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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that after your parents die, nobody really cares about you?

121 replies

Sillyreally1 · 13/02/2021 18:21

Covid-19 vaccine related. I’m being a bit dramatic but it has made me realise that there’s nobody that really cares about me.

My parents are dead.

My DC are young and don’t understand and anyway, it’s my job to care about them, not the other way around.

My boyfriend has had his and following his mother having hers, he said ‘I’m so relieved that everyone I care about has had theirs now, I don’t need to worry’. He realised what he said almost immediately and added except you of course. He meant his sister, parents, grandparents.

My boyfriend’s lovely mother wrote on Facebook, ‘now that we’re all done, we can start meeting up again’.

I know they’re relieved, I’m relieved for them too, but I feel so sad that people just don’t care about me. I haven’t said anything, and of course, I wouldn’t, but it’s making me feel really, really teary.

OP posts:
GaryUnicorn · 13/02/2021 18:24

My boyfriend’s lovely mother wrote on Facebook, ‘now that we’re all done, we can start meeting up again’.

No dear, it doesn’t mean that... I’d try explaining that to her?

ShirleyPhallus · 13/02/2021 18:24

Is it really just about that or do you have other issues with your boyfriend?

It’s thoughtless, is he always like that?

Do you have any friends that care about you?

NotFabulousDarling · 13/02/2021 18:25

YABU. My parents never cared about me. Then they died. No one else changed how they felt about me. Your DCs probably adore you. Why are you with a boyfriend who makes you feel so unloved?

Original poster
Sillyreally1 · 13/02/2021 18:28

No other issues with my boyfriend, he’s lovely. It was just a comment, he didn’t think, he definitely wasn’t trying to be insensitive. It’s just the realisation that’s what he really thinks.

I don’t think she really meant it re; meeting up. I think it was just an excited thought in response to them all being done.

I do have friends, and a sibling and other relatives who love me, but understandably I’m not their priority.

It just feels sad, I’m just not that important to anyone.

OP posts:
Kittykat93 · 13/02/2021 18:29

I get what you mean op. My rents died when I was 20 and I've felt this feeling ever since like no one will ever love me again.

SparklingLime · 13/02/2021 18:29

I haven’t said anything, and of course, I wouldn’t, but it’s making me feel really, really teary.

Why would you of could not say anything about Zoe thing that has really upset you? Are you assuming that he won’t respond to your feelings in a nice or helpful way?

It sounds like you are generalising a BF issue to the whole of your world.

SparklingLime · 13/02/2021 18:30
  • about something
1FootInTheRave · 13/02/2021 18:30

My dh cares about me far far more than my parents ever did.

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 13/02/2021 18:31

I hear u OP....I was an orphan at 42, and the realisation that you're now top of ur own tree is horrible. Yes, I have DC, but as u say, it's down to us to look after them....I have no words of wisdom, except 10 years down the line, u kind of learn to live with it....it will get easier

Pipandmum · 13/02/2021 18:32

First off tell your boyfriend's mother they absolutely can NOT meet up! Goodness why is it so hard to understand?
Also, my parents are dead, my husband is too, and I'm pretty darn sure I am the most important person in my kids lives (my son may think his girlfriend is but wait until they break up) and my sisters would be devastated if something happened as would a few friends, though I am not their priority obviously.

Lovely1a2b3c · 13/02/2021 18:32

That's so sad that that's how you feel/things seem.

To your kids, no matter how little they are, you are their world.

Plmoknijb123 · 13/02/2021 18:33

I think there are only a few people that will really love you unconditionally and parents and/or partners are those people. It’s a harsh reality but that’s life. No one is really loved by hundreds of people.

Lovely1a2b3c · 13/02/2021 18:33

** I mean 'for your kids, not 'to'.

Original poster
Sillyreally1 · 13/02/2021 18:34

Thanks for responding everyone, I’m hiding upstairs being all dramatic and feeling sorry for myself. I need to perk it up and stop feeling sad, but this realisation has really wobbled me and made me miss my parents.

OP posts:
Holly60 · 13/02/2021 18:34

I wonder if he has been worrying in the back of his mind about his parents etc because they fall into a higher risk category. Perhaps he was less worried about you because you are not in one of the high risk groups? And his comment was more about his loved ones who are vulnerable where you perhaps aren’t so at risk? This might also have been what his mum meant too? I’d ask him what he meant, it’s the only way you’ll know

Holly60 · 13/02/2021 18:35

Also, your kids adore you I’m sure. They won’t necessarily say it, but would be totally devastated if anything happened to you. They feel about you the way you feel about your parents.

Mellonsprite · 13/02/2021 18:36

Sending you some un-mumsnetty hugs. Your kids will adore you, try to remember that.
It sounds like your BF and his parents are all a bit insensitive and I think you should remind them, so they keep themselves in check with that.

FlyingSuitcase · 13/02/2021 18:37

I bet your kids adore you and it was just a stupid, momentary lapse by your boyfriend. Your BF's mum... a bit of distance there is healthy enough.

Lockdown is really hard and it's affecting everyone's mood. Hang in there.

PumpkinPie2016 · 13/02/2021 18:37

Flowers for you OP.

Of course your children care about you (although they sound too young to express it), your boyfriend does, I'm sure, but was probably clumsy in his comments.

It sounds like you are, understandably, still grieving which is entirely natural.

My Nana died almost a year ago and I miss her terribly. I still have parents who I get on with/my husband/son(age 7) but I often feel like my Nana was the one person who truly appreciated me for who I amSad

It's hard, although it should hopefully get easier in timeFlowers

hastingsandchips · 13/02/2021 18:38

Your dcs care about you, and this will feel more obvious as they get older, eg into young adulthood Flowers Also we here on MN care.

Ideasplease322 · 13/02/2021 18:39

How are all these young people getting the vaccine???

CMOTDibbler · 13/02/2021 18:39

I know what you mean. It really hit me after my parents died that the only person in the world who was interested in my life, and being proud of me (you know, work promotions that sort of thing) was DH- there's no one to ring now and tell news to

oldbootbox · 13/02/2021 18:42

I think you are right. I'm single and one parent is dead, the other has extremely advanced dementia. Nobody is around to care about me.

absolutetelynotfabulous · 13/02/2021 18:42

I kind of get it. My mother died 12 years ago and the rest of my remaining family don't really botheand r with me (never did). I'm getting on now (dd is 19) and I'm seriously wondering whether there's any point to me any more. At least I'd be useful if I pegged it as dd would inherit.

WouldLoveToGoOnHoliday · 13/02/2021 18:42

Sorry you feel like this. I have a mum who really doesn’t give a toss about me - she has visited the city I live in without telling me ( I bumped into her in a shopping centre). So I’m basically just jealous you feel your parents loved you

I take comfort from the family I have made - with my husband and my children. Some are teenagers and currently do not love me 😂, but the older ones appreciate me. My in laws are now deceased too - could be tricky with them at times (probably jealous I’d taken their son).

Focus on the now and the future. Be glad you were loved. X