In not going to drop things off at the hospital

[Hoppinggreen]

My mum fell about 10 days ago and was taken to hospital where she has had an op. The hospital is very close to my house and when she has been there before I have been daily and taken food etc (she hates hospital food). I don’t mind visiting under normal circumstances and it’s nice to see her.
However, we have been pretty careful during Covid and stuck to the rules around seeing her. She and my sdad have health issues so are vulnerable but have been out and about more than they should, plus I know my brother has visited regularly. We are healthy but DD has mild asthma and I am overweight, plus DH is SE so if he was ill and couldn’t work it would cost us ££££££.
I dropped off a book and a couple of things my mum asked for last week but despite wearing a mask, using have gel etc I was pretty uneasy about being at the hospital and when DH had a blood test he also dropped off some clean nighties for her, the nurse taking his blood actually advised against it as he said Covid was rife in the hospital and my mums ward was opposite the Covid ward. DH did it anyway
This morning I had a text asking me to take her some more things and some food as the food there was awful, last time she was in hospital I cooked extra and took it in a cool bag to keep warm. I have replied saying I am not going to shops at the moment (thank you Ocado) and in any case I am not comfortable with coming to the hospital. I have suggested sdad do it as he has had both jabs so it’s safer to him. He does have some cognitive issues but can drive, go to shops etc.
I have had quite a nasty text back and now feel guilty - not guilty enough to do it but even so. DH is quite cross my mum would even ask
I am right not to go aren’t I? In an emergency I would go obviously but wanting a sandwich and clean undies isn’t an emergency

[quote Hope4theBestPlan4theWorst]@Hoppinggreen
Are you going to work??[/quote]
I WFH

Not Read it all but, this woman has a husband.
He has had the jabs.
The OP is scared to go.
So let the man who married the woman and promised to do the Sickness and Health bit do just that.
OR do you all think OP has to do it Because it's wifework?

But @PurpleDaisies the OP has said vulnerable and not CEV and indicated her weight and family asthma also make them vulnerable.

Perhaps OP’s brother who has been able to visit the Mum is a lower risk person to take in underwear.

@Amammi

You are right to be careful about your health and to take precautions. You are being unreasonable to be so afraid that you won’t help your mother out. If you wear your mask and sanitise and wash your hands after your visit you will be fine.

You do realise that wearing a mask protects other people, not the person wearing the mask?!

OR do you all think OP has to do it Because it's wifework?

I would think the same of a son.

The op’s mum has asked her for help and the op has said no.

That's good then. I think you're getting an unfair battering here, there are others who can deliver the things your mum needs, and the system the hospital has in place is crap- if they had put something better in place to keep people dropping stuff off and patients safer then I am sure you would do it without thinking twice.

Your hospital sounds very outside of the norm. MIL has been in various hospitals several times in the last 12 months, and each time it's been made very clear that no one is allowed in the hospital that doesn't have an appointment. (my DF had an issue when he took my DGM to our hospital - different to MILs - where they didn't want to let him in too. He was pushing her wheelchair ffs!)
MILs hospitals let things be dropped at the main desk at the entrance in an absolute emergency, but the hospital is washing patient's clothes as needed, they really don't want loads of things (let alone people!) coming in and going out because of the infection risk, in both directions.
Has DM asked if she can get her things washed? If she's squirelling them away and the staff don't know she's run out of clean stuff they may not have offered.

YANBU IMO. Your mum is a bit, but then I'd let her off, as she'll be feeling vulnerable and scared.

Sorry your mum is I'll OP

My DN was on an actually Covid ward an hour away from our house and Monday will be the third trip to bring her more things...

What are the chances catching Covid from just entering the building and leaving a bag on the floor 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Sheepies

That's good then. I think you're getting an unfair battering here, there are others who can deliver the things your mum needs, and the system the hospital has in place is crap- if they had put something better in place to keep people dropping stuff off and patients safer then I am sure you would do it without thinking twice.

I would have no issue dropping things off at a Reception. I would be happier if I didn’t need to go to a shop first.

When my elderly parent was in hospital very ill with pneumonia and sepsis nobody was allowed on the ward to visit, despite not having COVID. No idea what said relative did for underwear as went in with very little. The hospital were amazing but did not want anything brought in at all.

OP has said vulnerable and not CEV and indicated her weight and family asthma also make them vulnerable.

Mild asthma is not a serious risk. The op hasn’t alluded to the level of overweightness that makes a big difference.

DO NOT GO. You visit at your own risk and every time you visit you risk your families lives it's that simple. Drop underwear off at the door for the staff to collect from you then leave. Tell her to stop being precious about the food when folk are dying.

*ill

Well if he's willing todo it she should absolutely be asking him so am with you. She will have to ask him. She's happy to inconvenience you and put you at risk but not him who has had both vacs.

I had an accident at home the other week. I had a panic attack as a result - not because of my injury but at the thought of having to go anywhere near the hospital! Managed to get some medical advice and treat myself at home (though was told later it should have been seen by a professional at the time). I've had covid, and I've had my first vaccination, but the thought of going near somewhere where it was rife absolutely filled me with dread, so I understand how you feel op.
Undies are a necessity, but you don't have to take them if her partner can - you're justified in your thinking on that one imo as he is more protected than you.
I don't think the food is necessary though, and I'd say no to that. Hospital food can be rank, but it won't kill you. Maybe order a shop to be delivered for when she gets home though, filled with her favourites.

@TJ17

My DN was on an actually Covid ward an hour away from our house and Monday will be the third trip to bring her more things...

What are the chances catching Covid from just entering the building and leaving a bag on the floor 🤷🏼‍♀️

How about walking down a long corridor going up 3 flights of stairs or in a lift and then pressing the buzzer on the ward door (opposite the Covid ward)? What are the chances of getting Covid from that? We don’t know

I can see your point tbf.

It sounds as though your stepdad and brother are both visiting too which surprises me butter could help under the circumstances.

If it's an emergency then yes, would mask up and go. Perhaps you could get some extra disposable pants as well as clean ones and a supply of healthy snacks and do a one off drop to reception for her, then ask your step dad and brother to step up?

I am amazed with the hospital allowing people into the wards and bringing things in.

I also would think it is better to restrict visitors to one person only, so the SD.

If I had a family member in hospital I don’t think I would be too impressed if another patient had a variety of people rocking up at various times.

Has your mum even asked your brother to do it, or only you?

Wow even in Australia most hospitals haven't been allowed visitors except their partner etc. I'm surprised you're actually allowed in. You can't actually walk in our local hospitals, you have to be buzzed in to a certain entrance or pass security with who you are etc.

If it was me op I wouldn't be able to go because of living with vulnerable people, but I would want to and find it hard not to. I'd arrange it to get to her somehow as I couldn't leave my mum without clothes and nice food. But I get why you'd be worried.
People saying you have 'the covid fear' is stupid. It's killing people, of course you don't want it.

YANBU OP. If it's a choice between a capable woman or a capable man doing domestic tasks, posters on MN will always tell you that the woman should do it.

The step-dad is more than capable. If he's forgetful, your mum can text him a list.

@Hoppinggreen I think if sdad can then he should. He won't catch Covid and that seems to me to put him as the most obvious candidate for making deliveries.

The business with "if only I could see my mother" has nothing to do with you. You are not responsible for Covid 19. Amazing number of people on here trying to make you feel bad about not risking your health.
Personally I think that you would be irresponsible to take that risk for the sake of your family, especially when somebody else can do it without the risk! Going out to a Covid hotspot is not the civic virtue people seem to think imo.

Here is a sample from one hospital:With restrictions on the visitors allowed on our hospital sites at the moment, it is important that we do everything to keep our patients connected with their loved ones.

Information guide for relatives - patient property drop off service

We have set up a patient property drop off service so relatives/friend can drop off essential items for their loved ones who are staying in hospital.

This service will run from Monday to Friday, 8.00am to 4.00pm (excluding bank holidays) (8pm for Royal Oldham) at each of our main entrances (patient/visitor only entrances) areas – see links to map at the bottom of the page.

You may include some of the following items:

A change of clothes and underwear
Mobile phone / tablet, headphones, e-reader and charger
Reading glasses, dentures and hearing aids

Toothbrush, hairbrush and a small number of other bathroom essentials
A small comforting personal item, eg. a photo, book or magazine.
No perishable items or items of value (you will be asked to sign a disclaimer form)

To use this service please take note of the following process:

When preparing belongings please ensure you only pack essential items. These include toiletries, a mobile phone, phone charger or clothing items. You are welcome to include a letter to your loved one in the bag.
Please do not pack any valuables (eg jewellery). It will not be possible for staff on the ward to complete a property checklist and any belongings brought in will not be the responsibility of the hospital.
Ideally items should be packed in a clear plastic bag, clearly label the bag with the patient’s name and the ward they are on. However, we will provide bags on site if you don’t have any at home.
Only one relative or friend should come on to the site to bring the bag.
Our main entrances are manned by security, inform them you are dropping off patient property as soon as you arrive.
A volunteer will go through a checklist with you, checking items, cleaning all wipeable items where possible and placing them into a clear bag if required. You will be asked to sign a disclaimer form.
A volunteer will deliver the belongings to your loved one on the ward.
Thank you for your support and cooperation.

On the food front, yes, it can be quite unpleasant. But as well as the hot microwave meals every hospital I've been in has also offered sandwiches / bowl of soup / jacket potato / salad or something along those lines at each meal time. Maybe not all off them at every meal, but always sandwiches. If she's able to get a plain ham / cheese sandwich at meal times and just is choosing not to, then that's her choice. I wouldn't be popping to a shop daily to bring her food, which seems to be what she wants? As she won't be able to fridge anything and the hospital will have a policy of throwing away any food after x hours because of food poisoning risk. Crisps and ambient stuff would be OK, but it doesn't sound like that's what she wants?