In not going to drop things off at the hospital

[Hoppinggreen]

My mum fell about 10 days ago and was taken to hospital where she has had an op. The hospital is very close to my house and when she has been there before I have been daily and taken food etc (she hates hospital food). I don’t mind visiting under normal circumstances and it’s nice to see her.
However, we have been pretty careful during Covid and stuck to the rules around seeing her. She and my sdad have health issues so are vulnerable but have been out and about more than they should, plus I know my brother has visited regularly. We are healthy but DD has mild asthma and I am overweight, plus DH is SE so if he was ill and couldn’t work it would cost us ££££££.
I dropped off a book and a couple of things my mum asked for last week but despite wearing a mask, using have gel etc I was pretty uneasy about being at the hospital and when DH had a blood test he also dropped off some clean nighties for her, the nurse taking his blood actually advised against it as he said Covid was rife in the hospital and my mums ward was opposite the Covid ward. DH did it anyway
This morning I had a text asking me to take her some more things and some food as the food there was awful, last time she was in hospital I cooked extra and took it in a cool bag to keep warm. I have replied saying I am not going to shops at the moment (thank you Ocado) and in any case I am not comfortable with coming to the hospital. I have suggested sdad do it as he has had both jabs so it’s safer to him. He does have some cognitive issues but can drive, go to shops etc.
I have had quite a nasty text back and now feel guilty - not guilty enough to do it but even so. DH is quite cross my mum would even ask
I am right not to go aren’t I? In an emergency I would go obviously but wanting a sandwich and clean undies isn’t an emergency

Your SDad should go IMO under these circumstances - hospitals are rife with Covid, I work in one and we're not allowed to go in unless we're key workers

@Hoppinggreen

Right so you won't volunteer to go, because you're overweight, and need the money, but if sdad who is vulnerable couldn't go, you would, and you think that sounds better?

I would go without question (and DH and I are both CV). You’re the nearest, it sounds like you can walk, and less cars on the road during lockdown can only be a good thing.

If you really don’t want to go up to the ward, then;

• Support SD to do it. Maybe he’s more forgetful than you think and your Mum is worried? My GM’s dementia was much more advanced than any of us knew because my GF lied about it/ covered for her. Just because he’s vaccinated doesn’t make him immune.
• Ask for your brother’s help.
• Call the hospital, explain, and ask if you can drop off at reception based on your situation.

The shop thing really is a separate issue but I’d just order some through Amazon Prime/ another next day delivery service. If she’s not run out yet, this is fine. You don’t need to go into a shop.

I’d reply to your Mum and say someone will drop them off for her and she’s not to worry. Then just organise it using other people if needed.

@Dotinthecity

Imagine if this was you in hospital and your family completely abandoned you. How would you feel? Your poor Mum!

Bloody Hell, dramatic much? In the past week 2 family members have dropped things off, some necessary and some treats. She has a husband and son who aren’t worried about Covid but because 1 person won’t go (again) she has been completely abandoned?

[quote RootyT00t]@VinylDetective, but surely thats because they are more likely to have related health conditions?

If no one who was classified overweight went out and about, society would be well and truly stuffed.[/quote]
I agree entirely but it is one of the risk factors. Being female mitigates it a bit, though.

[quote RootyT00t]@Hoppinggreen

Right so you won't volunteer to go, because you're overweight, and need the money, but if sdad who is vulnerable couldn't go, you would, and you think that sounds better?[/quote]
I won’t go because I am concerned about me and my family catching Covid AND there are other people not so concerned who can go instead

I don't think you are being unreasonable op. Your mum should understand as you've been so careful previously. Just because she hasn't been so careful, doesn't mean that she shouldn't understand why you want to be. It's a bit off that she's even asked you tbh, when she could ask people that have the same attitude to risk as her.

I doubt it's that he's not concerned....I don't know anyone who isn't. I think its far more likely that he unlike you is putting your mother stuck in hospital above himself. Which as a clinically vulnerable presumably older man to do because you won't is somewhat....awful.

YABU. I too could say more but you’ll only think of another excuse why you cannae be arsed to go.

Well as he hasn’t been following guidelines for the last year or so and has now been vaccinated I think we can assume he’s not as concerned as me about catching Covid. I’m not the one who has been to the corner shop daily for the paper

Going to the corner shop isn’t exactly a high risk activity.

@Hoppinggreen

Well as he hasn’t been following guidelines for the last year or so and has now been vaccinated I think we can assume he’s not as concerned as me about catching Covid. I’m not the one who has been to the corner shop daily for the paper

But he's classed as highly vulnerable right?

You still think he should go to the hospital 'rife with Covid'?

@Scarby9

On a side note, I am really surprised a hospital is allowing, indeed forcing, random outsisers to come in and freely roam the corridors right up to wards to deliver items to patients. Every hospital I know is letting no-one but patients in. Even some carers have been turned away. Patients are on their own. They seem very lax Covid protocols.

Yes, I’m very surprised by that. Seems like a recipe for disaster.

@Hoppinggreen

Well as he hasn’t been following guidelines for the last year or so and has now been vaccinated I think we can assume he’s not as concerned as me about catching Covid. I’m not the one who has been to the corner shop daily for the paper

This is irrelevant, point scoring and unecessary.

What on earth have we turned into when we are getting our point scoring boards out to decide who can visit our mum in hospital?

He goes to the shop and buys his shopping, you put another poor sod at risk who delivers yours when you have no need to have shopping delivered.

One is no better than th other.

I am a doctor. Relatives drop things up to our ward door every day. Many relatives come daily to leave things off as they recognise how isolated and frightening being in hospital is at the moment and how those little things make a massive difference. The risk (on our ward is negligible ) as the drop off is socially distanced and mask wearing applies to all. Covid patients are not randomly leaving the ward wandering around the corridors.

If someone has managed to get 2 vaccination doses it would indicate that they are highly vulnerable as front line staff (even those with asthma/ obesity) on covid wards ICU are only still getting 1st dose and having to wait 12 weeks for second dose.

I think you are very unreasonable but then again I’m guessing there is a backstory. Maybe you don’t have a relationship were you are happy to do things for each other. Maybe it’s a difficult relationship.

I do know that all my patients are struggling with the isolation and lack of visiting and most are anxious and frightened.

I am right not to go aren't I?
You asked this question op, the vast majority on the thread have said no you're not right not to go but you still keep coming back with more excuses not to go. Why on earth did you ask the question if you feel so sure what you are doing is correct?
If you don't want to go and help your mum out don't go but keeping trying you get others to agree you're making the right decision is a waste of everyone's time

"I am right not to go aren’t I?"

No.

And also one of the factors why our country has been harder hit than other European countries because we as a country have a higher proportion of heavier people, same with the USA.

For context , I know people with massive health conditions who were shielding first time who are still waiting to be vaccinated.

So your stepdad is either 80 plus or massively vulnerable.

I'd have been half with you if you'd have been guaging this on injection alone.

But you will have him out because you are overweight, you need the money and he buys a paper. And you wonder why people are getting irate.

OP this thread seems to be going off in all sorts of tangents about your family and what they're all doing.

I'm not sure what else you want from this? Even after reading all your posts, I still think you're unreasonable not to go.

I'm shielding and still waiting fir a vaccine. If my mum was in hospital and asked me for something, I would take proper care but still go. And my dad could go too but if she asked me, I'd assume it was with reason and make the trip.

I'm not sure what else to say? Either don't go and accept that many people disagree with you and and leave the thread or make up, take hand sanitiser and some disposable gloves if you like and go via a supermarket?

Op has said numerous times there isn't an option to just 'drop at reception and go' so would have to go to the ward. I would be nervous about going to a ward even for my mum...it does seem VERY laxed...I thought most wards weren't even letting visitors in certainly not multiple visitors ? No wonder there are so many cases of transmission in hospitals .

@Hoppinggreen

So to clarify The nurse warned my DH it wasn’t safe to go to the ward and drop off. We can’t leave things at the main Reception Someone else can take her what she wants (who has been immunised) And I am still awful for not doing it?

My dad is in hospital. The hospital is about 40 minutes drive. My mother can do the running around but she’s 78 and doesn’t like driving after dark and needs support because her husband of 55 years is in hospital and she can’t be with him (I guess a bit like your father). We live in one of the highest Covid areas. I am self-employed and if I get ill I can’t work and my DH is the same.

I drive to the reception most days to take whatever he wants or needs. There is ALWAYS a way to get stuff taken up to the ward, always. My dad like your mother has NO emotional support in hospital during Covid - do you have any concept of the psychological cost of being ill and having no visitors? I know my dad will die in the next few days and he’ll do it without me being there very likely, so I can only do what I can and running around is something I can do. I am not immunised either but I’d risk walking along a hospital corridor and much more frankly.

I think you are unbelievably selfish. I think you should reflect on how you’d feel if you were in your mother’s position. There’s safe behaviour during the pandemic and there’s using the pandemic to make your excuses

I am right not to go aren’t I?

Yes.

The more you say OP, the more I think your issue is actually you don’t like your Step-Dad and think he should go.

Heaven forbid someone gets a newspaper instead of sitting at home withering away.

I'm surprised you'd be allowed in? I was allowed to be with my son as he's 17 but visiting is being v strictly limited where we are. The compromise would be dropping clothes off.