To be cringing at all the look how in love we are valintines posts on social media

[Hahaha88]

Maybe I'm just old and cold hearted but it honestly makes me cringe seeing my social media flooded with posts about how much they love their other half and pics of their cards and gifts for valentines day. Surely no one actually cares or wants to see?! Am I alone in this?
Fwiw I am happily in love with my partner, but I manage to tell him to his face not plant it all over the Internet 🤦🏻‍♀️

YANBU at all. Valentines Day makes me cringe - I stopped 'celebrating' it when I was about 19, it seems so childish, not to mention cheap and tacky. Couples who post about it on FB seem really immature to me.

@wowier

Totally agree with this. There's this weird and very puritanical set of rules developing about what is acceptable FB/Insta usage and what is in "bad taste". All of which is basically arbitrary and when you unpick it its usually down to "stuff I do and stuff I don't do". It's the new morality.

I completely disagree & as someone who works with teens & online safety it's clear SM can be incredibly negative.

I agree it can be negative around things like body image etc, but that's not really what I'm talking about here: I'm talking about a weird set of rules that has developed around things which adults do on FB which are seen as "tacky".

There was a thread here a couple of months ago about how appalling it was for middle aged women to post selfies. It was based on nothing, really except snobbery and judgement. That sort of thing isn't a safeguarding or a wellbeing issue its just people looking down at one another. I think a similar thing is at play here: there's nothing damaging or dangerous about posting about valentines. You may think its tacky or vulgar or whatever but that's a subjective issue.

I haven’t seen much this year (I was tempted to post a photo of our special Valentines breakfast but thought that 2 buttered Asda heart crumpets would be a poor showing).

Surely the more you engage in social media, the more likely you will post these things, and your age will influence that. Older generations were more stoic with the stiff upper lip whereas nowadays were more free to express our feelings. You don’t have to love everything you see on it but Is it really a problem to see some posts one day a year that aren’t your bag? Every day I see people’s pets, kids doing whatever, politics, sport, movies, news that people want to share. Does it all interest me? No. Do I think I am better than them? Also no.

Jollygoodtime

Exactly. Its become an acceptable forum in which to judge people. You're not allowed to sneer at people in real life any more but you can judge them for posting selfies or using filters or whatever. Or posting loved-up valentine's pictures.

@Brunt0n

I put up 3 pics of our little tea party this afternoon with our little girl. I couldn’t care less if someone thinks that means our marriage isn’t strong - we are happy, we had a nice day, that’s all I care about

If you're completely uninterested in other people's opinions, why did you put the pictures on social media?

Meh. I’m not one for posting much on sm, and we never bother with Valentine’s Day really anyway. If people want to gush they can gush. I don’t enjoy seeing people’s ugly babies or shite new kitchens either but it’s their sm and posting small snapshots that only reflect the positives in their lives is what sm is.

To be fair, I was sorely tempted to do one today, given my husband and I put more or less exactly the same jokes and comments in our cards today. And we signed off with...

Also, you have a nice bum. (me)
Also, your bum is cute. (him)

It's possible that it's a generational thing but I'm not convinced. You can be a judgmental cunt at any age, really!

SM can indeed be a negative experience, but teenage mental health issues, body image, eating disorders and so on are not being caused by their parents' generation posting "Happy Valentines Day to my fluffy wuffy bunnikins" once a year. Take the day off if it bothers you so much. You know what it's going to be like. (Mine's fine, actually. Who are you all friends with?)

Pulling the "children's mental health" card on this is absolutely an attempt to moralise it with "what about the children". Like the poster last year who would have us believe that her objection to elf on the shelf was because she worked with disadvantaged children and moving a toy around a room at Christmas is what causes the cruelty of child poverty.

Dislike it all you like, call it tacky and tell yourself that everyone who does it has a failing relationship even though that's patently untrue, but this attempt to weaponise young people's mental health over it is distasteful.

Who cares? Why the constant need to tell people what they should post or not post? I don't do it but there's lots on my feed, I just scroll past and ignore. It doesn't make any difference to mine or anyone else's life. Other people are not responsible for how you feel and should be able to post whatever they like, if you don't like it don't look at it.

"Anyone in a happy and healthy relationship does not need to seek the approval of or boast to others"

Then there's no need for public weddings, then. I've liked seeing the pictures of couples who I know haven't had things easy but are there for each other. Likewise the pictures of the single mum's celebration with their children. Some people are interested. Personally I think that's one of the things that SM is for.

I like seeing the posts, it's nice to see some love and positivity ♥️

I agree it can be negative around things like body image etc, but that's not really what I'm talking about here: I'm talking about a weird set of rules that has developed around things which adults do on FB which are seen as "tacky".

I don't necessarily see it as weird set of rules though. Take a man or women posting lots of selfies regardless of age, now self love is a good thing but is narcissism or vanity good things? what's the balance? It's also good to question the motivation behind someone's behaviour because if someone is repeatedly posting lots of selfies is that healthy? I've noticed particularly with teenage girls I work with that selfie posts can increase after a break up or during an eating disorder for example.

I think a similar thing is at play here: there's nothing damaging or dangerous about posting about valentines.

It's not dangerous but I'm not sure it's harmless. We know that some people do post more lovey dovey stuff to cover up a bad relationship.
What's the reason for that? It's generally done by women not men, why? etc.

Presumably there are folk on here that have done this today so please just explain why you would want to wish happy birthday, valentines, whatever occasion to someone who you actually see in real life on that particular day?

I use social media and don’t have an issue with the general oversharing of their day to day (valentines flowers etc... are all part of that) I’m nosey and enjoy looking but I don’t understand why you would put a post (gushy and full of presents or not) proclaiming your love to another human being unless you measure your self worth by likes and other peoples approval. Which is really very sad.

It’s sot something I do, but I can’t summon up any more bile or vitriol or ‘cringing’ (really?) than I do for people posting about their kids’ birthdays or their engagements or their new houses or the meal they just made or whatever.

Which is to say: none. Some people do things in ways I don’t. Some people (used to) get flowers delivered to their workplace on Valentine’s or their birthday; I wouldn’t be keen on that but if it makes them happy who am I to sneer? Ditto posts on social media.

AlwaysLatte
I like seeing the posts, it's nice to see some love and positivity ♥️

^This

Honestly some people are like the difference between sunshine and a miserable grey cloudy day. I like the sun.

Take the day off if it bothers you so much. You know what it's going to be like

Apart from MNs I only use SM for work because you need real life examples & case studios.

I’m not on fbk but am really mindful of other people who may not be in a relationship (and want to be) hence downplaying today for some of my siblings and making out it wasn’t that good. Showboating on fbk or just in general is a bit mean and it’s the one day you really feel single - speaking from my own experiences of previous valentines days.

My neighbours are always posting about how loved up they are, what a perfect family they've got blah blah blah. I've just heard him screaming at her and asking if she's stupid because she brought the wrong thing back from the shop... it's not a one off either.

I'm single and have been for 14 years. I've no plans to change that

I don't mind a nice post of people doing nice things, but the OTT gushing posts make me cringe. There's sharing and there's attention/valudation seeking.

HubbleBubble the same could be said about anything though. Anything. People (not you, you seem nice lol) would be better off trying to figure out why they are so bothered about it that they feel the need to tell everyone how awful it is rather than scroll by.

@Hubblebubble75

I’m not on fbk but am really mindful of other people who may not be in a relationship (and want to be) hence downplaying today for some of my siblings and making out it wasn’t that good. Showboating on fbk or just in general is a bit mean and it’s the one day you really feel single - speaking from my own experiences of previous valentines days.

How ridiculously insecure do you have to be to want relationships 'downplayed' just because you're single?

I give my single friends and family more credit than that!

I saw a post from a friend today who gushed over her partner - loves him so much couldn’t imagine life without him.
Was only last week she was texting the group about wanting to leave him- he’s lazy, never listens to her never shows any interest in her. And I know that people equally moan about their spouses but I just find it so awkward and disingenuous.

[quote SomersetHamlyn]@Brunt0n

I put up 3 pics of our little tea party this afternoon with our little girl. I couldn’t care less if someone thinks that means our marriage isn’t strong - we are happy, we had a nice day, that’s all I care about

If you're completely uninterested in other people's opinions, why did you put the pictures on social media?[/quote]
Because I live hundreds of miles away from friends and family and sometimes it’s nice to share what we are up to ☺️ I don’t often post pics of my daughter on social media either🤷🏼‍♀️