In not going to drop things off at the hospital

[Hoppinggreen]

My mum fell about 10 days ago and was taken to hospital where she has had an op. The hospital is very close to my house and when she has been there before I have been daily and taken food etc (she hates hospital food). I don’t mind visiting under normal circumstances and it’s nice to see her.
However, we have been pretty careful during Covid and stuck to the rules around seeing her. She and my sdad have health issues so are vulnerable but have been out and about more than they should, plus I know my brother has visited regularly. We are healthy but DD has mild asthma and I am overweight, plus DH is SE so if he was ill and couldn’t work it would cost us ££££££.
I dropped off a book and a couple of things my mum asked for last week but despite wearing a mask, using have gel etc I was pretty uneasy about being at the hospital and when DH had a blood test he also dropped off some clean nighties for her, the nurse taking his blood actually advised against it as he said Covid was rife in the hospital and my mums ward was opposite the Covid ward. DH did it anyway
This morning I had a text asking me to take her some more things and some food as the food there was awful, last time she was in hospital I cooked extra and took it in a cool bag to keep warm. I have replied saying I am not going to shops at the moment (thank you Ocado) and in any case I am not comfortable with coming to the hospital. I have suggested sdad do it as he has had both jabs so it’s safer to him. He does have some cognitive issues but can drive, go to shops etc.
I have had quite a nasty text back and now feel guilty - not guilty enough to do it but even so. DH is quite cross my mum would even ask
I am right not to go aren’t I? In an emergency I would go obviously but wanting a sandwich and clean undies isn’t an emergency

It’s interesting how many people are saying the SD shouldn’t go even if he has been vaccinated as they don’t protect him. Wonder if they are the same posters all over MN who say they are going to be visiting family once all the vulnerable are vaccinated.

He'll =Hell
MN seriously needs an edit function.

I have to agree with you. Why can't her own husband take it?? Surely he has seen her underwear before. And its not like you have refused her before. I actually don't think you are unreasonable at all.

Of course you are being unreasonable! She's your mum! If you were CEV I could understand but you're not.

Wear a mask and a visor and help your mum.

i think you need to put the risk in to perspective.

@ineedaholidaynow

It’s interesting how many people are saying the SD shouldn’t go even if he has been vaccinated as they don’t protect him. Wonder if they are the same posters all over MN who say they are going to be visiting family once all the vulnerable are vaccinated.

SD was obviously vulnerable in the first place if he is vaccinated. We don't actually know what this means for him yet.

And no, I haven't said anything like that. It's not one or the other.

I would do it I'm overweight too and I don't even get on well with my mother .
It Wouldnt take u 5 mins to just drop stuff off not like u am staying a long time .

This is incredibly cold. I couldn't leave my mother in hospital with the indignity of not having fresh clothes. Regardless if others could do it, if I personally had been asked I would be down there like a shot.
(FWIW I too am overweight- BMI 40 last time I checked)
Perhaps I have a different perspective as I had no choice but to be in hospital for a week when I gave birth and encountered complications.

Overweight is not a covid vulnerability.

This pandemic has turned us into very strange creatures. Where did humanity go?

Did you also take all of these precautions and were terrified of going out before Covid, when flu or other diseases were rife? It's your right to say no. But YABU, in my opinion. I'd want to help my mum and the risk involved sounds minimal.

I'm part of a group at my church who regularly go into people's homes to clean, do their laundry and cook or drop off food for them, because they're elderly and vulnerable, and live alone. We accompany them to hospital appointments. The risk is real and much higher than dropping a bag at the hospital, but what's the alternative? Leaving them without food or clean clothes? I can't say no when they ask for help. They're asking for help because they need it.

@Hoppinggreen

At risk of being accused of being arsey or stamping my feet and to save people reading the whole thread I can’t leave things at Reception, I have to go up to the ward Sdad is capable of doing this She currently has underwear but will soon need more I would usually be happy to visit daily and take her anything she wants and food Covid is the ONLY reason I don’t want to go I don’t hate her

Why did you even post? Whilst some have over reacted in their comments about your feelings towards your mum, still YABU and not really taking anything on board.

@laughoutquiet

OP I'm with you. Your SDad is in a better position to do this.

However, if he wasn't able, I'd be there like a shot.

And so would I

Visiting arrangements – updated on Thursday 5 November
In light of announcement around national lockdown we have unfortunately reduced had to alter our visitor guidance. From Thursday 5 November, until further notice, no visitors for inpatients will be permitted.

This is apart from the following exceptions:

Patients at end of life
Instances where difficult conversations need to take place
For patients with physical or cognitive impairment
Long stay patients
All of these exceptions will be at the discretion of the shift lead. We thank you for your understanding.

Read the Standing orders, read them and understand them, Jackie Weaver.

I dont think yabu op because you have said your household is vulnerable in several ways

No she hasn't. She said daughter has mild asthma and OP is overweight, neither of which puts them in the vulnerable group. Bloody hell, if everybody in the UK who is overweight stayed at home until it was 'safe', the country would grind to a halt.

Incidentally enough whwt happens when sdad says I don't want to do it, OP is capable of doing it? Who trumps who?

Thank god the mother has sdad to do it.

@Hoppinggreen

What if I had said who should drop things off at the hospital for a patient? Someone who has had the vaccination or someone who hasn’t? One lives closer but would have to go via a shop but the other would be able to bring the items from home. Both are capable of doing it but one is concerned about the Covid risk and the other isn’t Who should go?

Why has your sdad received the two jabs? You said he has health issues. Is that more than the cognitive issues?

To receive both sets of jabs early on suggests he is very vulnerable. So no I wouldn't ask him to do it.

Have you had the vaccine yet? If not you're not classed as vulnerable as him. So if you want to look at it clinically you would be a safer bet.

As for your brother, you say he goes to visit sdad to make sure he's ok. Maybe she thought it was too much for him to look after both her and sdad.

But to be honest the damage sounds done. She's upset her daughter wouldn't help her whilst she was stuck in hospital.

@DietrichandDiMaggio

I dont think yabu op because you have said your household is vulnerable in several ways

No she hasn't. She said daughter has mild asthma and OP is overweight, neither of which puts them in the vulnerable group. Bloody hell, if everybody in the UK who is overweight stayed at home until it was 'safe', the country would grind to a halt.

Quite.

What if the delivery drivers are overweight? No dinner for OP.

How has your sdad had both injections?

I was under the impression only a very small minority have received both (elderly and ECV)

It seems to me that this all hinges on the word of one nurse? (The one who did the blood test?)

[quote MyDcAreMarvel]@Hoppinggreen are you a bit thick? The fact that your sdad has has both vaccines means he is extremely high risk. Do you really believe that a vaccine will definitely stop him getting Covid-19.
Your priority as you said yourself is £££.[/quote]
I don’t see why thinking someone who has had the vaccine is at less risk of catching it than someone who hasn’t makes me a bit thick

Imagine if this was you in hospital and your family completely abandoned you. How would you feel? Your poor Mum!

@RootyT00t

Overweight is not a covid vulnerability.

It is. A really high percentage of younger people who are hospitalised with covid are obese. It’s a major risk factor.

OP... can you just call the hospital and ask them if they can make an exception and allow you drop some things to the main desk?

@RootyT00t

Incidentally enough whwt happens when sdad says I don't want to do it, OP is capable of doing it? Who trumps who?

Thank god the mother has sdad to do it.

Then I would go

A really high percentage of younger people who are hospitalised with covid are obese. It’s a major risk factor.

Obese or overweight? The op hasn’t said she’s obese.

@VinylDetective, but surely thats because they are more likely to have related health conditions?

If no one who was classified overweight went out and about, society would be well and truly stuffed.

I’m sure plenty of nhs staff are in more vulnerable positions caring for covid patients on a daily basis.
Personally I wouldn’t give it a second thought.