No effort on Valentine's?

[wishawish]

I'm fully prepared for some backlash on this.

My DH has never been romantic.

I get a bunch of roses from a supermarket (I buy roses for the house every couple of weeks anyway) and a funny card of some sort.

I'd love a bunch of flowers delivered, knowing that he's made the effort to look through and pick some, doesn't have to be expensive just the thought or even something like a photo in a frame.

All over Instagram and Facebook, pictures of a dining tables set out with starters, mains, deserts planned, love heart balloons, my friend had a delivery of a beautiful red dress and a necklace and was told to put them on and then go to his, she's just text me a picture of candles lit all over his apartment, dining table set up etc.

I'm in my 20s and I just don't really feel special at all, I'm in my pjs, he walked in from work with a 4 pack of beer and sat on sofa.

I guess, it's not just this time of year, he never really does anything nice for me. He's not nasty or abusive or anything he just doesn't really ever think of me I guess, does that make sense?

Sometimes I think about how nice it'd be to get home to a bubble bath run occasionally or anything like that. I'm just a bit miserable really.

We've been together most of our 20s, I always try and do nice things for him, thoughtful or sentimental gifts at Christmas etc. I'll mention something that I would love for Christmas and he says to stop and I never let him "surprise me", this year I got an expensive sofa blanket I don't need and a candle. Am I being a bitch here? Or over sensitive? (Period pains) or are we just lacking passion now in our relationship?

I realise I've massively waffled on here but I actually just feel very unappreciated and low on self esteem to be honest.

I've cleaned the whole house today, done all laundry, changed bed, whilst crying with period pain (endometriosis) and I don't even think he'd notice unless he went to get a work shirt and there wasn't one there already washed and ironed.

Anyway, I'm going to open a bottle of white and forget tomorrow is Valentine's 😂

If you’ve told him that you’d like him to order flowers etc then he’s being a bit mean as it wouldn’t break the bank. However, a lot of people just aren’t that worried about Valentine’s Day, or about romantic gestures. I can’t understand why I’ve seen so much on social media about valentines though, when it’s not until tomorrow!

Might get flamed for this but I honestly don’t get the obsession with Valentine’s Day - we aren’t doing anything special for it.

Also I wouldn’t trust what you see on social media, just because it’s all flowers and romance on a picture doesn’t mean the relationship is good.

I would focus on why your doing all this housework while in so much pain, it sounds like your unappreciated every day of the year which is a bigger issue a bunch of flowers once a year won’t fix!

@BungleandGeorge I think it's because it falls on a Sunday maybe. X

@Teacaketotty I completely get that, I to an extent think it's a chance for restaurants to overcharge etc on set menus and all that (obviously not this year).

I think I just don't feel special full stop and it's heightened around days like this.

I get it’s not Valentine’s Day as such, just want to be shown some love and effort. It’s just disappointed when the one day a year he could take the hint he doesn’t.

Oh I get it OP. It’s lovely to feel special and wanted, this would probably upset me too. I don’t consider myself needy but I do like to be appreciated.
I have no suggestions I’m afraid, just wanted to let you know I get it.

I feel like we've kinda just "lost" it almost.

I love him, he loves me, we kiss and cuddle. Our sex life isn't great, he moans I never make an effort like I used to (matching underwear) etc and it just ends up pissing me off and makes me not want to have sex with him.

I've had 4 miscarriages too with him, I was a size 8 when we met now I'm a 14. Maybe it's just life? I just think of my Mum and Dad and you can see even after 30 years of marriage they are so in love.

Have you ever actually told him that’s what you want?

I'd tell him straight how you feel and what he could do.
If I want something to happen I tell my husband in good time 'I want a big bunch of flowers/wine/a gift' because life is too short to sit about hoping someone will somehow sense exactly what you want...
Just tell him you want a bouquet in the post and he should pick it as a surprise...
Sometimes however much they love you men just don't think of these things... I mean it depends on the man but its not necessarily about how much they care about you... more about whether they are naturally into gift giving and sentimentality and know what to do
So sometimes you just need to make it clear the kind of things you want to have happen

Ahhhh my OH is exactly the same. I sometimes don’t even get a card for my birthday.

I have however realised that it just doesn’t come to him naturally. It’s not that he doesn’t love me but he’s awful at showing it. So now I will say it’s valentines / birthday / Christmas next week to help prod him along.

For my 30th I actually said i would love some flowers delivered and he did listen. You may just have to be more direct. My OH doesn’t do hints

I have dropped so many hints and get called ungrateful and of course I'm not ungrateful, the whole thing about the blanket at Christmas, he paid £80 for it? I'm happy with my £18 Primark throw, I didn't want a blanket. I asked for a bottle of my fave perfume which is £70 and I need new pjs so asked for a perfume and pjs. Instead he spent the same amount of money but on a blanket and a candle?

After a couple of glasses of wine I guess I'm seeing the funny side a bit, it's not the be all and end all. He works hard, is kind and funny. Maybe it's just me.

@Akire @AmIBeingTwatty I think you've both hit the nail on the head really x

@Unicant I don't want to have to tell him, I have told him before but asking for flowers in the post 2 weeks before Valentine's would probably take the special-ness out of it as id more or less told him to do it I just wish men like him just thought a bit more x

@Adancewithdragons no lie, I've actually had a "to my boyfriend on his birthday" card in our second year of being together, again, grabbed in a rush lol.

Yanbu, if you want that type of thing then you're with the wrong man though. I wanted the special surprises and effort and valentines treats etc so I specifically chose a man who was like that

Ahh, my husband is shit with presents and romance too. Day to day though he’s amazing. He washed and hoovered out my car for me without me asking. He will get me a drink and just hand it to me. Any money he has is mine to spend.

Focus on the day to day little stuff - and treat yourself.

Show him this thread

I would rather have a kind husband 365 days a year than a husband that thinks he can make up 364 days of being a useless husband with a bunch of roses and a box of chocolates.

Honestly, having been married almost 30 years, I couldn't give a cuss for Valentine's Day. I've bought a funny card and a small bag of heart-shaped shortcake biscuits. It's not about gestures, it's about the tiny gestures of care and concern and love that happen every single day. Valentine's Day is for those hoping for love.

Thank you for reminding me it's Valentine's Day tomorrow. Will make a quick card tomorrow if the baby naps.

I’d stop ironing his pissing shirts for a start. Unless he irons for you too?

I think if he’s a good kind partner the rest of the year, then I wouldn’t get too upset about Valentine’s Day. I’m sure it’s just a way of getting us to part with our money x

I totally get you OP, it's just the total lack of thought isn't it!
I 'had' got DH a card and a present, nothing expensive but just something I know would like and I was going to shop to buy him some chocolate today but he announced this morning he hasn't been able to go out to get me anything and asked if I had got him anything, I felt like a twat so just said no and I won't be giving him his stuff either, I will return the gift. I managed to get my things without leaving the house so not sure how he couldn't when he is out every day at work!
I feel exactly the same as you, I'm not a needy person it's just the total lack of thought!