To, in actual fact, be grieving life before Covid and our collective lost future?

[StarsAndsunbeams]

Just that. I'm a ball of knots, despite trying my best to deal with this all.

I'm starting to doubt my inner reserves and my ability to adapt to change.

Please cast your vote. I need to know that I'm definitely not alone in this feeling. Advice greatly appreciated too.

Yes to all and your poison of choice.

That seems very dramatic to me OP? "Lost future"? There's a vaccine. This isn't going to continue for too much longer.

We all have up and down days during these lockdowns, that's normal but try to keep perspective. Life will resume. If you're just having a wobble then indulge yourself and have a good cry, but if you're feeling this way for a prolonged period go and speak to your GP as I think that's an excessive response to a temporary situation.

YADNBU to miss pre-covid life but I think it’s extreme to say our collective lost future. Our future is hardly lost, the need for lockdowns will be over soon and things will move on. Do you have any goals? Are there any small steps towards them you can take in the meantime?

You are likely not alone, but for me perspective really helps and tbh I find that this mindset is a self fulfilling prophecy, and will really not help you ride it out.

Eg for perspective imagine people in Syria, their life was really not dissimilar to our pre covid lives, they would give anything to go through a shit year like this than what they have and are going through. So in comparison this "woe is me" is ridiculous. Unless you are facing direct poverty, health issues, disability, financial hardship, domestic abuse, loss of a loved one then in the nicest possible way it really would do you better to get a grip.

If you are going through a hardship as above then moan away, but if it is just a bit dull and boring then "grieving" is ott. And again, not great for you to wallow in that headspace, yes it is a bit shit and boring, but not the end of the world if you are otherwise not badly impacted.

There is no need to grieve OP. Grief is reserved for losses that are forever.
We have lost a year of normal life, but it will return, and in the context of our a long lives, it will feel like nothing in time, though it seems endless now.
There is no way these changes will last forever. People won't stand for it, its unnatural and that's not going to change because we've had to behave in this way for a year.
It feels very much to me that we're not far off and just need to keep going a bit longer, and start making plans again.
Hope you feel better soon.

Yes, it's a really sad and difficult time. I take comfort in the sense of community and collective struggle, even when I'm home alone I feel less isolated because I know I'm not the only one.

Keep going. We will get through it and be stronger on the other side.

Oh pleas,e can we not have this thread not turn into yet another angry bunfight?

I think I must be broken. I'm not really missing anything, which is probably a good indication of how boring my life was pre-covid! You can't miss having a social life when you never had one in the first place.

Ah yes, it's temporary and see a GP. Excessive response. We can't measure whether that's true though? Nor whether this is temporary. That's the point. Nothing will be the same. Cos Covid.

Think I'll toddle off now.

I don't find the "People in X country/ situation are much worse off" mindset helpful, although I know some do.

Feels like you're saying it's not that bad, when actually everyone's struggle is different and valid.

@pinkearedcow

Oh pleas,e can we not have this thread not turn into yet another angry bunfight?

That makes no sense! What I meant was, can we for once not have this thread turn into yet another angry bunfight?

You're not alone OP. I feel guilty about feeling crap because I know people are having a worse time than me. But actually I am grieving for the life I had before, the one I'd chosen, the one I had made sacrifices to get. The prospect of getting back there feels very distant.

I too can't be bothered with contact. I work all day staring at a screen (I'm off today) and over half of that time is spent on zoom calls. I don't want another zoom call in the evening. I want to curl up in a ball and vegetate. And what would I say? I've not left the house. I don't watch much TV. I can't bear to talk about the news because it'll make me angry. Being angry might break through the shell of indifference I've managed to build up and which is the only thing holding me together.

Could one of the oh so condescending posters who insist this is a blip in time please give a rough date as to when reckon things will suddenly go back to normal? You seem very sure of it. Thanks in advance.

Everyone I've spoken to today is really feeling it. Just totally fed up with it all. There's only so long people can exist like this. And it does feel like existing, rather than living. I'm going to grant myself a little wallow tonight, then pull myself back up and crack on with it.

I also don't really care how bad people in other countries or situations have it because it doesn't help me get through the day. It's why those NHS adverts aren't working on me, my world has shrunk to my immediate loved ones.

I agree it is shit. I think one of the worst things is the uncertainty. I also think the shite weather is having a big impact.

I reckon things will feel a lot better in spring/summer with nicer weather and warmer days, even if there are still restrictions. A trip to the park in the lovely sunshine (hopefully meeting a couple of friends/family) will feel a lot better than a trek to the park in the freezing drizzle on our own.

2020 lockdowns I dealt with ok, frustrated not seeing family as my dad is very sick. When restrictions eased we still stayed largely isolated so we could prioritise seeing my parents and not risk my dad.

This time though, I’m struggling and badly. Dad was given months to live yesterday and I could scream at the time being wasted.

I feel really stupid, and entitled, and ungrateful, for being so thoroughly fed up and unmotivated and generally gloomy.

Got nice new house, happy marriage, quite sufficient money, and a fab job which has always been ok to work from home. No one I am close to has died of anything, including covid. Kids not great on homeschooling, but work have said take all the time we need, and I used to be a teacher. I seriously have no excuse whatsoever.

The snow and ice have finished me off. I just want to go for a run or a bike ride to get some peace. And I can't; and now I am not sure I will be able to be arsed even when it all thaws.

God; I am such a bloody MISERY.

@sadpapercourtesan Yes! Please don't turn this thread political.

My mind has been playing tricks on me going through loops of my past and future realities. My heart is clinging on to some sort of distant hope. My soul feels like it's been vacuumed into a black hole from which there is no return.

The things I once thought were at least somewhat certain are no longer. I am grateful, at the very least, to have this present moment with my beautiful precious DC. Here and now is all we have.

People talking about expecting the worst to ‘protect mh’ are pissing me off as much as anything.

We don’t need to be suffocated and managed into expecting so little.

@StarsAndsunbeams

Grief IS an appropriate word.

The enormity of our collective loss and individual losses is almost incomprehensible.

I think grief is appropriate too. Many if not all of us have experienced loss during the last year. Weddings, funerals, life experiences, big birthdays, holidays, times with friends and families. All of those losses are a type of grief. That's valid.

I don't think we've lost our future though, that would be a very grim thing to feel resigned to and I can totally see why you feel down if you are having thoughts like that. I think there is still plenty to live for and that this will pass in time and be a blip in our history. The future is unknown and will sort itself out. Take it a day at a time.

In the nicest way possible- We need to find the good in the bad.

The variants that keep popping up are going to cause havoc with the vaccine program- particularly when things start to open up and infections rise again. It’s a catch 22 and if I’m honest - I can’t see a way out.

That seems very dramatic to me OP? "Lost future"? There's a vaccine. This isn't going to continue for too much longer

This isn't much consolation to those under 50 who aren't on any priority list but who don't have guarantees about escaping Covid-19 unscathed.

I think many will only feel able to cheer up once they have the vaccine, myself included.

It can't last forever purely because it's such an abnormal way for humans to live. As a species we've lived alongside death before but we've never managed to sustain this sort of lifestyle for long periods.