In not going to drop things off at the hospital

[Hoppinggreen]

My mum fell about 10 days ago and was taken to hospital where she has had an op. The hospital is very close to my house and when she has been there before I have been daily and taken food etc (she hates hospital food). I don’t mind visiting under normal circumstances and it’s nice to see her.
However, we have been pretty careful during Covid and stuck to the rules around seeing her. She and my sdad have health issues so are vulnerable but have been out and about more than they should, plus I know my brother has visited regularly. We are healthy but DD has mild asthma and I am overweight, plus DH is SE so if he was ill and couldn’t work it would cost us ££££££.
I dropped off a book and a couple of things my mum asked for last week but despite wearing a mask, using have gel etc I was pretty uneasy about being at the hospital and when DH had a blood test he also dropped off some clean nighties for her, the nurse taking his blood actually advised against it as he said Covid was rife in the hospital and my mums ward was opposite the Covid ward. DH did it anyway
This morning I had a text asking me to take her some more things and some food as the food there was awful, last time she was in hospital I cooked extra and took it in a cool bag to keep warm. I have replied saying I am not going to shops at the moment (thank you Ocado) and in any case I am not comfortable with coming to the hospital. I have suggested sdad do it as he has had both jabs so it’s safer to him. He does have some cognitive issues but can drive, go to shops etc.
I have had quite a nasty text back and now feel guilty - not guilty enough to do it but even so. DH is quite cross my mum would even ask
I am right not to go aren’t I? In an emergency I would go obviously but wanting a sandwich and clean undies isn’t an emergency

@SabrinaMorningstar

The OP isn't putting her own needs first. She's putting her DH's changing opinion before her own decision (which was to drop stuff off at the hospital).

You really dont like my DH do you?

OP, I think you've done exactly the right thing under the circumstances - your mum has what she needs and everyone is as safe as possible.

Her stepdad can not only access her knicker drawer he’s had the jabs and he should have been the first person to be asked.

As it is, @Hoppinggreen would have to get things from a shop, go to mums house and get stuff for mum then go to hospital

All points of risk, and not vaccinated either

I wouldn’t do it. Even if I got on with my mother .

Her husband has the in sickness and in health promise, and he would be at far less risk

Honestly I'd do anything for my mum if she asked. I think yabu.

lovely
i hope that your children are as kind to you when they grow up

OP the messages you’ve received on here are disgusting. And the constant comments saying ‘leave items at reception’ - are people not able to read?

SDad should have taken items. You are not selfish, I am sure you love your mum. Stay away from the hospital

I sometimes don't get on with my mum but the thought of her being in hospital asking for basics like food and clean underwear and me refusing ......

My post wasn’t illogical if you’d stop laughing long enough to engage your brains.

If someone didn’t care about catching a disease, why would they bother to protect themselves against it?

Just think for a microsecond before you call people asinine.

@JackieweaverhasALLtheauthority

lovely i hope that your children are as kind to you when they grow up

And I hope they don’t put themselves at unnecessary risk when I have a perfectly good husband who can help me instead

I’m normally pretty free with my LTBs but in this case it’s so absurd 🤣

How many times will OP need to explain that she can’t leave things in reception before the message sinks in, I wonder?

Hopping I've been on here a long time and recognise your name from lots of threads. I don't know your DH but it's fair to say that I'm a bit concerned about the dynamic of your relationship with him.

@MumofSpud

I sometimes don't get on with my mum but the thought of her being in hospital asking for basics like food and clean underwear and me refusing ......

I sorted it with one phone call She has what she needs

@SabrinaMorningstar

Hopping I've been on here a long time and recognise your name from lots of threads. I don't know your DH but it's fair to say that I'm a bit concerned about the dynamic of your relationship with him.

No you don’t, I rarely mention him Utter bollocks

I had to drop some things in to hospital for a relative last week & had to go all through the hospital and ring the bell at the ward. No hand sanitizer near the bell! I had my own. All the doors through the hospital were closed & people touching them, no ventilation. I couldn't get out fast enough.

I dont think YABU. If your brother can do it or your step dad then I think you're just being expected to do it because you're female to be honest.

It's an enclosed space full of covid patients where even the nurses are advising not to come, so I'd say the chances of catching it are quite high.

The chances of you dying are extremely low but the chances of longcovid are reasonably high, 1 in 20 last time it was in the news.

That's quite a real risk, for the sake of clean pants that someone else who already takes those real risks can help with
.

You mention him more than you think and he reminds me of an ex hence probably why I notice it.

I'm not the best person to ask seeing that I took clothes for my MIL right up to the door of the covid ward and they gave me back a bag of dirty washing.

@SabrinaMorningstar

You mention him more than you think and he reminds me of an ex hence probably why I notice it.

Again, complete bollocks Stop projecting, just because you had a shit ex doesn’t mean DH is the same. You know nothing about him, as I said I rarely mention him.

If your brother can do it or your step dad then I think you're just being expected to do it because you're female to be honest

well that is maybe true but the OP says her step dad has cognitive difficulties and the OP lives close to the hospital. I wouldn't be getting het up about sexism at work here.

@KatieB55

I had to drop some things in to hospital for a relative last week & had to go all through the hospital and ring the bell at the ward. No hand sanitizer near the bell! I had my own. All the doors through the hospital were closed & people touching them, no ventilation. I couldn't get out fast enough.

I sanitised at every stage when I went last week, I also wiped lift buttons etc with antibacterial wipes. I still felt very uncomfortable

Oh now I've seen the bit about the step dad only having problems with long term memory. Well it wasn't relevant to mention cognitive impairments then, was it? He can do it.

He can and did poppycat

@AnaisNun If your daughter had wildly uncontrolled asthma and you were morbidly obese i might understand, but “Mild asthma” and being a bit podgy are both nothing like serious risk factors.

This is the funniest , well that and the OP thinking vaccination means you can’t catch covid so it’s fine for an 80 year old man to visit the hospital, wander past reception and go up to the third floor and find his own way out. No risk at all.

@Hoppinggreen I understand why you're reluctant to go to the hospital. A lot of the posters on MN don't take Covid seriously and seem to think a non-surgical grade facemask and some hand gel will keep you 100% safe. Might lower your risk, but it won't eliminate it, and you're scared because you have additional risk factors (being overweight). I do get that.

However, you seem to think a better solution is for anyone else to go because they're not you. Your stepdad is 80. Like the facemask and hand gel, the vaccine is not a 100% solution. If he caught Covid, he would still probably have a harder time of it than you.

I totally get your reluctance, but where I think you're being unreasonable is in your proposed solution.

In your case, I think I'd help out on the basis that whilst I would be scared, I also wouldn't prioritise my life over my stepdad or my sibling. I'd also only do essential runs to minimise the number of trips - things like clean clothes. When it comes to medical stuff, I think family have to help, even if there is a bit of a personal burden.

In short, you're being a little unreasonable. But I do think some of the posters have been unnecessarily harsh towards you. We live in scary times.

@SabrinaMorningstar

Hopping I've been on here a long time and recognise your name from lots of threads. I don't know your DH but it's fair to say that I'm a bit concerned about the dynamic of your relationship with him.

Oh ffs