To think that after your parents die, nobody really cares about you?

[Sillyreally1]

Covid-19 vaccine related. I’m being a bit dramatic but it has made me realise that there’s nobody that really cares about me.

My parents are dead.

My DC are young and don’t understand and anyway, it’s my job to care about them, not the other way around.

My boyfriend has had his and following his mother having hers, he said ‘I’m so relieved that everyone I care about has had theirs now, I don’t need to worry’. He realised what he said almost immediately and added except you of course. He meant his sister, parents, grandparents.

My boyfriend’s lovely mother wrote on Facebook, ‘now that we’re all done, we can start meeting up again’.

I know they’re relieved, I’m relieved for them too, but I feel so sad that people just don’t care about me. I haven’t said anything, and of course, I wouldn’t, but it’s making me feel really, really teary.

Thank you for all the unmumsnetty hugs, much appreciated We made cakes earlier, I’m going to eat my body weight in them to feel better 😊

As an only child with no extended family and a fairly rubbish relationship, I hear you. It's really been hitting home lately that when my parents are gone that's it and I'll have no family. Been with partner a long time but not married and have no kids. He has a huge family who are all very nice but can't escape the fact I'm not really part of it!

OP, my parents never cared about me, and it's hard but I've always seen it from the perspective that I'm living for my children. Loving and caring about them is my life's purpose. I've never been able to give or receive love anywhere else but that is enough for me.

When my lovely loving parents are gone, my sister has my back. My DH would die for me I'm pretty sure but even if not, the kids do love me. I'll miss my parents terribly though.

Big hugs,
I really understand where you are coming from. I’m an only child with both parents dead. It isn’t often I feel this way but just occasionally especially when my children were younger, I would realise that no one out there was looking out just for me. That unconditional love that good parents give. The contentment of being in that solid family circle.
Just because we are adults doesn’t stop us feeling missing that.

I think everyone finds it difficult when both parents have died, and it's understandable that it hits you from time to time. At the moment, most people's emotions are quite close to the surface

Your BF's comment was either a tactless slip of the tongue, or a sign that you're not a priority to him

YANBU! Your parents love you unconditionally (or should do anyway) and no one else will ever love you like they do.
My mother died 18 months ago, and I still miss her like crazy. Even though I still have my father, I miss being loved like she loved me.

Hugs to you, Op, it's hard. I sympathize.

Plus I only see my parents a couple of times a year due to distance. Feels very lonely!

My mother disowned me a year or so ago cos I'm such a shit daughter. I always believed she did actually love me. But no, apparently not.

It's different than your situation, but I completely recognise this feeling of nobody caring now. I get it. It's actually quite devastating in itself.

I've been putting on weight with cakes and chocolate as a result. My only advice is to try and have a hug before you eat any cakes or chocolate - I'm not able to do that and find that most of the time, that's what the carbs are replacing! So hug and then carbs might be a weight-moderation strategy!!

I hear you op. I have been really poorly recently and it really made me realise that the only people who actually care about me is my mum and dad. It has really made me look at DH is a while new way

Probably no one will ever love you as much as your parents do (all being well in the family of course) but there will be other people who care very much!

I do know that people feel the pinch of being an orphan, no matter how old they are. So I'm sorry you feel teary op and that there has been a bit of insensitivity over those comments.

YABU to say only your parents care about uou, however YANBU to be upset

You have DC, they may be too young to fully understand what losing their parent might mean, but this doesn't mean they don't care about you or that their lives wouldn't be devastated by your loss

Your BF should care about you. Do you not care about him? I suspect he has probably been worried about his mum as she is older, its not that he doesn't care. I have not worried about my DP catching covid as he's young and fit, and realistically of very low risk. I have worried about my parents.

Friends will care, I care about my friends. Think of all the people you care about. Ultimately yes it is our parents who will love us unconditionally but this does not mean others don't love and care about you. But when you have lost both parents it is hard, sending big hugs your way

It comes as a bit of a shock when you fully realise that your parents will die, and "unconditional" romantic love can end. There's no real way to make it feel ok in my opinion, we just have to hope there'll always be friendship in our lives, if nothing else. And at the very end, people who feel a sense of duty or we can pay to look after us. Sorry very depressing thought.

On the other hand, some people are loved consistently their entire lives. Luck of the draw mostly I think.

My parents are still alive and I am very thankful for that, however I have, DH, DS (actually the younger they are the more unconditional the love), a sibling , nephews, aunts, uncles, cousins, some very close friends. My grandfather died recently and our family have really been there for each other even though we can't be in person, I've seen my mum's friends reach out and support her too. I'm sorry you feel the way you do, but I hope you will see you don't need to surround yourself with people to whom you're a second thought. Your partner is incredibly thoughtless or doesn't value you, I'm not sure which, but it doesn't mean there's not someone who would value you. It's not always about blood either, DH is an only child, has never had a relationship with his biological father, his step father would do anything for him and DH is well loved in his wider family too and always has been they treat him no differently because of biology.

I know where you are coming from OP. My parents died when I was quite a young adult, and I had nobody. I was an only child, and I had no surviving grandparents, no aunts or uncles, no cousins, absolutely no living relatives at all. It dawned on me one day that there was literally no-one on earth who would even notice if I died. Apart from work when I didn't turn up.

I have a DH now and he doesn't 'get' it at all. But then he wouldn't. He has siblings, cousins, his DM, aunts, uncles, more distant cousins, nephews and nieces. He cannot understand what it was like for me (and still is to all intents and purposes).

The only blood relative I have is my dc.

I know what you mean, I felt like that for a while after my mum died.

I felt like that til I met my DH. He cares for me much more than either of my parents ever did.

So I agree with PPs you need a new botfriend

I feel very much the opposite. My parents didn't care, I had to come to terms with that years ago and now I have my DH and DC people do love me.

My gran, dad and my husbands dad had theirs last week and my mum had hers today, I have thought the same things as your boyfriend. Thank god the people I love have been vaccinated. I have a brother, 2 sisters a husband and a daughter, I love them all at least as much as the older members of my family but none of them are vulnerable, of course i would worry if they had covid but not as much as i would parents and grandparents who have health conditions and are 70s, 80s and 100s. I don't think you are being unreasonable and I understand why you are upset but I don't think what he said meant he loved you any less than the other people in his life.

@1FootInTheRave

My dh cares about me far far more than my parents ever did.

Same here. Both my parents are dead and I didn't grieve for either of them one iota. There was no love whatsoever between us.

Sorry if it’s been said before, but did he perhaps mean now everyone vulnerable he loves has had the vaccine he’s so relieved? If you’re in good health generally, Covid isn’t as serious for you so maybe he’s just relieved people he loves that could die from it are now protected?

OP is your boyfriend a newish relationship? Are your children his?

I ask because I’m pretty sure my husband cares about me, the mother of his children, on a par with his mother and sister. But if your boyfriend is newer in your life perhaps you’re not at that stage yet, but will be in time.

I’m assuming you’re U.K. though where currently just vulnerable and front line staff are receiving the vaccination, if that’s not the case then ignore my comment!

YANBU op. What a horrible thing for your dp to say. No wonder you are upset.

Your mil needs calling out on her comment as it doesn't work that way. If they have all had their vaccinations, that means they are either vulnerable or hcp so even less reason to meet up (even if it was allowed!)

My mum died this week so I can understand why this hurt so much. Hugs.

I don't think because you have a shitty boyfriend you can make this wide ranging statement. Sorry you don't have your parents op.

I have a great relationship with my husband but loosing my mum did make me feel quite lonely for a period and still does at times, she was my best friend and I told her things I Would never dream of telling another living sole, but I didn't feel unloved.

If your BF is otherwise loving and caring, I would just take it as a slip and make the most of the cake.