In not going to drop things off at the hospital

[Hoppinggreen]

My mum fell about 10 days ago and was taken to hospital where she has had an op. The hospital is very close to my house and when she has been there before I have been daily and taken food etc (she hates hospital food). I don’t mind visiting under normal circumstances and it’s nice to see her.
However, we have been pretty careful during Covid and stuck to the rules around seeing her. She and my sdad have health issues so are vulnerable but have been out and about more than they should, plus I know my brother has visited regularly. We are healthy but DD has mild asthma and I am overweight, plus DH is SE so if he was ill and couldn’t work it would cost us ££££££.
I dropped off a book and a couple of things my mum asked for last week but despite wearing a mask, using have gel etc I was pretty uneasy about being at the hospital and when DH had a blood test he also dropped off some clean nighties for her, the nurse taking his blood actually advised against it as he said Covid was rife in the hospital and my mums ward was opposite the Covid ward. DH did it anyway
This morning I had a text asking me to take her some more things and some food as the food there was awful, last time she was in hospital I cooked extra and took it in a cool bag to keep warm. I have replied saying I am not going to shops at the moment (thank you Ocado) and in any case I am not comfortable with coming to the hospital. I have suggested sdad do it as he has had both jabs so it’s safer to him. He does have some cognitive issues but can drive, go to shops etc.
I have had quite a nasty text back and now feel guilty - not guilty enough to do it but even so. DH is quite cross my mum would even ask
I am right not to go aren’t I? In an emergency I would go obviously but wanting a sandwich and clean undies isn’t an emergency

I hope you don't ever find yourself in hospital stuck with no underwear's

Oh actually maybe it would teach you a lesson in compassion.

She's your mother.

Stop being so mean.

I wonder if OP was the mother posting about her daughter whether people would be quite so keen to tell her she's in the right.

I suspect not.

You can't be arsed, OP. You are judging the hell out of your stepdad and think he should go because he gets a paper (80 with cognitive impairment and his wife's in hospital and you begrudge him that, but each to their own). I personally think good on him for going and it's a bit of a contrast to you who can't manage a shop or a flight of stairs.

There is trauma going on every second under our noses. This is ridiculous.

Does the ward have any special arrangements to drop things off/take home laundry? I wouldn't want to be going in there more than once a week and I love my mum to pieces but then she's also very reasonable!

@Hoppinggreen - isolate your posts and read them! You clearly aren't self aware and I suspect there are other issues at play so I'll not pile in.

I would say this current situation makes me despair, we're losing our kindness and compassion for the wider community and in this case even your family. It's not womans work to care or help others - it's just basic humanity. You clearly think you are not being unreasonable so my point was why ask?

@SmidgenofaPigeon

Oh my god what a drip feed. HE’S BEEN GOING TO THE CORNERSHOP FOR A PAPER?!!!!

hang him high

What are you realistically going to do- get shopping deliveries and stay at home until the whole population is vaccinated, despite nothing you’ve said putting you in a vulnerable group?

Quite.

I hope nobody in the poor ocado delivery man's family is in hospital or anything because then nobody will be letting him do anything after making unecessary delivers to people like OP who are abusing the system and could go to a shop

Please don't suggest that going to drop off something at the ward door or popping down to buy the paper are high-risk activities. I'd love to have that low level of risk.

Yes, I imagine police officers or teachers or supermarket workers or nursery workers or prison workers or court staff or duty solicitors or refuse collectors or public transport workers or any of the other groups of people who haven’t been able to WFH since March last year would be delighted to have that level of risk!

@Whythesadface

If Next month OP took her mum knickers and food, then gave a whole class of 7 year olds Covid , the children were yours and all the families in the school had to isolate for 14 days , Do you really think a single on of you would be happy . No you'd be on here screaming at OP for going, when it's not allowed. Double Standards...

The OP isn't teaching a class of seven year olds - she is WFH.

You do know what Track and Trace is.
You lot are lying to yourselves.
Your a baying mob, and if it was in your back yard, and someone gave it to your family by going against guidelines, brought it to the School and gave your Children and Family this illness, your really going to Say but it's OK the Poor mum needed knickers and 100 Families are going to support the Mum's NEED for Knickers and a Snack.

YABU and very selfish. I can't believe you won't take your elderly, frail, unwell mum some fresh underwear and a bit of food. How unkind.
Your step dad is over 80 and has cognitive impairment both of which make him vulnerable.
Is there some massive back story or are you just uncaring?

Without a doubt I would drop a bag off. I would assume hot meals aren’t an option as it might take a while to get to her but some snacks are enough to stop her being hungry and keep her weight and spirits up! Or would drop off some pants/what she needs and some snacks you have to hand and send some food via Amazon pantry or deliveroo

@Whythesadface

You do know what Track and Trace is. You lot are lying to yourselves. Your a baying mob, and if it was in your back yard, and someone gave it to your family by going against guidelines, brought it to the School and gave your Children and Family this illness, your really going to Say but it's OK the Poor mum needed knickers and 100 Families are going to support the Mum's NEED for Knickers and a Snack.

Yes, I would be okay if my child magically caught covid from OP who doesn't leave the house (other than if she went to the hospital) but somehow managed to give it to my child . Because it's a total bloody impossibility!

@Hoppinggreen

I do comprehend why people don’t agree with me. I actually find it very interesting because when I started the post I was pretty confident I was right but clearly given the strength of opinion it seems I was very wrong. I also think someone has highlighted something very interesting i debt realise - there is some resentment too. I have been pretty careful in Lockdown and my Mum has pushed back against those. She has regularly complained about me “being ridiculous” and has pushed my boundaries on it. She, my sdad and my brother have done whatever they wanted and made me out to be silly for not doing the same. Maybe this request from her felt like another attempt at that and I felt why should I do what I feel puts me and my family as risk when there are people available who havent stuck to the rules. This is why I love MN, your friends and family too often tell you what they think you want to hear but the vipers are brutally honest so genuinely thank you Apart from the cunt who called me fat.

Drip drip drip.

Your earlier post was very clear that the ONLY reason was covid and the stairs

Don't worry about that poster. Your response was phenomenal.

I see your post above now. It looks as if she has been irritating you over this period by not being careful and sticking to guidelines despite her age and vulnerability. It's understandable that you are annoyed and frustrated about that.
This is a different situation though and she needs help.

Our trust supplies: clean pants (net) and night clothes.

The food isn't that bad once you get used to it.

You can also get food delivered. We are unable to reheat any food unless it's packaged with clear instructions (unfortnatley not handmade).

Maybe it's best to discuss with your mum hers and yours expectations.

I hope she gets better soon. I've also known families never visit or bring anything in and some that really don't care or want to know. I've relatives advised not call in night if loved ones dies.

It’s not a drip feed, it’s something I realised from reading everyone’s posts that maybe there is something else going on here.

@gorillasinthemist

I see your post above now. It looks as if she has been irritating you over this period by not being careful and sticking to guidelines despite her age and vulnerability. It's understandable that you are annoyed and frustrated about that. This is a different situation though and she needs help.

Which she is getting from her husband

@Whythesadface

You do know what Track and Trace is. You lot are lying to yourselves. Your a baying mob, and if it was in your back yard, and someone gave it to your family by going against guidelines, brought it to the School and gave your Children and Family this illness, your really going to Say but it's OK the Poor mum needed knickers and 100 Families are going to support the Mum's NEED for Knickers and a Snack.

Providing care is not against guidelines. Sometimes that means preserving a person's mental health. If I was in hospital for weeks, alone, I'd be depressed and would love it if someone brought me knickers and a snack. It would do me the world of good. (I'm not saying the OP's mum's wishes go into this category FWIW)

And yes, I'd rather catch Covid than see someone's mental health decline even further because of this pandemic. I'd rather a teacher gave Covid to my children than knowing her ill parent was suffering alone in hospital. Shoot me.

@Hoppinggreen

It’s not a drip feed, it’s something I realised from reading everyone’s posts that maybe there is something else going on here.

Also known as needing another excuse after step dad's paper buying failed.

@HighSpecWhistle

YANBU. The rules apply even if in hospital.

She has access to food, books and nightwear. She also has a partner who has had the vaccines so is safer.

I'm sorry but she can get used to the food like anyone else has to. It's edible (I actually quite liked it when in for a week a few years ago).

Also - even if she disagrees with you and feels put out, to send you a nasty text is just not on.

Why doesn't your brother help if he's breaking rules anyway?

This^

A high percentage of Covid cases, are caught in hospital.

@Whythesadface

You do know what Track and Trace is. You lot are lying to yourselves. Your a baying mob, and if it was in your back yard, and someone gave it to your family by going against guidelines, brought it to the School and gave your Children and Family this illness, your really going to Say but it's OK the Poor mum needed knickers and 100 Families are going to support the Mum's NEED for Knickers and a Snack.

WTF are you on about? You do you think is taking it into school (certainly not the OP), and why do you think 100 families would have a child in a class at school, at anytime, but especially at the moment?

Track and Trace.
School has Covid. 100 Families including Staff and Families have to isolate about 500 people.
Your Family have Covid.
Your Child Got it at School.
OP took her Child too School.
OP Visited Mother in Hospital...
OH knickers.

OF course it happens, all the time,

@Whythesadface

Track and Trace. School has Covid. 100 Families including Staff and Families have to isolate about 500 people. Your Family have Covid. Your Child Got it at School. OP took her Child too School. OP Visited Mother in Hospital... OH knickers.

OF course it happens, all the time,

You are absolutely off your head.

You dropped off nail polish but you won't drop off clean undies as that isn't an emergency in your opinion? OK then.

My mother would never ever want us to take the risk. And nor would I want to if you were my daughter.