In not going to drop things off at the hospital

[Hoppinggreen]

My mum fell about 10 days ago and was taken to hospital where she has had an op. The hospital is very close to my house and when she has been there before I have been daily and taken food etc (she hates hospital food). I don’t mind visiting under normal circumstances and it’s nice to see her.
However, we have been pretty careful during Covid and stuck to the rules around seeing her. She and my sdad have health issues so are vulnerable but have been out and about more than they should, plus I know my brother has visited regularly. We are healthy but DD has mild asthma and I am overweight, plus DH is SE so if he was ill and couldn’t work it would cost us ££££££.
I dropped off a book and a couple of things my mum asked for last week but despite wearing a mask, using have gel etc I was pretty uneasy about being at the hospital and when DH had a blood test he also dropped off some clean nighties for her, the nurse taking his blood actually advised against it as he said Covid was rife in the hospital and my mums ward was opposite the Covid ward. DH did it anyway
This morning I had a text asking me to take her some more things and some food as the food there was awful, last time she was in hospital I cooked extra and took it in a cool bag to keep warm. I have replied saying I am not going to shops at the moment (thank you Ocado) and in any case I am not comfortable with coming to the hospital. I have suggested sdad do it as he has had both jabs so it’s safer to him. He does have some cognitive issues but can drive, go to shops etc.
I have had quite a nasty text back and now feel guilty - not guilty enough to do it but even so. DH is quite cross my mum would even ask
I am right not to go aren’t I? In an emergency I would go obviously but wanting a sandwich and clean undies isn’t an emergency

Why do you think a 1,000,000 people are dead?
Do you think maybe it's because lots of people thought they were invincible, that because they show no signs they don't have it.
Well the figures who that your wrong.
I know a fair few people who buried loved ones, and they are the reason why.
They will never forgive themselves that they are the reason their loved ones are DEAD.

[quote EarlGreywithLemon]Rooty, similar to this:
www.jojomamanbebe.co.uk/carriwell-4pack-hospital-knickers-e9136.html?gclid=CjwKCAiAjp6BBhAIEiwAkO9WuhBICYOAPPsj7BK7vvpDd3TaVP2x1v8X1A28XRhD2viQd2XSHjKerBoC3ykQAvD_BwE[/quote]
Oh wow.
They are ...interesting

sorry Figures show, not who.

In the nicest possible way I do think you're being unreasonable. I think though because you have been locked away it dies make you lose your perspective. I've worked as usual all through this, part of my job is in and out of hospitals. I've gone shopping, kids gone to school (key worker) and I've managed not to get Covid so it is hard for me to understand why you wouldn't just drop the stuff. Regardless of if step dad can do it, regardless of it meaning you've got to go to the shop, regardless of it meaning you have to walk up 3 flights of stairs in the hospital. Your mum has asked you for help, I would walk through Covid to deliver that help.

@Whythesadface

Why do you think a 1,000,000 people are dead? Do you think maybe it's because lots of people thought they were invincible, that because they show no signs they don't have it. Well the figures who that your wrong. I know a fair few people who buried loved ones, and they are the reason why. They will never forgive themselves that they are the reason their loved ones are DEAD.

I hope you don't tell your friends that they are the reason their loved ones are dead.

Apart from that being total bollocks, of course.

Genuinely, you sound unwell.

Yadnbu there is someone who can take clean pants if that's what's needed.
The nasty bitchy comments about not liking your mum are completely unnecessary. This fucking thing is a killer and you are so right not to put your family at risk especially as a nurse who actually works at the hospital advised against it.

I'd go for my mum but we are quiet close.

OP visits mum,
OP gets Covid.
OP's Family now HAVE Covid, but no one knows.
OP takes DD to School.
Covid strain is the BAD one.
Before anyone shows symptoms , ever person in school has Covid.
ERGO everyone at school and all their families are told to isolate....

@Whythesadface

OP visits mum, OP gets Covid. OP's Family now HAVE Covid, but no one knows. OP takes DD to School. Covid strain is the BAD one. Before anyone shows symptoms , ever person in school has Covid. ERGO everyone at school and all their families are told to isolate....

You've posted this three times now and it makes even less sense than the first time.

I don't know, I do feel scared to go to the hospital atm and would avoid it if possible. But if my mum was in the hospital and needed my help, I don't think I can refuse just because someone else may be able to. And I wouldn't use what my dh says as an excuse. Because it's really up to me.
Don't do it if you don't want to. It's your choice. But don't try to defend yourself being called heartless either.

Heartless

Honestly, it's getting more and more like Take a Break on here.

I've explained to you very patiently and clearly how isolation works (The short version is, it will never be the case that every person in a school and all their families has to isolate, especially at the moment ).

You have a worryingly poor understanding of how this works for someone who claims to tell their family and friends it is their fault people are dead.

But as I said, you sound unwell.

@Hoppinggreen- yes, support from her elderly, cognitively impaired, vulnerable husband.

It's sounds as if you prefer to wallow in resentment and pass the buck rather than take you mum who is in hospital clean undies. That's very unkind but your choice.

I'm going to go against the majority here and say YANBU. I would enquire about a drop off point. Allowing visitors onto wards is not a great idea right now and most aren't allowing it.

That was for @Whythesadface btw

All of the posters saying how they 'could weep', there is a male family member too- is it just OP, as a woman who should feel extreme guilt for not wanting to? The internalised misogyny and women martyrdom is strong in this one.

RootyT00t it is very clear your one of the ones who refuse to see how Covid is passed.
HOW sweet that your never going to get it because Covid knows you don't think you can get it.

I have no idea why you are getting such a hard time. You have a SD who can drop this stuff off and a DB. You've also already been helping. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

As for the posters saying that mild asthma doesn't make you vulnerable. I have it and also had covid. The virtual covid ward phoned me to arrange an oxygen monitor as I was flagged up as 'vulnerable' by my GP despite not being asked to shield. You don't know how you'll be affected.

Oh my goodness, just go. Wear your mask, wear gloves, don't touch any surfaces, sanitise your hands afterwards. Your poor mum must be feeling very vulnerable right now. Not the big deal you're making it into. Really baffled as to why you'd put on AIBU when you (and your DH) are so confident in your decisions. Hope your mum recovers well.

@Whythesadface

OP visits mum, OP gets Covid. OP's Family now HAVE Covid, but no one knows. OP takes DD to School. Covid strain is the BAD one. Before anyone shows symptoms , ever person in school has Covid. ERGO everyone at school and all their families are told to isolate....

And the whole world gets it And everyone dies Then the human race is extinct The end

@Sheepies

All of the posters saying how they 'could weep', there is a male family member too- is it just OP, as a woman who should feel extreme guilt for not wanting to? The internalised misogyny and women martyrdom is strong in this one.

Oh no.

We got to page 17 without anyone arriving to suggest that it is yet another example of our misogynistic world.

Please don't.

It's like a calling, they will be arriving in droves to derail this like any other thread featuring a woman being selfish.

@Whythesadface

RootyT00t it is very clear your one of the ones who refuse to see how Covid is passed. HOW sweet that your never going to get it because Covid knows you don't think you can get it.

Okaydoke .

You will only have to go to the entrance- a member of staff will come outside and meet you and take the stuff off you. I am a nurse and we send someone down to the main entrance to pick up belongings - no-one is required to set foot inside the hospital.

@Whythesadface

OP visits mum, OP gets Covid. OP's Family now HAVE Covid, but no one knows. OP takes DD to School. Covid strain is the BAD one. Before anyone shows symptoms , ever person in school has Covid. ERGO everyone at school and all their families are told to isolate....

Teeny, weeny bit dramatic.

Most children aren't at school now anyway. I doubt the OP's DD is at school as they are clearly very worried about catching Covid.

I don't think you are being unreasonable! Hospitals are the worst place to go right now, and if her DH has been vaccinated and can go then why shouldn't he?
Is there a reason she asked you and not him?
Are visitors allowed? Would he be going in anyway? (I would guess not but I would also guess dropping things off wasn't allowed 🤷🏼‍♀️)

Of course if she had nobody else
To go then you should do it!