To, in actual fact, be grieving life before Covid and our collective lost future?

[StarsAndsunbeams]

Just that. I'm a ball of knots, despite trying my best to deal with this all.

I'm starting to doubt my inner reserves and my ability to adapt to change.

Please cast your vote. I need to know that I'm definitely not alone in this feeling. Advice greatly appreciated too.

I'm grieving our life before COVID and BREXIT. Additionally I've had two friends die this year, both decades younger than they should have died. I can't stop crying and I'm well aware that my grief for them is also grief for myself.

Today’s dooming and glooming has just about finished me off
When I am able to sleep - I used to sometimes hope I wouldn’t wake up
This has become more frequent - all my light at the end of the tunnel has gone - my reserves are all used up
Only my DC and Dcats keep me from self harm and thoughts of suicide

@VinylDetective, because I sometimes doubt my sanity entirely and don't feel at all wise. Thank you.

It's not histrionics or drama because people feel grief. Life has totally changed for a lot of people and everyone has their limit. People are allowed to miss their pre-covid life and feel grief about it.
On paper my life is pretty much the same, ds still in school, I'm still working but it's the small things that have changed and it all adds up. It's not being able to mooch round the shops and sit in Costa with ds. Insignificant to most people but massive to us. Not being able to book a holiday or plan days out. It's just little things but it all adds up. Even at work it's totally different. I work on a children's ward and we are normally full of kids with respiratory illnesses this time of year, instead we are full of eating disorders, overdoses and self harmers. It's emotionally draining whereas previous winters it's been physically draining.
The constant wearing of masks as well is tiresome but obviously essential.
I just miss how things were. It doesn't mean anyone is wallowing but some days are hard and some days its hard to stay positive.

Createsuser I've been having really intense dreams too. I actually had a whole dream the other night just about hugging a friend. It's like my whole life is being lived out on a fantasy level atm.

We are all in a real life version of Sliding Doors. This is the case, Covid or no Cover. There is always the path not taken/the tube train we missed. In normal times, we have the comfort of either contentment in the path we did take, decisive action to embark down a different path now, or the hope/excitement of the paths we will take in the future. Unless we are lucky enough for all aspects of our lives to have fallen into the first category before Covid struck, we are stuck. We cannot take those paths in front of us, and what's more, some of those paths may have disappeared under the mud and be lost forever.

Yes, it is ok to call this grief. Both my parents have died in the last 10 years, so I know grief. Grieving and feelings of loss are not confined to literal death.

We live in snapshots of opportunity. Some are more acute than others. If we never have another first child, we will never have another NCT group to join and will never have the chance of those lifelong friendships. We don't turn 30/40/50 twice. Athletes peak, who knows whether a medal that would have been won at the Tokyo 2020 Olympics will still be won in 2021,22 whenever. You will never go on that 18-30 holiday in Ibiza now if you've turned 31 during Covid!! Etc, etc, etc.

In normal conditions, we can be philosophical about the decisions we made about the paths we decided to take. It's much harder to be philosophical about the path you are on when you were herded down it against your will, and it feels like it's heading down a never ending dead end.

Let people grieve. If lockdown suits you, or if hasn't really had any impact on you, or your optimism isn't shot to shit, just stop your glib postings. They don't need your pep talks, they are not stupid. Just let them be.

@MistressoftheDarkSide

*@VinylDetective*, because I sometimes doubt my sanity entirely and don't feel at all wise. Thank you.

Don’t doubt. If you’re not sane, nobody is. 💐

When we finally emerge from the winter we are going to be the most grateful nation in the world for sunshine, hugs and each other. This year I am having hugs, I am having a summer to remember we all will. When this finally ends, and it will, of sorts it’s going to be a very special time,
Two weeks to March that’s all.

High five @PurpleKoala

You aren't alone

Aloethere
Nope. I'm fine really. Don't see the point in 'being in a ball of knots'.

No advice because you get eaten alive here if you suggest anything other than wreathing in angst.

I'm fine too and agree with your second para, as do, presumably the 31% who voted YABU.

You won't want to read this so back to the pity party.

I feel like I've missed a year of very precious life. I've had a year of stagnation. I am middle aged. I am sick of hearing that everyone else's life matters and I should suck it up as it's only a year! Yes indeed - a year I will never get back. Nor will my young son.

The only holiday I booked abroad in 7 years was cancelled last year, unlikely to go ahead this year too. We now have flight vouchers and hotel vouchers we are probably unable to use and this was money I worked hard for. I missed my mums 75 birthday. I haven't seen any other family for 18 months now as they live hundreds of miles away. My MiL deteriorated during first lockdown and is unlikely to get back to full health. My son has lost out on education, consolidating valuable life skills and friendship. My resilience has pretty much gone. And I miss so many things ...

So for me lockdown hasn't worked. I now cannot engage on any covid conversations because I can't believe testing is still not in place in so many workplaces where covid could transmit (e.g. police stations, for care workers going into people's home, hospices)

I am grieving my lost world too. I cannot watch anything Covid related unless it is news but the news doesn't help. Also, I cannot bear the recent emotive/emotional blackmail adverts on the radio so I listen to Spotify instead. I've been working from home for a year now. I have 2 teenagers at home but they live in their bedrooms. I'm really lonely. If I knew when it would end I'd feel better but nobody knows. It surely must start to end soon though. Frankly, if it was a choice between dying of Covid or living like this forever, I'd rather die.

Yes , but I am grieving the loss of all the lives that have been lost to covid even more, and the future that their loved ones will never have with their lost beloved. Very sad indeed.

@PurpleKoala I have struggled today but your post with it's empathy has made me cry, in a good way! For me, you've summed it up perfectly. Like a crazy lady I ended up in a Twitter exchange earlier with someone who couldn't understand that yearning to have something to look forward to doesn't make you a bad person who can turn a blind eye to the mounting deaths. He blocked me for even daring to suggest that sitting in judgement on people who are on their knees in despair isn't a good look. Some of us are struggling, we don't reed those who are finding it easier making us feel bad about that.

I feel very much like I’m grieving my old job. I lost it early on in the first lockdown when the company closed loads of its stores.

I was devastated.
I’d spent many years working crappy jobs that fit around childcare then later caring for my mum. I’d finally got the job of my dreams, not much to some but I was an assistant manager of a shoe shop finally working full time and bringing home a decent wage.

The team were amazing, I got on brilliantly with my manager, and the area manager and other managers were all really supportive and lovely. Early last year I was told of a pay rise coming my way in April. We made plans for our first ever trip abroad to celebrate my 40th now we had the money. I was so happy for the first time in ages.

I dealt with it ok last year, I was lucky to quickly find another job in August with good hours and pay not too much less than before. I’m on furlough from this job now and I know that I’ll have it to go back to so I should be grateful.

However I can’t get over the loss of my previous job, it genuinely feels like a bereavement. I think about it every night when I’m going to sleep and want to break in to the empty shop just to be there again. It sounds absolutely bonkers I know, but I’m so angry that my dream was taken from me.

I've had up and down days. I think it's ok to acknowledge that, and try to roll with the punches

Some aspects of this I could tolerate for ever eg wearing masks in supermarkets

Some things I don't mind waiting for eg foreign holidays and big conferences

Other things I want to do sooner eg go into my friend's house for dinner

Vaccines are on their way, and the days are getting longer. This helps to lift my spirits a bit

Others have expressed it better but some pp should stop minimising the feelings of others!

I go through phases of being ok and not, but I grieve for my child. He has missed out of a year of the fun and freedom of childhood.

I think coronavirus is going to stay with our children.

Grieving is an interesting word.
I keep thinking of the last three years like this -
My dad died
My mum died (then brexit)
Then Covid.
You’ve hit nail on head feel I didn’t come out of bereaved feeling at all and then this happened.
Oh dear. Still honestly enjoying some smaller things - saw 3 foxes up to no good on my street in the dead of night, hearing birds bustling about getting ready for young - very humbling that so many animals are carrying on. Uplifting really.
Support all.

It's a low bar for humanity when swathes of the population exist trying desperately hard not to be part of the problem, yet can't be an effective part of the solution

Fuck me. If ever there were words to sum up what I haven't been able to articulate throughout this ordeal, they're these very ones. Thank you for putting my feelings into words. That's it, really. That's the crux.

I have certainly been grieving my life pre-covid. As a very social able person who likes to travel and go to live music events i feel like i lost a part of what makes me me, if that makes sense. However I am starting to look positively towards things now 13.5 mil people have been vaccinated in a short space of time, I dont see how they can still continue with 'restrictions' once the top9 priority groups have been vaccinated which going at this rate won't be too long. Xx

Heron "saw 3 foxes up to no good on my street"

MDMA?

Grief isnt just about bereavement! I've grieved many people, in my 40 years on this earth but this is different..

But I am grieving my losses within my life, which may be small potatoes to some folk but to me its massive.

I miss my friends all just piling into the pub knowing the evening would be full of hilarity and hijinks, laughter and delight.

I miss my martial arts clubs, I miss the kids that I teach (granted still teaching over zoom but its fucking awful). I miss my martial arts family and comradeship I feel with these people.

I miss going into the office each day, being out of these 4 walls.

I miss singing madly in my car on the way home from work whilst I battle rush hour traffic just happy to have done another day at work and knowing I'll be seeing my kids soon.

I miss the squishy excited little face of my now 8 year old as I collect her from after school club, always so happy and excited to tell me what she did there.

I miss being able to see my family without having to do it in secret or clandestine. How is it illegal to see my own mother!!!

I miss mooching round shops for hours, and it's not the same in a bloody mask.

I miss being lazy and thinking "fuck it, I'm doing fuck all this weekend" because now that's every weekend.

I miss the cinema, I miss meals out, I miss school events, I miss being in a crowded place, I miss a time when people didnt look at strangers like they were some kind of walking biological weapon.

We had booked our very first family holiday abroad, our last one was our honeymoon 16 years ago. Booked before covid and due to go this August. No way it'll go ahead given it's to Portugal and the kids are so disappointed. And who knows if we'll be able to afford it in 2022 when prices lay rocket because the demand just isnt there any more.

I feel flat, because every time there is a glimmer of home someone comes along to squash it under their shoe with some new doom story. Mostly I'm frustrated that people cant seem to see that Covid isnt the be all and end all and is one of the least worse things a person can experience. And how willingly people have given up their freedoms and how happily they will shop to the police anyone they feel has broken the roolsz.

How do we come back from that? How do we get back to a place where we're not suspicious of everyone? Where the currently health anxiety driven terrified will ever feel safe in a strangers company again.

Where children wont always wonder if their schooling could be ripped away again at any moment.

Yes, for my children and all the things I've assumed for their lives. The early schooling my oldest is missing out on, all the experiences she had early on that my youngest won't.