In not going to drop things off at the hospital

[Hoppinggreen]

My mum fell about 10 days ago and was taken to hospital where she has had an op. The hospital is very close to my house and when she has been there before I have been daily and taken food etc (she hates hospital food). I don’t mind visiting under normal circumstances and it’s nice to see her.
However, we have been pretty careful during Covid and stuck to the rules around seeing her. She and my sdad have health issues so are vulnerable but have been out and about more than they should, plus I know my brother has visited regularly. We are healthy but DD has mild asthma and I am overweight, plus DH is SE so if he was ill and couldn’t work it would cost us ££££££.
I dropped off a book and a couple of things my mum asked for last week but despite wearing a mask, using have gel etc I was pretty uneasy about being at the hospital and when DH had a blood test he also dropped off some clean nighties for her, the nurse taking his blood actually advised against it as he said Covid was rife in the hospital and my mums ward was opposite the Covid ward. DH did it anyway
This morning I had a text asking me to take her some more things and some food as the food there was awful, last time she was in hospital I cooked extra and took it in a cool bag to keep warm. I have replied saying I am not going to shops at the moment (thank you Ocado) and in any case I am not comfortable with coming to the hospital. I have suggested sdad do it as he has had both jabs so it’s safer to him. He does have some cognitive issues but can drive, go to shops etc.
I have had quite a nasty text back and now feel guilty - not guilty enough to do it but even so. DH is quite cross my mum would even ask
I am right not to go aren’t I? In an emergency I would go obviously but wanting a sandwich and clean undies isn’t an emergency

[quote KTheGrey]@Hoppinggreen I think if sdad can then he should. He won't catch Covid and that seems to me to put him as the most obvious candidate for making deliveries.

The business with "if only I could see my mother" has nothing to do with you. You are not responsible for Covid 19. Amazing number of people on here trying to make you feel bad about not risking your health.
Personally I think that you would be irresponsible to take that risk for the sake of your family, especially when somebody else can do it without the risk! Going out to a Covid hotspot is not the civic virtue people seem to think imo.[/quote]
Well it seems I just love my Mum far less than most people on here.
I have missed her and she’s not been too pleased at how careful we have been throughout this Covid crisis but seeing her/not seeing her is a whole different question to this as far as I am concerned

Can you AmazonPrime her new underwear. Delivery will deliver food to a ward door I am sure.

@Whythesadface

Not Read it all but, this woman has a husband. He has had the jabs. The OP is scared to go. So let the man who married the woman and promised to do the Sickness and Health bit do just that. OR do you all think OP has to do it Because it's wifework?

This is about her mother, not her MIL so HTF aid it wifework?

As you can also see, no perishables (so no food). This may not be your hospital OP but I imagine this is standard. You shouldn't be visiting, drop off (ask again at reception to drop off there), visit your hospital website and it will give you proper and updated information.

This hospital is allowing Visitors.
That is wrong.
Don't go.
It's Emotional Blackmail being piled on you by posters on this site.
The hospital is providing food, your mum won't starve.
I bet they also can provide pants if need be,

I would do this for a friend, never mind my mum!
It sounds like you’re using COVID as an excuse tbh

You're obviously not going to go (despite what the majority think here), so why bother keep replying. Thread going round and round in circles.
Go, OP, or don't go - you decide.

I think you are right to refuse, I also think a pp is right that it's more about the food.
Of course it would be more convenient for her DH to bring clean clothes in from home, but he is probably not as good a cook as you.
The pp who said this is why it's still spreading is also right. I am high risk and have been guilty of stretching rules myself to do something for someone I love. It's almost impossible not to.
The hospital are providing food and will provide disposable underwear if asked.
So it is not an essential journey.
There was information released recently that in the first wave 40% of cases were hospital transmission.
I have to go regularly, but I would not want anyone else to do so unnecessarily.

partyatthepalace so are you saying a man can't get knickers out of a drawer? SF.
The OP has not had any jabs.
So your saying as a woman she has to do Laundry for her mum, let the men in this circle do it instead... oh yes a HUSBAND.

After spending the last 7 months with a child in hospital, they absolutely do not want meals fetching in for patients. We were only allowed visitors over the fence in hospital garden. If she can use a wheelchair, then she may be able to meet you outside?

@callmeadoctor

Here is a sample from one hospital:With restrictions on the visitors allowed on our hospital sites at the moment, it is important that we do everything to keep our patients connected with their loved ones.

Information guide for relatives - patient property drop off service

We have set up a patient property drop off service so relatives/friend can drop off essential items for their loved ones who are staying in hospital.

This service will run from Monday to Friday, 8.00am to 4.00pm (excluding bank holidays) (8pm for Royal Oldham) at each of our main entrances (patient/visitor only entrances) areas – see links to map at the bottom of the page.

You may include some of the following items:

A change of clothes and underwear
Mobile phone / tablet, headphones, e-reader and charger
Reading glasses, dentures and hearing aids

Toothbrush, hairbrush and a small number of other bathroom essentials
A small comforting personal item, eg. a photo, book or magazine.
No perishable items or items of value (you will be asked to sign a disclaimer form)

To use this service please take note of the following process:

When preparing belongings please ensure you only pack essential items. These include toiletries, a mobile phone, phone charger or clothing items. You are welcome to include a letter to your loved one in the bag.
Please do not pack any valuables (eg jewellery). It will not be possible for staff on the ward to complete a property checklist and any belongings brought in will not be the responsibility of the hospital.
Ideally items should be packed in a clear plastic bag, clearly label the bag with the patient’s name and the ward they are on. However, we will provide bags on site if you don’t have any at home.
Only one relative or friend should come on to the site to bring the bag.
Our main entrances are manned by security, inform them you are dropping off patient property as soon as you arrive.
A volunteer will go through a checklist with you, checking items, cleaning all wipeable items where possible and placing them into a clear bag if required. You will be asked to sign a disclaimer form.
A volunteer will deliver the belongings to your loved one on the ward.
Thank you for your support and cooperation.

That sound brilliant At our hospital it’s Walk straight past Reception without them batting an eyelid. Wander around the hospital unchallenged until you figure out where the hell to go Go up 3 flights of stairs or get in a lift with a load of people Press the buzzer and wait for a nurse Hand over items and give name of patient Find your way back out

I think take this as an opportunity for your family to be more organised, OP.

You say your DH dropped off stuff literally 2 days ago and yet she’s already out of stuff.

Make a list, pack a bag full of clean clothes and snacks for a week. Drop it off at the hospital, pick up dirty undies and sanitise all over.

Say you’re not going back for another week. If she wants anything else in the meantime then SD or Dbro can get it.

Thats shocking Op! What does their website say?

@Dyrne

I think take this as an opportunity for your family to be more organised, OP.

You say your DH dropped off stuff literally 2 days ago and yet she’s already out of stuff.

Make a list, pack a bag full of clean clothes and snacks for a week. Drop it off at the hospital, pick up dirty undies and sanitise all over.

Say you’re not going back for another week. If she wants anything else in the meantime then SD or Dbro can get it.

That seems a sensible solution all round.

Meant to say - align purchase of snacks etc with your normal Ocado shop.

Then communicate all this to your mum: “I can’t come now but can come on C day with snacks and clothes”

One nurse in a clinic said it wasn't safe so now none of you will deliver your mum some knickers 🙄 I'm a nurse, I'm pregnant and I've been in and out of the wards the whole way through, I feel quite safe. Also, there is nothing sadder than going to get a patient washed and dressed in the morning and putting them in a nightie that says 'hospital use only' 😷 really, people feel much much better in their own clothes!

YANBU

There’s a brother and a husband who could be doing this / helping.
Just because you have a womb, does not make you the default carer.
(& the hospital should be putting better control measures in place)

Anyone fancy chipping in to cover the OP’s husband’s wage if he gets sick (self employed)?

YABU and really horrible. My relative was ill last year and although I hadn’t left the house for four months I knew I had to get on with it. It was weird as I had not been out for so long. I am also asthmatic and overweight and I would not dream of using this as an excuse not to see a sick relative. I can’t believe you would leave your mother with no underwear.

YANBU not to visit but only because YOU are the risk to other vulnerable patients in the hospital, not the other way around surely? Even families who are being “safe” could be carrying it asymptotically.

YABU not to go for fear of catching it yourself. People have to take similar risks every day for lesser reasons. Agree visits should be shared between family though.

It certainly won’t be a pleasant experience for your Mum, I hope she’s out soon.. but as others have noted having various households visiting her puts not only her, but everyone else being treated in the hospital at risk.

Also,I have been in hospital a lot. Food is never THAT bad. There is always a couple of hot food options and a couple of sandwich options plus fruit and a daily soup. It’s not great but definitely edible. If I were in hospital now I would never ask family to deliver goods. In fact,I was stuck for a week in there 8 months ago after giving birth, no visitors allowed. It was boring but she will survive!

Oh, the hive mind have spoken. I would ignore them and listen to your own reasonable concerns, and the advice of the nurse.

@Hoppinggreen - if you didn't want to know if people thought your behaviour was unreasonable, then why ask? It seems strange to gets arsey with everyone who replies.
And yes you are clearly a very unreasonable person about helping your mum and nipping at everyone who replies.

I never understand why people post here asking a question when they don;t want any answer except 'you are right' - also you seem to be inviting us all to judge your mum for her behaviour during lock down

well done OP you are a saint - your mum deserves to be left in dirty pants for going out now and then

seriously? Go get her some undies

Assuming there’s no backstory of a horrible relationship with your mother then I think you are being completely unreasonable. I’d actually do this for a stranger - let alone my mother! - considering how easy it is for you.

I would feel horribly ashamed leaving my mother in hospital without clean underwear.

You’re also wrong in that vaccines don’t make you ‘immune’ to covid.

HTH.

Don't ever ask your mum or dad for anything ever again. Not ever.
You'll be in and out and masked up.