To, in actual fact, be grieving life before Covid and our collective lost future?

[StarsAndsunbeams]

Just that. I'm a ball of knots, despite trying my best to deal with this all.

I'm starting to doubt my inner reserves and my ability to adapt to change.

Please cast your vote. I need to know that I'm definitely not alone in this feeling. Advice greatly appreciated too.

In the nicest way possible- We need to find the good in the bad.

For some people, there is no good in this. I'm not there yet, but I have friends who are or getting dangerously too close to it.

Could one of the oh so condescending posters who insist this is a blip in time please give a rough date as to when reckon things will suddenly go back to normal?

Well I'm hoping this time next year will be much different? I don't think it's condescending to have a different outlook. Wallowing in "grief" when (presumably) no one close to you has actually died is not healthy or normal. If I was feeling like this I would hope those close to me would attempt to put things in perspective and not feed the negativity and thus perpetuate the cycle.

@rawalpindithelabrador

In the nicest way possible- We need to find the good in the bad.

For some people, there is no good in this. I'm not there yet, but I have friends who are or getting dangerously too close to it.

I agree and for those ones I sympathise hugely. But for the rest of us it’s a case of keep calm and carry on. The alternative of facing a bleak future with no sense of joy or hope will be catastrophic.

Oh come on, it's not forever. No pandemic has been. We may have to live with Covid for a long time, but for most it will be like living with seasonal flu with annual vaccinations against it.

The variants that keep popping up are going to cause havoc with the vaccine program- particularly when things start to open up and infections rise again. It’s a catch 22 and if I’m honest - I can’t see a way out.

I don't think this is an insurmountable problem. Yes it's something that has to be dealt with, but it's an expected thing with many respiratory viruses. For example they tweak the flu vaccine each year to deal with new strains and variants. Sorry, just an aside to the general thread!

@HitchFlix

Could one of the oh so condescending posters who insist this is a blip in time please give a rough date as to when reckon things will suddenly go back to normal?

Well I'm hoping this time next year will be much different? I don't think it's condescending to have a different outlook. Wallowing in "grief" when (presumably) no one close to you has actually died is not healthy or normal. If I was feeling like this I would hope those close to me would attempt to put things in perspective and not feed the negativity and thus perpetuate the cycle.

Wow, how smug, sneering and condescending.

Saw this on a similar thread a while back. Maybe worth sharing again..... hope it works I'm a bit techno challenged.

@HitchFlix

Could one of the oh so condescending posters who insist this is a blip in time please give a rough date as to when reckon things will suddenly go back to normal?

Well I'm hoping this time next year will be much different? I don't think it's condescending to have a different outlook. Wallowing in "grief" when (presumably) no one close to you has actually died is not healthy or normal. If I was feeling like this I would hope those close to me would attempt to put things in perspective and not feed the negativity and thus perpetuate the cycle.

Yes. I don't see why it's condescending for some people to say that they think this is a blip/ an event that will pass. Obviously there is no date on it and no one really knows - it's about an optimistic outlook vs pessimistic (neither is right or wrong).

It's also not helpful though to tell someone who is feeling down to be more upbeat and optimistic and that they should put things in perspective.

Everyone is just reacting differently and everyone's reaction is valid and deserves to be heard. If you're feeling really down then go to the GP and see if you can get some help. There's no right or wrong way to be responding to this.

Actually I think you really hit the nail on the head OP with "grieving". I do feel like I'm in a state of unfocused grief. It's good to identify it at least

I agree. I have found it difficult to put into words but grief is about as good as it's going to get, I think. I also think if we start to express our feelings as 'grief' we get over that sense of 'well, my situation is worse than hers' which simply invalidates the very real feelings of so many of us who know what things could be worse for us personally (and know people who's situations are so much worse), but still feel utterly discombobulated with the situation. So many people riding rough-shod over other's feelings.

It is grief, you're right. We are greiving for the lives we were previously able to lead, and for many of us I suspect, are going to be unable to lead for many more months to come.

I’ve felt both grief and anger at the situation too. It’s hard when the thing you feel angry at isn’t something you can address the problem with it!

When I look back I’m amazed at how lucky we were - and we never new! People are going to find it hard to readjust to normality. I’m sure it will come back eventually though.

Frankly, I don't think I'd waste a GPs time with the thoughts I mentioned at the beginning of this thread. I think it doesn't help anyone suggesting the GP as it is making out that it us peculiar. I'm not sure if it is shocking to feel this way. Most people I know feel the same.

I'm losing it. Im sick of passing strangers in the street... But being unable to see my family. They live 40 protracted miles away.
I opened the cupboard to look for something tasty and realised I didn't want anything in there.
I looked in the shop for something lovey. There's nothing I want there.
The one thing I want I cannot get, find or buy. I want to see my family and I'm crying alot.
I yelled at my teen today (over not picking up after themselves). I'm giving up on my wfh job as the volume of work is unachievable and I'm a mess. I don't sleep. I feel sick. My stomach hurts constantly. I'm exhausted trying to appear normal. I cannot abide people they give me the rage.
I'm feeling drawn to the platform more and it's scary.
I just feel there is nothing and no point and no future. No life.

My husband is CEV so we have been shielding for 11 months now. Nearly a year spent at home - how can that have happened?

@IstandwithJackieWeaver

Oh come on, it's not forever. No pandemic has been. We may have to live with Covid for a long time, but for most it will be like living with seasonal flu with annual vaccinations against it.

This is very true, HOWEVER the issues that come with living with covid are the elephant in the room ie lockdowns and social distancing rules.

@Chimeraforce

I'm losing it. Im sick of passing strangers in the street... But being unable to see my family. They live 40 protracted miles away. I opened the cupboard to look for something tasty and realised I didn't want anything in there. I looked in the shop for something lovey. There's nothing I want there. The one thing I want I cannot get, find or buy. I want to see my family and I'm crying alot. I yelled at my teen today (over not picking up after themselves). I'm giving up on my wfh job as the volume of work is unachievable and I'm a mess. I don't sleep. I feel sick. My stomach hurts constantly. I'm exhausted trying to appear normal. I cannot abide people they give me the rage. I'm feeling drawn to the platform more and it's scary. I just feel there is nothing and no point and no future. No life.

But you're not allowed to do that on MN, it's negative and you need to carry on blah blah blah.

I'm sorry for all the unhelpful rubbish on this thread.

Wow, how smug, sneering and condescending

if you say so! Clearly misery loves company so I'll leave and let you grieve your "lost futures". Christ the drama!

@goldielockdown2

Could one of the oh so condescending posters who insist this is a blip in time please give a rough date as to when reckon things will suddenly go back to normal? You seem very sure of it. Thanks in advance.

Well I imagine that once everyone has been vaccinated, and the government has been making really good progress, we will be able to go to little to no restrictions within the U.K. even if borders are still closed. Given that they were aiming to have all adults vaccinated by September that’s only another 7 months away and I imagine restrictions will be partially lifted well before then once the impact of the earlier vaccines begins to show.

We have every reason to grieve. People might say “it’s only a year”, but it’s time that we will not get back. For a five-year-old, it’s a whopping 20% of their life.

And there will be some permanent losses. Lots of people in the performing arts, who have devoted their lives to their craft, are probably wondering if they will ever perform again. Their industry has been well and truly destroyed, and everything the government says hints at its return being delayed, and delayed, and delayed. Young people have had their futures snatched away from them, not knowing if they will ever return; are they not allowed to grieve for that?

Do you have any goals? Are there any small steps towards them you can take in the meantime?

Yes I do have goals. Goals that are currently stagnant due to Covid, costing me a small fortune.

And to the poster who presumes that "unless I am going through XYZ" I should suck it all up, well I am going through financial hardship, heartbreak and having to help an immediate family member deal with lifelong aspirations that are rapidly going down the pan due to Covid. If you had RTFT you may have also noted with some empathy that I have had my fair share of past traumas that I have successfully overcome.

@Goldenbear

Frankly, I don't think I'd waste a GPs time with the thoughts I mentioned at the beginning of this thread. I think it doesn't help anyone suggesting the GP as it is making out that it us peculiar. I'm not sure if it is shocking to feel this way. Most people I know feel the same.

I disagree. It doesn't have to be "shocking" or "peculiar" to merit going to the GP. If you are feeling down and need emotional support, that is a large part of what your GP is there for to refer and signpost you to help. It is something that GP's are supporting lots and lots of people with right now, and it's very important.

@HitchFlix You do realise that grief isn't only about bereavement, also loss??

Not every year is the same. When you're older and working and let's be honest your life is mostly boring a year might not be a big deal. If that year is a huge chunk of your time at uni it's more likely to have a bigger impact on your life.

Hitch you have no idea what people have been through personally in the last year so take your judgement elsewhere. Being cooped up in and deprived of freedom can be the final straw for some, for others it's brought its own set of issues which have plunged them into despair, and that's valid.
Good for you that you hope next year will be better. Here's hoping. It will be too late for some.

Wallowing in "grief" when (presumably) no one close to you has actually died is not healthy or normal. If I was feeling like this I would hope those close to me would attempt to put things in perspective and not feed the negativity and thus perpetuate the cycle

I wrote in another thread earlier that my situation is, on paper, a good one. I am secure financially, can't lose my home and have a significant sum in the bank due to inheritance. My job is reasonably secure in the current climate. I get that friends who have lost jobs (I live in an area dependent on tourism) and who are struggling to keep up with mortgage payments etc. will look at me and not understand what I'm moaning about. But I am also a single parent, an only child, and my parents have both passed. I have three children and am working from home with all the difficulties that encompasses with online school. One of my children has a chronic condition that makes him CV to coronavirus and the inactivity associated with lockdown is excacerbating it. My friends are my support and I can't see them. I haven't seen anyone outside of work since August. I am very much 'class half full' in outlook but the longevity of this, the fact no real end is in sight, the long January (I always struggle with the darkness in January) and everything else has really taken it's toll. I am struggling, emotionally/mentally at least. Where I have reached out, just to talk, just to be acknowledged, I have been slapped down and ignored. One so-called 'friend' blocked me for saying I was struggling in a group chat. That's all I said - in answer to 'how are you?'.

I can put things in perspective for myself, thanks. I know I have much to be grateful for. That doesn't make the situation feel any easier right now. I don't need antidepressants or counselling or anything else. I just need the people I care about and who say they care about me to acknowledge me as I have tried to acknowledge them.

I feel ridiculously lucky at the moment because I am actually enjoying lockdown I have a new relationship (bubbling together), I’m enjoying my newish home, I have secure work that I enjoy very much. I love WFH.
I know many (most) have it so hard at the moment, and it troubles me to see my friends struggling, and I’m trying to support them as best I can... but selfishly, for me, I am enjoying this simplified version of life.