No effort on Valentine's?

[wishawish]

I'm fully prepared for some backlash on this.

My DH has never been romantic.

I get a bunch of roses from a supermarket (I buy roses for the house every couple of weeks anyway) and a funny card of some sort.

I'd love a bunch of flowers delivered, knowing that he's made the effort to look through and pick some, doesn't have to be expensive just the thought or even something like a photo in a frame.

All over Instagram and Facebook, pictures of a dining tables set out with starters, mains, deserts planned, love heart balloons, my friend had a delivery of a beautiful red dress and a necklace and was told to put them on and then go to his, she's just text me a picture of candles lit all over his apartment, dining table set up etc.

I'm in my 20s and I just don't really feel special at all, I'm in my pjs, he walked in from work with a 4 pack of beer and sat on sofa.

I guess, it's not just this time of year, he never really does anything nice for me. He's not nasty or abusive or anything he just doesn't really ever think of me I guess, does that make sense?

Sometimes I think about how nice it'd be to get home to a bubble bath run occasionally or anything like that. I'm just a bit miserable really.

We've been together most of our 20s, I always try and do nice things for him, thoughtful or sentimental gifts at Christmas etc. I'll mention something that I would love for Christmas and he says to stop and I never let him "surprise me", this year I got an expensive sofa blanket I don't need and a candle. Am I being a bitch here? Or over sensitive? (Period pains) or are we just lacking passion now in our relationship?

Yep, my DH broke his ankle 3 weeks ago, since then I've done everything for him (couldn't even get to the loo for 2 weeks) and the kids. He's just been in bed or sofa that whole time yet last night apologised he's done nothing for VD. come on! He's got the internet at his fingertips and all day long to order something. well, I suppose if he’s been incapacitated he definitely wouldn’t be able to have anything to do with your VD 😂

Some men make romantic gestures and some don't . If it's not in him to do it , I'm afraid days like Valentine Day will pass him by.
Did you make a big thing of Steak and bj night ?
Which apparently had been a thing for a few years now.

Easily found on the internet :

Steak & BJ Day Date in the current year: March 14, 2021 Steak & BJ Day (Steak and Blowjob Day, Steak and Knobber Day) is an unofficial satirical holiday celebrated a month after Valentine’s Day, on March 14. It was supposedly created in the United States and has been described as a male response to Valentine’s Day.

@TwoLeftSocksWithHoles

For some reason I always thought Valentine Cards etc. were supposed to be anonymous. (I still think that).

So to give OH a card etc. would not seem right to me - even if it was unsigned.

I should add that this theory does save a bit of money!

I always thought this too. From a secret admirer!

my friend had a delivery of a beautiful red dress and a necklace and was told to put them on and then go to his

OP, that’s grim. Surely you weren’t hoping your DH was going to do something similar?

I think you just sound in a rut,OP.

It’s probably fixable- but you’ll both have to work at it.

Fuck the friend with the red dress. That’s creepy.

@FamilyOfAliens

my friend had a delivery of a beautiful red dress and a necklace and was told to put them on and then go to his

OP, that’s grim. Surely you weren’t hoping your DH was going to do something similar?

Yep, that's creepy and would piss me off.

St Valentine was also the Payton saint of beekeepers, epilepsy and plague. Maybe OP's DH should get her some bees?

You can’t really judge him on what presents he does or doesn’t buy you a couple of days out of the year! My fiancé is very on/off with flowers/presents but I’m not going to force him to buy me anything, I’d rather he do it off his own back. I’d suggest not reading too much into what people put on social media too. I know a few people posting their beautiful flowers and chocolates have an awful relationship the rest of the year, it’s all a facade!

@wishawish

I realise I've massively waffled on here but I actually just feel very unappreciated and low on self esteem to be honest.

I've cleaned the whole house today, done all laundry, changed bed, whilst crying with period pain (endometriosis) and I don't even think he'd notice unless he went to get a work shirt and there wasn't one there already washed and ironed.

Anyway, I'm going to open a bottle of white and forget tomorrow is Valentine's 😂

Why on earth clean if you're in pain. Martyrs much?

My DH has never been romantic.

People don't really change. You knew what you were marrying.

Stop doing all the housework then.

If he did his fair share of that, I think you’d feel less aggrieved with nothing on Valentine’s Day.

However, if he was doing that, then he’d probably be a thoughtful and respectful human being, and also would make effort on Valentine’s Day. (A home made card is more thoughtful than some generic pink card and flowers in my opinion).

@JorisBonson

Or give her covid

My hubby is the same so every birthday and Mother's Day I remind him what I would like and that the kids need to get me something small too. I prod him lots so he never fails

However I'm not too fussed about valentines as it's so near my birthday which I would rather he make effort for that instead

If he’s generally stereotypically romantic he’s not going to pull it out of the bag for Valentine's Day. You’re just different types of people.

You cleaning while in pain is ridiculous. Who cares if it’s a bit dusty, when you’re in pain you go hide under that expensive sofa blanket with a cup of tea and the remote. Maybe he didn’t think it needed doing so couldn’t see why you were putting yourself out.

Feeling generally unappreciated, having a crap sex life and feeling the spark is missing are much bigger issues so step back and look at the relationship as a whole.

Multiple miscarriages take a massive toll on your physical and mental health. Are you getting the support you need to cope with what you’ve been through? On your own or together?

I agree with others that being a loving supportive husband and celebrating Valentine’s Day aren’t mutually exclusive. And I banned DH from buying delivery flowers for it as they’re insanely expensive and usually dead within a few days. But we mark it in our own way and all the “commercial nonsense” people presumably never mark Christmas (unless devoutly religious), birthdays, Easter etc? Yeah right. And if so how fucking joyless. It’s perfectly possible to use a specific day to appreciate what you have without turning it into a spending spree for social likes.

Mine has failed to get me anything!
I’ve been relentlessly dragging him for it all morning, to the point of licking his face to ‘drink the sweet salty tears of his remorse’ (yeah, that’s how we roll, it’s been 22 years... 😄). I’ve also told him that our nearby Sainsbury’s will have their valentines stuff on sale today, but 50% off means I get 50% more, not that he gets to make a saving!
Make a joke out of it. You get to say what you want in a way that can be much easier to do and I find it has the desired effect without anyone being pissed off. Many a truth said in jest, etc.
I’ll have something by this evening, I guarantee it. :D

my friend had a delivery of a beautiful red dress and a necklace and was told to put them on and then go to his

I would detest that, being sent a dress and necklace and being told to put them on to go to his apartment. Jesus he's been watching too much Fifty Shades shite

I have never seen my dad buy a birthday present, anniversary present, Christmas present or valentines gift or card for my mum. They've been married for 45 years and are each other's worlds. Life isn't a movie. The little things matter more than gestures.
If you love each other and are kind to each other, you'll survive a lack of valentines flowers 💐 xxx

Valentines is really full of shit. Ive never been one for it. Overpriced for one day.

My DH is kind in lots of ways. Last time he bought me flowers was 19 yrs ago when DD was born. Am I bothered? Heck no!

I brings me Dime Bars and creme eggs. That’s enough.

This isn’t about Valentine’s Day, this is a relationship that has just run its course.

An annoying acquaintance on Instagram is bragging about an expensive designer watch her husband has got her then says she feels guilty for getting such an expensive gift !! Stop showing off then !! I'll be lucky to get a card let alone anything else !

At least he buys you something. I'd love a card and bunch of flowers today. I know I won't get anything though, apart from having to cook and wash up.

my friend had a delivery of a beautiful red dress and a necklace and was told to put them on and then go to his, she's just text me a picture of candles lit all over his apartment, dining table set up etc.

Honestly I’d run a mile from this. Smacks of love bombing.

You would think he would make the effort if he knew it was important to you.

Technically YABU but so am I (disappointed with DH’s efforts so I sent him out again with instructions not to come home until he had bought me something a hell of a lot better. He did )

OP,
You married very young for some reason?

You do everything in the house AND laundry AND work fulltime.

Not a good set up.

You are very young to feel so taken for granted.

Think about what you want.

If you were to have a child, it sounds like you would be doing 100% of everything and he would be working.

It's not a great dynamic for a happy marriage and home.