Son upset about weight gain

[funny34]

Hi all,

With the lockdown ever present, I have started to get dressed (after weeks of staying in pyjamas/loungewear) even though we are not allowed out. I have also started to encourage my kids and DH to do the same. This has helped to put me in a more positive mood.

However, my son, 14, decides that he doesn't want to get dressed. I explained to him that it may boost his mood as if you stay in pyjamas etc it makes you feel lazier. I asked him why he wouldn't get changed and he said he was happy in his pyjamas. So I decided that rather than argue, it would be easier to just let him stay in the pyjamas.

DH and I went shopping and managed to get the kids to come in the car for a drive, only to the supermarket and back home again, as opposed to them staying in watching tv/playing on games. Once again DS wouldn't get dressed.

So when we came back, I sat down with DS and asked him why he wouldn't get dressed. His tshirts, jumpers etc all fitted but when he put on his jeans, he couldn't button them up. I explained to him that we are all in the same situation and not to worry. He said I'm getting fat and I want to fit back in my clothes. I said to him that he was growing and would need bigger sizes soon anyway. However, he has now decided that he is going to start exercising more and eating healthier.

Should I be worried or should I monitor what he does?

He can look an elastic band around the buttonhole in his jeans to fasten the button (early pregnancy trick) whilst he looks to getting more active. I'd focus on him maintaining his current weight, and growing into it, than specifically on losing weight.

Bit gob smacked that you as a family have not really bothered to get dressed or go outside for at least six weeks. In more normal times that would be considered rather abusive.

At what point did you decide that daily exercise did not apply to your family?

Pull up you big girl pants and start parenting effectively.

@SoCrimeaRiver

He can look an elastic band around the buttonhole in his jeans to fasten the button (early pregnancy trick) whilst he looks to getting more active. I'd focus on him maintaining his current weight, and growing into it, than specifically on losing weight.

Thats a great idea with the elastic band trick. Thank you :)

Yes staying the same weight and then growing into it is a good idea.

@MrsPernicious

Bit gob smacked that you as a family have not really bothered to get dressed or go outside for at least six weeks. In more normal times that would be considered rather abusive.

At what point did you decide that daily exercise did not apply to your family?

Pull up you big girl pants and start parenting effectively.

We have been out, just not as much as we have done since before December. We have been going shopping, walks to the local convenience shop. Snowball fights in the garden. But exercise is something we need to start doing again.

Op even if it's cold a teenager needs fresh air and exercise every day. More than a walk tbh a big growing boy needs a proper run around. I find it sad thst you have all stayed in so much. He is old enough to go for a bike ride with a friend or go and kick a ball about in the park.

You are allowed out and it will be so bad for his mental health sitting around all day at home.

Could you get him doing couch to 5k with a friend or set himself bike challenges

At 14 doesn't he want to see friends? He is allowed to exercise with a friend

This thread is why I am so angry with our government. They should never have told people to stay home we shld have all been encouraged to exercise and get as much fresh air as possible. You don't get covid going for a bike ride

Anyway op it's good you are thinking about all this and the weather looks like being much nicer now

You must be able to tell if he’s put on weight or not, just by looking at him. If he has some extra padding then by all means I would encourage and assist him in eating healthier and getting exercise. Just focus on health (physical and mental) rather than size.

I’ve got a 13 year old and I have to keep buying him bigger clothes because he’s growing. It’s not reasonable to expect to fit into kids sized clothes forever. If your son doesn’t look like he’s carrying extra unnecessary weight then I’d be concerned about the way he’s viewing his body.

I wish 1) I had felt comfortable to share my weight worries with my parents and 2) they had supported me in being healthier. Good on your son!

Time to encourage your DS to become moderately active and do 10,000 steps a day.

Teach him to cook, save the healthy lectures, get him in the kitchen and teach him to cook things that contain protein and vegetables.

Make sure he has decent shoes and a sensible rain proof coat.

Learn to identify birds, have little egrets made it to your part of the country yet? Any other hobby or interest will suffice, the point is to be aware of your surroundings and take pleasure from them.

I've spoken to DS. I said to him you know when you mentioned the oher day you wanted to start eating healthier, he butted in and said that doesn't want snacks or sweets in between meals. I explained to him that the meals he eats need to provide him with energy which will help him to study better with his online school lessons.

We are going to work out what times and days he wants to exercise. He said he wants to go cycling more.

He said that he doesn't want to get fatter. And that he really wants to fit back into his clothes. I said I'll buy new ones that fit but he said no I want my clothes to fit me again. I said how far are they from fitting and he said they wouldn't zip or button.

Buy him some new stuff, he needs clothes which fit and he’ll probably wear them if you leave them in his room.

Get walking tomorrow. It’s still February but it was much milder today. I got so warm pushing the buggy up a hill I was in two layers after ditching my jacket. Make it a daily thing barring biblical weather.

You all need fresh air, exercise, to see the great outdoors - snow drops everywhere this week!, a change of scenery.

Would he possibly show you how they fit? I’m finding it hard to believe if he has gained so much weight that he literally cannot fit in to his clothes you cannot see the difference- you need to make sure you’re not in denial about it. Or whether it’s a case is he exaggerating slightly about their fit and in which case he’s seeing something much worse than it is and could have issues around weight already.
I know children can be stubborn and he’s saying he wants to fit in to his old clothes but it might not be possible if his shape has changed. Are you able to get him some tracksuits/exercise wear that are a bigger size that he can use to exercise and maybe help gauge how much he has grown?

@Motivateinmotion I did ask him to show me, but he said no, they don't fit. I know he likes wearing them as they're Levi ones and he really wanted a pair. He has tracksuit bottoms tha he wore when we went out to the shops and in the garden. They fit but obviously elasticated waist etc.

@AnneLovesGilbert

Buy him some new stuff, he needs clothes which fit and he’ll probably wear them if you leave them in his room.

Get walking tomorrow. It’s still February but it was much milder today. I got so warm pushing the buggy up a hill I was in two layers after ditching my jacket. Make it a daily thing barring biblical weather.

You all need fresh air, exercise, to see the great outdoors - snow drops everywhere this week!, a change of scenery.

I have offered to buy new clothes for him. But he has refused them saying no, I want my clothes to fit me.

We are going for a walk today.

I think its a pretty healthy attitude tbh as long as he realises that at 14 he will be growing out of clothes still and that doesn't necessarily mean he is fat. You can tell by looking at him if he is a bit overweight, what do you think?

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut

I think its a pretty healthy attitude tbh as long as he realises that at 14 he will be growing out of clothes still and that doesn't necessarily mean he is fat. You can tell by looking at him if he is a bit overweight, what do you think?

As he is growing, that is why I offered to buy him bigger clothes. I don't think he looks overweight. But, I see him everyday.

@Motivateinmotion

Would he possibly show you how they fit? I’m finding it hard to believe if he has gained so much weight that he literally cannot fit in to his clothes you cannot see the difference- you need to make sure you’re not in denial about it. Or whether it’s a case is he exaggerating slightly about their fit and in which case he’s seeing something much worse than it is and could have issues around weight already. I know children can be stubborn and he’s saying he wants to fit in to his old clothes but it might not be possible if his shape has changed. Are you able to get him some tracksuits/exercise wear that are a bigger size that he can use to exercise and maybe help gauge how much he has grown?

He showed me how they fit today

That’s great that he felt comfortable enough to show you. Are you now able to see whether he’s exaggerating about his weight gain or were you able to see it for yourself?

@Motivateinmotion they were a good 3 inches from buttoning and they were tight on the legs.

Was the length still ok? Because if so that does suggest he's put on a bit to much.

@Porcupineintherough yes length was fine. You could see he was upset by the fact they wouldn't button and zip up.

I know you say you don’t see the gain as you see him daily but now you’ve seen the actual evidence has it shown you that he really has put weight on? It’s happened to us all in lockdown so this isn’t a criticism! You just need to make sure you’re not in denial about it or being defensive. He’s shown proof of the gain and willingness to fix it and now as his parent he needs you to help and support him with this issue eg) ensuring there are plenty of healthy foods available (not completely overhauling his diet but talking about healthy eating and moderation), encouragement and role modelling for getting more exercise etc. He’s a teen and although he might seem up for it now his enthusiasm might go so he will need you there to keep the momentum going with the end goal being fitter and healthier long term.

Go on gumtree and find a second hand treadmill for him to use, if he isn't at school he won't be getting his 3 weekly pe classes so that could contribute to weight gain esp being stuck in

@Motivateinmotion yes it did come as a shock to me. I wasn't aware of how much weight he had actually put on. Seeing how far his jeans were from buttoning and zipping up was a real shocker. I am going to support him in healthier eating and definitely exercise.

With regards to enthusiasm, I think if theres a possibility that the jeans might fit him again, I'm sure he won't give up.

You must be able to tell if he’s put on weight or not, just by looking at him.

Studies have shown that parents are often incapable of being objective when it comes to their own children's weight. It's very common for parents to not notice changes in their child's weight or to believe their DC are a healthy weight when they are actually overweight.