In not going to drop things off at the hospital

[Hoppinggreen]

My mum fell about 10 days ago and was taken to hospital where she has had an op. The hospital is very close to my house and when she has been there before I have been daily and taken food etc (she hates hospital food). I don’t mind visiting under normal circumstances and it’s nice to see her.
However, we have been pretty careful during Covid and stuck to the rules around seeing her. She and my sdad have health issues so are vulnerable but have been out and about more than they should, plus I know my brother has visited regularly. We are healthy but DD has mild asthma and I am overweight, plus DH is SE so if he was ill and couldn’t work it would cost us ££££££.
I dropped off a book and a couple of things my mum asked for last week but despite wearing a mask, using have gel etc I was pretty uneasy about being at the hospital and when DH had a blood test he also dropped off some clean nighties for her, the nurse taking his blood actually advised against it as he said Covid was rife in the hospital and my mums ward was opposite the Covid ward. DH did it anyway
This morning I had a text asking me to take her some more things and some food as the food there was awful, last time she was in hospital I cooked extra and took it in a cool bag to keep warm. I have replied saying I am not going to shops at the moment (thank you Ocado) and in any case I am not comfortable with coming to the hospital. I have suggested sdad do it as he has had both jabs so it’s safer to him. He does have some cognitive issues but can drive, go to shops etc.
I have had quite a nasty text back and now feel guilty - not guilty enough to do it but even so. DH is quite cross my mum would even ask
I am right not to go aren’t I? In an emergency I would go obviously but wanting a sandwich and clean undies isn’t an emergency

You've done quite a lot already IMHO. You should be able to drop thing off without being near a Covid ward.

Yeah that’s a bit shit. Proper got the covid fear haven’t you? Put a mask on, sanitise, drop at desk, the virus is not going to jump out and shake your hand, some of us have had to go out into the world and deal with it since the start of all this.

I think some people seem blissfully unaware that's lots of people don't have the luxury of holing themselves up at home until it's safe to come out - like the people picking and delivering the OP's Ocado delivery, for instance.

NO one is supposed to be going.
Your all saying that someone has to break the rules.
Cripes and you wonder why families are getting ill.
Your sending a woman into a hospital Next to a ward with the bug, because your bleeding hearts are imagining it is your parent.
Yet her Husband who has had both JABS, has her knickers to hand in their home and is going anyway, shouldn't be the one to do it. AGAIN breaking the rules is going anyway.

Your ALL just so wrong to be ganging up on this woman.
You should be ashamed of yourselfs.

YANBU and shame on the posters who are trying to make you feel guilty because they (sadly) no longer have a mother, or haven't seen theirs for a year or more.

OP I'm with you. Your SDad is in a better position to do this.

However, if he wasn't able, I'd be there like a shot.

@sneakysnoopysniper

My mother used to treat going to hospital as though it were some kind of exotic adventure. She used to sit by the phone and literally go through every one in the family until she made contact to "inform" them she was going in on xx date. She had great fun with me because I lived in another city and was employed on an EU funded project. So I was constantly travelling between my home and various European cities. There were no mobiles then (1980s) so she would go frantic trying to reach me. She gave my sister all kinds of grief because she could not get through. Then my sister would be trying to get through. I used to come back to a tape of 30 calls. I just deleted it and blamed the machine. My mother loved her little bit of attention.

And the relevance of that is what?

@Hoppinggreen are you a bit thick? The fact that your sdad has has both vaccines means he is extremely high risk. Do you really believe that a vaccine will definitely stop him getting Covid-19.
Your priority as you said yourself is £££.

Feeling your pain. My DM is back in hospital (4th time in a month) - on a covid ward as she is still testing positive despite it now being nearly two months since she first tested positive.

She’s got agreement from the ward that she can have a daily visitor as my DF passed away two weeks ago, and is insistent that we take it up.

I’m fed up of long lists of stuff she wants in (but I know won’t use) and the expectation that I am happy to drive an hour, for a 30 min visit in full PPE, and to bring coffee, newspapers, hot food in flasks and even a request for homemade cake!

I’m refusing to go in this weekend as we are expecting her home on Monday.... I’m an evil daughter.

I don't think you're being unkind at all for wanting the most obvious and safest option to be taken rather than just demand you get put at risk when there's no need. Why is sdad not doing it?

At the risk of being called a heartless bitch, you’re being ridiculous. You clearly don’t want to go so why make this thread? Is this clickbait?

You say you’re worried because you’re overweight - lose weight.

You’re worried as your daughter is asthmatic. So is my brother - he’s as NHS worker and hasn’t complained once and is fine.

Don’t try and find excuses and justification if you don’t want to go. Just be honest with yourself.

Two choices

1. Do it

1. Don't do it

Pick one

You're getting such a hard time on here OP.
So many just haven't read your posts properly.

I'd try to find a way of getting clothes to your mum, either you take a load or ask someone else.

As to food, I don't think it's a good idea to take any in. Containers and packaging could be a hygiene risk. Your mum won't starve, she's just being fussy and it won't be for long.

MyDcAreMarvel how insulting.
NO one is supposed to go.
Are you finding it hard to understand this?
You do you, and let OP do her way.
Being a BULLY is not PC, don't you know.

Hmmmm tricky and some people are being weirdly harsh. My mum is dead before anyone starts. I went with her in the ambulance the day she died and was with her right until she went to theatre, where she sadly died.

But, I can see why op is hesitant, seeing as the SDAD has been vaccinated, she has been told by HCPs at the hospital rather than the AIBU raging mob.

I think, in response to you op, I think I would do one more trip with a TONNE of stuff, if she needs you to. Her nasty text was uncalled for and she doesn't sound very nice. Sorry!

Your DHs bloods were likely taken by a phlebotomy assistant rather than a nurse. They may have little or no experience in covid risk assessments. Do not be swayed by that. Systems for dropping off/picking up pt property have been in place for nearly a year.

YANBU. Your SD should go

My mum was in hospital before Xmas and we had to bring things in for her. Leaving at reception was not an option, we HAD to go to the ward. We weren't allowed to see her, but we definitely had to take the stuff to her actual ward.

I am totally on your side OP. I don't understand why your mum is asking you to put yourself and your family at risk to do this. Why hasn't she asked her (vaccinated) husband.

People on MN often react to these sort of posts by saying ' but she's your Mum!', as if every mum is a saintly Madonna whose every whim must be satisfied. Plenty of mums are selfish and inconsiderate and your mum sounds like one of those.

Sorry to hear your mum is in hospital. I understand why you dont want to go to the shops and up to a ward. Do the wards not have those paper pants anymore and toiletries, surely with no visitors allowed for months they have arranged for supplies. Who do they think will take soiled clothes home to wash and replace or do they just chuck everything out or leave it to fester in lockers. Are wards allowing outside food to be bought in, usually they are pretty strict with infection outbreaks and I cant imagine they allow pre cooked food in a insulated bag, can they ward not order extra sandwiches and snacks for patients. Perhaps all hospitals should have drop off points.

@sleepyhead

I would definitely do it, but our local hospital has a system with volunteers so you drop off at the door.

It doesn't seem like a great idea for the patients to have a load of people, potentially bringing even more covid into the hospital, wandering the corridors at the moment.

But she's not a load of people wandering the corridors.

OP you are being utterly ridiculous and selfish. You have zero reason to be worried about covid except for your bank balance . Your poor mum. Get it dropped off.

If you think you’re mom has asked you because she really wants the food then how about you make and prep suitable food and then your sdad collects the food on the way to the hospital with the other items from home. You can leave it on the doorstep if you want.
That way your mom has what she needs/wants, you haven’t had to go to the shops to buy underwear, which I agree is ridiculous but you have contributed. Win, win?
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, not sure why you’re getting a hard time about it. The reason why the nurse probably said what she did to your dh is because they don’t have these procedures in place. Let us know what happens.

Really? You’d drop everything to go into a hospital for someone who was visited 2 days previously, has clean clothes, and just doesn’t fancy the hospital food?

You’d risk potentially exposing all those vulnerable people in the hospital? Really?

A teensy bit over dramatic? Whatever system the hospital is using, they wouldn't if it was that risky.

Yes, if my relative is stuck in hospital with no visitors and wants some biscuits to cheer, then up I'm going to take them, taking suitable precautions.

I am surprised OP goes to the ward though. Here you have to wait with security until someone from the ward has time to come down and collect.

Incidentally, I'm sure your ocado driver doesn't really fancy dropping your shopping off for you either given that you actually have no good reason not to do your own shopping.

I'd do it, if it was my mum. Poor won an, it's miserable enough being in hospital, worse still with no visitors, he'll on earth without clean knickers and some small home comforts.

I had to go to A&E on Thursday (because I was in the throes of a gallstones attack, in severe pain and was concerned it was infected). Covid19 didn't prevent me from going there. And as other people have said, hospital staff do it daily.

Just stick to the guidelines and you'll be fine.

Won an? I meant woman.

Hi - I am a bit puzzled here. You have made a decision not to go. But I'm not sure why you are asking the question, as you have clearly decided this anyway. As you can see it is not the decision that most people would make.