To, in actual fact, be grieving life before Covid and our collective lost future?

[StarsAndsunbeams]

Just that. I'm a ball of knots, despite trying my best to deal with this all.

I'm starting to doubt my inner reserves and my ability to adapt to change.

Please cast your vote. I need to know that I'm definitely not alone in this feeling. Advice greatly appreciated too.

What risks hester maybe we can all join in!

@wanderings

I hope the government realises just how angry and confused people are: they are minimising this. The constant refusal of information is almost worse than lockdown itself. If they keep us in the dark for much longer, with no information, they will have riots on their hands. Is this “roadmap” due soon actually going to tell us something, or will it be the usual drivel and waffle and mixed messages?

I suspect more of the Matt Lucas version of Boris. "Stay at home - but do go out, to go to work, but don't go to work!"

The thing that annoys me at the moment, even though I know why, is that March is going to be something like "rule of 6 outside" and he'll act like we're supposed to be excited about it. This does not help anyone who doesn't have family or friends within an hour's drive.

I've considered a sit down protest on the taped off benches but promised DH I won't

It is starting to get to me and I'm fed up with it. Totally fed up. However at the same time, I realise and am grateful for the fact that I don't have a person to grieve over due to covid nor am I in some wretched situation.

I am actually grieving for the parent I used to be personally.

Yes to becoming more insular because nothing to say of note.

I post here because I don't want to lose my communication skills entirely, but I approach Facebook sporadically with a metaphorical whip and chair, because people I know are on a hair trigger and I don't dare get into an argument because I know it's not their fault.

if it happens again

@strawberrypip that thought wanders ito my mind too and I have to crush it, instantly.

Grief IS an appropriate word.

The enormity of our collective loss and individual losses is almost incomprehensible.

@snowydaysandholidays

I am actually grieving for the parent I used to be personally.

Same. Also for the friendships lost. DS was 16 months last March so my NCT friendships were quite new. One of them has a 9 month old I've not met and we used to meet weekly.

@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross no one said deaths pre covid didn't matter. It mattered to me when my dad died of cancer pre covid. I'm sure every person on here who lost a loved one pre covid, their loss mattered to them. However we are talking specifically about covid and the ensuing situation that we have found ourselves in. And the person who you have quoted is simply saying she is thankful that aa shit as covid is, they are glad that she doesn't have to deal with it taking someone from them.

Yes @theonlylivingboyinnewcross I couldnt agree more. I am so sick of covid deaths trumping everything else.

I had a massive row with my gp surgery as they wanted to cancel my babies 8 week jabs (which were already scheduled for closer to 10 weeks). Sure, dont bother to vaccinate my newborn who is at actual risk of meningitis and all the other conditions it innoculates against due to something he with no underlying conditions, barely has no risk for. I cannot tell you how incandescant with rage I was.

Covid does not exist in a fucking vacuum. Other things still matter.

I think I feel guilty too. Because I read on this thread the very real problems people have had to face during covid, and I don’t tick most of those boxes. I’m not in a domestic abuse situation, not homeschooling as my DCs are older, no very young babies or toddlers to look after and I have a job which is safe and allows me to work from home, and yet I feel absolutely distraught and at rock bottom at the whole situation. I can only imagine what anyone in the above groups are going through, on top of having our freedoms curtailed. I’ve got a day off work today, but nothing to do, nowhere to go. It’s freezing out so I’m not going for a walk. There’s chores for me to do in the house, but I just feel so down that I cant be arsed.

It's having nothing to look forward to. Even when we come out of lockdown, it's not going to be like flicking a switch and life bounces back to normal. It's affected relationships - I haven't been a good enough friend to my circle of friends, one of whom lost her mum to cancer, because I'm too self-absorbed in getting myself through. I've only had mental space to deal with me and my immediate family. Like many posters, I'm grieving for a life I quite liked before this.

It would be really nice if this thread could stay a place where we could share how much we're struggling, rather than becoming yet another of those devoted to railing against the lockdown policy and calling it pointless, etc

I know, I'm not the thread police, public forum etc. But it was nice having a thread which was a bit different.

@snowydaysandholidays

What risks hester maybe we can all join in!

Probably shouldn't. They involve seeing how fast my car will go and standing close to the edge of cliffs, just searching for that rush, which I haven't had since last summer. Apart from all the points everyone has made, lockdown is just so fucking boring. And I'm a 45 year old woman. How are 20 year old males feeling?

If people want to tell me I am selfish and stupid and don't I know there's a global pandemic, crack on.

Yeah I've seriously considered if I even want to be here if this is life now. It's not something I want or would have chosen. I'm not even being dramatic. Life has quickly become unbearable in the last few weeks. I predicted I'd be fucked mentally should there be a 'second lockdown' and I was right. I'm a wreck and so are the children being deprived of their schooling and social life.

Grief for a lost loved one is all about the parameters of the relationship and tricky enough to deal with. It has a context, and is part of life, and for most can be put into perspective. There is a certain point of closure for most.

The similarities stop at acceptance I think. This is not natural. Closure is an abstract here, what will it mean realistically?

We've all lived in an increasingly big and shiny world up to now. That has gone. It's not just grief for what has gone before but trying to come to terms with a future that seems very fearful because nothing we had exists in a recognisable or comfortable form any more. Yes we can adapt. But it hurts. Massively.

I have noticed many people driving really quickly and quietly wondered to myself why the rush, it is not as if we have lives to rush to, now I know. Mine are not terribly exciting, but I have been playing music super loudly, playing old songs that remind me of youth and freedom. That was actually pretty effective with the windows down and icy cold winds blowing in. Freezing showers in the morning also work. -5c here last night, so you know you are alive after one trust me.

Feeling alive again needs a whole new thread I feel hester for those of us feeling numb inside.

I mean I'm doing OK on a day to day basis but the minute something stressful happens I feel my reserves to deal with it are down to zero - so even those of us who haven't been too badly impacted (e.g. I have no children, we both have good stable jobs and WFH, no family members have got sick, we are in a good place financially etc.) are 'living on the edge' to an extent. Like last summer when I had a miscarriage, or in the autumn when I had a terrible project at work and performance issues, I felt I could barely deal with it, much less so than normal. YANBU to grieve for what we've been missing for a whole year now...

I miss life before covid, but I don’t think I am grieving for it. So far I am not assuming I have lost my future though, I think it is still out there.

It's all very shit isnt it? All the talk this week about dont book even a UK holiday. I was starting to sort my daughters summer clothes and thinking if we have to cancel all our UK breaks and cant even visit the beach on a day trip, then might spend the entire summer in bed. Or drunk, or drunk in bed.

We did hardly anything last year but the few things we did do kept me going. That was only a Travelodge on a A road near the Kent coast and a week in a static caravan in Weymouth. I should have been all inclusive in Majorca. But my UK breaks was glorious. Like is much better when your experience rations are gutter low.

I would be ecstatic to do what we did last year again. Right now I'm not hopefully I will ever be able to go into a shop with my husband or kids ever again.

Dull and depressing beige life from.now on

Another thing that really stuck with me is the 'friendships that were never made' point - all the people we haven't met due to covid, all the relationships that haven't happened (friendships or romantically). I definitely feel some grief for what I've probably missed out on without even realising.

Livelovebehappy you have nothing to feel guilty for, we are all living in a way that is very unnatural and hard to deal with.

sadpapercourtesan I agree, it would be nice for this thread to remain a safe space for us to share how we are feeling without getting into pro and anti lockdown fights.

to everyone who is feeling bad.

@starray

I’m just glad I’m not actually grieving for someone I love who has died.

I lost a parent to Covid. So did my husband. We're bereaved parents as well.

I grieve for the life I had before all this. I have PTSD and depression but this whole fucking thing, these lockdowns, Wee Nippy effectively imprisoning all but the rich in fucking Scotland a year too late, Brexit, recession is shit and I'm losing the fucking will to live.

The two are not mutually exclusive and only a really smug, sneery person would use an analogy like this to scold and sneer at others.

YANBU.
I wish I moved to NZ or Australia (or even Canada etc) in 2019.
How is this better than closing the borders and sitting tight, while enjoying all normal life apart from travel?
Do you know people in other countries are living life as normal? Not even needing masks. Every single activity continuing as normal, apart from foreign travel.
It makes my heart hurt that I am stuck here in the UK with a government that got us in this mess.