Page 14 | To be cringing at all the look how in love we are valintines posts on social media

Hahaha88 · 2021-02-14T12:53:26+00:00

Maybe I'm just old and cold hearted but it honestly makes me cringe seeing my social media flooded with posts about how much they love their other half and pics of their cards and gifts for valentines day. Surely no one actually cares or wants to see?! Am I alone in this? Fwiw I am happily in love with my partner, but I manage to tell him to his face not plant it all over the Internet 🤦🏻♀️

CodMouth · 15/02/2021 13:06

“Making (or should that be faking) memories”.

Sprockerdilerock · 15/02/2021 14:09

I loved seeing what everyone was up to yesterday on Instagram! Everything is so boring at the moment it was nice to see people being cheery and making an effort with scrummy meals.

My grandma cooked a Valentines meal for my grandpa and shared it in our family group chat - they've been together for over 60 years and certainly aren't secretly miserable!

I think it's a lot more cringey to sit around stewing and writing mumsnet posts about other people enjoying themselves than posting on valentines day!

GooodMythicalMorning · 15/02/2021 15:03

I use mine as a kind of diary for myself and partly for my family who live in Aus. If you looked at mine is full of puppy pics. I don't care if anyone likes mine or not. I love the memories bit showing you last year or 9 years etc.

OscarWildesCat · 15/02/2021 15:12

@Womencanlift

I remember seeing a meme once that said “the best relationships are the ones you don’t know about” in other words they are kept private. They are the ones I believe are the happiest.

Anyone who plasters all over social media (regardless of age) definitely has some insecurities about themselves and/or their relationship. Either that or they are a ‘look at me’ type of person

This!

My DH does this every birthday, Christmas, changing phase of the moon, makes me want to vomit, if she’s that great, she’s sitting next to you, just tell her instead of the rest of the world?.
Maybe I am a Valentine grinch but it’s all just very forced to me. Happily married btw, not bitter.

OscarWildesCat · 15/02/2021 15:12

DH cousin!! 🙈

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom · 15/02/2021 15:17

God, the number of posts making a moral and mean-spirited issue out of public declarations of love who go on to finish with their own public declaration of love.

longestlurkerever · 15/02/2021 15:22

I barely use facebook but I really hate the policing of what it is and isn't acceptable for other people to post about their lives. Why use it at all if you're not interested in other people's public declarations of pride in their dc, love for their OH or what they had for dinner? Do you only want to see chronicles of bitterness and doom? Counting your blessings, celebrating the small pleasures in life and expressing appreciation for friends and loved ones seem perfectly valid things to do and "why declare it on facebook?" could apply equally to pretty much anything you might conceivably post other than some sort of public service announcement/missing cat poster or comedy meme. Just don't use facebook if you don't like it.

lucywho123 · 15/02/2021 15:22

YANBU - my DSIL posted a gushy post about her hunk of her DH. They look the picture of happiness. Truth is, she's left him twice in the last year because he's a controlling fuckwit. Makes me cringe so much. So fake

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom · 15/02/2021 15:26

I've just realised...I know of two couples who have been having difficulties, exacerbated by lockdown. Neither of them posted anything yesterday.

So what should I conclude about people who don't post on FB for VD?

brownet · 15/02/2021 15:45

So what should I conclude about people who don't post on FB for VD?

That they don't have it? 😆 Or did the couples you mention normally post exclamations of love in non stressful times?

LouJ85 · 15/02/2021 16:22

@brownet

The rest of your post is irrelevant because I didn't say SM is only ever used for validation.

It's hardly irrelevant when "need for validation" and "insecurity" have been cited on this thread multiple times as the only reason for posting about one's relationship on SM. I'm saying it's not. If you haven't personally said that - great. But it's highly relevant in the context of the rest of the thread.

Hubblebubble75 · 15/02/2021 16:24

@LouJ85 so if you posted something and got no likes or comments you’re cool with that? You don’t check back for the likes and comments regularly once you post the picture?

LouJ85 · 15/02/2021 16:28

If course it’s for validation. If you upload a picture and no one likes or comments that’s okay ? How many times do you check back to see what likes you have got ? If you say you don’t care , it’s a lie

Validation is defined recognition of your feelings or sense of self as being worthwhile. Who doesn't want to feel this, in all honesty? We are social beings by nature - we seek social connection (part of which is about validation) and one such way of doing so is via SM. When you throw a party, do you choose not to have any guests because you don't need "validation" or interaction with others socially? No, of course you don't, you invite people because we're programmed towards seeking social connection as humans. If you invited people and no one showed up, would you care? Of course you would - it's invalidating of who you are as a person - it would send the message "no one cares or likes my company enough to come to my party". How is seeking a similar form of connection via SM any different? To me, that's the purpose SM serves - connection. I post when I'm seeking connection, I respond to others' posts when I'm seeking connection. That's normal. It's human.
The need for interaction and validation as human beings being framed as a negative thing - that's what is not normal.

LouJ85 · 15/02/2021 16:28

[quote Hubblebubble75]@LouJ85 so if you posted something and got no likes or comments you’re cool with that? You don’t check back for the likes and comments regularly once you post the picture?[/quote]

See post I've just made as my response to this

LouJ85 · 15/02/2021 16:30

@Hubblebubble75

Of course you look at who has interacted on your post. For me, it's the "in person" equivalent of a two-way conversation. In the same way that if you spoke to other at a party and every single person blanked you, you'd feel a bit shit.

LouJ85 · 15/02/2021 16:32

@longestlurkerever

I barely use facebook but I really hate the policing of what it is and isn't acceptable for other people to post about their lives. Why use it at all if you're not interested in other people's public declarations of pride in their dc, love for their OH or what they had for dinner? Do you only want to see chronicles of bitterness and doom? Counting your blessings, celebrating the small pleasures in life and expressing appreciation for friends and loved ones seem perfectly valid things to do and "why declare it on facebook?" could apply equally to pretty much anything you might conceivably post other than some sort of public service announcement/missing cat poster or comedy meme. Just don't use facebook if you don't like it.

Well said.

duckalemon · 15/02/2021 16:32

I have noticed a huge decline in valentines posts this year

Pinkmarsh · 15/02/2021 16:34

YANBU - I find it cringe, Each to their own though. I just scroll on past. What I find really really odd is this whole parents buying valentines gifts for their kids. Valentines has gotten out of hand and lost it’s true meaning.

LouJ85 · 15/02/2021 16:36

Ultimately what I'm trying to say is, it's not always about "insecurity" ("oh my relationship / life is shit that I must post this so people like it and I can depend on these "likes" to pick my self esteem back up...) etc. For some, yes this may be sadly happening. For others, it's simply part of a natural human drive to connect.

LouJ85 · 15/02/2021 16:46

Tell your partner you love them but why include anyone else?!

Take your kids to the park, but why include anyone else?
Go to your graduation ceremony, but why include anyone else?
Be excited about finding out the sex of your unborn baby, but why include anyone else?
Etc etc.
People post all kinds on social media so your logic could apply to all of the above.
The whole purpose of social media (the clue is in the word "social"), is to share and connect with others.
I think the more pertinent question - rather than why are people sharing their lives on SM (which is what the platform is designed for)- is why are those who dislike seeing aspects of others' lives even using SM in the first place and^^ following others on there?

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom · 15/02/2021 16:50

@brownet

So what should I conclude about people who don't post on FB for VD?

That they don't have it? 😆 Or did the couples you mention normally post exclamations of love in non stressful times?

Holy guacamole, how the fuck should I know? I don't analyse averages of different post types over the entire year so that I can make the most of my sanctimonious self righteousness when I judge them on V Day. Are you telling me that it's not even just about what you post on V Day but it's got to be calculated up against some equation based on the other 364 days as well? So if a couple is gushy all the time, are they more or less likely to be at each other's throats in reality if they're also gushy on V Day according to this theory of relationship activity?

What about the numerous people on this thread who would never debase their pure love by mentioning it on International Love Day, but sure as shit make sure Mumsnet's billion users know about it because they're totally not jealous? Do we need to study their posting history too?

Hubblebubble75 · 15/02/2021 16:53

@LouJ85 I don’t use it anymore. I just don’t understand why people want the validation of lots of random people who aren’t even real friends. Your real friends and family are those in your actual life. I send them pics and messages.
Facebook is just showing off to the masses of random people you’ve bumped into in your life & hardly see now .
Dunno just don’t get it really, seems a waste of energy to me!

LouJ85 · 15/02/2021 17:01

[quote Hubblebubble75]@LouJ85 I don’t use it anymore. I just don’t understand why people want the validation of lots of random people who aren’t even real friends. Your real friends and family are those in your actual life. I send them pics and messages.
Facebook is just showing off to the masses of random people you’ve bumped into in your life & hardly see now .
Dunno just don’t get it really, seems a waste of energy to me![/quote]

My Facebook account only includes people I consider friends (and obviously family). So I'm not sharing anything with anyone I consider to be "random". If I'm no longer friends with a person, I remove them. So my FB account is more intimate I guess than that.

LouJ85 · 15/02/2021 17:02

@Hubblebubble75

Hence why the concept of "showing off to the masses" via SM doesn't really ring true for me.

AnotherKrampus · 15/02/2021 17:02

DH and I scoff at the OTT gushy kind of V-Day posts and tend to run bets whose relationship is on the way out, as it usually is in diametrically opposition to the number of ridiculous celebrations, overcompensating for the rest of the year. I am bemused by the number of women with their snout out of joint over lack of effort too, it’s Princess on the Pea territory. That said close to the date, we started getting each other something daft to make each other laugh that we however liked but we don’t share it on SM. I kept joking to DH that rather than some red roses, I would love something deliciously edible. I squealed in delight when he got me bouquet of cheeses. Guess I am easily pleased