In not going to drop things off at the hospital

[Hoppinggreen]

My mum fell about 10 days ago and was taken to hospital where she has had an op. The hospital is very close to my house and when she has been there before I have been daily and taken food etc (she hates hospital food). I don’t mind visiting under normal circumstances and it’s nice to see her.
However, we have been pretty careful during Covid and stuck to the rules around seeing her. She and my sdad have health issues so are vulnerable but have been out and about more than they should, plus I know my brother has visited regularly. We are healthy but DD has mild asthma and I am overweight, plus DH is SE so if he was ill and couldn’t work it would cost us ££££££.
I dropped off a book and a couple of things my mum asked for last week but despite wearing a mask, using have gel etc I was pretty uneasy about being at the hospital and when DH had a blood test he also dropped off some clean nighties for her, the nurse taking his blood actually advised against it as he said Covid was rife in the hospital and my mums ward was opposite the Covid ward. DH did it anyway
This morning I had a text asking me to take her some more things and some food as the food there was awful, last time she was in hospital I cooked extra and took it in a cool bag to keep warm. I have replied saying I am not going to shops at the moment (thank you Ocado) and in any case I am not comfortable with coming to the hospital. I have suggested sdad do it as he has had both jabs so it’s safer to him. He does have some cognitive issues but can drive, go to shops etc.
I have had quite a nasty text back and now feel guilty - not guilty enough to do it but even so. DH is quite cross my mum would even ask
I am right not to go aren’t I? In an emergency I would go obviously but wanting a sandwich and clean undies isn’t an emergency

Why is everyone on about undies, I thought this was about food?

In any case your mum has her DH who should be the only one (unless you're all in a bubble) However, the jabs don't give you immunity, just lesser complications.

I'm amazed at this and - as hospitals are big places so it wouldn't be outing - I'd like to know which hospital this is. Visitors can't go anywhere near wards in the hospitals in my area. There's obviously a reason for that so maybe Op isn't being as stupid as some people seem to think.

She's your mum. I couldn't imagine not helping my mum in a similar situation but then again my mum has always been there for me and my family.

You will only have to go to the entrance- a member of staff will come outside and meet you and take the stuff off you. I am a nurse and we send someone down to the main entrance to pick up belongings - no-one is required to set foot inside the hospital.

OP has said several times that isn't the case there.

@JackieweaverhasALLtheauthority my thoughts exactly! What have we become? (great username BTW )

I was in hospital a few years ago as an emergency and I had nothing with me until a friend brought me some basics.

It was miserable so I now keep a bag full of basic stuff u need in hospital just in case.

I advise everyone to do the same just in case.

RootyT00t tbf it’s a slam dunk. Two perfectly adequate males that could also do this but no.. the woman should fall on her sword for this one..

@Stressedoutsomuch

RootyT00t tbf it’s a slam dunk. Two perfectly adequate males that could also do this but no.. the woman should fall on her sword for this one..

Please don't 😭 we were all having such a nice time.

Ps - the person doing it is male.

It's like a calling, they will be arriving in droves to derail this like any other thread featuring a woman being selfish.

But it's true. There are other capable adults who can drop the stuff off for her mum, are they selfish as well? Is it likely they are sat at home feeling guilty about not doing it if OP did? Unlikely.

YANBU - stepdad can do it. I don't know why we have pages of posters getting bent out of shape about a husband taking things in for his wife in hospital, it seems the most logical course of action to me.

I do see the OP’s point. The very strong message has been that people shouldn’t visit hospitals unnecessarily. Most hospitals aren’t allowing anyone but patients in. In maternity care women have been attending pregnancy scans and even giving birth alone. Or having their birth partners sent home immediately after their baby arrives. People have died alone of Covid and other conditions because their families can’t visit them. People are going without cancer treatment, fertility treatment... we’ve all read the news stories. So in that context it does seem really perverse that this particular hospital is allowing visitors pretty much onto the wards to deliver things to patients.

With that said, this hospital IS allowing it and hasn’t got a system in place for things to be dropped off at reception, and the OP’s mum needs something, so in OP’s shoes I would drop it off. But the situation is strange.

You keep saying sdad had both jags. So he's clearly much further up the list of vulnerable than you who hasn't had jags. Why should he risk it? Covid has made people selfish and stupid

@Sheepies

It's like a calling, they will be arriving in droves to derail this like any other thread featuring a woman being selfish.

But it's true. There are other capable adults who can drop the stuff off for her mum, are they selfish as well? Is it likely they are sat at home feeling guilty about not doing it if OP did? Unlikely.

Yes, they are.

OP doesn't feel guilty!

Why do we assume that they don't feel bad because they are a man and therefore biologically predisposed to not give a shit. This drives me mad.

If my gran was in hospital , my mum would not expect her adult son to go. Why would she?!

OP, you are NBU. This thread feels a bit like bundling onto the 'cool kid's' response and all agreeing you're being unreasonable when it's clear your not. Why your mum hasn't asked her own partner, you know the man she's chosen to share a life with, first is odd IMO. If he couldn't then by all means ask you, but he can...

I would call your SDad and tell him what your mum needs and ask him to take it too her and put the rude message from her down to her being in pain or whatnot in hospital.

You're deffo not being unreasonable. You're fine. Ignore the harsh comments

Ignore the harsh comments

Yes, ignore all 400 of them.

She’s your Mum, so yes YABU. But obviously you can’t accept that despite it being the majority opinion.

@Hoppinggreen YANBU because there are other people who are comfortable going to the hospital, who have been out and about more than you and at less risk (or perceive themselves to be at less risk). If a nurse at the hospital has advised not dropping stuff off then I can see why you’d be less comfortable and why they could do it instead.

If your mum thinks covid precautions are excessive, as you’ve said in one of your replies, then it probably explains (but doesn't excuse) the lashing out by text. She’s asking you to jeopardise your health for a sandwich! The hospital must be able to supply clean underwear surely?

Worst case if she’s going to be hospital for a while send what she needs post, could even use Royal Mail Special delivery, they’ll collect from your house and be with her by next working day!

FWIW I was in hospital right now I would not be expecting anyone to come anywhere near the building, let alone up to the ward!

I can't help feeling reason we have a so many deaths and hospitalised cases in the UK is because people put their emotional needs above everything else.
Then when it all goes arse up and Covid hits someone they love to the extent they are in ICU they only then realise they must take the blame if they passed it on.
No I have never told anyone they are to blame, but if you've ever seen someone sobbing because they talked their Partner into a Distance BBQ, and their partner was dead 7 days later, perhaps your attitude would not be so cavalier.
We have spent most of this year in lockdown, I wonder why?

Why are people encouraging sending someone into a hospital who OP claims doesn't follow the rules?

I'd go, but then I love my Mum. My Dad passed away recently from CV19, I was allowed in to see him though - I caught CV19 whilst there but totally worth it!

@Whythesadface

I can't help feeling reason we have a so many deaths and hospitalised cases in the UK is because people put their emotional needs above everything else. Then when it all goes arse up and Covid hits someone they love to the extent they are in ICU they only then realise they must take the blame if they passed it on. No I have never told anyone they are to blame, but if you've ever seen someone sobbing because they talked their Partner into a Distance BBQ, and their partner was dead 7 days later, perhaps your attitude would not be so cavalier. We have spent most of this year in lockdown, I wonder why?

I'm not cavalier.

I'm just not uneducated or batshit enough to believe that people must take the blame for the loved ones dying.

Your explanations of how you think covid is spread takes away any validity in your ramblings I'm afraid .

@Whythesadface

I can't help feeling reason we have a so many deaths and hospitalised cases in the UK is because people put their emotional needs above everything else. Then when it all goes arse up and Covid hits someone they love to the extent they are in ICU they only then realise they must take the blame if they passed it on. No I have never told anyone they are to blame, but if you've ever seen someone sobbing because they talked their Partner into a Distance BBQ, and their partner was dead 7 days later, perhaps your attitude would not be so cavalier. We have spent most of this year in lockdown, I wonder why?

Some of us live and work in the real world where we have zero choice but to travel and see people and put ourselves at risk. Some of us haven't got time or the choice .

I would love to be at home getting my deliveries agonising over knickers or a BBQ.

Sadly if we all thought the same the world would stop.

People need to realise there is a massive spectrum of difference between sitting inside doing jack shit and actively going out partying. Some of us have no choice but to carry on.

I don’t blame you for not going to the hospital for all the reasons that you’ve stated. I lost my Mum many years ago and loved her dearly, but she was the kind of person who wouldn’t have wanted to put me and my family at risk.

I think you are amazingly mean. Being in hospital is horrid and you can make it a bit nicer at not a lot of risk if you take sensible precautions.

I'm not sure what I would do in this situation. Can you speak to DB Or SDad and ask them if they can sort?

I really want a pin button for you Hopping. OP CANNOT LEAVE THE STUFF AT RECEPTION.

This is the new 'cancel the cheque ' isn't it?

And I know I shouldn't, but I had' to laugh at Apart from the cunt who called me fat

You tell 'em.