People saying I am jealous of his brother are wrong, as are those who say I dislike him. Because I am not jealous of him and we get on great and I really like him.
As you spared no words to this effect previously, how ought we to know that? If I only say negative things about another person and begrudge them gifts from their own family, it would be reasonable and logical for people to assume I dislike that person.
Also, people being sniffy about my partner and saying "partner" as though it's something of less importance, we have been in a relationship together for years, it's not like he is a boyfriend for 6 months or so and I'm asking him to include me on financial decisions after just months of being together.
The boundary between partner and boyfriend runs along different lines for many people. For some, partners are those we are committed to, no matter how much of our lives we share, for others only joint endeavours count, such as finances, children or cohabitation. Others live together and raise children with their boyfriend and never use the word partner.
Rather than get hung up on semantics, the crux is this: you do not cohabit or co-parent, both of which would mean joint expenses. You do not pool your money in any other way. You therefore cannot have a claim on your partner's money and no say in how he decides to spend his money. If he decided to buy his brother a mansion in return for a homemade thank you card that would not be your business. It would only ever have anything to do with you, if he bankrupted himself in the process and asked you for money. In which case you get to say No and I told you so! to your heart's consent.
I'm just disapointed nobodycan see my side, I don't think I've explained it very well in the OP, it's a very one sided thing with my DP's brother always constantly on us asking us for money but we never do the same back to him.
Oh, you've explained it very well indeed. And judging from the other posters who remember your previous posts, none of the important issues have changed and we have understood you perfectly.
The behaviour you are exhibiting can only be described as controlling. Your repeated posts here seeking condemnation for your partner's choice to spend his money as he and he alone pleases should be a red flag for your partner that you have problems accepting his boundaries. An even bigger red flag is that you are not only seeking to control your partner's money, but also his relationship with others.
Seeking to control your partner's money and to disrupt your partner's relationship with his brother are two serious indicators of coercive control. That you haven't yet succeeded is no defence. This is unacceptable behaviour. From you.
This is very concerning. For your partner. I can only hope you reassess your own behaviour, and learn to respect your partner's right to make his own decisions.
Btw, you say you don't share finances, but you claim DP's partner is asking "us". Do you contribute to the money your DP spends on his brother? Or is this "us" a representation of your mindset, which seems to be that your partner belongs to you, therefore everything your partner owns belongs to you?
Also, to the people saying we're not married, have no kids together, do not live together, etc, does that mean you would stand back and not get involved or say anything if your partner was being financially taken advantage of by their sibling or other family member just because those things don't apply to your relationship?
Almost entirely yes. What you describe does not meet the criteria for financial exploitation, so what I say next does not apply to you right now, but it would If your partner was being exploited (,which he clearly isn't).
So, if someone you know is being exploited and this someone is not legally bound to you, what can you do?
- Report criminal behaviour to the police.
- If it isn't criminal behaviour, the only thing you can do is talk to them and offer to help.
- If they reject your help, you can signpost them to various organisations that can help.
That's the extent of what you can do. If the person being exploited is an adult and has the capacity to make their own decisions, then they have the right to make the wrong decisions, too. If that does not lead to a direct financial impact on you, or a vulnerable person, then you have to accept their decisions. (And no, thinking of someone else's money as joint possessions because you have a relationship does not mean there is an impact on you.)
HTH