In not going to drop things off at the hospital

[Hoppinggreen]

My mum fell about 10 days ago and was taken to hospital where she has had an op. The hospital is very close to my house and when she has been there before I have been daily and taken food etc (she hates hospital food). I don’t mind visiting under normal circumstances and it’s nice to see her.
However, we have been pretty careful during Covid and stuck to the rules around seeing her. She and my sdad have health issues so are vulnerable but have been out and about more than they should, plus I know my brother has visited regularly. We are healthy but DD has mild asthma and I am overweight, plus DH is SE so if he was ill and couldn’t work it would cost us ££££££.
I dropped off a book and a couple of things my mum asked for last week but despite wearing a mask, using have gel etc I was pretty uneasy about being at the hospital and when DH had a blood test he also dropped off some clean nighties for her, the nurse taking his blood actually advised against it as he said Covid was rife in the hospital and my mums ward was opposite the Covid ward. DH did it anyway
This morning I had a text asking me to take her some more things and some food as the food there was awful, last time she was in hospital I cooked extra and took it in a cool bag to keep warm. I have replied saying I am not going to shops at the moment (thank you Ocado) and in any case I am not comfortable with coming to the hospital. I have suggested sdad do it as he has had both jabs so it’s safer to him. He does have some cognitive issues but can drive, go to shops etc.
I have had quite a nasty text back and now feel guilty - not guilty enough to do it but even so. DH is quite cross my mum would even ask
I am right not to go aren’t I? In an emergency I would go obviously but wanting a sandwich and clean undies isn’t an emergency

OP your SDad isn’t immune from
Covid just because he’s received both jabs.
But send the 80 year old out to the hospital in the middle of winter! I am sure he’s capable as he drives

Wow. This thread really brings home how absolutely pants most posters must be at reading.

Shocking lack of comprehension. Massive amounts of assumption and spite.

YABU, and you know it. Your mum hasn’t been pushing you to visit her at home during the pandemic: for her to have asked you now, she must be desperate. She didn’t ask the others you say would be better placed to take the risk you refuse to expose yourself to, why is that? If that’s unreasonable of her, you wouldn’t be here trying to dig up excuses you can use when your mum, or anyone else other than DH, ask you why you’re being so cruel.

IDK how you can hesitate - if your mum has been a reasonable parent & not taken advantage of you before, then how you can think you’re being a decent reasonable human being now, I really don’t know.

@PopperPet

YABU, and you know it. Your mum hasn’t been pushing you to visit her at home during the pandemic: for her to have asked you now, she must be desperate. She didn’t ask the others you say would be better placed to take the risk you refuse to expose yourself to, why is that? If that’s unreasonable of her, you wouldn’t be here trying to dig up excuses you can use when your mum, or anyone else other than DH, ask you why you’re being so cruel.

IDK how you can hesitate - if your mum has been a reasonable parent & not taken advantage of you before, then how you can think you’re being a decent reasonable human being now, I really don’t know.

Why do you think my Mum hasn’t been pushing me to visit her at home during the pandemic? Where have I said that? I said she thought I was being “silly” in sticking to guidelines, partly because I wouldn’t visit

@maddiemookins16mum

I voted YABU. Still think that (although have wavered a bit). That said, glad it’s all sorted now and you have taken a lot of far too harsh comments (the cake one fgs!!!) very well. I hope your Mum gets better soon 💐 and here’s to positive vibes to you and your family.

I appreciate that. I don’t need anyone to agree with me, I find it interesting the majority don’t. Clearly I am wrong. Along with peoples opinions there has been an awful lot of spite, assumptions and a basic lack of reading and comprehension in some cases but I’m not too bothered to be honest. Nobody on here knows me IRL

I haven't RTFT but I have read all of your posts Hopping which I think have been a model of restraint and good humour. So I voted YANBU.

Might go back now though and read a few more of the LTB posts you were replying to which seem like a teeny bit of an overreaction

I don’t particularly like my mother, but I’d still take her things if she was in hospital. Our local hospital just lets you drop things off at the reception desk so you’d probably not even be allowed in to the actual ward.

I'm glad its resolved OP, I voted YABU as even having to go up to the ward the risk is incredibly low as long as you practice proper hygiene, avoiding touching your face until you can wash/sanatise them, and avoiding the lift if others are in it. Your arguments about your step dad being better placed to do it are valid, but honestly your going to get yourself so worked up if you can't even pop into a building to drop something off and come right back out again. How are you going to feel if one of your kids needs hospital treatment and you HAVE to be there?

Also I think it was incredibly unprofessional of the nurse to say to you husband that you shouldn't drop stuff of for your mother.

@Flydesk

I don’t particularly like my mother, but I’d still take her things if she was in hospital. Our local hospital just lets you drop things off at the reception desk so you’d probably not even be allowed in to the actual ward.

To save you reading the many many times I have said it before I would have had to take things up to the ward. Dropping at Reception near the entrance wouldn’t have worried me

Wow .... just wow!! If this thread contains a snapshot of the mindset of many of the great British public it's just horrific. As a Brit living abroad, watching the situation from afar and wondering why on earth it is so bad in UK - this explains a lot.

Of course you aren't BU OP - someone upthread accused you of having the 'COVID fear' - blimey o'riley if only more people had the 'fear' then maybe so many wouldn't have lost their lives to this pandemic!

Your mum might not be having the best time of her life right now - but how would she ever live with her conscience if you caught COVID making unnecessary trips into a hospital known to have wards of infected patients!

Give your heads s wobble UK people - this is actually real and actually killing people!

@VasterThanEmpires

I haven't RTFT but I have read all of your posts Hopping which I think have been a model of restraint and good humour. So I voted YANBU.

Might go back now though and read a few more of the LTB posts you were replying to which seem like a teeny bit of an overreaction

Thank you, I am really not bothered about the vitriol to be honest. It kind of washes over me. My bastard DH just brought me a glass or red and is trying to find a movie we both fancy on Netflix - controlling twat.

@EarlGreywithLemon I don't think I'm being uncalled for at all. @Hoppinggreen and @Mother40, online deliveries are all well and good but that's still putting somebody at risk that doesn't need to be. I don't understand why anyone gets online deliveries when they can to to a shop, I had this argument with my perfectly healthy flatmate so I am by no means picking on you OP. I think doing it when other people's deliveries slots that need it get cancelled is daft. Deliveries should be for people who need them not for people who don't fancy going.

Put it in an Amazon box and drop it an reception. People get deliveries in hospital all the time and the porters take them up to the ward, I’m not sure why they refused.
Doing caring roles like this are unfortunately often dropped onto females, rather than sons, brothers and husbands

@Hoppinggreen

At risk of being accused of being arsey or stamping my feet and to save people reading the whole thread I can’t leave things at Reception, I have to go up to the ward Sdad is capable of doing this She currently has underwear but will soon need more I would usually be happy to visit daily and take her anything she wants and food Covid is the ONLY reason I don’t want to go I don’t hate her

To be honest OP I don't think YABU entirely... it sounds like you do a lot for your mum based on your previous replies and it's not too much to ask the others who can help, to help.

If she's left with no clean undies I would consider taking them to her but if worried, double mask, gloves on and hand wash and sanitise etc as your worries are legitimate and shouldn't be ignored just to drop knickers off...

My own DDad has just been diagnosed with cancer following an emergency dash to a&e, major operation to remove a huge tumour and 11 day stay in hospital and I dropped things to him every day (hospital rules were to drop at reception and fill a form out with the same pen for all so soon learned to take my own) and cared for my mum as well (disabled and vulnerable) as well as working full time and having my own family to care for and my 2 brothers and sister were nowhere to be seen so believe me I get the feeling of having to do while others can and aren't...

I don't think you sound like you're without empathy, uncaring or hate your mum

I have experienced the flip of this. I was staying in hospital with my daughter. Emergency admission, had been there three days, husband couldn't come to the hospital as had to shield due to being contacted on test and trace app. Day three, I was desperate for a shower and something to eat. Had been surviving on a packet of biscuits I had in my handbag. Daughter had hospital food, I had nothing! I begged my mum to come and sit with my daughter so I could go home for an hour, shower, change, pick up clean clothes for the both of us, pick up some food for myself and a book and she also refused to. I'll never forgive her for that. Cold, selfish and nasty.

Shitting hell you won’t take your mother necessary bits to hospital when she’s been in there 10 days?

Even if there is someone else who can do it, i think YABVU.

Unless there’s a big back story but I haven’t rtft so sorry if there is.

I lost a parent not long ago, I can’t imagine how absolutely horrific I’d feel about myself knowing that I put my own anxiety about covid above ensuring they had what they needed when they were alone in hospital.

It's not the point that you're not the only person who COULD do it. She asked you. End of.

I don’t think it matters what I’d personally do but what you’re willing to do for your mum. You’ve clearly made up your mind that she’s being unreasonable and could ask others. You’re confident in this despite the amount of comments on here. It just makes me wonder why you posted the question in the first place.

We don’t know the full extent of your relationship with your mum, how careless she has been in regards to Covid, how she’s treated you over the years. So I’m on the fence. I’m sure you have your reasons for the decision you have come to. You clearly don’t need us.

Hope she feels better very soon.

@Vallmo47

I don’t think it matters what I’d personally do but what you’re willing to do for your mum. You’ve clearly made up your mind that she’s being unreasonable and could ask others. You’re confident in this despite the amount of comments on here. It just makes me wonder why you posted the question in the first place.

We don’t know the full extent of your relationship with your mum, how careless she has been in regards to Covid, how she’s treated you over the years. So I’m on the fence. I’m sure you have your reasons for the decision you have come to. You clearly don’t need us.

Hope she feels better very soon.

Thank you However, I have said at least 3 times that have taken the comments on board and come to the conclusion that I ABU. Due to some posts I have also realised why I might have reacted like I did so it’s been useful

@FuckingFabulous

I have experienced the flip of this. I was staying in hospital with my daughter. Emergency admission, had been there three days, husband couldn't come to the hospital as had to shield due to being contacted on test and trace app. Day three, I was desperate for a shower and something to eat. Had been surviving on a packet of biscuits I had in my handbag. Daughter had hospital food, I had nothing! I begged my mum to come and sit with my daughter so I could go home for an hour, shower, change, pick up clean clothes for the both of us, pick up some food for myself and a book and she also refused to. I'll never forgive her for that. Cold, selfish and nasty.

Is your husband also cold, selfish and nasty because he wouldn’t come to sit with his daughter?

I’d be more annoyed with him than your (probably) older and more at risk mother.

S-dad could pick it up from your door step, zero contact. Would that be okay?

@HelloThereMeHearties

Masks. Don't. Protect. The. Person. Wearing. Them.

It depends on the mask doesn't it? N95 yes?

@FinalSongbird

S-dad could pick it up from your door step, zero contact. Would that be okay?

The stuff she needed was at their house, no need to collect anything from me

Glad you sorted it out OP

I'm slightly stunned by the bitchfest that piled on you here. You took it well.

@Whythesadface

OP visits mum, OP gets Covid. OP's Family now HAVE Covid, but no one knows. OP takes DD to School. Covid strain is the BAD one. Before anyone shows symptoms , ever person in school has Covid. ERGO everyone at school and all their families are told to isolate....

Where are you that WHOLE SCHOOLS are having to shut? It's just the bubbles. Calm down.