In not going to drop things off at the hospital

[Hoppinggreen]

My mum fell about 10 days ago and was taken to hospital where she has had an op. The hospital is very close to my house and when she has been there before I have been daily and taken food etc (she hates hospital food). I don’t mind visiting under normal circumstances and it’s nice to see her.
However, we have been pretty careful during Covid and stuck to the rules around seeing her. She and my sdad have health issues so are vulnerable but have been out and about more than they should, plus I know my brother has visited regularly. We are healthy but DD has mild asthma and I am overweight, plus DH is SE so if he was ill and couldn’t work it would cost us ££££££.
I dropped off a book and a couple of things my mum asked for last week but despite wearing a mask, using have gel etc I was pretty uneasy about being at the hospital and when DH had a blood test he also dropped off some clean nighties for her, the nurse taking his blood actually advised against it as he said Covid was rife in the hospital and my mums ward was opposite the Covid ward. DH did it anyway
This morning I had a text asking me to take her some more things and some food as the food there was awful, last time she was in hospital I cooked extra and took it in a cool bag to keep warm. I have replied saying I am not going to shops at the moment (thank you Ocado) and in any case I am not comfortable with coming to the hospital. I have suggested sdad do it as he has had both jabs so it’s safer to him. He does have some cognitive issues but can drive, go to shops etc.
I have had quite a nasty text back and now feel guilty - not guilty enough to do it but even so. DH is quite cross my mum would even ask
I am right not to go aren’t I? In an emergency I would go obviously but wanting a sandwich and clean undies isn’t an emergency

@sneakysnoopysniper

So how do hospital patients who have no relatives to bring them in stuff manage?

They go without.

I would be querying with PALS why they are letting people in the hospital where many others aren’t. It’s not like you are actually getting to see your mum, so why can’t they have the system set up at the front desk like other hospitals are doing.

Aren’t about 20% of COVID cases contracted in hospital? Surely they should be limiting how many people can go in the building

I would go. Being left without clean pants is pretty awful. And if you’re dropping off pants you might as well drop off some food (things that will last without being in a fridge - porridge bars / dried fruit / nuts / nice biscuits etc) at the same time.

Wear a mask, sanitise your hands before and after, and change your clothes when you get home and any risk will be very much reduced.

@viques

Just because you are fat doesn’t exempt you from showing empathy.

@viques just pure disgusting and nasty. Would you tolerate your children going to school and talking to other kids like that?

At risk of being accused of being arsey or stamping my feet and to save people reading the whole thread
I can’t leave things at Reception, I have to go up to the ward
Sdad is capable of doing this
She currently has underwear but will soon need more
I would usually be happy to visit daily and take her anything she wants and food
Covid is the ONLY reason I don’t want to go
I don’t hate her

@Hoppinggreen

At risk of being accused of being arsey or stamping my feet and to save people reading the whole thread I can’t leave things at Reception, I have to go up to the ward Sdad is capable of doing this She currently has underwear but will soon need more I would usually be happy to visit daily and take her anything she wants and food Covid is the ONLY reason I don’t want to go I don’t hate her

I wouldn't post on here asking for opinions if you don't agree.

YABU! Still.

I can't imagine doing anything, but dropping everything to go, whether it was my mum, a friend or a neighbour I barely knew.

HelloThereMeHearties - actually, some studies show that masks DO protect the wearer.

blogs.bmj.com/bmj/2020/11/24/covid-19-controversial-trial-may-actually-show-that-masks-protect-the-wearer/

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.washingtonpost.com/health/2020/11/12/covid-masks-protect-wearers/%3foutputType=amp

But why can’t the SD do it? The nurse has asked them not to do it. Why is the OP being unreasonable?

If you’ve already been in before during this hospital stay why was it ok then and not ok now , it does seem a bit ridiculous . I’d go in your position .

There is your Answer then OP , tell your SD to take a weeks worth of knickers in, then the baying mob on here will have no reason to try and force you to do something that scares you.

@Toorapid

I can't imagine doing anything, but dropping everything to go, whether it was my mum, a friend or a neighbour I barely knew.

Really? You’d drop everything to go into a hospital for someone who was visited 2 days previously, has clean clothes, and just doesn’t fancy the hospital food?

You’d risk potentially exposing all those vulnerable people in the hospital? Really?

YANBU, you seem to have done quite a lot already, and I understand the worry, especially if she is opposite the covid ward and you've been told it's rife there.
I don't see why your stepdad couldn't help out, especially having been vaccinated.
The nasty text is out of order too.

I am sure the DailyMail would love to know Which hospital is breaking lockdown rules... just saying.

My husband is CEV and we have been shielding since March. Not been outside our house or garden since then except for him to get his first vaccine two weeks ago, all groceries delivered, working from home, children online learning etc etc, not seen other family or friends etc other than across the driveway....

But I would do this for my mum and my husband would do this for his. We would make it as safe as possible of course, but without doubt we would do this if asked and personally I find it cruel for you to refuse.

I think you're getting a hard time OP, you're worried, and you're absolutely allowed to be. Knowing this I would expect your mum to have started her text with an "I'm sorry to ask......"
Personally I'd compromise - text back and tell her you'll sort something out then I'd scoot to Asda, buy a couple of packs of pants, a meal deal or two and then contact your brother or step dad and get one of them to take it in. I imagine you'd feel more comfortable in the supermarket than the hospital?

Would people also advocate the OP does extra shopping when the SD has everything needed at their house?

@Hoppinggreen

At risk of being accused of being arsey or stamping my feet and to save people reading the whole thread I can’t leave things at Reception, I have to go up to the ward Sdad is capable of doing this She currently has underwear but will soon need more I would usually be happy to visit daily and take her anything she wants and food Covid is the ONLY reason I don’t want to go I don’t hate her

So you don't want to risk going but you are happy for your step dad to take the risk?

My gosh, definitely being unreasonable. I would never ever refuse dropping things off for my mother whose in hospital for goodness sake, and I don’t know many people who wouldn’t either - covid or not.

@Hoppinggreen

At risk of being accused of being arsey or stamping my feet and to save people reading the whole thread I can’t leave things at Reception, I have to go up to the ward Sdad is capable of doing this She currently has underwear but will soon need more I would usually be happy to visit daily and take her anything she wants and food Covid is the ONLY reason I don’t want to go I don’t hate her

Just go there, wear gloves, wear a mask, wash your hands, wash your clothes.

Unless she is on a covid ward I don't see any problem.

My mum died four weeks ago, I would have done anything for her regardless if there was someone else who could do it

People can't read, evidently. Lots of posts saying 'leave it at reception' when it's been said that this hospital isn't allowing that, plus people ignoring that OP and her husband have been taking things in previously.

Worst of all for me though is 'your stepdad isn't immune because he's had both his vaccinations'. Seriously, what's wrong with people's thinking? Of course it's not 100% effective, but it is the best protection anyone has right now. Yet somehow it's less risky for OP, who has had zero vaccinations and doesn't have even the partial protection her stepdad has, to go?

The SD has been vaccinated so hopefully lower risk both to himself and others.

It’s irrelevant and pathetic to be chewing over who should or shouldn’t be going.

Stop posting shit and go help her now.

I would have done it for my dear late mum, and I know my DD18 would do this for me in a heartbeat, now or whenever. I just think if your mum has spent all your life making sure you had everything you need whenever you needed it and looked after you when you most needed it, then it’s the least you can do for her. Just my opinion though, based on our family’s dynamic.

What if I had said who should drop things off at the hospital for a patient?
Someone who has had the vaccination or someone who hasn’t?
One lives closer but would have to go via a shop but the other would be able to bring the items from home. Both are capable of doing it but one is concerned about the Covid risk and the other isn’t
Who should go?