To think that after your parents die, nobody really cares about you?

[Sillyreally1]

Covid-19 vaccine related. I’m being a bit dramatic but it has made me realise that there’s nobody that really cares about me.

My parents are dead.

My DC are young and don’t understand and anyway, it’s my job to care about them, not the other way around.

My boyfriend has had his and following his mother having hers, he said ‘I’m so relieved that everyone I care about has had theirs now, I don’t need to worry’. He realised what he said almost immediately and added except you of course. He meant his sister, parents, grandparents.

My boyfriend’s lovely mother wrote on Facebook, ‘now that we’re all done, we can start meeting up again’.

I know they’re relieved, I’m relieved for them too, but I feel so sad that people just don’t care about me. I haven’t said anything, and of course, I wouldn’t, but it’s making me feel really, really teary.

Def not true, and single, 3 great brothers and 2 sons

You’re right. It’s good you have siblings though.

I can remember when my mum died leaving the care home with my siblings and all I could think about was I'm now an orphan.
I have dh, dd and 5 siblings but I think no one loves you like your parents IMO

Well my parents don’t give a shit about me, but my children and DH do, and also some dear friends. I think we build our important relationships, parents are always doing to die (generally) before us anyway.
That’s my brutal take tho because my parents are shit which is very hurtful.

I agree with you, I feel very lonely and a bit vulnerable without that unconditional support net sometimes. Hugs to you op💐

My dad died 20 years ago. I think you are right. Of course you can love other people and they love you too. But it can't replace a parents love. My dad always thought I was great, in a way no one else does.

I kind of understand where you’re coming from. Although, and I feel terribly guilty about this, for the first time in 7 years I am pleased (for want of a better expression) that my mum is not alive. She had COPD and used to have several hospital admissions a year, I cannot bear to think what it would have been like for her.

I’m 48 and my parents were both dead by the time I was 34 and I have no kids. I’m in a new relationship of several months after a decade of being single. I really understand how you feel. I think it was Sheila Hancock who said after John Thaw died, that she was nobody’s “number one”.

I have a few members of extended family, and I have friends, who all have spouses and families, so no, I don’t feel like anybody’s “number one”. I honestly don’t feel that anyone has my back, and it does make me feel sad and alone sometimes.

I was 2 days short of my 39th birthday when I became an adult orphan. My mum had died when I was 12 and my dad had never been the best parent so I kind of felt on my own for most of my life anyway.

I think OP, you have children to whom you are THE most important person and yes your job is to care for them but you need to care for yourself too.

Reach out to friends and other relatives. It might be time to strengthen bonds with others.

I’m sorry you’re feeling like this - bereft? I’ve had this feeling and it’s a very lonely sensation. Sending another unmumsnetty hug.

I bloody hope not, my parents are useless! My DH, in laws, sis and bro in law, nephews, friends, hopefully they care about me

I’d say something, what a nasty thing for your boyfriend to say.

I think we’re at a point with the vaccines though where lots of people have had it and those of us that are being left behind feel a bit odd. My parents are still here but my mum has had it early on as she works in a nursing home, PILs had theirs today, my sister is having hers next week and one of my brothers, SIL (his wife), DH and presumably SIL (DH’s sister) are all group 6 so theirs will be imminent. That leaves my dad, youngest brother and me. Dad will get his when they do over 50s and possibly DB if they do military personnel sooner so I will literally be the last person in my family to get it and I do feel weird about it TBH, like I’m being left behind.

Yes I think definitely some people without children worry about that a lot. But if you have children, not so much.

Oh and my dogs, said guiltily as they look at me like I’m the best thing since sliced bread

Good friends care, they really do. Your children care. There is no love like a mothers love in most cases, but you are definitely loved.

I hear you and definitely have those moments too, my dad died last year and my mums got severe dementia. I do have kids and I get it.... especially those days when you feel very unappreciated and just want to scream!
Hang on in there and sulk upstairs if you need to xx

@Snuffleupaguscomesout

Yes I think definitely some people without children worry about that a lot. But if you have children, not so much.

Well clearly that’s not true from this post

OP, sorry you feel like that. I do find it strange you OH said that. Sorry to point it out. I worry about my boyfriend just as much if not more as my parents. He is my world. He is my life.

I think none of us can fully appreciate how cared for we are by others until we are gone. But I promise u there would be plenty of people grieving! Your life will have touched so many people in ways u can’t even comprehend and u are incredibly important! Most people just don’t say how they feel enough Xx

My parents never cared about me. I’ve never known what it would be like to have a set of lnurturing, guiding and loving parents. They are both living the miserable and lonely old life they carved for themselves.

I’m sorry you feel uncared for. Have you told your partner how you feel 💐

@absolutetelynotfabulous I’m sorry you are feeling this way. I don’t know if it would help to know that you are not alone in those thoughts. I miss my parents, who are both dead, and although my mum was never demonstrative in showing affection, I’m sure she loved me. I’ve had 2 disastrous relationships, and both times I was never the most important person in their lives.
My children are adults and both married, so very much have their own lives, and like you, when I had a health scare 3 years ago I thought that if I died at least it would help them financially. I just wish that I was the most important person in someone’s life. As your daughter is still only 19 I’m sure, well, certainly hope, that she adores you.

I’m sorry you feel this way, are you elderly or vulnerable? I’m guessing you are, because otherwise I’d not expect to be included in a list of people needing vaccinated.

I’m very close to my 23 year old daughter. I have a close friendship group of seven. I commented on how many of us were vaccinated and how many to go. I even commented to my daughter. I didn’t include her.

Because she’s 23. We are all over fifty or vulnerable. She is clearly not. Not including her in that doesn’t mean I don’t love or care for her.

Know what you mean. My mum died 10 days ago, and most of the time I'm handling it quite well. I have a lovely boyfriend, 2 lovely boys and an ex-husband to whom we will always be family, but no-one is ever going to love me the way my mum loved me, so unconditionally. I miss her so much, even though I am loved in different ways by lots of different people.

I understand how you feel. I have lost both parents and feel alone in the world despite having a partner and two children. Everyone in our lives are temporary, we "borrow" them. I was lucky, had two loving parents and two amazing daughters who will go out and make their way in the world and one day may not need me so much, I accept this, we are all different. My grandmother used to say "blood is thicker than water" and I guess for lots of people that is true. Enjoy what you have and appreciate those you love, life is short.

Same op, and callous nasty in laws make it worse but I must admit after covid we will see them less.

Touch wood at this moment in time my beautiful dh loves me... And my dc... But as pp said, be thankful for what you had.
At least my dp did really adore me and spoil me, dh dp treat him horribly....

So be thankful. The years mine did love me will last me forever...

I get how you feel op.

My parents couldn’t give a shit. Siblings self absorbed. Separated from abusive STBX and friendships have drifted a lot during COVID.

The kids are great but at 15 and 13, I am not exactly their number 1.

I don’t know what the answer is. Rebuild social contact after lockdown? At least that gives the veneer of being cared about, even if it fades when push comes to shove.