and healthy eating. My ds 15 helps keep us all in check tbh!! He is more concerned with muscle than weight, and is well built but with no fat on him. I’m not worried about him at all as he has eats ridiculous amounts of healthy food if he is hungry and isn’t at all obsessive, just conscious of what he puts into his body.

Your son may certainly benefit mentally from more daily exercise, but I would also encourage him to choose some bigger clothing that fits. My son always used to fill out a bit before a growth spurt so he may never get those jeans back on. He shouldn’t feel bad about that.

That is good to know.

I am going to start making sure we all exercise daily.

I have also suggested buying him bigger clothes but he has said no.

OP posts:
LoudestCat14 · 15/02/2021 18:24

Are you sure it's not just a growth spurt and he just needs to upsize? Are his jeans short in length as well as tight around the waist?

For the PP who are berating you for not getting your kids outside to exercise more, it's been -1 for nearly two weeks! Plus, my secondary age kid is doing 5 hours of online learning a day – there's barely enough time to eat, let alone go out for another (boring) walk.

Original poster
funny34 · 15/02/2021 19:14

@LoudestCat14 I haven't seen how they fit on him as he hasn't shown me. I also haven't asked.

Yes it has been cold. At least its warmer this week.

OP posts:
Original poster
funny34 · 15/02/2021 19:27

@araiwa

Why would you worry about him eating healthier and exercising more? Confused
Just incase it turns into an unhealthy diet and exercising too much
OP posts:
Original poster
funny34 · 15/02/2021 19:28

@NeverDropYourMoonCup

It seems he's wanting to be sensible and try to put an end to it before it becomes a bigger problem for him.

Supporting him to do it sensibly in line with normal methods for teenagers would be a good idea;

I've worked in schools for a long time, so I'm used to the 5 foot 2 teenager suddenly morphing into somebody who towers over me in the course of a few months.

14 year old boys are pretty much on the cusp of the most amazing growth spurt, so if he eats well, healthily and increases his activity levels, the odds are that in the next six months, he'll start growing so rapidly that he'll be 'slimmer' in no time at all. Add to that the increased movement from going back to school, as that's not going to be too far away and, as long as he isn't constantly drinking fizzy drinks, eating five bars of chocolate and massive portions of everything every day, he can pay more attention to increasing his fitness and strength, rather than overly restricting and complaining that his child-size clothes don't fit him.

How about explaining this to him?

I will have to try and speak to him. I'm not sure how to approach it, but your idea is a good way of doing it. Thank you :)
OP posts:
Original poster
funny34 · 15/02/2021 19:46

@Notcontent

What?!?!

You should encourage him as much as possible to exercise and eat well. Buy him some running shoes, clear out all the junk food.

Will do. He has asked to eat healthier.
OP posts:
Motivateinmotion · 15/02/2021 19:54

I think it’s really important to broach the fact that he may never fit in to those jeans again even if he loses weight. As they grow their body and proportions change and so getting in to them shouldn’t be his goal but overall healthy eating and greater strength/fitness as the aim.

Maybe encourage the whole family to be more active so getting out to get some fresh air isn’t just seen as exercise or a chore but more a daily life occurrence and should be all weathers. If you’ve a good coat/hat/scarf/gloves no reason not to be out all weathers. Getting out each day is fantastic for mental health as well as fitness.

Original poster
funny34 · 15/02/2021 20:00

@Motivateinmotion

I have offered to buy bigger clothes that will fit him now, but he doesn't want them. I need to have a chat with him about him growing etc but not sure how to approach it and how he will take it.

Yes we are planning on going out for a walk/cycle daily to improve everyone's fitness.

OP posts:
TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 15/02/2021 20:15

I would ask him what he means by eating "healthier". If he simply says eating less then it's a conversation about nutrition and fuel. If he says switching out crisps and fried food for nuts, grilled chicken etc then that's good. Either way, get him involved in his own health, he could plan walking routes and find some fitness tutorials to get an idea for exercises. He might just need to get his muscles fit again rather than lose "weight". I have jeans that fit great when I'm regularly active but quickly become too tight if my core isn't kept toned.

Original poster
funny34 · 15/02/2021 20:39

@TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup Yes I will have to have a conversation with DS. I think he would like to plan his own exercise routines as well as meals that we could all eat.

OP posts:
Original poster
funny34 · 15/02/2021 20:48

@PegasusReturns

OP you must know if he is overweight. You can tell easily enough by looking at them: a healthy 14 year old boy won’t have a scrap of fat on them.

Are you saying you and your DC haven’t left the house since December when it got darker?! I think you really need to encourage the whole family to get up and out of the house at least once a day. It not good for physical or mental health to have no definition to your days.

He doesn't look overweight to me. But I do see him daily so I haven't really noticed. Other than him telling me his clothes don't fit, is what is making me worried that he has gained.
OP posts:
Original poster
funny34 · 15/02/2021 20:49

@TwilightSkies

Has he decided about how he wants his eating to be healthier? Smaller portions? Less snacks?
I haven't spoke to him about it yet. He just said that he was getting fat and nothing fits. I need to sit down and discuss it with him. Just not too sure how to approach it.
OP posts:
Motivateinmotion · 15/02/2021 21:03

How about simply saying to him you mentioned you wanted to get fitter and healthier so let’s make a plan of x, y and z. Then take it from there with him leading the conversation about what he thinks/feels and then reassuring him it’s natural and normal for his body to change and not to focus mainly on those small fitting clothes, the family as a whole could benefit more from spending time outside, and planning small steps of how to go forward and what changes you can all make together. He’s made the decision to change so it should be embraced and not taboo to talk about. It doesn’t have to lead to bad behaviours or obsession if it’s just openly discussed.

Porcupineintherough · 15/02/2021 21:13

I've got two teen boys 15 and 13. Both are growing like crazy but never once have they outgrown something by it getting too tight without getting too short. In fact most stuff gets too short long before the waistband becomes an issue. Given that you say he's hardly been moving I'd say the chances are he has piled on the pounds. So it's good you're going to work with him to get fitter and healthier. He certainly doesnt need to diet - at that age he can redistribute a few pounds really easily as he grows taller.

PercyPiginaWig · 15/02/2021 21:18

[quote funny34]@Motivateinmotion

I have offered to buy bigger clothes that will fit him now, but he doesn't want them. I need to have a chat with him about him growing etc but not sure how to approach it and how he will take it.

Yes we are planning on going out for a walk/cycle daily to improve everyone's fitness.[/quote]
OP don't kid yourself that you're all going to go from not venturing out since December to daily walks. That's setting you up to fail.
Say you're going out 3 times per week or 2 short evening outings and a long weekend one.

You say they go cycling occasionally, when was the actual last time?

I have a nephew a bit younger who is clearly overweight, it saddens me, he can't run around like his friends. A lot of adults I know who are fat and unfit were like that as teenagers.
You're worrying about an eating disorder (which is a possibility) rather than worrying about him being overweight and part of a family that stays in PJs all day every day which is more of a concern realistically.
Again, designate Friday as a PJ day if you want, but not every day.

Sweet666 · 15/02/2021 21:22

If his plan to eat healthier and exercise is spurred on by anxiety about his weight gain then that's a cause for concern, watch him to make sure he isn't showing any disordered attitudes or behaviours

Original poster
funny34 · 15/02/2021 21:32

@Sweet666

If his plan to eat healthier and exercise is spurred on by anxiety about his weight gain then that's a cause for concern, watch him to make sure he isn't showing any disordered attitudes or behaviours
I want him to be healthy. I will also keep an eye on him to ensure he is eating. I need to discuss it with him. Hopefully later on or tomorrow
OP posts:
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