In not going to drop things off at the hospital

[Hoppinggreen]

My mum fell about 10 days ago and was taken to hospital where she has had an op. The hospital is very close to my house and when she has been there before I have been daily and taken food etc (she hates hospital food). I don’t mind visiting under normal circumstances and it’s nice to see her.
However, we have been pretty careful during Covid and stuck to the rules around seeing her. She and my sdad have health issues so are vulnerable but have been out and about more than they should, plus I know my brother has visited regularly. We are healthy but DD has mild asthma and I am overweight, plus DH is SE so if he was ill and couldn’t work it would cost us ££££££.
I dropped off a book and a couple of things my mum asked for last week but despite wearing a mask, using have gel etc I was pretty uneasy about being at the hospital and when DH had a blood test he also dropped off some clean nighties for her, the nurse taking his blood actually advised against it as he said Covid was rife in the hospital and my mums ward was opposite the Covid ward. DH did it anyway
This morning I had a text asking me to take her some more things and some food as the food there was awful, last time she was in hospital I cooked extra and took it in a cool bag to keep warm. I have replied saying I am not going to shops at the moment (thank you Ocado) and in any case I am not comfortable with coming to the hospital. I have suggested sdad do it as he has had both jabs so it’s safer to him. He does have some cognitive issues but can drive, go to shops etc.
I have had quite a nasty text back and now feel guilty - not guilty enough to do it but even so. DH is quite cross my mum would even ask
I am right not to go aren’t I? In an emergency I would go obviously but wanting a sandwich and clean undies isn’t an emergency

YABU as you are completely overreacting OP.

And you're also being extremely unkind to your poor mum.

Just take precautions such as washing your hands.

@Hoppinggreen

Even though sdad can do it instead?

Surely SDad is NOK and having had both jabs is more protected. As her husband he should want to see her every day as well.

What's changed since earlier in the week? The risk is exactly the same. The only thing that's changed is your DH's attitude.
Go and drop the stuff off for your mum.

Unfortunately he can’t see her, nobody can
Only drop off at the ward door

@Hoppinggreen

Believe it or not I am actually pretty fond of my sdad - who lives a10 minute drive away. I look after him when needed, help him and include him in my family (as I should) far more than his own daughter who can’t be arsed frankly. If I thought he might die in a car crash on his way to the hospital (really?) or wasn’t capable of doing this for his wife I wouldn’t have asked. He has a completely different attitude to the risk of Covid than me, he hasn’t been overly concerned where I am so yes, I did prefer him to go to the hospital rather than me. Plus he has what she needed and didn’t need to go via a shop ( I haven’t been in one in ages) And to recap (again) he has been and everyone is fine

I'm glad it all sorted out for you OP

The vaccine doesn't make people 100% immune so your sdad is still more at risk as an older person. Plus she has asked you. My Mum would be so upset in this situation.

Glad its all sorted and you've admitted YABU

@Daisychainsandglitter

What's changed since earlier in the week? The risk is exactly the same. The only thing that's changed is your DH's attitude. Go and drop the stuff off for your mum.

When I went last week I just kind of didn’t think about it When I got there and saw all the signs etc and all the people walking round, plus the long walk to the other side of the hospital and the lift up and 3 flights down I felt a bit uneasy. Then when a nurse told DH it wasn’t a good idea to go up to the 3rd floor as that’s where the Covid ward was I felt even more concerned. Then when I realised that apart from dog walks we never leave the house and that hospitals are Covid hotspots THAT is what changed

How worried you are about catching covid doesn't affect your likelihood of catching it...

@TooManyAnimals94

How worried you are about catching covid doesn't affect your likelihood of catching it...

But frequency of visiting places that are rife with Covid does.

I would do it for my mum. I work in a busy supermarket though, and have been surrounded by people for the last year.

I think I must have more of a ‘have to get on with it’ mindset. I have no choice.

I just want to praise your resilience, OP.

Hope your sdad does it.

You obviously don’t think you are being unreasonable

Do you have children who have been in school or childcare? (Autumn term). Does your DH work outside thd home?
If so, your family have been exposed to Covid.
I would swap places and walk over hot coals for my mum - bringing her clean underwear would the minimum I could do. I can only assume that you aren't close.

But the OP lives really near the hospital? Surely that is the main point . If our mum were in hospital I would hope the nearest sibling would help most.

@FoodieToo

But the OP lives really near the hospital? Surely that is the main point . If our mum were in hospital I would hope the nearest sibling would help most.

Or you could take in turns Both me and DH went last week

Sdad did it hours ago to save people RTFT
He was happy to go and is back home and fine

No I wouldn't expect to take equal turns with siblings who were nearer than me . Nor would they of me . If I were nearest I would do anything I could .

@TriflePudding

You obviously don’t think you are being unreasonable

I think that actually I am. 68% of people think so too I am surprised to be honest but anyway it’s sorted and I will have to decide whether to go next time she needs something, although hopefully she will be home soon.

@FoodieToo

But the OP lives really near the hospital? Surely that is the main point . If our mum were in hospital I would hope the nearest sibling would help most.

But Op would have had to go to her mum's to pick up what was wanted/needed, so just as easy for her sdad to do it.

@DianaT1969

Do you have children who have been in school or childcare? (Autumn term). Does your DH work outside thd home? If so, your family have been exposed to Covid. I would swap places and walk over hot coals for my mum - bringing her clean underwear would the minimum I could do. I can only assume that you aren't close.

DH been working from home for almost a year. DC have been in school though, not for a while obviously and with 2 lots of isolation before xmas

I would have just bought underwear locally and dropped off.

I think theres two parts to this tbh. I do think re the dropping things off - as its local and youre not vulnerable, provided you wear a mask etc i personally would do it. Its your choice whether yo should ot not but i would.

The nasty text though is another thing - is this a common behaviour of hers? Asking as its something like my mother would do who is narcissistic

YABVU !!

I voted YABU. Still think that (although have wavered a bit). That said, glad it’s all sorted now and you have taken a lot of far too harsh comments (the cake one fgs!!!) very well. I hope your Mum gets better soon 💐 and here’s to positive vibes to you and your family.