In not going to drop things off at the hospital

[Hoppinggreen]

My mum fell about 10 days ago and was taken to hospital where she has had an op. The hospital is very close to my house and when she has been there before I have been daily and taken food etc (she hates hospital food). I don’t mind visiting under normal circumstances and it’s nice to see her.
However, we have been pretty careful during Covid and stuck to the rules around seeing her. She and my sdad have health issues so are vulnerable but have been out and about more than they should, plus I know my brother has visited regularly. We are healthy but DD has mild asthma and I am overweight, plus DH is SE so if he was ill and couldn’t work it would cost us ££££££.
I dropped off a book and a couple of things my mum asked for last week but despite wearing a mask, using have gel etc I was pretty uneasy about being at the hospital and when DH had a blood test he also dropped off some clean nighties for her, the nurse taking his blood actually advised against it as he said Covid was rife in the hospital and my mums ward was opposite the Covid ward. DH did it anyway
This morning I had a text asking me to take her some more things and some food as the food there was awful, last time she was in hospital I cooked extra and took it in a cool bag to keep warm. I have replied saying I am not going to shops at the moment (thank you Ocado) and in any case I am not comfortable with coming to the hospital. I have suggested sdad do it as he has had both jabs so it’s safer to him. He does have some cognitive issues but can drive, go to shops etc.
I have had quite a nasty text back and now feel guilty - not guilty enough to do it but even so. DH is quite cross my mum would even ask
I am right not to go aren’t I? In an emergency I would go obviously but wanting a sandwich and clean undies isn’t an emergency

I only read OP's posts... I'm in the YANBU camp, actually!!

Although I think you're being a bit precious about your own health risk, you already do more for her than I would expect DC to do for me.

Hope you feel good about whatever happens next.

@SpongeBobJudgeyPants

I'm not sure what I would do in this situation. Can you speak to DB Or SDad and ask them if they can sort?

I really want a pin button for you Hopping. OP CANNOT LEAVE THE STUFF AT RECEPTION.

This is the new 'cancel the cheque ' isn't it?

And I know I shouldn't, but I had' to laugh at Apart from the cunt who called me fat

You tell 'em.

Did you see the original response?

They said she was fat and didn't care or words to that effect so OP said she found shoving cakes in left little room for empathy.

Belter.

Wow 😳

I get coughed on by kids at work every day. I’d go in a heartbeat. You’d literally be dropping them off!

Don’t understand how she keeps running out of clean pants - surely one visit to drop off a load of pants and clothes is all that was needed! I’d not be going up daily with bloody food though. She won’t starve.

Maybe go once with a loada underwear, nightwear and snacks in a suitcase and then you’ve done your bit.

RootyT00t are you saying I am WRONG.
Wow so covid is not spread from person to person.
So since all medical science the world over is WRONG.
Please can you explain how it is spread, I am so interested.

@Idontbelieveit12

Wow 😳

I get coughed on by kids at work every day. I’d go in a heartbeat. You’d literally be dropping them off!

God don't say that. Me too.

Sadface will be telling you that 100 families need to isolate because the school has covid.

@Whythesadface

RootyT00t are you saying I am WRONG. Wow so covid is not spread from person to person. So since all medical science the world over is WRONG. Please can you explain how it is spread, I am so interested.

Yes I am telling you you're wrong. I said about two pages ago you're off your head and I stand by that.

I’ve had to go out to work during lockdown (key worker) , but even so I think you’re getting an unnecessarily hard time here. If you were the only person your mum had I could understand her asking you for everything- but your mum has a husband and a son who can also take in the things that she needs. Providing food and clean clothes can also be done by men. Taking in nice food for your mum is one thing, but it isn’t fair for her to expect you to take in a home-made dinner for her every day.

Agree with poster who suggested that getting more organised as a family is the way forward. Figure out a rota for who’ll visit, who’ll bring and return what- stepdad organising clothes and laundry seems for more sensible, as he lives in the house where your mum’s clothes are.

@MilesJuppIsMyBitch, that's the way I felt, so yeah.
She can find a way to minimise contact. She maybe able to drop off the stuff at reception, or at the door at ward.
If it was me, I would try to do everything to help my mum, while trying to be safe as possible.

COVID-19 alert
Common question
How is the coronavirus disease spread?

The disease can spread from person to person through small droplets from the nose or mouth which are spread when a person with COVID-19 coughs or exhales. These droplets land on objects and surfaces around the person which can infect other people by touching them, then touching their eyes, nose or mouth.

Does this HELP it's off the Govenment site....

Stop thinking of yourself op.
Your poor mum has had 10 days of this. It’s crap being in hospital even when you can have visitors.
I’d be heartbroken if my daughter said no to me.

To put a different spin on this. If I was the mum I wouldn’t be asking my DC to come to the hospital in the first place. Mine are adults, neither vulnerable, but if I were rushed into hospital I would ask them to come once to bring essentials and not again.

OP, I personally feel your mum shouldn’t even be putting you in this position and then to send a nasty text when you don’t want to is just guilt tripping. You have been torn to shreds here and I’m not sure why. Your brother can go if he is so confident about things.

The nurse maybe said that to your husband because its ridiculous to be taking in a sandwich every day. Tell her to write on her menu her sandwich choice, hospitals do have sandwiches.

The clean clothes YABU, I would say every 3 days do a little swap of clean clothes take home the dirty. I feel very sorry for people left in NHS pjs with net pants on when there is family involved that could easy come in. Most mums would expect their daughter to help them out with that (whether that's a good or a bad thing). I'm not even that close with my mum and I would never have her sit in an NHS nightie when I could easily take in clean washing.

@Whythesadface

COVID-19 alert Common question How is the coronavirus disease spread?

The disease can spread from person to person through small droplets from the nose or mouth which are spread when a person with COVID-19 coughs or exhales. These droplets land on objects and surfaces around the person which can infect other people by touching them, then touching their eyes, nose or mouth.

Does this HELP it's off the Govenment site....

Yes.

But despite my lengthy explanation of how school isolation works, you still are telling me that OP taking a pair of knickers will isolate 100 families...

RootyT00t Sat 13-Feb-21 14:55:33

Whythesadface

RootyT00t are you saying I am WRONG.
Wow so covid is not spread from person to person.
So since all medical science the world over is WRONG.
Please can you explain how it is spread, I am so interested.

Yes I am telling you you're wrong. I said about two pages ago you're off your head and I stand by that.

Sorry But I think Your back tracking rather FAST.....
You know dam well I was simply showing an extreme way.
So do you often call people names when your wrong?

@HighSpecWhistle

And here my friends is one of the reasons Covid is still so prevalent.

Nothing your mum wants is essential. Of course YANBU to not go in.

Ok, you may be ok. But what if you pass it on? You may be symptomless and give it to a whole ward of sick people.

Clearly a lot of posters here have lost perspective on how dangerous this is to vulnerable people and how the best thing to do is stop ALL non-essential trips. Including taking your mum food when she has plenty available to her.

Jeez, please don't let these people change your mind OP. For your sake and those in th the wards, they don't need extra people coming and going unnecessarily.

I completely agree.

@Whythesadface

RootyT00t Sat 13-Feb-21 14:55:33

Whythesadface

RootyT00t are you saying I am WRONG.
Wow so covid is not spread from person to person.
So since all medical science the world over is WRONG.
Please can you explain how it is spread, I am so interested.

Yes I am telling you you're wrong. I said about two pages ago you're off your head and I stand by that.

Sorry But I think Your back tracking rather FAST.....
You know dam well I was simply showing an extreme way.
So do you often call people names when your wrong?

I'm still saying you're wrong and off your head. No back tracking here.

You posted something of fact off the government site so I agreed.

Your last 5 posts were absolute nonsense.

I think if it was something that you could take from your house, then it would be as easy to do it.

If you'd have to go to your Mum's house to get it, surely your sdad might as well go?

Had you told me my whole school , every single person caught Covid, yes I agree it was extreme.
But can you 100% guarantee OP won't get Covid, from a Hospital treating people with Covid, when many People in Hospital are contracting the Virus while in Hospital.
Nor can you 100% guarantee OP and Family would NOT pass the VIrus to others.
Also the Hospitals are not supposed to be letting people visit.
Knickers and a Sandwich are nice not life or death,
I think your need to be right is overriding everything else, as you have also displayed this view on a few other post.

I'm CV and spending a lot of time during this lockdown in my own house not going out. I am wfh this lockdown so not in school.

Despite being CV I would be dropping stuff off. I'd wear a mask and practise good hand hygiene. I'd drop off as quickly and efficiently as I could - I'd label the bags carefully and clearly so cold be least at the first opportunity if need be. I'd ask for anything she wants sending home to be bagged ready to go. And I'd also ensure I took a lot in one go rather than drinks and drabs.

And I wouldn't need to be asked. I'd have been asking my mum if there was anything she needed.

If I wasn't CV there'd be absolutely no question.

Typical shit double standards trying to make OP feel guilty when her Sdad and brother are perfectly capable of taking stuff into her mum.

Having a vagina does not make you have to pretend to be Mother fucking Theresa!

And your sdad isn't immune. Surely you know that the vaccine doesn't necessarily prevent you from catching covid.

I'd go. Even if there was someone else who could go. I flew half way around the world to be with my father when he fell ill abroad, to country that I was terrified to go to, although admittedly there wasn't a pandemic at the time. I cannot imagine a reason why I wouldn't go if either of my parents needed me.

Surely you can drop things off and the staff will deliver them onto the ward? That, or send stuff via Amazon - some sets of new underwear and some healthy snacks.

I'm shocked by all the posters saying "I hope my daughter wouldn't be so selfish". As a mother you'd really put your child at risk that they're not comfortable with because you fancy a nicer meal than hospital food and didn't want to ask your husband or son to drop off underwear (despite your daughter and her DH already dropping things off for you).

Why is all this responsibility only on the OP? Absolutely ridiculous.