To, in actual fact, be grieving life before Covid and our collective lost future?

[StarsAndsunbeams]

Just that. I'm a ball of knots, despite trying my best to deal with this all.

I'm starting to doubt my inner reserves and my ability to adapt to change.

Please cast your vote. I need to know that I'm definitely not alone in this feeling. Advice greatly appreciated too.

"Only a year". Well, this year was my year to go back to work part time after mat leave, to enjoy spending half the week with DS (and his family and friends) before his free hours kick in and financially/career wise I need to work more than 2.5 days again.

Instead I was made redundant, spent 4 months at home unable to find work due to nursery closure/ban on childcare, and missed my cousin's wedding (I only have 2 cousins, no siblings).

It's been and gone. And I'm only having the one, so that's that.

I firmly believe that no one will escape unscathed by some sort of negative thoughts or feelings during this time.

Some people suffered early on but have perhaps managed to find a way of working through their feelings to cope now.

Others have coped well for a long while now are starting to flag now, more still will be up and down in their reactions over recent months.

Those that are still feeling ok, enjoying lockdown in their current circumstances or who just are smugly patronising others saying deal with it have no idea how they will feel in future months. Whether that will be their mental health or other consequences on their lives such as income, leisure interests or physical health of themselves or loved ones.

It's ok to say you're struggling, even if you think you should be coping (and I'm the queen of telling myself to get on with it others have it worse) and whilst some people will have more dire circumstances than others that doesn't mean their suffering is lessened or increased for the individual.

@PinkFondantFancy

I've hit a wall now. I feel like a caged animal over the lack of control I have about my own life. I need to have something to look forward to, or something to make the weekends different to the weekdays. No timescale for if and when that will ever return. Beside myself.

Exactly this - couldn't have said it better myself.

Fine last year but this year, with continuing restrictions, stuff about the various vaccinations, variants, travel etc. I've just about had enough. Can't plan anything, go anywhere, see anyone, improve situations that I'm desperate to get out of. My office is my sofa - and so I'm at work 7 days a week, unable to switch off. Enough.. just enough.

I'm glad you wrote this , OP. I've been in lockdown, or close to it, for the majority of the past year and I can really feel my resilience wearing thin by now. The blue moods where I just want to hide and cry are more often and longer lasting. I get my shit together and put on my brave face for my family. But the cracks are starting to show.

Yes , but I am grieving the loss of all the lives that have been lost to covid even more, and the future that their loved ones will never have with their lost beloved. Very sad indeed.

I'm not angry, just feel completely suffocated by it all

My life hasn’t really changed because I’ve always been alone. But all of the people who excluded me and didn’t want me in their friendship group are now getting a taste of what it’s like to be on your own. Hopefully it will give them some empathy and they won’t be so unkind in future.

@Embroideredstars

I firmly believe that no one will escape unscathed by some sort of negative thoughts or feelings during this time.

Some people suffered early on but have perhaps managed to find a way of working through their feelings to cope now.

Others have coped well for a long while now are starting to flag now, more still will be up and down in their reactions over recent months.

Those that are still feeling ok, enjoying lockdown in their current circumstances or who just are smugly patronising others saying deal with it have no idea how they will feel in future months. Whether that will be their mental health or other consequences on their lives such as income, leisure interests or physical health of themselves or loved ones.

It's ok to say you're struggling, even if you think you should be coping (and I'm the queen of telling myself to get on with it others have it worse) and whilst some people will have more dire circumstances than others that doesn't mean their suffering is lessened or increased for the individual.

This is such a good post.

I was fine at first, enjoyed crossing annoying stuff off the calendar, enjoyed not having to go anywhere.
It was all fine until the vaccine started rolling out. That seemed to mark a turning point for those receiving it - hope for them, but not for others. Not in a selfish or jealous or bitter way, but rather the creation of a 2-tier society, which actually will only be amplified in the coming weeks/months.

People can accept the elderly and very vulnerable need protecting, but I can already see on the Asthma threads in the coronavirus topic that there some people who really don't want asthmatics to be in group 6 and I can see no reason other than it must make it seem even longer until they themselves get vaccinated. It will be hard to see people similar to oneself get vaccinated without any hope of a vaccine in the near future.

@starray

I’m just glad I’m not actually grieving for someone I love who has died.

Everyone is different.

I have found lockdown 1000x worse than bereavements, but that is partly due to the wider issues of lockdown which no one is allowed to mention on MN without a pile on.

To those struggling - For what it's worth, if this is grief with stages, I got past suicidal and found reasons to live. Big hugs to those in need.

The people saying it will never be the same again, why do you think this? Genuinely curious.

I feel the same, my depression has reared it’s ugly head again after years lying dormant ! Every day is the same and non stop Covid talk as my husband works in a hospital

I think pretty much everyone I know feels this way to some extent. We are reaching our limit on how much more we can take. I cope by trying not to focus on all the things our family have missed out on over the last year and trying to keep positive about all the great leaps and bounds the scientists are making both in terms of vaccines and new treatments. I know it doesn’t seem like things have changed, still in lockdown etc, but we are in a much better position than we were a year ago and there is hope.

Not hugely affected, though I am home schooling 1 of 3 dc. Don't have any extended family, so no change there. Didn't attend anything socially, so no change there. SAHM with a young child, so home based, no change there. For some people this has been there lives, some people through no fault of their own have to live to some extent under these conditions.

Obviously, it is awful living under the dark cloud of covid and all the terrible bereavement that has occurred.

However, in my case it has made me take stock of what I hope and would like to change. It has been a huge time of reflection and actually, to some extent been a leveller.

for everyone who's struggling.

Can people really not understand that the grief being expressed here is not all about us? It includes the loss of life, the loss of jobs, the risks being faced by essential workers, the forever changed landscape of life as we knew it? On top of how it's personally affecting us? And believe me I'm not a special fucking empath.

It's all interwoven and its desperately sad and terrifying in equal measure, because we feel helpless in the grand scheme of things.

It's a low bar for humanity when swathes of the population exist trying desperately hard not to be part of the problem, yet can't be an effective part of the solution.

Nope. I'm fine really. Don't see the point in 'being in a ball of knots'.

No advice because you get eaten alive here if you suggest anything other than wreathing in angst.

Whatever your feelings are, they’re your feelings so you can’t really be being unreasonable.

For me, I’m hopeful things will get better which helps massively. This is temporary. I’ve been through things that have made me feel much worse as I haven’t had hope.

But you’re not alone, lots of people are struggling terribly. 💐

This thread is really helping me too, thanks for being brave enough to start it OP, could have predicted some of the less than sympathetic responses!

If you read disaster psychology research, people feeling depressed and disillusioned at this stage of the event is a normal and predictable response.

I'm actually coping pretty well with lockdown, but that's only because my particular mental health problems are eased by a) having low expectations on me and b) feeling that lockdown is to blame for me not being invited anywhere, not me being a repulsive human being.

The only major thing that bothers me is I don't get to be alone at all, as of course we're all at home. That's pretty stressful.

I think some things will change forever - working from home has suddenly become totally viable, for example. But humans are crap at learning en masse, and we will no doubt go straight back to our old ways and make the same mistakes again and again.

Nope. I'm fine really. Don't see the point in 'being in a ball of knots'.

I’m glad you’re fine. I am too. But you make it sound like anyone who is struggling, is making a choice to feel overwhelmed. It’s not a choice, some things are just too much for some people. You don’t have to feel the same to have sympathy and empathy for others.

Something has changed this lockdown - the kids are angrier, the days longer. Every night I dream of meeting friends, family my partner, going to pubs in the rain, walking in to smiling faces and loud music, remembering the days we made jokes all night, had fun and lived life to the full. There’s no real fun now- it has to be manufactured or crafted deliberately. I am usually good tempered but every day I hear stories of people struggling and suffering and I can’t ignore it.

I haven't RTFT but I just want to say you are not alone. All my life I've been 'a coper', tough and strong (others words, not mine). I'm never down or negative, until now. Life seems so 2 dimensional just now and I'm struggling to find joy in anything. I feel really sad and I'm trying very, very hard not to think to far ahead. I don't want to think that this will drag on for a long time, and the impact on the future of our world (and the kind of life our kids will have) worries me if I dwell on it so I try not to. It's bloody hard though, and I know many of my friends are feeling the same.

@MistressoftheDarkSide

Can people really not understand that the grief being expressed here is not all about us? It includes the loss of life, the loss of jobs, the risks being faced by essential workers, the forever changed landscape of life as we knew it? On top of how it's personally affecting us? And believe me I'm not a special fucking empath.

It's all interwoven and its desperately sad and terrifying in equal measure, because we feel helpless in the grand scheme of things.

It's a low bar for humanity when swathes of the population exist trying desperately hard not to be part of the problem, yet can't be an effective part of the solution.

This is such a wise post. It’s exactly that.

I’m glad to see this thread. I am glad I don’t feel alone as shit as that sounds

I’m also angry and some of my anger is hugely unfair. I can’t actually reiterate it on here.

I’m also incredibly sad as I don’t see the way out?

@Embroideredstars

I firmly believe that no one will escape unscathed by some sort of negative thoughts or feelings during this time.

Some people suffered early on but have perhaps managed to find a way of working through their feelings to cope now.

Others have coped well for a long while now are starting to flag now, more still will be up and down in their reactions over recent months.

Those that are still feeling ok, enjoying lockdown in their current circumstances or who just are smugly patronising others saying deal with it have no idea how they will feel in future months. Whether that will be their mental health or other consequences on their lives such as income, leisure interests or physical health of themselves or loved ones.

It's ok to say you're struggling, even if you think you should be coping (and I'm the queen of telling myself to get on with it others have it worse) and whilst some people will have more dire circumstances than others that doesn't mean their suffering is lessened or increased for the individual.

Very well put! I'm the latter in that I've coped fine until now but I'm seriously flagging at the moment.