No effort on Valentine's?

[wishawish]

I'm fully prepared for some backlash on this.

My DH has never been romantic.

I get a bunch of roses from a supermarket (I buy roses for the house every couple of weeks anyway) and a funny card of some sort.

I'd love a bunch of flowers delivered, knowing that he's made the effort to look through and pick some, doesn't have to be expensive just the thought or even something like a photo in a frame.

All over Instagram and Facebook, pictures of a dining tables set out with starters, mains, deserts planned, love heart balloons, my friend had a delivery of a beautiful red dress and a necklace and was told to put them on and then go to his, she's just text me a picture of candles lit all over his apartment, dining table set up etc.

I'm in my 20s and I just don't really feel special at all, I'm in my pjs, he walked in from work with a 4 pack of beer and sat on sofa.

I guess, it's not just this time of year, he never really does anything nice for me. He's not nasty or abusive or anything he just doesn't really ever think of me I guess, does that make sense?

Sometimes I think about how nice it'd be to get home to a bubble bath run occasionally or anything like that. I'm just a bit miserable really.

We've been together most of our 20s, I always try and do nice things for him, thoughtful or sentimental gifts at Christmas etc. I'll mention something that I would love for Christmas and he says to stop and I never let him "surprise me", this year I got an expensive sofa blanket I don't need and a candle. Am I being a bitch here? Or over sensitive? (Period pains) or are we just lacking passion now in our relationship?

@PurpleDaisies

Have you ever actually told him that’s what you want?

She tried to and he tells her to stop as she ‘doesn’t let’ him surprise her. 🙄

He sounds like a lazy thoughtless bastard who may not mean to be a lazy thoughtless bastard but is one none the less.

Feeling unappreciated is a really awful and insidious feeling.

I am always sceptical about the big gesture guys on valentines. They are just playing a role.

@toolazytothinkofausername

I would rather have a kind husband 365 days a year than a husband that thinks he can make up 364 days of being a useless husband with a bunch of roses and a box of chocolates.

And those are the options?

Man can’t be both?
Come on now!

@Pantsomime I do feel loved but not appreciated as such, when he's worked a 6 or 7 day week I'll always say to him I'm so grateful he works so hard which allows us to have a roof over our head and a holiday a year etc, I always put effort in on special occasions, thoughtful not necessarily expensive.

I take care of the house and work full time too whilst I have depression and recurrent miscarriages and endometriosis and he doesn't bat an eyelid, I don't even expect a thank you just maybe not him dumping his work clothes on the floor next to the bed or putting his mug in the dishwasher instead of on top of it kind of thing.

I think lockdown has made us all a little pissed off with each other 😂

Honestly for me romance shouldn’t be so prescribed. It’s the little things, a cup of tea in the morning so I have 5 more minutes in bed, a massage because he knows I like it. Valentine’s Day is romance to order. That said, you like romantic gestures and he’s stopped doing this... so it’s not valentines it’s that you feel unappreciated. Get him told op! But also read up on the language of love...we are all different

Valentine’s Day and social media... the perfect storm!

People like your friend enjoy making others feel inadequate/left out... who knows, maybe she set it all up herself

The sort of man who’d send me a sexy dress and said “wear this”.... shudder, I’d hate it. It is all so fake romantic! It’s like trying to be 50-Shades

Real romance and live is nothing to do with heart shaped balloons and overpriced flowers imo

Do you never feel appreciated by your DP? My DH never does anything for Valentine’s Day but he does make me feel loved and appreciated most days, and that’s good enough for me, but I guess some people love the commercial valentine stuff

Your friend is pathetic for showing off, and it’s a shame you let it get to you.

If there are issues in your relationship, deal with them. Talk to him.

I wouldn't tell my partner to order me flowers for my birthday. It would spoil it for me.

Maybe if he helped around the house you wouldn't be too tired to bonk up and down on his dick

I did thank him for the roses and gave him a cuddle. They are lovely. What I mean is, they are the same roses I pick up every couple of weeks as I like flowers in the house so they're not special? Does that make sense? I just haven't bought them this week.

YABU about the flowers. I genuinely don’t understand the difference between a bunch of flowers he’s bought from a shop- or having them delivered (other than the price... )

The present thing sounds a bit shit. I’d also rather have something I actually wanted than another version of something I already have.

@Londonmummy66

If most of your friends are being treated to a lovely day/night by their partners than I suggest that at 4pm tomorrow you sit down with your DH and go through their social media and show him what they've been doing. Then turn round and ask him what he has planned. When he shuffles and says nothing tell him to get online and order you the bottle of perfume you asked him to give you for Christmas and are still waiting for. Explain to him that a DH who cba to make an effort over the odd occasion is a real turn off and leaves you cba to make an effort with matching underwear etc.

Or, accept him as he us and buy your own perfume

Why does Valentine's day have to be on OP's terms?

I do understand that you want to feel special but in my experience many of the people who show off their flowers/gifts/schmaltzy messages on SM actually have pretty crappy relationships.

But I do suggest you have a chat to him about how you would like to celebrate. Maybe it’s too late for this year, but for in future?

I’m in my mid-40s now and this is one of the lessons I have learned in life.... tell your significant other exactly what you need for things like Valentine’s Day or birthdays or Christmas or International green spinning plate day. Be specific and clear. Do it well in advance.

I used to get upset on holidays. Then I learned my lesson and expressed myself.

I have said things for Mother’s Day like
I need you to buy me a card and a small gift. I need to know that you gave it some thought so you can not leave me with dd and run out to buy the card the night before or the morning of. That means buy it ahead of time.

Ever since then, he does just that. He plans ahead and buys a card in advance when he is already out running other errands and orders something small. Sometimes he asks me
For a gift suggestion and I’m ok with that.

It works so much better if you communicate what you need to feel like you are being cherished.

We never celebrate Valentine's Day. I have never had anything from him and vice versa. It is just a way of making money.
When our anniversary comes around we make am effort.

@@LouLou789 I have spoke about it before but this wasn't meant as a serious, my husbands a bastard thread, more of a moany wish I had a romantic husband one.

There'll be no argument over it or anything like that, it doesn't warrant falling out just I guess I feel a little unappreciated and that has resulted in a pretty non existent sex life etc and I'm still in my 20s. I don't want it to be like this forever. We both need to put some effort in x

You got together in your twenties a s you’re still in youre twenties so it’s not a very long relationship and already the romance is gone. Was it ever there? Surely you knew what he was like before this? Also why oh why are you washing his shirts? It’s 2021.

If you want a Valentines fuss from a chap not naturally inclined to romanticism, it might help to be honest and tell him. It’s not unreasonable once a year to recognise the joy you bring each other.

I’m lucky. My husband is more romantic than me and does always make it special. I’d be surprised and a little disappointed if a decent bouquet didn’t arrive tomorrow. He gets flowers every Friday throughout the year; always has. St Valentine’s Day needs to feel a bit more.
Talk to him. Reinforce positive behaviour with your response. Make an effort for him. Make a special meal, put music with memories on, open a White Rioja. Little enough joy at the moment, so make it a nice evening.

@Regularsizedrudy 9 year relationship and 7 years married. I do his laundry because and clean because he works more hours than I do.

I do hope you can sort it out (I so understand that you would like thoughtfulness and romance)

Eugh I feel.this so much. Amazing husband. Amazing father. Absolute fucking terrible gift giver.

We're in Tesco this morning and he turns to me (all giggly) and says will we pick out cards out now. Eh no, says I, Ive got yours....

I work for the health service, he's working from home as a teacher, baby is in crèche. And I still fucking had the opportunity to get him a gift and a card. And he couldn't even get me a card in advance!!

The baby reaches for the roses by the door and I pass a comment of -oh lovely roses, I love roses- he gets all pissy then saying well if you want flowers get them, it's all on the joint account anyways.

I think maybe he's forgotten etc so ask him to pop to shops this evening to collect something I've forgotten to give him the opportunity if he has simply forgotten. He comes back with the most miserly 5e bunch of daisies and is acting like I should be bowing down in front of him. We have a joint account, a decent bunch of flowers is easily doable.

He's sat here now trying to play footsie with me and I know I'm being childish but it's just not good enough.

Rant over. That feels better haha

My DH isn't romantic but he has just invested a lot of money into my hobby for me even though it brings him no benefit and is causing him a lot of work. That's true love 😂

My husband works more hours than me. I’m still not going to do his washing because he’s a adult.

We will get out about 5 cards we have from 20 years ago with soppy messages. Tonight we were looking on google earth at the pub and restaurant we went to often early on. We went to bed in the afternoon and had a meal deal. For me that's romance but no flowers or cards.

Don't be with anyone who isn't making your life better day to day OP. It's not a dress rehearsal. COVID has brought that home as I'm cev and my recent diagnosis is not great.

We aim for happy Wednesdays

I have never ever known ANYONE irl before the last 3 years get anything other than a card, chocs, at a push both AND flowers for valentines day. Social media has a mot to answer for.

*lot

@TrixIrl I'm with you girl lol x